Don’t Forget to Knock
by xfphile

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

I can’t believe it. Look at them; you’d never know from watching them that all that flirting and joking around is real. Will I ever be able to look either of them in the eyes again?

On the other hand, I’ll never forget to knock before going into *any* room. Ever. Not my daughter’s room, not my husband’s office—not even a public, multi-stalled restroom. God, I just can’t believe it. I mean, they look so innocent. They’re MARRIED—and from what I saw, it wasn’t the first time for them. What am—

“ . . . on to a game called ‘Duet.’ This is for Chip and Wayne.”

I jerk to attention, my heart racing. ‘Duet.’ So, who’s the poor schmuck I have to imitate this time? Luther Vandross—ooh, a no-brainer. Good. As distracted as I am right now, I don’t think I could handle anything complex. I can’t keep my eyes off them; they look so innocent, so . . . you’d never know that they made mad, passionate love less than an hour ago.

As the song finishes, I breathe out a sigh of relief; I’m done for the next few games. Drew tries not to put two musical games together and, true to form, ‘Moving People’ is next. My thoughts flash back to what I walked in on just before going onstage.

* * *

Laura Hall strode briskly down the hall, heading for Ryan Stiles’ dressing room. She’d borrowed one of his CDs and been meaning to return it to him for three days.

“Hey, Laura, how’s it going?”

Startled, she looked up and into Chip Esten’s bright eyes and friendly smile. She returned it with one of her own and replied, “Just fine, stud. How are you?”

He laughed delightedly and captured her left hand, raising it to his lips before purring—in a somewhat cheesy Sean Connery impression—“Superbly, now that I’ve seen you.”

“Oh, stop it. Although, I have to admit, if I didn’t have a husband . . .”

Chip laughed again and released her hand. “Anytime you want, baby. Just say the word.”

Laura giggled in response as she took a half step back. “I’ll see you onstage, Chip.”

He grinned and responded, “I’ll be counting the moments,” before walking jauntily down the hall, whistling what sounded like the theme to ‘From Russia With Love.’

Shaking her head, Laura laughed softly again and resumed her journey. A quick glance in her purse confirmed that she did, indeed, have the CD with her, and she made it Ryan’s dressing room fairly quickly.

“Be good to me today, Laura,” a voice said from out of nowhere.

“I’m always good to you, Wayne,” she replied, flashing him a brilliant smile.

“Sure you are,” he pouted, the mischief in his eyes belying woe-be-gone expression on his face.

Rather than verbally answering, she merely blew him a kiss and smiled widely. He acknowledged defeat and laughed, giving her a quick hug before making his way to his dressing room. Shaking her head, Laura turned back to Ryan’s dressing room door. She raised her hand to knock but paused mid-motion, remembering the time that Ryan had told her not to knock on his door.

* * *

“There’s a good chance I won’t hear it, so just come in. I promise I’ll always have something on.”

Then he smirked and added, “Even if it’s a towel.”

Sighing, she shook her head. “You’re incorrigible, you know that?”

With a perfectly straight face, he said, “Yup.”

Exasperated, Laura shook her head again and chose not to respond.

* * *

She came back to the present with a start.

“Jeez. You need to get some more sleep, girl.”

The sound of her voice helped her to center and with a self-deprecating shrug, Laura reached for the doorknob. The fact that it was locked registered even as the door swung open; it hadn’t been completely closed and the latch hadn’t caught. Colin’s voice spilled out into the hallway.

“Oh, really?”

Laura, who was in the process of trying to keep from falling into the room, froze. That hadn’t sounded like Colin; the voice was unmistakable, but the tone was one of . . . seductive challenge.

No, that couldn’t be right. She was just hearing things because she hadn’t slept well last night. Satisfied that she wasn’t losing her mind, Laura pushed the door in a little farther and took one more step inside.

* * *

It was a moment frozen in time.

Never, in my wildest dreams, nightmares, or other forms of self-entertainment, did I once imagine that all of the joking, the flirting, and the looks that they exchanged onstage were serious. There was no hint of it off-stage; they were affectionate, but in the manner of good friends.

You know what’s worse, though? I didn’t leave once I realized what was going on. Granted, it was something like watching a car wreck—you know, you’re horrified, but too fascinated to look away.

* * *

Laura felt her jaw drop as she took in what was happening. Wide-eyed, she stared as Colin grabbed a fistful of Ryan’s shirt and pushed him backwards until he slammed into the wall. Colin’s momentum carried him an extra step after Ryan was stopped; if it fazed him, Laura didn’t see it. He hadn’t released Ryan’s shirt and simply used that to yank his upper body down.

When their mouths met, Laura blinked, certain that she was delirious. It had been known to happen when a person didn’t get enough sleep. Her wish wasn’t granted. Still in wide-eyed disbelief, she watched as Ryan slid his arms around Colin and tilted his head slightly, visibly parting his lips.

Laura’s disbelief deepened into shock as she watched their kiss change. What started out as dominance quickly changed to equality . . . and from the way Ryan’s hands were roaming over Colin’s body, it was a long-standing equality. His hands ran up the Canadian’s back and settled on his shoulders. Lightly, Ryan pushed Colin back, breaking the kiss.

“Really.”

He gasped it out, obviously trying to catch his breath. Colin, who was also trying to get his breathing back under control, smiled and leaned forward, lightly nipping at Ryan’s lower lip.

“Don’t do it again.”

Ryan’s eyes went wide and he shook his head frantically. “I won’t,” he assured his lover, pressing back against the wall. “Ever.”

“Good.”

And with that, Colin swooped in again, raising himself up on his toes and capturing Ryan’s mouth. Laura swallowed hard. She knew she should leave, but the sick fascination she felt was simply too strong. She couldn’t make herself turn away.

As she watched them, she had the inane thought that both men appeared to be excellent kissers.

*Where the hell did that come from?!?*

Why was she thinking about their kissing styles? For that matter, why was she still standing there? She should be carefully backing out of the door now, pretending that she hadn’t seen what she was watching. Tentatively, she tried to lift her right foot and involuntarily let out a soft sigh of relief when it obeyed her command. Fighting to keep her movements unobtrusive—and thus, preventing the couple from noticing her—Laura began inching toward the door.

Less than a minute later, her progress came to the proverbial screeching halt. Her gaze was still fixed on the couple up against the wall, so when Ryan suddenly reversed his and Colin’s positions, Laura had a clear view of it and froze again. Ryan pinned Colin against the wall, holding his hands against it and kissing him fiercely. From ten feet away, Laura heard Colin’s groan of desire. It was unmistakable as such and the sound made her shiver, though she couldn’t have said why.

She was about to attempt another try at getting out the door when Ryan demanded her attention yet again. He tore his lips from Colin’s and fell to his knees in front of the shorter man. As Laura watched with a combination of guilty voyeurism and profound disgust, Ryan unbuckled the black leather belt and opened the tan slacks, tugging them and Colin’s black underwear down past his hips before letting them fall to his ankles.

Against her will, Laura found herself admiring Colin. With all the joking about sizes that went on during the show, she’d never really taken any of them seriously. However, Colin definitely wasn’t anything to sneeze at.

*Oh, my God. If he was really serious about that—I wonder what Ryan looks like.*

Again, she mentally shook herself, trying to get her mind back on track. This time, Colin provided the distraction.

“Ryan . . . I don’t think we—oh, God . . .”

His voice deepened with each word and as she watched Ryan plant kisses all along the Canadian’s belly button, thighs, and stomach, Laura understood why. Quite frankly, she was impressed that Colin managed to keep his voice as soft as he did. Then Ryan took him into the moist cavern of his mouth and Laura and Colin gasped in concert. She unconsciously licked her lips; he threw his head back, his throat working and his hands flexing on Ryan’s shoulders.

Laura finally gave up any pretense of trying to leave and simply watched, looking on in awe as Ryan slowly and rhythmically took Colin down his throat, humming in approval. Colin alternated between holding Ryan’s head and grasping his shoulders. The soft sounds of desire emanating from both of them echoed around the room, swirling together and obviously enhancing the pleasure.

“Ooohhh . . .”

The deep, low moan came from Colin and Laura’s gaze went to him, fixing on his face. She took in his flushed cheeks, sweat-sheened forehead, and dilated, unseeing eyes. Then she watched as he looked down at Ryan—and the change that came over him was astounding. The eyes that had been glazed with desire just four seconds earlier filled with love; it was so intense that Laura could see it from across the room and her breath caught in her throat.

In that moment, they were beautiful. The love that was shining from Colin’s eyes was real—and it ran deep. She couldn’t see Ryan’s, but had the distinct feeling they would look the same. She was still having trouble processing it, and the feeling that it was wrong was still there, but the evidence was impossible to deny. Ryan and Colin had fallen in love.

“Ryan!”

The cry jolted Laura awake and she looked up. The sight that greeted her made her swallow hard and force back envy. Ryan’s hands were locked tightly on Colin’s hips and Colin’s were gripping Ryan’s shoulders so tightly that his knuckles were white. As Laura watched, Colin threw his head back, his throat working convulsively.

Ryan shifted slightly and Laura tore her eyes from Colin to look at him. He was obviously enjoying himself, yet just from watching she could tell that most of his concentration was centered on pleasing his lover. It was also obvious that he was succeeding. Another guttural groan from Colin pulled her attention back to him. One look told her that he was teetering on the edge and her eyes flicked back to Ryan. He tugged gently on Colin’s hips, drawing him forward. Colin whimpered softly in response and suddenly went rigid. Laura caught and held her breath, her hands clenched tightly as she watched Ryan send Colin toppling over the edge and into ecstasy.

* * *

The expression on Colin’s face is something I’ll never forget. It was a combination of complete pleasure, raw passion, and total, all-encompassing love. It was incredible.

I still can’t believe that I stayed and watched them. But, oh, they were beautiful. I should have left then. They were both recovering and distracted and I could have escaped with no difficulty.

I didn’t.

* * *

The only sound in the room was that of heavy breathing. Laura recovered first. *Big surprise there* she thought acidly as she lowered her eyes, belatedly giving the couple some privacy. She was still shaken by what she had seen and desperately needed some time to process it. A cigarette wouldn’t hurt, either.

At the moment, she was torn between patent disbelief, lingering disgust, and a mounting desire. The disbelief was for herself, the disgust was aimed toward the two men on the other side of the room, and the desire was mingled with the disbelief, because Laura found herself wanting to see more. She wasn’t voyeuristic by nature and had never had the urge to be one, so why she wanted to watch Ryan and Colin quite literally blew her mind. Before she had time to think too deeply on that last, they took care of it for her.

“Nice,” Colin purred, tenderly caressing Ryan’s jaw.

“Hmm,” the taller man replied, closing his eyes and giving himself over to his lover’s touch. Colin smiled and kicked off his pants and shoes before shedding his shirt. Once he was naked, he turned his attention to his lover. With confident hands, Colin reached up and quickly unbuttoned the long-sleeved, shimmering gray shirt that Ryan wore. When the last button was open, Ryan shrugged the shirt off and leaned back against the wall, slouching a little to make it easier for Colin to reach him.

As Laura watched, Colin undressed Ryan quickly and dexterously. Once he was done, he got gracefully to his feet and claimed Ryan’s mouth for a tender, gentle kiss. When they broke it, Colin smiled at his lover and then began working his way down Ryan’s body. He licked a nipple, earning a gasp, before lightly nipping his way down Ryan’s tanned chest, tugging gently on the thin line of hair that started just below his belly button and trailed down to his groin.

Laura noticed it all, but only vaguely. Her attention was centered on the physical display of desire that Ryan had for Colin. *Wow* she thought, unable to articulate any further. He was beautiful. Smiling softly, Laura thought about how rare it was to think of a man in those terms; her friends always told her that if they told a man that, the man in question let it be known that ‘beauty’ was for a woman.

“Colin . . .”

Ryan’s soft plea brought Laura’s head up and she watched them, avidly awaiting whatever was about to happen. Colin copied her movement, his head cocked questioningly up at his lover.

“Hmm?” Colin murmured, eyes wide in inquiry.

“I want . . .” Ryan’s voice trailed off as a faint blush colored his cheeks. Laura wrinkled her forehead in confusion as she tried to figure out what Ryan wasn’t saying. Colin had no such difficulty and smiled tenderly, his hands coming up to grip Ryan’s tightly.

“Come on, then.”

And with those softly spoken words, Colin tugged lightly on Ryan’s hands, pulling him forward and on top as Colin carefully fell to his back on the floor. Ryan pulled his hands free and braced himself above the smaller man, using his body to blanket Colin’s.

Laura suddenly felt exposed, due to the fact that they were closer to the middle of the room than they had been. She hastily stepped back, pulling the door with her and sending up a heartfelt prayer that no one had noticed the fact that she was just standing halfway in the door to Ryan’s dressing room, holding up the doorframe and staring off into space.

“I love you.”

The whispered words pulled her attention back to the couple and, with a sincere apology following her prayer and guilt beginning to seep through her, she got a little more comfortable and waited.

It was Ryan who had spoken; even now, he was murmuring endearments and encouragements as he nuzzled Colin’s chest and neck. For his part, Colin was mapping out the planes and valleys of the strong back and shoulders beneath his seeking hands.

“And I love you,” Colin said, stopping his movements entirely and looking straight into Ryan’s eyes. Ryan halted as well and for a long minute, they simply looked at each other. Laura felt her eyes mist up as she observed the intimate moment and the sense of guilt grew stronger.

The moment was broken when Ryan tilted his head and took Colin’s mouth in a fierce, passionate kiss. Laura continued to watch, but her heart wasn’t in it and she finally shook her head, slowly drew away, and carefully backed out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. She did it quietly, but sincerely doubted that either man would hear her. Still, she didn’t want to disturb them for any reason and so she moved with agonizing slowness, pulling on the door until it was at the point just prior to actually closing.

Her vision still misty, Laura turned around and walked away. Unnoticed, the CD she had brought back to Ryan lay on the ground by the door.

* * *

“And it’s time for my favorite game . . . Hoedown!!! With the help of Laura Hall!!”

As Drew does his usual enthusiastic opening, I blink back the tears that had sprung to my eyes at the memory. I don’t know if I still think it’s wrong, but I do know that what Ryan and Colin have is something special and precious. I’ll keep their secret as long as they want and if they ever come out, I’ll be their first and strongest supporter.

“So take it away, Laura Hall.”

That’s my cue. The opening chords of the song roll over me and I look up, my eyes running over all five of them—Chip was at the desk—before settling on Colin and Ryan. Even in a Hoedown, I can see a little spark between them. It binds them together in such a way that I don’t think they’ll ever be alone again. It’s something I could wish for myself. Don’t get me wrong—I love my husband and children very much, but we don’t have the connection that so obviously exists between these two.

I send another prayer to heaven and ask God to watch over them.

* * *

“Laura?”

It’s Ryan. Colin is with him and they’re watching me with concern etched on their faces.

“Ryan, Colin,” I say, greeting them both and somehow managing to look both of them in the eye.

“Are you okay?” Colin asks, his voice laced with the same concern I see on his face. “You’ve been . . . distracted . . . through the whole taping.”

“I’m fine,” I tell him, though not very convincingly.

They exchange knowing looks and Ryan takes my arm.

“Come on. I think we need to talk.”

Puzzled, I obey the gentle tug on my arm and follow them to the Green Room. Once we’re inside, Colin closes and locks the door, making certain it’s shut all the way. I begin to get an inkling of what the conversation is going to be about. In an effort to hold off the inevitable, I dig around in my purse, looking for Ryan’s CD. To my surprise, it isn’t there.

I sense movement to my left and glance up, my hands still buried in my purse. For some reason, I’m not at all surprised when Ryan extends his hand, the CD in question resting on his palm.

“Where did you find it?” I ask, proud that my voice is even.

“Outside of my dressing room,” is the quiet reply. Colin inches closer to his lover, resting a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezing. I pull my hands out of my purse and set it on the floor, trying to control—or at least hide—the trembling of my fingers. When I feel I’ve gotten control, I fold my hands in my lap and wait.

You know, I’ve never really understood what people mean when they say, ‘The silence was deafening.’

I understand now.

Colin is the one to break the silence. A mixture of fear and defiance is in his eyes as his hand slides down from Ryan’s shoulder to his hand. Ryan latches on to the offered support, interlacing their fingers and letting their joined hands rest on his thigh. Colin’s eyes meet mine and he apparently sees what he’s looking for, because he nods and sits back.

“How long have you known?”

Taken off guard, I answer truthfully.

“Since about an hour before the taping.”

Both of their heads shoot up at that and I receive twin looks of shocked disbelief. Ryan recovers first.

“How could you . . .?”

“The door wasn’t closed all the way. Was it, Laura?”

This comes from Colin, who shoots me another knowing look.

“No,” I sigh, slumping down in my seat. “It was locked, but it wasn’t closed all the way.”

“I’m sorry.”

This one is from Ryan, who is watching me with green eyes filled with remorse.

“It’s okay. How long have you guys been . . .?”

“A year,” Ryan replies, squeezing the hand in his and looking at Colin with such tenderness that envy wells up in my heart again.

“Does anybody else know?” I inquire, suddenly wanting nothing more than to get home to my husband and family.

“No,” Colin states. “And, if you don’t mind, we’d like to keep it that way.”

“Of course,” I say instantly.

There is another long silence; I finally break it by grabbing my purse and getting to my feet. They rise with me and we stand there awkwardly for a minute before I shake off the lethargy and start for the door.

They remain where they are, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes. I softly clear my throat and they look up.

“I’m happy for you guys,” I tell them, putting as much sincerity in my voice as I can. And I mean it. I really am happy for them. If they can make it work, I wish them all the happiness in the world.

“Thank you.”

They both say it; in this, as in so much else, they’re in sync. There’s nothing left to say, so I unlock the door and open it, checking my purse to make sure that I haven’t left anything else behind. All is in order and I step into the hallway. As I turn to shut the door, I catch one last glimpse of Ryan and Colin, who are in the midst of a passionate kiss.

With a gentle, happy smile, I close the door and head for home.

* * *

Finis

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