Brad sobbed into his pillow, feeling Colin rubbing his back and
hearing the
soft coos of reassuring words not helping at all.
"Brad, you know you can make it through this...he'll be back
soon and
you'll work this out." Colin sighed and looked to where Ryan
dozed in an
overstuffed chair.
Brad rolled onto his stomach and looked at Colin through the
blurry haze
of the flowing tears, his voice trembled, "I don't think
he's coming back."
Colin sighed and bent in, giving Brad a small peck on the
forehead. "He'll
be back. He's in love...love makes people do crazy things."
"Does love make people cheat on you with rock stars?"
Brad wailed and
rolled over to press his face to the pillow again.
"Brad...I..." Colin didn't know what to do. For the
last two days Brad
wouldn't eat or move unless he had to, he would just lay in bed
sobbing.
Colin and Ryan had adjusted their sleeping habits so that someone
was
always watching him to make sure he didn't do anything...drastic.
"Braddy...
love is still love. He will be back."
Brad cried harder.
"Do you want some more soup? Maybe I can make some
tomato..." Colin
smiled, lovingly touching and massaging Brad's back.
Brad nodded into the pillow and momentarily snuffed back the
sobs, "Please?"
The word barely surfaced before he was crying again.
Colin sighed as he made his way to the kitchen. He wished that
Brad would
just fall asleep again, he hated to admit it, but the crying was
getting on his
nerves. With Ryan, he'd been through an awful lot...the problem
with having a
lover and being married was only the beginning of many, but there
was always
a moment of resolution where things either worked out or they
didn't. Sure,
there had been tears in the bad times...but they had a tendency
to stop after a
few hours. As for Brad...Colin understood that this particular
depression could
last for weeks...or longer.
* * * * *
Greg paced, staring at the door to Brad's condo. He had been
there for over
an hour, trying to think of what he was going to say. He saw the
car parked
outside and knew someone was inside with Brad, undoubtedly Colin
and
probably Ryan too. Then there was the almost uninterrupted
crying. He
couldn't hear most of it, but he knew that the loud wails every 5
or 10 minutes
were only space between sobs.
He wanted to apologize, to make things right, to win Brad
back...but had no
clue as to how. On the short plane trip to California he'd had
the idea of singing
Brad a song...something sweet like "I Don't Want To Miss A
Thing" by
Aerosmith...but it somehow seemed wrong.
Over the long time spent pacing and thinking, his nerve began to
slip. Then as
he turned to walk away he heard the door open.
"Greg?" Colin asked, dropping the bag of garbage in a
startled moment.
Greg wheeled around and saw Colin shut the door and moved to pick
up the
bag, "Is he okay?"
Colin walked out to the curb to deposit the bag, not surprised
when Greg
followed him, "He's dying in there...you broke his heart and
killed him you
heartless fuck. I hope you're happy." He went to open the
door and go back in.
"Colin..." Greg grabbed the shorter man's wrist,
"I love him!"
"Oh, I bet you *really* loved him when you fucked that other
guy." Colin's
voice caught at the harshness of his sarcasm, but he didn't back
down.
"I made one mistake Colin...let me go in there and fix
it." Greg pleaded, hurt
by the remark, but determined to make up to Brad.
Colin swallowed and took a deep breath, "He's been crying
for *two days*
over what you did...that's after the depression when you left him
alone."
"I was wrong...I messed up...I know. I want to prove to him
that I love him
and I know I screwed up big time..." Greg tried to explain.
"You make me sick. He was more than willing to devote
*everything* to you...
he thought you were his soul mate." Colin pulled away and
turned his back again.
"I don't know how anyone could do what you did to him."
Greg felt the tears coming again as they had before, ever since
he saw the elevator
doors close. He hitched back the tears, "I love him...and I
think he is my soul mate..."
"Oh no." Colin opened the door, "If he is...then I
pity him." He pushed the door
inward, "Why don't you just go in and see what you've
done."
Greg quickly walked past Colin and to Brad's room, where he
peeked into the
open doorway, pressing himself against the frame. He was
instantly stricken
with guilt and shame for his actions. Part of him wanted to go to
Brad and beg
for forgiveness, the other wanted to flee...just turn tail and
never return.
Brad felt a presence, "Colin? Did you bring my soup? I can
sit up." The sobs
ended, but tears continued.
Greg took a deep breath, "Its me Brad...I...I...I love
you." He stammered for
words, then fell to his knees as Brad sat up and looked towards
him, his face
stained with tears and eyes red and puffy with tears and lack of
sleep, "And
I'm sorry."
Brad was overcome with both love and anger. He knew Greg had
screwed
up and could possibly do it again, then there was the issue of
taking so long
to come back, and the very fact that he left in the first
place...but deep down,
Brad wished more than anything that things could go back to the
way they were...
back before they even slept together. He wished to go back to the
days of
kissing and hugging and holding hands at the movies when they
took their
weekend in San Francisco...but he also knew those days were gone.
"I know you can't forget what I did...and I know I hurt you
badly." Greg sighed,
fighting back a sob, "But I beg you to forgive me for
this...don't even forgive me,
just take me back for one more chance." He looked lovingly
at Brad as a tear
slid down his cheek, "I want to change."
Brad stood and walked to the window, turning his back to Greg,
"You cheated
on me...you abandoned me..." He tried not to cry and make
himself look weak,
"You killed a part of me that had only begun to
blossom."
"I know..." Greg stood and came further into the room,
pausing by the bed,
then once again sinking to his knees, "but I can bring it
back...just give me a
chance Braddy...I love you..."
"No." He turned and looked into Greg's steely eyes,
"I can't Greg. I can't just
forgive you." He looked down at the sobbing man, then pulled
him up, "I loved
you once...maybe I still do...I just need some time."
"Anything..." Greg slid an arm around Brad's waist,
smiling and ready to hold
him close, "You name it."
Brad knew at that moment it would be so easy to forget
everything, to just let
Greg hold him until the world ended, but he also knew that he
couldn't let it
happen. With a swallow he resisted the urge to melt in Greg's
arms, then
pulled out, "Go. Just leave me alone. When, if ever, I'm
ready...I'll find you."
Greg looked sadly at Brad, then to the chair where Ryan had
awoken as he
entered...and heard the whole thing. Turning away from Ryan's
angry look,
he went for the door and saw Colin watching him with disgust. His
heart and
stomach sinking, he left.
Colin went to Brad as the door shut behind Greg. Taking the
taller man in his
arms, he pressed him to his chest and guided him to sit on the
bed.
As he sat beside Colin, Brad fell into a position not unlike a
child being held
by his mother. Then, as the familiar tears flowed freely again,
he looked up at
Col and managed to mumble, "I...I...what have I done?"
Colin stroked Brad's hair as Ryan came and sat by Brad's curled
feet, taking
Brad's lower half onto his thighs. Colin tried to smile gently,
then sighed; "You
did the right thing...you went with your heart."
"I love him..." Brad sobbed, "Why did I push him
away? I wanted him to hold
me forever...not go away."
"Shh..." Ryan began to lightly massage Brad's bare
feet, "You know deep
down that you could use the time to reorganize your
thoughts."
Brad nodded and sniffed, then crawled away from the pair,
"Yeah..." He
wiped away the tears, "I suppose you're right."
Colin nodded and without thought stood and smiled at Brad, then
pulled
Ryan up, "Still want that soup? It's ready..."
Brad let out a nervous laugh, then erupted in a gale of giggles
at how foreign
his laugh sounded. Then, he managed to quell the giggles and nod.
"It's good to see you laughing and smiling." Ryan sat
beside Brad and hugged
him; "You deserve to be happy."
"I think everything will be okay once I get all the crying
out of my system."
Brad took a deep breath, "Then I can talk to him about
patching up what's
left of our relationship..."
"Look," Ryan listened hard and heard Colin still in the
kitchen, "Don't let Col
know I told you this...but sometimes a serious relationship can
be too much.
I understand that sometimes, especially after a bad time, you
just need a break."
He hugged Brad again, "Even though it may seem like the end
of the world...
it does wonders for the relationship." On impulse, he gave
Brad a soft kiss on
the top of his head and ruffled his already messy hair. Then, as
Colin entered
he stood and took the lap table.
"Hey guys," Brad smiled as he placed the small table
over his lap and began
blowing on a hot spoonful, "You can go on ahead and take off
if you want...
I know you've been worried about me...but I feel a lot better
now." He
shrugged and grinned slightly, "I know a good night's sleep
will do all of us good."
Ryan nodded and took Colin under his arm, "If you really
feel better."
Brad nodded, "Thank you for staying with me...I don't
know what I'd do without you."
"Just as long as you don't choose now to play 'Suicide Boy'
we can feel all
right about leaving you alone." Colin smirked, "And I
think you're doing
better now."
Brad nodded yet again and sipped at the tomato soup, "I
don't know how
to thank you..."
"Don't worry about it." Colin smiled.
"We'll call when we get back to Col's place, okay?"
Ryan smiled.
Brad nodded as they left, then tried to smile as he partook in
the warm soup...
there was a long tough road ahead.
*****
END
*****