Pressure 

by Heather

“Hey, Ryan . . . you look good today.”

Greg Proops’ voice startled Ryan Stiles out of his reverie. He was sitting in his chair on the stage for ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’, thinking about the latest argument he’d had with Pat. Relations with his wife had been rather strained lately, and Ryan was beginning to suspect she was seeing someone else. He didn’t know how to bring the subject up, though, and he’d avoided talking about it with anyone, even Colin Mochrie, his best friend. It was almost as if he was afraid to voice his suspicions out loud, for fear of making them come true. Ryan shook his head slightly to clear it of those depressing thoughts and looked over at Greg. He was surprised to find that his old friend was staring back at him with a peculiar look in his eyes. Suddenly, Greg’s words registered in his mind.

“What? Oh, um . . . thanks, I guess.”

Greg’s stare was unnerving; it was strangely intense and Ryan frowned slightly, wondering why he suddenly felt uneasy. Greg had been acting rather odd lately: he was jumpy and seemed to be in constant motion. He also looked tired and thin, but seemed to have a great deal of energy. Ryan probably would have been concerned if he hadn’t been so preoccupied with his own problems. Looking away from Greg’s troubling gaze, he bit his lip and focused on the audience. They were talking excitedly, eager for the show to start. It was almost time, in fact, and last-minute preparations were being made all around the stage.

“Are you okay, man? You look a little out of it.”

Greg’s voice was friendly and tinged with concern, but Ryan still didn’t feel comfortable with the look on his face. It was . . . he wasn’t quite sure what it was. It just didn’t seem right.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just wondering where Colin is. He’d better get here soon or we’ll be starting late.”

In truth, Ryan wasn’t even thinking about Colin. He knew how reliable his best friend was, and fully expected him to join them on stage any minute. It was simply an excuse for the tension he knew his expression showed.

True to his nature, Colin chose that moment to make his entrance. Dropping into his usual seat and effectively cutting off eye contact between the other two performers, Colin grinned up at his oldest friend. Ryan felt oddly relieved to have a buffer between himself and Greg. Although they were good friends and had known each other for years, lately Greg made him uneasy. He was always standing a little too close and looking at him with a strange, intense expression in his eyes. Ryan felt like he was being mentally undressed sometimes, and often had to stop himself from hiding behind other people or furniture.

//You’re being silly, you know. Sure, Greg is gay, but you are reading way too much into this. He’s with someone, you’ve known him for years, and he’s never tried to make a move. He’s not going to start now.//

Ryan told himself that quite frequently, but it didn’t change the nervous feeling in his stomach when he felt Greg’s eyes on him.

“Is your back hurting you, Ry? You look a little uncomfortable.”

The concern in Colin’s voice was sincere, and unlike Greg, his expression matched his tone of voice. Of course, he always had a warm look in his eyes when he saw Ryan. A keen observer might have even called that look affection. Ryan was glad Colin didn’t make him nervous; he would hate being uncomfortable around both of his oldest friends.

“Nah, I’m fine. Just tired of waiting for taping to start.”

Colin didn’t look like he was buying it, but Ryan was saved by the bell, as it were. Drew waved at them, and then went up into the audience to begin his opening reel.

“Good evening everyone, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. That’s right, the points don’t matter, just like a ThighMaster to me…”

Ryan joined in the general laughter, and threw himself into the games with all his usual spirit. The taping was going well, and Ryan felt himself relaxing into the familiar rhythms and his rapport with the other performers. Then, something happened that threw his whole outlook for a loop.

“Okay, now we’re going to do a game called helping hands. This is for Ryan, Colin, and Greg…”

Drew’s voice went into his usual rapid monotone as he explained the game, and the performers tuned him out. Colin took up his usual place behind Ryan and placed his arms in front of the taller man. They were surprised when Drew looked at them and said, “Hello, earth to Ryan and Colin! I said Greg is providing the hands.”

They looked at each other in confusion for a moment before shrugging and switching places. It was a little weird, but not that outlandish. After all, Greg had always provided the hands for Ryan when they played the game in England and the performers often complained to the producers that the show was getting into a rut. So, a little change like this was not really that surprising.

Ryan couldn’t suppress a flutter of apprehension as Greg took up his position. He couldn’t explain it, but somehow the thought of being so close made him…scared?

//Is that right? Am I actually scared of having Greg behind me? What the hell has gotten into me lately? I’m no homophobe, and Greg is an old friend. Besides, we’ve done this tons of times in England. So quit worrying and play the game, Stiles. Nothing can happen onstage, anyway.//

As it turns out, he was wrong. Something could happen onstage---and very quickly did. Greg pressed himself close...closer than was really necessary, Ryan thought. Then the shorter man began breathing heavily on the back of his neck and running his hands through Ryan’s hair. Ryan was having a tough time coming up with lines to justify Greg’s movements, but Colin saved him with a comment about cutting your own hair. The skit was supposed to be about how to give a haircut, so it worked nicely. Greg quit fooling around and got down to business, responding to Ryan’s cues and raising laughs from the audience.

When the game was over, Greg held on for an extra moment and seemed to press his hips against Ryan, rubbing him slightly. Ryan pulled away, hard, and whirled to look at his old friend. But Greg was acting like nothing was wrong, walking back to his seat and laughing at something Wayne had said. Ryan stayed where he was for a minute, wondering if he had imagined that last bit before Drew’s slightly impatient look sent him hurrying back to his seat.

“Greg…”

“Yeah, Ryan?”

Greg’s face was the picture of innocence, but Ryan couldn’t see his eyes. The stage lights reflected off the thick-framed glasses that Greg habitually wore, hiding whatever emotion his eyes might have held. Ryan studied him for a moment before shaking his head and looking away.

“Nothing.”

Greg shrugged, and the taping continued, with everything ostensibly returning to normal. However, Ryan could swear he felt Greg’s eyes burning into him whenever he was on stage. Unfortunately, he couldn’t turn around to check without interrupting the games. By the time the taping was over, he was a bundle of nerves. His stomach felt uneasy and his hands wanted to shake.

//What the hell is my problem? So what if Greg was watching me? After all, I watch him when he’s on stage and I’m not. It’s normal; we all watch each other.//

As they walked down the hallway towards the Green Room, Ryan put a hand on Colin’s shoulder. It was a casual thing; they were talking and Ryan wanted to emphasize a point. At that moment, he looked up and saw Greg standing there, staring at him with that oddly intense look again. He yanked his hand off Colin like he had been burned, feeling strangely guilty. Greg smiled slightly and walked by, saying nothing. Ryan wanted to look behind him as Greg passed, but didn’t because he was afraid he would find his friend staring at him again. Shaking his head, he followed Colin into the Green Room, trying to figure out why he was so nervous around Greg lately.

* * * * *

Colin was hanging out with Ryan in his trailer, just talking and winding down after the pressure of a taping. It was a custom with them, a comfortable routine that had lasted through the years. Their conversation was light, punctuated with companionable silences. Ryan was able to forget the stress of his troubled marriage and Greg’s odd behavior for a while, and simply enjoy being with his best friend.

“So how are things, Ryan? You seemed a little distracted out there today.” Colin’s voice was casual, but his eyes were hard. He had no intention of being put off with a flimsy excuse this time.

“Well…” Ryan wondered if he should be honest. Finally, he decided to share his concerns about Greg, but still kept his suspicions about his wife to himself. “To tell you the truth, Greg has been making me a little nervous lately.”

“How so?”

“I don’t really know. It’s like he’s looking at me weird. And today when we played Helping Hands…” Ryan trailed off, not sure why he suddenly felt embarrassed.

“Yeah, I noticed you seemed a little out of it on that game. What did he do?” Colin’s familiar voice, puzzled but not in the least judgmental, was like a soothing balm and Ryan’s hesitation evaporated.

“He, uh…he was standing really close.”

“Well, that’s how the game works, Ry.”

“I know, but I mean he was…well…closer than he had to be. And, uh…”

Ryan swallowed and looked down, feeling his face heat up.

//Why am I getting so embarrassed? It’s not like I did anything wrong. Hell, I didn’t do anything at all. So why is this so hard to talk about?//

Colin was looking at him encouragingly, and Ryan smiled slightly at the support before continuing.

“He was sort of breathing on my neck…hard…and he, ah…”

Ryan frowned at the couch as if it was to blame for his nervousness and picked idly at the corner of a cushion. “At the end he kind of grabbed me and rubbed against me for a second.” His words came out in a rushed murmur and Colin leaned forward, not sure he had heard correctly.

“He rubbed against you? Greg? I didn’t see that.” The disbelief in Colin’s voice made Ryan question his own memory, and he nodded in agreement after a moment.

“You know, you’re probably right. I must have been imagining things. I mean, I know Greg is gay, but he knows I’m not and he wouldn’t do anything like that. He didn’t act any different afterwards, so I’m sure nothing happened.”

In reality, Ryan wasn’t entirely convinced, but he trusted Colin implicitly and did his best to keep his doubts hidden.

“Yeah, that sounds reasonable. It was nothing.”

Colin turned the conversation elsewhere; he clearly considered the topic closed. Personally, he thought Ryan was a little uncomfortable around gay people, and counted that as the reason for his friend’s reaction. Greg hadn’t provided Ryan’s hands for years, and it had been in that intervening time that he found out about Greg’s sexual orientation. So he had felt as uneasy as any straight man would with a gay man pressed against him.

Colin himself had no problem with gay people; he’d even had a few encounters with men from time to time. He smiled, looking at his tall friend appreciatively for a moment. Ryan really was attractive, with those sparkling green eyes and that long, lean body. It was a pity he seemed so determinedly straight.

Colin had to bite his lip to contain a grin at the image that rose in his mind: the infamous ravenous boa constrictor incident. Now that had been fun. He hadn’t even needed to pretend on that quirk. But Ryan clearly didn’t feel comfortable even thinking about a gay relationship. Colin looked wistfully at him for just a moment, and then shrugged off Ryan’s obvious discomfort with amused tolerance for what he considered an irrational fear.

They talked of inconsequential things for a little while longer, and then Colin excused himself, yawning. Ryan saw him to the door and watched him go, wishing his friend could have stayed a while longer. The comfort he had felt in Colin’s presence bled away, and he looked around warily.

//What am I even looking for? It’s not like there’s a stalker or something waiting for me out there.//

Ryan thought about going back to his house and getting some rest, but quickly dismissed the idea. He felt full of nervous energy, and sleep would be impossible. Instead, he threw on a jacket and went for a walk. The studio area was quiet; most of the cast and crew had left for the day. Ryan liked to walk here in the evening; it was interesting to compare the empty building with the hive of activity it was during the daytime.

He had done two laps around the area when he saw someone else moving across the almost empty parking lot. Not wanting company, Ryan turned the other way. The mysterious figure turned to follow him, and Ryan walked a little faster. His long legs normally gave him the advantage, but his back was hurting after the long day and he soon had to slow down.

Ducking around a corner, he drew in a few deep breaths and leaned against the building. The brick still held the heat of the day, and the solid warmth felt good on his sore back. Ryan realized with a start that he was actually out of breath.

//Jeez, Stiles, you sure freak out easy. You were practically running from that guy, and you don’t even know who he is.//

Ryan shook his head ruefully, laughing at himself. This nervousness thing was getting ridiculously close to paranoia. Taking one last deep breath, he pushed away from the wall and started walking again, chiding himself for his foolishness. Then, out of nowhere, a strong hand landed on his shoulder.

“Greg!” Ryan’s voice nearly cracked as he stood there, staring at his friend.

“Whoa, Ryan, you need to relax a little. You just about jumped out of your skin there.” Greg was grinning sardonically, looking keyed up and a little manic. Ryan thought if anyone needed to relax, it was the jittery man standing in front of him.

“Well, you startled me! I mean, you shouldn’t just come up behind someone like that. You gotta warn a guy, you know?”

Ryan was trying to laugh off his fright, but for some reason it wasn’t working. Greg was staring at him again, his eyes bright and hard. It suddenly occurred to Ryan that they were all alone out there, hidden in the shadows by the studio building, with nobody else around.

//Now why should I be nervous? It’s only Greg, after all. We’ve been friends for years. But the way he’s looking at me…that grin…//

The word that leapt to Ryan’s mind when he saw his friend’s smile was “shark-like,” but he dismissed it as too melodramatic.

“So, Ryan, what are you doing out here? I mean, it’s dark, and late, you know. And, uh, nobody’s here. So, you should be careful. ‘Cause not everyone is nice. I’m nice, though. So that’s good. But I know some people who aren’t. You don’t know them, though. Are you walking?”

Ryan looked at his friend in confusion. Greg was speaking so fast it was hard to make out what he was saying, and the words he did catch didn’t make much sense. His eyes never left Ryan’s body, sweeping up and down as if he was taking inventory. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands: they picked at his shirt and dropped to his pants pockets for a quick minute before coming back up. Ryan straightened, using his height advantage to feel a little less intimidated.

“Yeah, I’m walking. I like to walk here in the evenings; it’s nice and peaceful. I was a little too keyed up to head back to the house, so I thought I would burn off some energy, you know, just walking, because I like to walk…”

Ryan trailed off as he realized he was babbling nervously and bit his lower lip in agitation. Greg smiled and took a step closer. Ryan stepped back, instinctively keeping the same distance between them. The shorter man advanced again, and Ryan’s back thumped against the wall. He looked at it in surprise, then back to Greg. His old friend was standing very close, still staring at him with those hungry eyes.

“Hey, Greg, you want to back off a little, man?” Ryan tried for casual and ended up with strained. He smiled to show he wasn’t really concerned, but the expression felt completely unconvincing.

“What’s the matter, Ryan? I just wanted to get a good look at you…it’s dark out here, you know.”

Greg’s words were reassuring, but he didn’t move. Not one inch. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Greg put a hand firmly on Ryan’s chest.

“Your heart is going a mile a minute…I guess I really scared you earlier, huh?”

“Nah, you just startled me, that’s all.”

Greg nodded, but left his hand where it was. He leaned in even closer and stared into Ryan’s green eyes, a smirk on his face.

“You know, you really are a good-looking man. Especially when you smile…”

Greg reached up with the hand that wasn’t pressed against Ryan’s chest, and lightly traced the taller man’s lips with his fingers. Ryan stood paralyzed with confusion for a moment before pulling away, sliding along the wall to the left.

“What the hell are you doing, Greg?” He wanted calm curiosity, but once again, his voice betrayed him as it came out angry and confused.

“Nothing, man. Just talking, that’s all. Just being me.”

Greg stepped back, the intense expression gone from his face. He took one more sweeping look at Ryan’s long body before making—and keeping—eye contact. “Hey, it’s late, I get weird when I’m tired. Don’t even pay attention to me.”

Ryan nodded, but kept a wary eye on his friend. Greg was giving an excuse, not an explanation.

“Well, I’m going to get out of here. See you later.” Greg nodded at him and walked rapidly toward his car, not looking back. Ryan watched him until he was out of sight, and then sagged against the building.

//What the hell was that all about? And why am I shaking?//

It took nearly another hour of walking before Ryan felt calm enough to get some sleep. His back aching from all the exertion, he walked stiffly to his car and headed back to the house. Sleep came easily—he was exhausted—but he tossed and turned most of the night, troubled by strange thoughts and half-remembered dreams.

Part 2

The next few days were busy for Ryan; he had script read-throughs for “The Drew Carey Show” and several producers meetings for ‘Whose Line.’ He didn’t see Greg again until that Friday, when they were both on the set for another taping session. Ryan was walking down the hallway, lost in thought, when Greg suddenly appeared in front of him. He had to backpedal just to avoid running into Greg headlong, and ended up standing only a few inches away. Quickly, he backed up, feeling nervous all over again.

“Man, you really have to quit sneaking up on me! You’re going to give me a heart attack one of these days.”

Greg smiled and put his hand on Ryan’s chest. “Yeah, I can feel it beating…”

He just stood there, leaning in close and staring at the taller man with speculative eyes. Ryan could almost feel Greg vibrating with nervous energy—the man was wound tighter than a spring.

“I bet I could make it beat even faster, if you know what I mean.”

Ryan laughed, but it sounded forced even to his ears. “Whatever…maybe we’ll play that one on stage later, but not right now, okay?”

He was, of course, referring to the game “If you know what I mean,” which was always full of sexual innuendo. When Greg still didn’t drop his hand, Ryan removed it, gently but firmly. As he walked away, he could feel Greg’s eyes burning into his back. Ryan shook his head and took a deep breath.

//There, see, that wasn’t so bad. Greg was just fooling around. All it takes is a firm hand to get him to stop. I’m sure he got the hint this time; there won’t be any more problems.//

But Ryan was wrong about that. Greg was all over him during the taping, using the games as an excuse. Every move was deliberate and provocative, every word laced with double meanings. Even Wayne and Colin noticed the unusually sexual behavior, but assumed Greg was just doing it for the laughs. After all, in the older episodes of the show Greg and Ryan had done all kinds of suggestive things.

The crowd loved it, the performers accepted it, and only Greg knew the real effect his actions were having on Ryan. He watched the taller man get more and more nervous, even shying away from his touch and carefully keeping his distance. Greg was getting very frustrated with Ryan’s standoffish attitude.

^^What am I doing wrong? I’m trying to be nice to him, giving him lots of attention…why doesn’t he like it? Is there something wrong with me or what? Maybe that’s the reason Phil left. I can’t believe he just dumped me like that. And now Ryan doesn’t want to be around me. Maybe it’s the coke…but I wasn’t doing that when I was with Phil. And it’s only a little bit, to keep me up for the games. I know I’m doing great, I can feel it when I’m really on. It’s like they’re all moving slower than me. But I can’t seem to catch Ryan…I really screwed up in the parking lot that time. I can’t believe I touched his mouth like that. It just looked so good… But he didn’t have to act like it was such a big deal! Why do I have to screw everything up? The more I try to get him to notice me, the more he pulls away.^^

A sudden movement to his left caught Greg’s attention and he looked in that direction. His eyes narrowed and his lips tightened as he watched Ryan put a hand on Colin’s arm and lean in, his head cocked as he listened intently to whatever Colin was telling him.

^^I wish he would just pay attention to me the way he does with Colin. And Colin doesn’t even appreciate what he has! He could have Ryan so easy…it’s just not fair. I have to do something, to make him see how I feel. Maybe I’m not thinking fast enough. I’ll have to take some more cocaine, but that’s okay. I have plenty. He’s going to notice me--he has to! ^^

Over the next busy week of rehearsals, Greg made a point of pushing Ryan’s buttons. He brushed against the taller man in the hallway, stared at him appreciatively, and made suggestive comments every chance he got. Ryan was getting sick of it. He felt tense all the time, always watching out for someone he had once considered a friend. Every time Greg walked into a room, Ryan found that he wanted to leave, rather than face those intense, roving eyes. After a week of trying to ignore it, he finally decided to put his foot down. When Greg cornered him in wardrobe yet again, Ryan made his stand.

“Greg, this needs to stop. I mean it.” His voice was steady, which surprised Ryan a little, since he was shaking inside. It was amazing how quickly the constant pressure had reduced him to this state. The job he had once loved was fast becoming a bad place to be, and Ryan wanted his life back.

“What needs to stop, buddy?” Greg was the picture of innocence, except for the fact that he was still undressing Ryan with his eyes and shifting from one foot to the other in a nervous kind of dance. He couldn’t seem to quit doing that, even for a moment.

“You know damn well what I mean!”

Looking around, Ryan lowered his voice and continued.

“I mean all this stuff you’ve been doing. Touching me, staring, all the little comments…”

He trailed off when he saw the look on Greg’s face. It looked like he was trying hard not to laugh, and Ryan started to feel embarrassed. //Oh, hell, what if I’m wrong? If I’m imagining things, I’m going to look like such an idiot…//

“Oh, Ryan, I’m sorry if you think that’s what I’ve been doing.” Greg was still trying not to laugh, but it looked like a losing battle. “I’m like that with everyone, you know that. It’s just my nature. I mean, you’re a nice guy and all, but I’m with someone right now, and even if I wasn’t…”

Greg shook his head and started to laugh, no longer able to hold it in. Ryan felt like a total ass, and wished he had never started this conversation.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I guess I was just seeing things that weren’t there. You don’t have to laugh so much, you know.” Ryan’s voice was petulant, but there was an undertone of hurt and Greg sobered quickly.

“Hey, Ryan, don’t get all bent out of shape now, I didn’t mean it like that…”

But Ryan was walking away, his face burning with embarrassment. Greg shook his head, kicking himself mentally, and watched him go.

^^What the fuck did I do that for!? Now he really doesn’t like me. But he was so mad; I had to make him think it’s just a game. If he knew how I really felt about him, he would just laugh at me. It’s obvious he doesn’t want me. But now what am I going to do? I really don’t know what I’m doing here, that’s for sure. I never meant for this to happen, but I’m in too deep to back out now. I told him I’m like that with everyone; if I quit, he’ll think I don’t like him. And that’s wrong! I love him! Those incredible eyes, that body…I want to touch him every time I see him. It’s so hard to keep from just jumping on him.^^

Greg’s body tightened at the direction his thoughts were taking and he groaned quietly, forcing himself to focus on the problem at hand: claiming Ryan for his own.

^^I have to get his attention. I have to make him like me. But if I keep going, he’s just going to get mad again. Maybe he’ll figure it out. I have to be clearer. Make sure he knows I really like him more than anyone else. And why did I tell him I’m still with Phil? That was stupid. God, I’m such an idiot. No wonder no one wants to be with me. Especially not Ryan.^^

Greg sighed deeply as he made a half-hearted attempt to keep from sinking into the depression that was beckoning to him.

^^ I try to do the right thing with him, but every time I get near him, I screw it up. Sometimes I feel like just giving up. But then I look at him…great, now I’m depressed. I hate being depressed. But I can take care of that; I have just the thing to bring me up again. And when I’m high, I can think better. Maybe I’ll be able to figure a way out of this mess. There has to be something I can do. ‘Cause I’m not giving up. No way.^^

* * * * * *

Ryan was sitting in his trailer, stewing over his humiliating encounter with Greg.

//It was all in my head. I can’t believe I was so stupid. Getting myself all worked up over nothing is ridiculous. Well, from now on I’m going to relax.//

When a hand gently touched his shoulder, Ryan yelped in surprise and launched himself off the couch. He whirled, fully expecting to see Greg standing there, grinning that sharky grin. Instead he saw Colin, looking at him with confusion.

“All right?” Colin asked, not needing to ask the whole question. He and Ryan had a kind of shorthand they had developed over the years, and Ryan knew what he meant.

“Yeah…” Ryan winced, putting a hand to his back. All the tension of the past week had been hell on his body, and the sudden leap from the couch hadn’t helped matters. Wordlessly, Colin moved around behind him and began rubbing the sore area. Ryan sighed in relief and leaned into the touch, letting his friend’s experienced hands soothe the tension away. Colin’s lips moved into one of his faint smiles as he touched Ryan’s smooth back. He always enjoyed doing this; any excuse to get close to his friend was a good one.

**I just wish I could really get close to him. But he obviously doesn’t want me in that way. If I push him, it’ll only create problems between us. So, I’ll just enjoy these moments with him, and take what I can get. The same way I always have.**

After a few minutes of this companionable silence, Ryan moved onto the couch and Colin followed, sitting down next to him. Ryan gave his friend a grateful smile as he settled into the cushions.

“So, what are you all jumpy for?” Colin asked curiously.

“Long week.” Ryan was still feeling much too stupid about his earlier mistake with Greg to share it. That would just bring the embarrassment up all over again. He changed the subject to avoid answering more of Colin’s questions, and they talked for a while, mostly about how their kids were doing in school and other simple things.

Colin’s presence was a calming influence and Ryan soon felt better than he had all week. This time, when his friend left, Ryan felt like he could go straight to bed. Thinking only of hitting the sheets, he headed across the quiet parking lot. When he heard footsteps approaching from behind, he got a sense of déjà vu and turned, knowing who he would see. Sure enough, it was Greg.

“Hey, man, heading home?”

Greg was standing too close again, and he somehow made the simple question sound…dirty. He couldn’t focus on any one thing and his eyes shifted constantly. He rose up on his toes and thrust his chin forward, then dropped back down, only to repeat the movement over and over again. Ryan couldn’t see very well in the dim light of the parking lot, but Greg’s eyes seemed odd. It looked like the colored iris had disappeared, only to be replaced with blackness.

Ryan nodded and backed away, ending up leaning against his car with Greg still in his face. He tried to ignore the way his friend’s eyes moved over his body, or how Greg’s hands were on either side of his narrow waist, braced against the car. In reality, he was neatly pinned, unable to back away further or move to the side. Ryan refused to think of it that way, though; he was still smarting from his earlier mistake and didn’t want to make another so soon. When Greg’s hands found their way to his hips, he had to fight even harder not to react.

//Quit being so nervous. It’s all in your head, and even if he does try something, you’re bigger than him. You can take him easy. So relax.//

His body refused to obey, and Ryan felt himself trembling. The thing was, he wasn’t actually sure he could beat Greg. Sure, he was taller, but he was also older, and he thought Greg had been around quite a bit. Ryan had worked in some tough places, but he had very little actual fighting experience. In the strip clubs there were always bouncers to deal with rowdy customers, but right now he was all alone.

“Hey, uh…what are you doing?” Ryan’s voice held an unmistakable note of fear, and Greg smiled. It looked like it was meant to be reassuring, but the way he kept licking his lips made it sexual instead.

“Just making up for laughing at you earlier. I’m really sorry about that, Ryan, it just slipped out. I really didn’t mean it. I mean, you’re like my favorite friend. I don’t want to ruin that or anything.”

Greg was talking so fast Ryan could barely understand him. Without a moment’s pause, he continued.

“So here, just so you know I still like you…” Greg leaned forward, pulling Ryan’s hips against his own. He lightly brushed the corner of Ryan’s mouth with his lips, lingering for a moment before pulling away. Ryan stood in stunned silence and watched as his friend walked away, tossing one last sardonic grin over his shoulder as he went.

//Okay, I sure as hell didn’t imagine that…but he said it was just to make up for before. Just a friendly thing, that’s all. So quit freaking out and get in the damn car. It’s no big deal.//

Ryan went home, but sleep didn’t come easy that night as he wondered what was going to happen next time he saw Greg.

Part 3

That question was answered a few days later when they were once again doing rehearsals for Whose Line. Greg didn’t mention their late night meeting in the parking lot, but the sexual behavior continued unabated.

Try as he might, Ryan couldn’t ignore all the stares and not-so-casual touches. He felt himself tense up every time Greg came near, and it was beginning to affect his work. Ryan couldn’t seem to play a game well if Greg was involved; the anticipation of yet another unwelcome encounter was too distracting. The only time he really felt relaxed was with Colin, whether on stage or in his trailer afterwards. Their easy, familiar friendship was like an anchor for Ryan, who was feeling increasingly adrift.

Heading for his trailer after another long, tension-filled day, Ryan made a quick stop in the bathroom. When he pushed open the door, he saw Greg standing there, washing his hands.

“Well, hi, there, you.”

Greg’s voice was low and suggestive, his eyes scanning Ryan’s body constantly. “Come by to pay me a little visit?” He slipped forward, backing the taller man into the wall.

“Greg, please, I’m not in the mood for this, all right?” Ryan’s irritation was showing clearly, but he was somehow managing to hide his nervousness.

//This has gone on long enough. I don’t care if I am blowing this out of proportion; it has to stop. I can’t deal with all this stress, and it’s really killing my back.//

Ryan opened his mouth to tell Greg to back off once and for all, but never got a chance to speak. Greg pounced on him, pulling Ryan’s long, lanky body firmly against his own and pressing his lips to the taller man’s open mouth. Ryan tried to pull away in shock, but Greg held on to him easily. Ryan had time for a half-formed thought //My God, he’s so much stronger than me!// to flit through his mind before Greg released him.

He stared at Greg, speechless with the mix of emotions swirling through his head. The shorter man was looking at him expectantly, almost…hopefully? But when he saw the clear shock and confusion on Ryan’s face, Greg seemed to wilt somehow, and pulled away.

^^Oh shit, what the hell did I just do? I can’t believe I kissed Ryan. That was so stupid. But it felt so good! I just had to, when I saw those sweet lips, I couldn’t control myself. He’s right in front of me, I could reach out and touch him so easily…no. I have to play this off, since he obviously didn’t like it. I can’t let him know how much it meant to me, or he’s just going to run away even faster. I’ll act like it was a joke, be a real smartass about it, and maybe he won’t notice how upset I am. I just have to make him laugh. I can do that. Hell, that’s what I do. He has to believe me. Please, don’t let me screw up again.^^

Ryan stared at him, and confusion turned to anger as he watched Greg double over with laughter.

“Oh man, you should’ve seen your face. That was great! Oh, you’re never gonna hear the end of this one, Ryan. And the way you jumped, that was priceless.”

Greg was still laughing hard and Ryan seriously considered hitting him. Then, remembering the strength he had felt only a few moments ago, Ryan lashed out with his mouth instead of his fists.

“You son of a bitch! That was not funny, Greg. Not at all.” Ryan was shaking with a combination of anger and delayed reaction.

“Au contraire, Ryan, that was very funny indeed. You just can’t see it right now, but give it a minute, it’ll come.”

The smile melted off Greg’s face when Ryan didn’t even come close to laughing.

“All right, fine, be all pissy about it. I was just playing, but since you can’t take a joke, I guess I’ll leave before you try to shove a stick up my ass to match the one that’s up yours!”

After spitting out this rapid stream of invective, Greg turned on his heel and stalked out. Ryan stood there in the empty bathroom, helplessly looking around for something to hit. He couldn’t recall the last time he had felt so angry with anyone, and he had never been this mad at Greg before.

//That asshole! This is it. I have had enough of this shit; it’s not funny anymore. Hell, it was never funny to begin with. And he made me think I was imagining things! No way am I going to let him get away with this. No fucking way.//

As Ryan pulled the bathroom door open, his back clenched up in a long, painful twist. He stood still for a moment and the overworked muscles relaxed enough to allow movement. Walking carefully, his anger dampened by the desire to avoid more pain, Ryan moved down the hall. When a hand touched the small of his back, the anger and fear flared right back up again and he whirled, ready to pop Greg one right in the mouth. Luckily, his back chose that moment to give out entirely, or he would have ended up hitting Colin. His oldest friend lunged forward to catch Ryan as he staggered, unable to hold back a sharp cry of pain.

“Okay, Ryan, hang on…do you have medicine in your trailer?” Colin’s voice matched his expression—worried and watchful.

Ryan nodded, not trusting himself to speak just then, and leaned heavily on Colin as they moved at a slow lurching shuffle. When they reached his trailer, Ryan walked in on his own, carefully easing himself facedown on the bed while Colin got the back medication. Ryan took the bottle when his friend brought it, tapping out three pills and dry swallowing them. Colin pursed his lips in disapproval—the dosage was only supposed to be one—but he knew better than to say anything. Instead of scolding Ryan, which would be useless anyway, he sat down on the bed and started gently rubbing his friend’s back.

Ryan sighed in relief as his knotted muscles responded to Colin’s touch. After a little while his embarrassment at being tended to like a child got to him, and Ryan waved Colin’s hands away. They sat there in silence for several minutes, Colin waiting patiently for his friend to recover.

“Soooo…”

The question in Colin’s voice was unmistakable.

“You’re wondering why I nearly hit you in the hallway?” Ryan sounded muffled, his face pressed against the pillows.

“Well, yes, that did seem a bit strange. But maybe that’s just me, huh?” Colin looked at his oldest friend, smiling slightly but still worried.

Ryan took a deep breath and wondered what he should say.

//He’s not going to leave me alone until he gets a real answer, so I might as well tell him the whole thing. Well, that’s not true; if I ask him to drop it, he will. But I don’t want him to drop it. I decided that I was going to stop this thing with Greg, and I could use his help. Col will be on my side, I’m sure.//

“Well, you remember a couple weeks ago when I said Greg was being weird? Standing too close and all that?”

Colin nodded, then realized Ryan couldn’t see him and said, “Yeah, I remember.”

Ryan continued to talk into the pillow. It seemed to be easier to tell his story if he didn’t have to look at Colin. “The weird stuff has been going on ever since. He stares at me all the time, touches me, makes all these suggestive comments. And he’s so jumpy all the time. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s on something. His eyes sure look weird, but maybe that’s just the way he’s been looking at me. It’s making me really uncomfortable. Last week I told Greg I wanted him to stop, but he laughed at me and told me I was imagining things. So I believed him, even though he pinned me against my car that night and kissed me.”

“What?” Colin laughed a little when he asked this question, and Ryan felt himself smile in response. Now, talking to his best friend, he could see some humor in the situation.

“I’m not kidding, Col. He backed me up against the car, grabbed my hips, and put a little kiss on my face. He said it was just to make up for laughing at me before, but I don’t know…”

Ryan shook his head ruefully, thinking about how stupid he had been for ever believing Greg’s insinuation that it was all in his head.

“After that, it got even worse. I started avoiding him as much as possible. It was just so difficult to be around him, always wondering if he was going to say something or touch me in some sexual way. But I couldn’t avoid him all the time, and the tension has really been getting to me. Then, just before you saw me in the hall, I was in the bathroom with Greg. He made another one of those comments and I was going to tell him off, but he practically jumped on me and kissed me again. Right on the mouth this time, and hard.”

Colin stopped smiling. He could hear the anger and embarrassment in Ryan’s voice, and realized that this was no joke. “What did you do?”

“I tried to get away, but I didn’t know he was so much stronger than I am. He let me go, though, and acted like it was just a game. When he saw how mad I was, he quit laughing and got insulting, then walked out. My back was already hurting from everything, and when you touched me, I thought you were Greg.”

“So that’s why you looked so pissed. And I guess that was the last straw for your back, huh?” Ryan nodded and Colin traced a hand down his spine. “Sorry about that.”

“S’not your fault. It’s just all this stress. I feel like I’m being silly, actually. I mean, it’s not that big a deal. I don’t know why I’m letting this get to me.” Ryan sounded sheepish and he ducked his head a little as he spoke.

“It damn well is a big deal!” Colin replied sharply. “It’s sexual harassment, and that’s a serious problem.”

“Sexual harassment? I thought that was just for women.”

“Come on, Ry. The staring, the comments, the touching, the hostile work environment…it’s straight out of the book.”

Colin was starting to get angry with Greg for putting his friend through this. He cared too much about Ryan to treat the matter lightly and looked at the tall, slender man lying beside him, wanting to hug him but knowing that it would just embarrass Ryan. Sometimes it was so frustrating, wanting him but respecting his wishes. Ryan didn’t want anything more than friendship, and Colin refused to push him into something he wasn’t ready for.

Ryan turned on his side and looked Colin, a slight smile playing around the corners of his mouth. “Which book would that be Col?”

Trying not to grin, Colin shot back, “You know what I mean, smartass.”

“Well, that’s better—“

“Than a dumbass,” they finished together. It was a very old joke between them, but it could still break the tense mood in the room. Ryan’s smile turned into a wince of pain as he sat up, but he waved off Colin’s concerned look.

“It’s okay. The medicine is kicking in; I’ll be fine.” Ryan looked down with a sigh and added, “Well, until Greg tries something again, anyway.”

“That’s not going to happen. I’m going to talk to Drew and Dan right now. You don’t have to put up with this shit.”

Ironically, Ryan found himself trying to calm his friend’s anger when only a little while ago he had been ready to tear Greg apart bare-handed.

“I don’t want to start a whole big thing here. If we just talk to him, make him see that it’s really bothering me…”

“Didn’t you already try that?” Colin asked impatiently.

“Well, maybe you could talk to him. I can’t seem to get through.”

Colin nodded, and smiled as Ryan gave him a silly grin. The medicine was kicking in, all right. He watched his oldest friend stretch out on the bed, and then Colin covered him with the blanket. After waiting a few minutes to make sure Ryan was settled, he headed off to confront Greg, dark thoughts swirling through his mind.

**I can’t believe Greg would pull something like this. What the hell was he thinking? He knows better. Or, at the very least, he should. Putting Ryan through all this shit…no wonder he’s looked so miserable lately. When I get a hold of Greg, I’m gonna…no, I can’t lose my temper. I know he doesn’t respond well to anger; I’ll have to be reasonable. Just make him see what he’s doing to Ryan, and make him stop. I’ll threaten to go to Drew if I have to. He’ll back off once he realizes this is serious. After all, I’ve known Greg for years, and so has Ryan. He would never intentionally hurt either of us.**

Colin found Greg in the Green Room, and pulled him to the side so they could speak privately.

“Greg, we need to talk.” Colin tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but Greg heard it and frowned in confusion.

“What? Did I do something?” He managed to sound completely innocent, but Greg had a pretty good idea of what was going on. He was actually surprised Ryan hadn’t confided in Colin sooner.

^^ Well, of course he told Colin. After you went and fucked everything up in the bathroom like that, what did you expect? Of all the stupid ass things to do . . . And then trying to act like it was all a joke! When that only made Ryan even angrier. As if the joke idea wasn’t bad enough, then you had to get mad at him, just because he wouldn’t laugh and you took it personally. You’re such a fucking idiot. And now you’ve got to knuckle under and do whatever Colin tells you to get out of this with a job. As for getting out of this with friends, you can just forget that. That ship has sailed, buddy, and you’re the one that sent it off. After you saw the way Ryan reacted to that kiss, you should have just apologized, but noooooo! You had to go and laugh at him again, just because you couldn’t handle him laughing at you. If he knew how pathetic you are . . .^^

Greg’s face gave no indication that he was mentally berating himself, and he managed to stay relatively still. His feet tapped slightly, and his hands kept flexing restlessly, but compared to his behavior during the past couple of weeks, he was downright mellow. If the pressure of holding all this inside was getting to him, nobody would have been able to tell.

“Ryan says you’ve been giving him some problems lately, and it needs to stop. I think you know what I’m talking about.” Colin put his hands on his hips and gave Greg a hard look. “I’ll go to Drew and Dan if I have to, but I hope that won’t be necessary.”

Greg smiled and shook his head, a carefully formed sheepish look on his face. “No, it won’t be necessary, Col. I only meant to play with Ryan a little, have some fun, but I guess it did get out of hand. Don’t worry, it’ll stop.”

Colin smiled and clapped Greg on the shoulder. “Good, I’m glad we got that worked out.”

His voice was patronizing, but Colin let it stay that way, thinking Greg deserved a little dressing down for everything he had put Ryan through.

“You know, I think you owe him an apology. He’s really had a rough couple of weeks thanks to you.”

The patronizing edge got sharper and Greg narrowed his eyes, clenching his fists behind his back.

“You’re right. I should apologize. I’ll be sure to make it good. Don’t you worry about it.”

Greg suddenly looked rather spooky, but his voice was perfectly even. Colin nodded and looked at his old friend strangely, trying to figure out why he felt so uneasy. Greg smiled, showing more teeth than seemed necessary, and walked away, thinking hard.

^^ That condescending little bastard! Where does he get off telling me what to do? And threatening to tell the producers on me . . . what is this, the fourth grade or something? I know I screwed up! I was going to apologize anyway! I don’t need Ryan’s best friend, the one he likes more than me, telling me what to do! Well, fuck him! And fuck Ryan, too…wait…maybe that’s a good idea. Well, if he would let me. But of course, he won’t. No, I’ll be lucky if he ever speaks to me again. If I could just talk to him, explain why I’ve been doing this, then maybe . . .^^

^^ Oh, hell, I can’t explain, I don’t even know why I’m being so stupid. I just want him to pay attention to me the way he does to Colin. Fucking Colin. I bet I could have Ryan if it wasn’t for him. I know Ryan could want me, in the right circumstances. If I could make him understand somehow…make him feel the same way I do… He has to love me back. I’ve gone through too much for all this to be for nothing. I’ve got to make him listen to me. I can’t be alone anymore . . . ^^

* * * *

Part 4

Ryan rolled over once again, kicking at the tangled sheets in frustration. He had been trying to get to sleep for over an hour, but it wasn’t working. Part of it was the medication-induced nap he’d had earlier, but his continued worry over Greg was a factor as well. Colin had been there when he’d awakened earlier, and he’d given Ryan the full report. It seemed like everything was fine, but something just didn’t feel right. It was too easy, too simple. Ryan felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop and simply couldn’t shake knowledge that he hadn’t heard the last of this.

So, when he heard the knock on his door, he got up without surprise, despite the late hour. Standing in front of the door, dressed only in boxer shorts and a thin t-shirt, Ryan hesitated a moment. He didn’t believe in ESP or any of that crap, but something was telling him to ignore the knocking. He actually came very close to doing just that before he heard Greg’s voice calling from outside.

“Hey, Ryan, it’s me. I, uh.… I came to say I’m sorry. I know I’ve been an ass lately, but can I come in? I want to talk. Please?”

It was the last ‘please’ that got Ryan moving. He was still mad at Greg for all the shit he’d been pulling, and the chance to hear him ask for forgiveness was too much to pass up. Ryan fully intended to make him beg, too.

//Bastard deserves it for putting me through all this. I have every right to make him squirm a little.//

Opening the door, he saw Greg standing there, tense and jittery as usual. His hands didn’t stop moving for a moment, and he seemed to rock slightly in place. The posture wasn’t threatening, but the face . . . he certainly didn’t look sorry. He looked . . . strange. His face seemed to change expressions constantly, from hopeful to scared to angry, with the occasional flash of shame, and . . . was that desire? Ryan stood aside and gestured for the shorter man to enter. When he shut the door, Greg moved to it and engaged the deadbolt, looking pointedly over his shoulder at Ryan as he did it.

“What the hell are you doing?” Ryan asked in confusion.

“There’s bad people out in the world, you know. Can’t be too careful.”

Greg sounded strange; his voice was flat and empty. His back against the door, he faced Ryan, just staring and saying nothing. He was trying to figure out what to say, desperately hoping he wouldn’t screw up again. After about thirty seconds, Ryan began to feel uncomfortable and nervously shifted his weight.

“So . . . don’t you have something you wanted to say?”

Greg’s eyes narrowed at Ryan’s condescending tone, and he lowered his head slightly, like an animal moving to attack posture.

^^ Where does he get off talking to me like that! Doesn’t he know the hell I’ve been going through? What does he care anyway; he’s never had to deal with something like this. If I could scare him somehow, snap him out of that complacency, maybe he could understand how I’m feeling.^^

“Colin suggested that I apologize to you for this game I’ve been playing.”

Greg’s voice was calm, even faintly amused. He began to move slowly toward Ryan, his eyes never leaving his prey’s body. Ryan was chagrined to realize he was backing up again, and made himself stand still.

“Well, I think you do owe me an apology . . . you might think it’s a game, but it’s not funny, Greg. Do you hear me?”

Ryan meant that last bit to come out as a demand, but it sounded more like a nervous question. Despite his earlier confidence about making Greg squirm, he was starting to wish this whole thing would be over with. To make matters worse, Greg was still advancing, and the look in his eyes had changed from appreciative speculation to outright desire.

“Uh…Greg? You think you could say something here? You’re kind of freaking me out.” Ryan winced when he heard the fear in his voice.

//Why are you being such a baby? Just tell him to knock it off, kick him out of your house if you have to. It’s not like you’re completely defenseless.//

But Ryan didn’t want to get harsh with Greg. The way he looked right now, getting angry might make him do something drastic. Ryan didn’t want to think about what something drastic might be, so instead he wished he wasn’t alone in the house. A quick thought, powered by fear, flicked through his mind.

//Colin, where are you? I think I need some help.//

“What do you want me to say, Ryan?”

Greg was smiling softly, but his eyes were hard and bright with malice. He was beginning to forget his original purpose for being here. Anger at Ryan’s self-righteous attitude was clouding his judgment, and rational thought was rapidly being eclipsed by raw desire. Ryan looked so appealing: the long, slender frame, his shining green eyes…but what really sparked his interest was the fear in those eyes. Greg felt powerful, in control. It was good to make someone afraid of him, and his arousal grew as Ryan swallowed nervously.

^^ Finally, I have his attention. He’s listening now, that’s for sure! Everything is so bright, so easy to see. I’m so much faster than he is right now, I can feel the coke making me strong. He’s still backing away, though…he doesn’t want me? After all this, he’s still rejecting me? You bastard! How dare you do this to me? I’ve been trying so hard . . . but you don’t even care, do you? I go out of my way to come down here and apologize, I haven’t even touched you, and you’re looking at me like I’m something you found under a rock.^^

The soft sound of Ryan stumbling against his coffee table shook Greg out of his thoughts for a moment and he focused on the tantalizing sight in front of him, drinking in the fear—an emotion that was slowly being eclipsed by terror—that he saw in Ryan’s eyes. Even as he watched, though, Ryan leaned back, obviously fighting the urge to move away from him, and anger overtook him.

^^I can’t stand this! I’m never going to get him, am I? There’s no way; he won’t even try to understand. I thought you were my friend, Ryan. How could you betray me like this? Now, when I really need you, all you can think of is yourself. Do you know how it feels to have someone you love treat you like this? Do you know how much this hurts? Well, I can show you, can’t I? I’m going to make you hurt just as much as I do. Going to teach you a lesson about turning on your friends that you’ll never forget. I’ve fucked everything up so bad, this is the only way I can ever have you. I’m so big right now, so powerful, I can take what I want. Nothing can happen to me, not while I’m flying like this. I can finally have what I need so much, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it! ^^

Ryan watched as one of his oldest friends stalked him like an animal and had to fight the urge to turn and run.

//That’s it; this has gone far enough. He obviously isn’t going to apologize; he’s too busy trying to fuck with my head. Well, I’m not taking this anymore. He’s in MY house, for crying out loud! I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, but I can’t tolerate this one more minute. I just hope he doesn’t try . . . something.//

The thought of what Greg might try to do was too unpleasant to contemplate, so Ryan cut it off sharply. He took a deep breath and stared Greg right in the eye, then calmly ordered him to leave. Immediately.

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere, baby.” Greg snarled, fury turning his voice into something unfamiliar and frightening. “Not until I get what I want. And you know what that is, don’t you?”

Greg leaned in close to Ryan, who took another step back and was surprised when the wall seemed to suddenly jump up behind him. Greg’s hands were firmly planted on either side of his shoulders, and Ryan looked around for something to use as a weapon. Suddenly, the phone started ringing. Both men jerked a little at the sound, as the phone was mounted on the wall very close to Ryan’s head.

Greg reached over and quickly tore the cord out, silencing the phone in mid-ring. Ryan stared at it helplessly for a moment, but panic flared as Greg grabbed him and started pulling at his thin shorts, trying to rip them off. Ryan jerked away, and Greg followed, chasing him into the next room. Ryan tried to head for the kitchen, wanting to use one of the knives for defense, but he never got close. He was tackled from behind and fell hard on his face, Greg clinging to his legs. Pain and fear mingled with anger and he twisted, trying to punch his assailant. Greg dodged the panicked blows easily, and Ryan wished desperately for some help.

//No! I can’t let this happen…but I’m losing the fight. I can’t hold him off forever. Colin! Please come help me, I can’t do this, I need someone…//

* * Colin * *

Colin paced nervously, wondering why he felt so unsettled. He had been sitting on the couch, watching TV and thinking vaguely about making a sandwich, when a strange feeling of impending danger had struck him. For a moment, he thought he heard Ryan’s voice saying something about needing help, but dismissed it as nonsense. Ryan was probably safe in his bed, sound asleep. Still, the shaky, fluttery feeling in his stomach refused to fade, and Colin wondered if he was sick. Suddenly, he seemed to see Greg walking toward him with a strange, twisted expression on his face.

Colin shook his head and the illusion was gone, but it left him feeling worse than before. Closing his eyes, he tried to combat the dizziness, but was shocked to realize he could still see. The view was slightly wrong somehow, out of perspective. Everything was blurry and strange, but he could recognize Greg, stalking someone slowly in what looked like Ryan’s house. When he realized the perspective was different because it was higher than what he was used to, it all clicked.

“My God, I’m seeing through Ryan’s eyes!”

The exclamation sounded ridiculous out loud, and Colin looked around quickly, as if someone might have heard him. Of course, there was no one there, and he closed his eyes again just to see what would happen. He could feel Ryan’s fear, making his heartbeat faster and his mouth dry up. He could also see Greg more clearly now; the focus seemed to be getting better. Colin saw that Greg was very close, and he took a step back in the middle of his living room, but in the vision he couldn’t move. Realizing that Ryan’s back was against the wall and feeling his fear, Colin’s eyes snapped open.

** He’s in trouble. I have to . . . what the hell am I doing? This is crazy, people don’t just see through other people’s eyes like that. But he needs me. No . . . I’m seeing things. This can’t be real. But what if it is? I’ll call him and see if he’s okay. Yeah, that’ll work---just to be sure. It’s probably nothing; hell, I’m probably dreaming, but it couldn’t hurt to check.**

Colin heard the phone ring twice, and then it stopped suddenly in the middle of the third ring. He listened expectantly for the sound of Ryan’s voice, but heard only dead air.

“Ryan, are you there? It’s Colin . . . hello?”

Getting no answer, he hung up and tried again, but this time the call didn’t go through. Panic swamped him and he scrambled to the car, wondering why he suddenly felt so unsteady. The emotions he was feeling seemed out of place for the situation; sure, he was worried, but the terror was unexplainable---until he closed his eyes again, and got a view over Ryan’s shoulder of Greg chasing him, looking murderous. When he/they looked forward again, Colin could see Ryan’s plans for getting a knife. The blow from behind caught them both by surprise, and Colin rocked forward in the driver’s seat, actually feeling a ghost of Greg’s arms around his legs, and a pale echo of the pain as Ryan fell.

** Okay, this is crazy, this is impossible, but it’s real. Greg is really there, this is really happening and I have to help him. I only hope I can get there fast enough.**

Driving while experiencing the panic of another person was difficult, to say the very least, but Colin went as fast as he possibly could. When he heard Ryan’s terrified cry of “Colin! Please come help me, I can’t do this, I need someone!” he bit his lip and drove a little faster.

** Hang in there, Ryan. I don’t know if you can hear me, but hold on. I’m coming.**

~~~Ryan~~~

Ryan’s face lit up when he heard Colin’s voice, and relief washed over him. Looking around frantically for his friend, he was confused when he only saw Greg. There was no time to think right now, though, as he was still engaged in a pitched battle. He kicked hard, and managed to pull away from Greg’s punishing grip. Scooting backwards along the floor, Ryan wasn’t following any kind of strategy. He was simply trying to get away. Greg was astonishingly fast, and he moved with a crazed sort of animal cunning.

Ryan flipped over and managed to get to his feet, only to be knocked down again when Greg shoved him from behind. He was scrambling toward the living room when he heard Colin again.

**Ryan, if you can hear me, tell me in your head. I can hear what you’re thinking. I’m coming! Just hold on a little longer, I’m almost there.**

Ryan looked around in confusion, then grabbed a lamp and threw it at Greg. It hit him squarely in the chest, but barely slowed him down. As Ryan began pelting him with anything in reach, he thought a frantic message back to Colin.

//I can hear you. I don’t know how, but who cares? Please, hurry, I don’t know what he’s going to do to me.//

But that wasn’t true, he knew exactly what Greg wanted to do. His mind formed an image of himself being viciously raped, and he shuddered. The fear was distracting, and Greg seized the opportunity, throwing Ryan to the floor and pinning him down. He began tearing at Ryan’s clothes, panting like an animal. Ryan struggled, but Greg dealt him several hard punches to the mid-section, and that took a lot of the fight out of him. Ryan gasped for breath through a haze of pain and sent another thought to Colin.

//Please, please, I can’t do this much longer, he’s going to . . . //

The rest of the thought was wordless, just the same image of Greg brutally raping him.

* * Colin * *

Colin kept getting flickers of feeling and images from Ryan as he drove. He felt Ryan’s joy at hearing his voice, and the confusion that followed. Colin kept his eyes open as much as possible; every time he closed them, the images were so disturbing he nearly ran off the road. When he felt Ryan’s fear rising again, he sent another thought message, asking for a response. Elated when he got one, Colin couldn’t resist a grin. This was crazy, but at least Ryan knew help was on the way.

His happiness was cut short when he got the image that went along with Ryan’s thought. The picture of Greg beating and raping his best friend was horrifying, and Colin wished he hadn’t seen it. Wincing as he felt the punches Ryan took in the gut, Colin pulled up outside his house and jumped out of the car. Hearing Ryan begging for help in his mind, he ran to the front door and turned the knob. It was locked.

Part 5

~~~Ryan~~~

Ryan brought his hands up, trying to push Greg off his chest. They were knocked aside, and he raised them again, clawing at his assailant desperately. Suddenly, he heard Colin’s ‘voice.’

** The door! Ryan, the door, help me, it’s locked, I’m here but I can’t get in!**

Following on the heels of that thought, he heard Colin’s actual voice, shouting from outside.

“Get off him, Greg! I know what you’re doing, and the police are on their way! Leave him alone!”

Ryan could hear the lie in Colin’s thoughts, and knew the police weren’t coming. Colin had been too distracted by Ryan’s panic to think that coherently. Greg didn’t know that, though, and he hesitated, leaning back. That was all the leverage Ryan needed, and he shoved hard against Greg’s chest. The shorter man toppled backwards with a shout and Ryan was up.

He ran to the door, trying to turn the deadbolt with shaking hands, painfully aware of Greg moving in behind him. Without thinking, he reached out for Colin’s mind, needing the calming influence. Colin seemed to understand and sent a wave of reassurance. Ryan felt the shaking subside, and he flipped the lock open. As Colin burst in through the door, Ryan felt a sharp pain in the back of his head, and then everything went dark.

Colin watched helplessly as his best friend crumpled to the floor. Greg was standing behind him, holding the basketball trophy he had used to strike Ryan, a crazed look in his eyes. Colin stared at him, not sure what to do. Greg had a size advantage, and Ryan was clearly not going to be any help for a while. Colin stood still, playing for time and hoping that Ryan would wake up.

** Maybe I can help him wake up, the same way I helped him open the door. If I can just reach him . . .**

Trying to feel Ryan’s mind was like leaning against a wall and finding it suddenly not there. Even after such a short time of mental communication, Colin had gotten used to it. Keeping a wary eye on Greg, he tried frantically to make Ryan hear him. To his relief, he began to feel the first flickers of response. Ryan didn’t want to wake up. He could sense the pain that waited for him in the waking world, and wanted no part of it. Colin encouraged him, moving carefully to the side as Greg began advancing on him.

** Come on, Ryan. Come on, you can do it. I need you here. I can’t beat him alone. If you can knock him down, I can make sure he stays down. Please wake up. I know it hurts, but please, wake up!**

Ryan moaned softly, bringing a hand to the back of his head. Luckily, Greg didn’t notice; he was still focused on Colin. Backing away, Colin led Greg further from Ryan, who was starting to get up. Ryan looked very unsteady, and Colin could feel his dizziness. The ability to feel anything from his mind was very reassuring, though, and Colin started to think they might just come out of this all right.

That was when Greg struck, leaping forward and swinging the trophy like a club. It caught Colin in the ribs and he doubled over, clutching his chest. Dimly, he saw Ryan mirroring the movement, feeling the same pain. Greg grabbed Colin’s throat and began choking him, shaking him violently in the process. When Greg started yelling, it was strange, as so far the whole crazy scene had taken place in eerie near silence.

“It’s not fair! You took him from me! I could have had him, but he hates me now, and it’s all your fault! Why did you do this to me?”

Greg’s voice changed then, the anger fading, and he continued in between racking sobs.

“I thought we were friends…and you couldn’t even let me have this. Just once, I was going to get what I wanted. I was so close! You bastard, you’ve ruined everything!”

Greg continued to scream incoherently, clutching at Colin’s neck and slowly cutting off the air supply. The noisy assault was cut short when Ryan struck him from behind—not in the head, but in the back. Using the same lamp he had thrown at Greg earlier, Ryan hit him several more times before Colin managed to pull him back. Greg lay on the floor, curled protectively around his now broken ribs.

Colin and Ryan stared at him, breathing hard, and then looked at each other. A wealth of emotion passed between them in a few seconds . . . relief, gratitude, disbelief that it was over, fear that he would get up again, and something deeper that ran underneath the rest. It was amazingly intimate, this sharing, and when the thought *I wonder just how far we can take this* came, they weren’t sure whose thought it was.

There was no time for such considerations, though. At the moment, they had a crazy man who was bent on hurting them slowly recovering on the floor. Without speaking, Colin moved to the phone, replacing the cord and dialing 911. Ryan leaned against the wall, trying to find a way to breathe that didn’t cause him pain and keeping a close eye on Greg, who seemed to have burned himself out. At least, he was giving no indication that he might get up.

“Okay, they said they’d be here in a few minutes. We’re supposed to just sit tight and wait.”

Colin’s voice sounded strange; it was thick and scratchy from Greg’s choking. Ryan looked at him with concern, but Colin sent him a feeling of “Don’t worry” and he relaxed. Well, kind of. Ryan was feeling very unsteady. The crazy whirl of emotions he had been through in the past half hour were all catching up to him, and Colin could feel it, too. They sat down on the couch together, Ryan shaking with reaction. There were no words; now, more than ever, they weren’t necessary. Colin put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close; Ryan buried his face in the warm comforting presence and tried not to fall apart.

Colin’s touch was as familiar as ever and being in his arms felt like coming home. Even with all the fear and confusion running through Ryan’s mind, he could still feel Colin’s emotions. He could feel Colin’s relief over making it in time, and his anger at Greg, which echoed his own. But there was more than just relief and anger happening here, and Ryan raised his head to look his friend in the eye. Colin stared right back at him, knowing Ryan could sense his emotions but still not wanting to hide them.

“Col . . . why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Without the link, Colin would have only heard confusion in Ryan’s voice. But he could perceive much more underneath—amazement, hope, and maybe . . . maybe an echo of his own deeply rooted feelings. Impulsively, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Ryan’s forehead. Still in disbelief, Ryan stared at him; he could hear Colin thinking and the mass of tangled emotions he sensed was nearly overwhelming.

**I couldn’t tell you before because I didn’t know. I knew you were important to me and that I loved you as a friend, but it wasn’t until you were in danger that I realized how much you mean to me, how much I need you. I can’t believe I almost lost you. He could have killed you with that trophy, and at the very least he would have raped you. My God, Ryan . . . it was so close. I can still see him hitting you, and you falling to the floor like a puppet with his strings cut.**

Colin’s thoughts broke off and he shivered, burying his face against Ryan’s shoulder and taking in several deep breaths as he fought to gain control of himself. Ryan wrapped his arms tightly around Colin, holding him close and overlaying his soothing touch with an equally reassuring wave of emotion. Beneath the affection, though, Colin could sense Ryan’s desire to know everything, and reluctantly continued.

** I couldn’t feel your mind anymore and I . . . I thought you were dead. I think I’m just now realizing how scared I was---how scared I still am---of losing you. Please, do something so I know you’re real. So I know we’ll always be together . . . so I know you feel the same way.**

Ryan smiled and lifted his chin so his face was level with Colin’s. When their lips touched, the sensation was so much more than mere physical attraction. Colin could feel Ryan wanting more, needing more.

//How could I have missed this? It’s so obvious, so natural. He’s what I’ve always wanted. No wonder I wasn’t happy with Pat. Colin, my best friend, the person I trust more than anyone, the one who’s always been there for me. I could have died not realizing that. I’m so dizzy . . . and he just came in and saved me . . . my God, what could have happened? I can feel Greg’s hands on me, tearing at my clothes . . . it hurts where he hit me. Did I really almost get raped? It almost doesn’t seem real. But there he is, on the floor . . . oh, God, tell me Greg didn’t just attack me. This is all too crazy. The . . . telepathy, I guess it’s called, the attack, someone I . . . someone I considered a friend trying to rape me . . . I think I’m going to be sick.

Colin sent a gentle wave of reassurance at his last thought, though it was tinged with mild worry and a little amusement. Ryan smiled softly against his lips and pressed a little closer, seeking the deeper contact.

//I’m angry and scared and I don’t know how I can hear what you’re thinking . . . but none of it matters. All I care about is how you feel against me, the softness of your lips, the touch of your hand . . . I just want to feel more.//

They sat on the couch together for a long moment, tasting each other for the first time and relishing in their newly-discovered feelings. The shared emotions, the incredible intimacy of hearing each other’s thoughts . . . it all made them forget where they were.

Greg, who was still lying on the floor, groaned weakly and rolled over. His tormented gaze landed on the couple on the couch and he winced, though whether it was from his broken ribs or the sight in front him was anybody’s guess. As he watched them kiss, his mind started whirling.

^^Oh, God, I wish that was me. Ryan looks so good . . . is that blood? Did I do that? I’m so fucked up . . . maybe it was the coke. I never meant for this to go so far. Trying to force Ryan . . . what the hell was I thinking? I just wanted him so badly because I couldn’t stand being alone anymore. I still want him. I’m such a terrible person . . . I don’t deserve Ryan. After all the things I did, he must hate me. He should hate me. I’m so low right now . . . I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I can’t face him again, not after what I did. Shit, my ribs hurt. Did Ryan do that to me? It must have been him . . . or Colin. This doesn’t even seem real. I can’t have done something so terrible, please, let this all be a dream . . .^^

When the police knocked on the door, they might as well have been in another world. Even when the uniformed cop burst into the room, Ryan and Colin kept on kissing, lost in their shared emotions. The officer in question took in the whole bizarre scene: the trashed living room, the two bruised men passionately kissing on the couch, the third man curled on the floor muttering something inaudible . . . he had been on the force for ten years and seen a lot of strange things, but this was a new one. After a confused pause, he shook Colin’s shoulder, trying to get his attention. Colin reluctantly pulled his lips away from Ryan’s but kept their bodies firmly pressed together.

“Yes?”

Colin looked up at the cop with clear impatience, while Ryan hid his face against the shorter man’s neck.

“Uh . . . is this the guy who attacked you?” the cop asked, pointing at Greg and trying not to stare at the way Colin and Ryan were touching each other.

“Yeah, but he attacked Ryan, not me. Be careful; I think he’s on drugs or something.”

“Do you know him?”

Ryan glanced up at this question, and then shared a long look with Colin. They stared at Greg sadly, and Ryan said, “Know him? Well, we thought we did. I guess we were wrong.”

The paramedics chose that moment to arrive, and they quickly bustled Greg out on a stretcher. The cop, a Sergeant Carl Horvath, got all the basic information out of Ryan and Colin while the medics waited impatiently. Ryan suddenly went pale and swayed slightly, and the head EMT finally had enough. With a brusque “Excuse me,” he pushed past the sergeant and stopped in front of the couple. His eyes widened when he saw the blood caked on the back of Ryan’s head and he laid a firm hand on the comedian’s shoulder.

Ryan started to protest that he was fine, but Colin insisted and he obeyed, grumbling good-naturedly about a certain someone who was being a mother hen. Colin only grinned and sent him a particularly graphic thought about just why he wanted Ryan to be healthy. The paramedic who was checking his pulse pulled back and gave him a puzzled look, wondering why the tall guy’s heartbeat had just picked up speed.

Finally, Sergeant Horvath was done gathering the information he needed for his report.

“I’m going to want full statements from both of you later, so you’ll have to come down to the station. But for now, just stay in the area and we’ll call you tomorrow.”

With one last look at the couple, he turned to the medics and asked if the victims required hospitalization.

“Nah, they’re basically okay,” the head EMT responded. “That head injury is the worst one, but all that hair must have helped, ‘cause he doesn’t need stitches.”

Turning to Colin and Ryan, who were standing close together but somehow refraining from hugging, he continued, “You two take it easy for the next few days and get lots of rest. That blow to the head gave you a concussion, but it’s mild. Just be careful, wait at least an hour before you fall asleep, and come in to the ER if you have any fainting spells.”

Ryan nodded his understanding and the paramedic turned to Colin, who was unsuccessfully trying to disappear into the woodwork.

“You, drink cold fluids to help your throat because it’s going to be pretty sore for a while.”

Colin nodded carefully, wincing slightly from the pain of his bruised neck. With one last, hard look, the medic gathered his team, nodded to Sergeant Horvath, and the rush of activity finally ended. Horvath lingered a few minutes longer, carefully studying the pair and shaking his head as he thought of the story he was going to tell his wife later. This was some crazy stuff. Especially that bit about the shorter one ‘just knowing’ his friend was in trouble, and coming over. But he respected the value of a good hunch, and those two were obviously close.

In fact, at that moment, Colin and Ryan were so close that they felt like one person. Colin was touching Ryan’s face, lightly stroking his fingertips over the familiar features and drinking in the reassuring feel of the warm flesh beneath his fingers. He didn’t take his eyes off Ryan for a moment, afraid of something happening that would put him in danger again. Ryan wasn’t objecting--he needed the reassurance too, and gently touched the bruises at Colin’s neck, shuddering all over again at the memory of seeing his best friend being violently choked.

That thought brought back all the other memories: being chased through his house, and struggling as Greg tore at his clothes and struck him. Ryan felt his self-control crumbling and he buried his face in the side of Colin’s neck, crying helplessly. The crazy roller coaster ride of emotions he had been on over the past few weeks, combined with the events of the night finally crashed in on Ryan and he collapsed under the pressure, shaking violently.

Colin was right there to catch him, stroking his back and sending feelings of love and reassurance. Ryan started to nuzzle closer, but paused when he felt the wetness on the back of his neck and looked at his best friend. //Why are you crying, too?//

Speaking out loud no longer seemed necessary; it was so much easier to simply send his thoughts. Colin looked at him with those liquid brown eyes and Ryan was shaken by the emotions he both saw and sensed.

** I was so scared, Ry. I almost lost you. I could feel everything that was happening to you, but I couldn’t do anything and I was so afraid I wouldn’t get here in time. I thought I would have to feel you being raped, and I would’ve been helpless to stop it. This was bad, but it could have been so much worse. Thinking of what could have happened . . . **

Ryan cut him off with a fierce hug, concentrating on making Colin feel nothing but his arms.

//Now stop thinking like that. You did get here in time, you did save me, and we’re okay. I know it was scary . . . God, I know it was scary . . . but we’re going to be all right.//

Colin nodded and rubbed his cheek against Ryan’s shoulder, thinking it was ironic that he was the one being comforted here, when Ryan was the one who’d nearly been raped. They sat like that for a little while, saying nothing, but thinking over everything. Colin could see Ryan’s mind going over and over the past couple weeks, wondering what signs he had missed, and frowned slightly. The mental circles were getting frantic and he lifted Ryan’s chin, looking deeply into his eyes.

** Now it’s your turn to stop thinking that way. You had no way of knowing. I want to be very clear here—this is NOT your fault.**

Ryan smiled softly and rested his forehead against Colin’s, trying to believe what he was being told. He could feel how strongly Colin believed it, and that helped, though the guilt refused to fade completely. Looking back, it seemed so obvious: the strange behavior from Greg, the drug symptoms, the increasingly blatant harassment . . .

//How could I not have seen this coming?//

Colin finally couldn’t take it any more and, deciding it was time to distract Ryan from his bad memories, he leaned in for another kiss. Ryan let him do it, but seemed hesitant. When Colin reached for his friend’s shirt, meaning to remove it, he was surprised to feel a pang of fear from Ryan.

“What is it?”

Colin winced at the sound of his scratchy voice, but Ryan’s response had startled him into speaking.

“I . . . I’m sorry, Col . . . ”

Ryan looked down, biting his lip. Colin could hear him gathering his thoughts, and waited patiently until he was ready to answer.

“I know you want to . . . and I do, too. I love you.”

The words hung in the air for a moment. Colin had heard them in Ryan’s mind already, of course, but to hear them out loud for the first time . . . that was something special.

“But?” Colin asked, knowing there was a qualifying statement coming.

“But I’m not ready. I know you won’t hurt me, but I . . . I can still feel his hands on me. I’m tired and dizzy and my head hurts . . . and I want our first time to be perfect. But right now…all I can think about is what almost happened. I keep seeing him on top of me again, except this time you don’t come in, and . . . and he . . . ”

Ryan burst into tears again, and Colin held him tightly, mentally cursing himself for being an idiot.

** Of course he’s not ready to make love! What were you thinking? He was nearly raped less than an hour ago, for God’s sake! And you try to push him into something it’s obvious he’s not ready for, making him cry again . . . oh, Ryan, it’s all right. I’ve been waiting years for you. I can wait as long as you need me to. As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters. I’m sorry for going too fast. Please don’t cry . . .**

Ryan lifted his tearstained face from Colin’s chest and looked at him, cupping his face in both hands. After placing a soft kiss on Colin’s lips, he leaned back a little and smiled.

//It’s okay, Col. You’ve been so patient for so long, I can’t blame you for getting excited. I’ll be all right. Tonight, we can just be close. But I promise, when I’m ready . . . I want it too, you know. Just not yet. For now, let’s get some rest.//

Colin nodded and they moved into the bedroom. This time, when he removed Ryan’s shirt, there was nothing sexual about it. It was pure comfort; they both wanted the warm feeling of skin touching skin to fall asleep to.

** Has it been an hour? That guy said . . .**

//Who cares? It’s close enough. I’m just too tired to stay awake another minute.//

Colin gave him a disapproving look and said, “Same old Ryan, ignoring the doctor’s advice.”

“Same old Colin, being a mother hen,” Ryan retorted, smiling. The easy, familiar exchange helped to break the intense mood that had settled over them and, dressed only in their boxers, the two friends climbed wearily into bed. Ryan sighed deeply as he felt Colin’s warm presence against his back. He felt safe, protected . . . and finally felt like he had come home.

Part 6

Ryan woke up with a headache. For a moment, he was confused by the light bandage on his head, but the events of the night before came rushing back and he shuddered, reaching for Colin and feeling relief flood through him when he felt his friend’s familiar form on the bed next to him. Sometime during the night, Colin had rolled over, and was now taking up most of the room on the bed. Ryan propped himself up on an elbow, and slowly pulled the blankets off his friend. He winced when he saw the ugly bruises on Colin’s ribs, and quickly pulled the blanket back up, as if covering them would make them go away.

“Does it look bad?”

Colin’s eyes were still closed, but he had that little smile, and as Ryan watched, his eyes slowly opened.

“Yeah, but not as bad as your voice sounds. Doesn’t it hurt to talk?”

“A little.” Colin lifted his shoulders and looked at Ryan more directly.

**Do I need to talk, or can you still hear me?**

Ryan smiled, and thought back at him.

//I can still hear you, but maybe we should get into the habit of talking again so people won’t think we’re weird.//

“Oh, it may be just a little late for that, Ry. Did you see the way that cop was looking at us last night?”

Colin started to laugh, but then stopped suddenly, in obvious pain. Ryan winced in sympathy and sat up. The movement caused his head to pound harder for a moment before easing back to a dull ache.

//Boy, we’re getting too old for this shit.//

“Out loud, Ryan. If I can do it, so can you.”

“All right, all right. But can we use this on stage? It would make for some great games.”

Ryan’s expression was serious, ruined only by the laughter in his eyes.

“I thought we already used it on stage. Isn’t that what we’re famous for? Our mysterious chemistry?” Colin asked, with his familiar tongue-in-cheek grin.

“I thought we were famous for our stunning good looks.”

Colin shook his head. “Oh man, don’t make me laugh, it hurts my throat and my ribs. I know it goes against your nature, but you’ve got to quit being funny for a little while.”

Ryan smirked at him, and Colin grinned back. The easy banter was a relief after all the intense, serious emotions they had been going through lately. It was a kind of necessary balance, a way of coping.

“Speaking of that cop…” Ryan started, deciding it was time to be real again.

“Yeah, he’s supposed to call us today. I guess we should get ourselves cleaned up and dressed.”

Colin moved carefully out of the bed, trying to baby his bruised ribs. Ryan followed in much the same manner, holding his head as still as possible. Showers and a generous helping of Tylenol improved their outlooks considerably, and by the time they were clean and dressed, breakfast actually sounded good. The kitchen was downstairs, and the pair headed that way, stopping together as the living room came into view.

Nothing had changed. Books and small pieces of furniture were scattered everywhere, and the bloodstains were glaringly obvious. Colin shuddered when he saw them and looked at Ryan, who was staring at the lamp he had struck Greg with. Both their gazes turned to the basketball trophy, still lying on the floor and looking ridiculously innocent. Ryan pressed against Colin, trembling, and Colin took the taller man in his arms.

“Wow . . . this is stupid, but for some reason I thought it would be cleaned up or something.”

“I know what you mean. It’s only been one night and already it feels . . . unreal. But it really happened.”

They stood there, staring at the wrecked room for a while longer and remembering. When Colin felt Ryan’s trembling getting worse, rather than better, he decided it was time to get out of there. Besides, looking at the place where his best friend was almost raped was giving him the creeps.

Breakfast no longer sounded like a good idea, and Colin thought they should just go down to the police station now and get it over with. He could feel Ryan agree, and they moved through the room together. Breathing a sigh of relief as he shut the front door behind him, Ryan looked up at the bright sunshine. Being in that light, with Colin by his side, raised his spirits considerably. He suddenly wondered how Greg was doing, and Colin nodded at him, thinking the same thing.

* * * * *

Greg opened his eyes cautiously, and immediately shut them against the brightly lit room. They had given him something in the ambulance for his ribs, and it had knocked him out quickly. He could feel a bandage wrapped around his chest, and the broken ribs hurt with every breath. Between that and the cocaine withdrawal, Greg was thoroughly miserable.

//I deserve it though. God, I’ve been such an idiot. I can’t believe I did that to Ryan. What’s going to happen to me now? I wonder if he’s okay . . . I wonder how much trouble I’m in. Maybe I should ask someone . . . what the hell? Oh, I’m handcuffed to the bed. Well, I guess that answers that question. Shit, I attacked him. Of course I’m in trouble. And Colin too! I can remember choking him . . . everything is so fuzzy, though. Is that the medication or the coke? Hell, it doesn’t matter. That was so stupid, getting all doped up like that . . . I should have known it would fuck me up. After all, it’s not like I’ve never had it before. They’re okay, though . . . I think. Didn’t I see them kissing? I don’t remember . . . maybe I imagined it. Some of it was real though. The handcuffs are a pretty clear sign on that one. Am I going to prison? I don’t even want to think about . . . about what they do to gay men in prison. If I could talk to Ryan, apologize, maybe he would understand. No, that’s stupid. There’s no excuse for what I did, and what I tried to do. Even if he could forgive me for hurting him, he’d never forgive me for hurting Colin. And I’m sure Col feels the same way about Ryan. I did see them kissing, now I remember . . . I think . . . Oh, hell, I don’t want to think anymore. I just want to go back to sleep and never have to wake up.^^

* * * * *

Sergeant Horvath looked at the two comedians, wondering just what the hell was going on. Every time he asked them a question, they exchanged a quick glance and he got the impression of some kind of communication taking place. But they were cooperative and carefully accurate on the details, so the occasional shared look could be ignored. After all, they were obviously in love. He had seen them kissing the night before, of course, but even without that knowledge it would have been clear. The way they looked at each other, the touches that were just a bit more than friendly…and every time the tall one got ruffled by the questions, his friend was right there with a hand on his back and a reassuring look.

And, of course, there were times when Ryan had to return the favor; when Colin was asked to describe the scene he had burst in on, he shuddered and looked away, trying to look objectively at the memories.

** I can’t believe we’re here, telling the cops how Greg attacked us . . . how he almost raped you. It doesn’t seem real, but then I remember how the living room looked this morning and . . . **

Colin’s shoulders hunched slightly as he went through the events in his mind again. Ryan put an arm around him and gave him a quick one-sided hug, trying to think reassuring thoughts. Colin smiled up at him, and they shared another one of those looks that made the sergeant glance away uncomfortably.

The questioning was a rough process; it seemed like they had to answer everything several times. There was a ridiculous amount of paperwork, but finally it seemed like the battle was being won. Carl (he had insisted they call him that after the first hour of questions) was gathering up his forms with an air of finality.

“Are we done?”

Ryan asked the question in both of their minds to spare Colin’s throat, which was sore from all the talking.

“Almost. You just have to talk to the DA about what charges you want against Mr. Proops.”

Ryan and Colin looked at each other uneasily.

*We have to decide what to do with Greg? I thought that was already taken care of . . .*

They were both very angry with him, of course, but he was an old friend and it was hard to let it end this way.

The woman from the DA’s office knocked on the door, and introduced herself as Assistant District Attorney Patricia McFarland, but quickly said, “Call me Trisha.” She was calm and efficient, and respectful of the trauma Ryan and Colin had been through.

“I know you must be exhausted from all the police questioning . . . do you want to get something to eat before we continue?” Trisha asked, looking at them sympathetically.

“All right . . . that actually sounds good. Maybe we could talk at the same time? We’d like to get home soon.” Ryan answered for both of them. There had been coffee and pastries at the police station, but the thought of some real food was appealing. Trisha agreed and they headed to a small local diner. Over soup and sandwiches, she outlined the situation.

“Mr. Proops is up against three charges here. Assault, attempted rape, and drug possession.”

“He was on something, then? We weren’t sure,” Ryan chimed in curiously.

“Yes, we found cocaine in his blood, and some in his pocket. We’re currently in the process of getting a search warrant for his home and are confident that we’ll find more drugs there.”

In Trisha’s crisp, professional tone, the words made the whole situation seem more real somehow. Ryan and Colin nodded, and she continued.

“What we need to decide is how you want this prosecuted. The drug charge is out of your hands, but we can push for a lighter sentence on the assault. I understand he’s a friend of yours.”

After exchanging another look with Colin, Ryan asked, “How light are we talking about here? He did attack us, after all . . . ”

“Basically, it comes down to where he does his time. Mr. Proops is going to be locked up, but the location is up to you. We can either send him to prison, or a mental institution. From what you’ve told the police, this behavior was out of character for him, right?”

They both nodded, thinking that ‘out of character’ was the understatement of the year.

“Then it’s very likely his lawyer will try for a ‘Not guilty by reason of mental defect’ plea. This will land him in an institution if we accept it. What do you think?”

Ryan rubbed at his eyes, trying to focus. It had been a long day, and he was still tired from the concussion. Colin looked at him with concern, lightly squeezing his shoulder.

//I’m okay, Col. Just tired. But I don’t think I can decide this right now. What do you want to do?//

Colin bit his lip, thinking hard.

** I can’t forgive him for what he did to you. For what he was trying to do. Old friend or not, he can’t just get away with this. But . . . maybe a mental hospital is a good idea. He obviously needs help. They could get him off the drugs, straighten him out . . . is he still messed up? Does he know what he did was wrong?**

Ryan mentally shrugged and Colin nodded slowly as he came to a decision.

“I think we need to see him,” he said. “If we could talk to him, maybe we could understand what the best solution would be.”

Trisha nodded and they finished up, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. During the ride to the hospital, Colin and Ryan sat together in the back seat, enjoying the calm before the proverbial storm. Ryan leaned against his friend’s shoulder and began to drowse. Colin smiled at him and lightly kissed his forehead, happy that he could show his affection and not have to hide it anymore. He could understand the worry he felt coming from Ryan—Colin was nervous about facing Greg, too. They cuddled together, gathering strength for the upcoming confrontation.

* * * * *

Greg looked like hell. Ryan had expected a certain amount of damage, but the man he saw lying in the hospital bed was nearly unrecognizable. It wasn’t so much the IVs or the thickly bandaged ribs as it was the air of depression and defeat. Greg was always so resilient, so quick-witted and sharp, that seeing him like this was a real shock. He didn’t look frightening anymore, just hurt, and Ryan actually felt sorry for him. Colin looked at his friend sharply, wondering how Ryan could be feeling that way.

** Don’t you remember what he did to you? How can you not be angry?**

“I don’t know,” Ryan answered out loud. “He just looks…broken.”

At the sound of his voice, Greg woke up. He stared into Ryan’s green eyes, still wanting him, and still hating himself for wanting what he couldn’t have. When Greg’s gaze pierced him, Ryan could feel the fear returning and he flinched back slightly. Colin stepped in front of him, looking down at Greg challengingly.

“You can’t hurt him anymore. Don’t even look at him. You lost that right when you tried to rape him, you bastard.”

Colin’s voice was shaking with anger and his hands were curled into fists. To his surprise, Greg obeyed immediately, looking down and nodding contritely.

“You’re right. I know it doesn’t help, but I am so sorry.”

Greg looked up again for a moment, glancing at Ryan with tears in his eyes. His voice cracked as he continued to apologize.

“Please, Ryan, I am so very, very sorry. I never meant to…I was so fucked up. I’m such an asshole. I don’t blame you for hating me. I just wanted you so much…and the coke had me thinking crazy…but that’s no excuse. I’m so sorry.”

His voice trailing off to a whisper at the end, Greg continued to stare at the IV in his right arm, occasionally reaching up to wipe at his eyes and sniffling.

Colin and Ryan shared a long look.

//He means it. He’s really sorry--//

**You think that makes it better? Ryan, what if he tries it again?**

Ryan shuddered at the thought and Colin gave him an apologetic look. Ryan glanced at Greg again, trying to think of the best solution for everyone.

//I’m not saying we let him get away with it. But let’s do the therapy thing. He needs help, not just to be locked up.//

Colin was reluctant to follow Ryan’s suggestion; he was still too angry with Greg and wanted to see that bastard suffer for what he had done.

//Col . . . if it wasn’t for what he did, we might never have discovered how we feel. He’s been our friend for years. I know what he did was wrong, and I want him punished too, but maybe . . . maybe someday we can have our friend back.//

Colin nodded, giving in to reason. They left without a word to Greg or each other, ready to tell Trisha their decision.

Part 7

Two weeks later, Colin and Ryan sat outside the DA’s office with several other people. They were all waiting for their various appointments, but the pair sat away from the others. They didn’t speak, but laughed occasionally at what seemed to be nothing, and drew several odd looks.

The telepathy was as strong as ever, and they were playing with it, seeing just what they could do. It was like being kids again, talking in a secret code that only they could understand. Sometimes they would try to hear other people’s thoughts, but it never worked. That was just as well, though, because as Colin pointed out, hearing everyone’s thoughts would be chaotic. They were deep in a mental discussion about just how many piercings the guy with the green hair had when Trisha called them in.

“All right guys, I think we have this worked out,” Trisha said, gesturing for them to sit down. “Mr. Proops is being very cooperative, and when his lawyer heard the offer of the insanity plea, he jumped on it. We agreed to a term of no less than six years in a secure mental institution. Now bear in mind, that is the minimum time. He could be there much longer if the doctors don’t feel that he’s ready to leave.”

Ryan blinked in surprise. “Six years? Is that…normal?”

“What kind of number were you expecting?”

Trisha sounded faintly amused. Colin and Ryan looked at each other and shrugged.

“I don’t know really. I guess that sounds about right,” Ryan replied.

//Hey, what the hell do I know about the legal system? The last time I was in court, I’d just been arrested for streaking.//

Colin grinned when he picked up that thought, until he caught Trisha looking at him oddly. Schooling his features into a serious expression, Colin nodded in agreement with Ryan’s comment. Trisha shook both their hands and gave them her card, assuring them she would be available if they had any further questions. As they walked out into the bright California sunshine, Colin and Ryan breathed a shared sigh of relief.

*It’s finally over.*

* * * * *

With an audible ‘pop,’ the champagne cork eased out of the bottle, and frothy liquid bubbled over Colin’s hands. Ryan grinned at him and quickly moved his glass to catch the drink before too much could spill. Colin filled his own glass and they raised their hands in a toast.

“To the end of this whole mess.”

“And to the beginning of being together.”

As Ryan spoke, Colin caught an image in his friend’s mind that made him freeze, the glass halfway to his lips.

“Ryan? Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking?”

Ryan chuckled at the hesitant question, and tossed back his drink in a quick swallow.

//You should know, Col. After all, you’re the mind reader.//

Colin stared at him, wondering if this was for real. Over the past two weeks, they had slept together every night, but that’s all it was—sleeping. There had been so much to do, what with notifying the rest of the Whose Line cast and dealing with the lawyers…but those weren’t the only reasons for Colin’s hesitation. He still remembered the way Ryan had cried when he had made a move before. Granted, that had been bad timing, right after the attack, but Colin felt guilty nonetheless. Now Ryan was looking at him with loving eyes, and Colin allowed himself to hope.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to push you into anything…”

Ryan answered him with a kiss, one that started out light and then deepened considerably as their shared passion began to flare. Colin brought his hands up but hesitated, torn between his desire to touch and his fear of moving too fast.

//I can’t scare him again…I have to be careful. He still has nightmares about the attack; I can’t rush this.//

He felt Ryan tremble and pulled back, worried that he had done something wrong. Ryan looked deeply into his eyes, and then stroked his cheek with a shaking hand.

“Yeah, I’m scared. But I’m going to be scared the first time, whether it’s tonight or tomorrow or a year from now. I want this, Colin. I want you. Just…be gentle.”

Colin nodded and leaned in for another kiss, watching Ryan’s eyes carefully for approval. He felt his friend’s arms close around him, and Colin smiled against Ryan’s mouth, reveling in the feeling. They drifted into the bedroom, still kissing. Ryan stroked a hand slowly down Colin’s chest, enjoying the feel of him: the solid warmth, his rapid heartbeat, and the quick, throaty breaths.

//I could have missed all this. If it wasn’t for Colin, I could have been killed that night without ever knowing how this feels.//

Ryan shivered and pressed himself closer to his best friend, deeply inhaling Colin’s distinctive scent and letting it soothe his nerves. Colin returned the embrace, feeling Ryan’s wonder and apprehension.

**That’s right, he’s never been with a man before. Don’t worry, Ryan. I could never hurt you**

He ran his fingers through Ryan’s dark blond curls, staring into his eyes. Slowly, still keeping eye contact, Colin began to unbutton Ryan’s shirt.

//My God, this is really going to happen. The way he’s touching me . . . it’s strange, but it feels good. He’s touched me thousands of times, but this time is different. This time, we’re in love. I’ve never been with a man, but this is Colin; I’d trust him with my life. Man, I’m already hard and we’ve barely started. I wonder . . . oh, my God! That’s . . . he’s . . . I didn’t know my nipples were that sensitive. How the hell does he know how to do this?//

Colin smiled against Ryan’s chest when he heard the flow of his friend’s thoughts. This was incredible, knowing exactly how his touch was affecting Ryan and being able to feel the emotions firsthand. He moved carefully, slowly, not wanting to spook the trembling man in front of him, and let his gaze run down that lean body, stopping when he got to the obvious sign of desire. The urge to touch and explore was strong, but Colin still hesitated.

Finally, he slowly stroked a hand down the soft skin of Ryan’s belly and lightly brushed the outside of his pants. Ryan gasped and froze for a moment, then relaxed as Colin gently rubbed his abdomen, taking his time and enjoying the feel of the soft skin beneath his fingers. Colin felt Ryan gradually calm down and smiled softly; he could even feel a ghost of his own hand stroking his stomach and wondered just how far the reciprocity went.

**If I take him in my mouth, will I feel it too? Only one way to find out . . . **

Ryan’s eyes widened as he realized Colin’s intentions.

//Is he really going to do that? Oh, God, he is, he’s taking off my pants and . . . oh, wow! I didn’t know it was possible to feel this good. What the . . . how . . . oh, God, I can’t even think. And he’s . . . Col! If you don’t stop, I’m gonna . . . //

Colin pulled back, hearing Ryan’s warning in his mind. He hadn’t really needed it; the way his friend’s body was trembling was indication enough. And he could indeed feel an echo of Ryan’s pleasure, but it wasn’t the same as feeling it for real.

**Time to take the next step. But slowly, carefully; he’s still nervous and I don’t want to hurt him. Ever. God, those eyes. He’s relaxing now, getting into this. The way he looks at me makes me just want to hold him and never let go. I want to be a part of him; I need to be a part of him.**

Ryan looked at him steadily, knowing what he was thinking. He could sense the love and desire coming from Colin and smiled; it had been a long time since he’d felt like this. Slowly, with hands that trembled only slightly, he removed Colin’s shirt, drinking in the smooth, muscular chest in front of him. Several long minutes later, he wondered if he could do the same thing he had enjoyed so much earlier.

It was Colin’s turn to gasp as Ryan’s strong hands moved steadily downward and he threw his head back, concentrating fully on the pleasure.

**Oh, man, where did he learn that? And his mouth is . . . oh, God, I forgot how big his hands are. Oh, yeah, Ryan. Right there . . .**

Every touch of Ryan’s hands sent electricity sparking along Colin’s nerve endings until he lay boneless on the bed, his chest heaving and his eyes glazed with passion.

** I can’t wait to feel his body around me. Oh! That’s . . . oh, that’s so good. Yes, like that, but careful, I don’t know how much longer I can hold back. Yes! Okay, just . . . stop for a second, okay? Let me just . . . are you sure?**

Ryan knew what he was being asked, and he kissed Colin deeply, letting his tongue answer, before stretching out beside his lover and reveling in the feeling of skin on skin contact. Colin shifted until he was on top, staring into Ryan’s eyes and stroking his hair. He could feel Ryan’s apprehension, and made himself slow down, taking some time to hold his friend close. Ryan nestled into the hollow of Colin’s throat, welcoming the reassurance.

//Hey, as long as I’m here . . . //

Ryan took advantage of his position to kiss Colin’s neck, sucking gently at the sensitive skin underneath his chin. Colin responded by rubbing against Ryan with his whole body and his thoughts rose in a crazy spiral.

**Ryan! Oh . . . I want to have you, but I’m afraid of hurting you. It wasn’t that long ago—oh, hell! That was . . . I can’t . . . please, Ryan, I can’t think when you do that. Okay, that’s better . . . I want to be a part of you, Ry. We can be together, it will be so amazing, I promise---but I don’t want to rush you. I don’t think I could take it if you were afraid of me . . . mmm, your hands are so warm. It’s so good just being in your arms, touching you, but . . . I’m afraid of losing that if I go too fast and I love you too much to risk it.**

The warm weight of his best friend rubbing against him made Ryan swallow hard and take rapid breaths.

//You’ll never lose me, Colin. Never. It’s all right; I want you as much as you want me. I love you so much, so please . . . help me forget what could have happened that night. Yes, I’m scared, but I’m ready. I already feel so close to you; your heart is beating so hard I can feel it against my chest. I can hear everything you think, feel everything you feel, but I want this . . . I need to be yours. It’s the last thing we need to make us complete. I could never be afraid of you, because I can see every detail of how you feel about me. And you know how I feel. You know I want this, too.//

Trembling with desire, Colin nodded and moved until he was kneeling in front of Ryan, who instantly spread his knees apart and braced himself on his elbows, looking at his lover with trusting, loving eyes. Colin swallowed when he felt the depth of trust that Ryan had in him and met those brilliant green eyes. They were burning with passion and Colin swallowed again before steadily running a hand down Ryan’s chest and taking him in a firm grip. Slowly, Colin began to stroke him, smiling softly as he heard Ryan’s thoughts once more.

//Yes, there you go, gently . . . ah! No, it’s okay; I was just surprised. That’s right, just . . . oh! That feels so . . . my God, I can’t believe I never tried this before. Why are you . . . oh, that’s why. Just don’t take too long . . .this is making me so crazy, and the way you keep kissing me . . . I love the way you feel against me. Now? Yes, yes, I’m ready, I’m so ready, please . . . Colin!! //

Colin stopped for a moment when he heard his name shoot through Ryan’s mind. He moaned when he felt the echo of pleasure, though, and realized he had simply hit the right spot inside his friend. Reassured, he began to move more quickly.

**God, he feels so good. The way he’s moving, I can feel his pleasure, his joy. This is what love is supposed to be . . . when I can make his eyes light up that way, it makes me complete. God, he’s getting close. I can feel it . . . I don’t know if that’s me or him . . . does it even matter? The light on his skin, those eyes . . . he’s mine and I don’t ever want to let him go. Oh! Yes, Ryan do that again . . . I could do this forever, feels like. Oh, God, maybe not. I think . . . oh! He’s . . . we’re . . . Ryan!**

Coming together with the mental link was unlike anything either man had ever experienced. The sensations, the pleasure . . . it was all multiplied by what the other one was feeling and they cried out as one, riding the crazy emotional and physical high for as long as they could.

Finally, Colin pulled away and collapsed on the bed beside his lover, taking in deep, panting breaths as he came back to himself. Ryan turned his head and stared at his best friend, feeling happier than he had ever felt in his life.

//Perfect. That’s what this is. I feel like my whole life has been leading up to this. And now that we’re together . . . wait. I’m married. And so is Colin. I want to be with him, but what about Pat and the kids? What about Deb and Luke? What did I just get myself into?//

Colin ran a concerned hand down Ryan’s back, sensing the worried run of his thoughts.

**Deb knows about me. I’ve seen men from time to time, and she understands. Hell, she’ll be happy for me. She’s been saying I belong with you for years.**

Ryan stared at his lover in surprise, and Colin pulled him forward until their foreheads were touching. He placed a hand carefully over Ryan’s heart and stroked his hair with the other hand.

**Don’t worry. We can work things out with Pat somehow. The important thing is that we’re together. Nothing can change that. Right?**

Colin sounded worried, and Ryan hugged him reassuringly, doing his best to forget his own concerns.

//Right. That was incredible, Colin. I’ve never felt so good . . . and it wasn’t just the sex. Now I understand what the term ‘making love’ really means.//

“You sure? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Colin’s voice was soft but Ryan could hear the trepidation and smiled softly.

“Not at all. You were so gentle . . . somewhere around the middle, I stopped being scared and then, all I cared about was you. I feel like I could do that again and again.”

His body weakly protested that last thought and Ryan chuckled as he said, “But maybe not tonight. We’re not exactly kids anymore.”

“Yeah. So, how about in the morning?” Colin asked, trying to contain a grin. Ryan looked at his best friend, laughter dancing in his eyes.

“Smartass”

“Well, that’s better---”

“---than a dumbass.”

Ryan and Colin both cracked up, releasing the intense emotions they were dealing with through laughter. After all the emotional stress and physical pleasure, they were both exhausted and soon fell asleep in each other’s arms, sharing warmth, thoughts, and dreams of a bright future together.

* * *

Finis

Go back to Main Archive