What's
This Life For
by Lynn
Haley
Colin sat in his usual seat on stage watching
audience member as Barry White and Barry Manilow. As usual, the inherent
musical talent they possessed impressed him
greatly. He let his gaze drift
from the two young men to glance at Ryan who was
sitting on his left. Ryan
caught his eye and smiled. Colin smiled back,
feeling incredible lucky to
be where he was. He got paid an obscene sum of
money to act stupid with his
best friend.
Colin’s attention was caught by the sound of the
buzzer going off. He knew
it was time to stop his mind from wandering and
focus because he was in the
next game. It was Scenes from a Hat.
The first suggestion was ‘things you shouldn’t
write on a job application.’
Ryan stepped out first and pantomimed reading an
application. “Hmmm. List
skills,” he said, pretending to write. “Well,
I’m hung like a horse.” The
audience laughed and whistled in appreciation as
Ryan took his place next to
Colin.
Colin shook his head, grinning. “You wish,” he
whispered, leaning over.
“You want to find out?” Ryan asked, with an
answering grin.
They continued to look at each other and missed
both Chip and
variation on the application suggestion.
Drew pulled another suggestion out of the hat. “Inappropriate things to say
when meeting your future Mother-in-law.”
Chip pulled
Johnson. Wow, this reminds me of the time your
daughter and I were in your
bedroom and she covered me in whip cream…”
Chip’s voice trailed off as the
buzzer sounded.
Ryan gestured slightly to Colin for him to step
down with him. He turned to
Colin’s left and shook hands with the air. “It’s
a pleasure to meet you,
sir, and this must be your wife,” he said,
turning towards Colin. “Wow.
Your daughter never said you were so hot,” he
said, grabbing Colin’s hand
and pulling him into a kiss.
For a moment Colin forgot the game, the show,
and the audience as he focused
completely on the feel of Ryan’s warm, soft
mouth moving on his. He felt
the tip of Ryan’s tongue brush against his lower
lip just as the buzzer
sounded.
As they stepped back Colin could feel his heart
racing. He was vaguely
aware of the audience’s laughter and Drew’s
jeering comments.
For the rest of the taping Colin was filled with
a giddy energy. He tried
to focus that energy into his performance but his
mind kept drifting towards
Ryan.
*******
After the taping, Colin sat in his dressing room
trying to figure out what
he was feeling. It was all jumbled up inside
him. He couldn’t deny how the
kiss had affected him or the lingering desire he
felt. However, he also
couldn’t deny the aura of discomfort that
accompanied that desire.
Running his forefinger over the bridge of his
nose, he closed his eyes and a
barrage of thoughts floated through his mind;
his wife, every disparaging
word he’d ever about homosexuality, and his own
uncertainty of how Ryan
felt.
Those thoughts were overshadowed by the mental
image he had formed of the
kiss. In his mind he could see them going
farther, see his hands running
all over Ryan, see clothes coming off….
His erotic musings were interrupted by a knock
on his door.
His eyes shot open. He tried to compose himself
into a semblance of
normality. This endeavor was especially
difficult because he was achingly
hard at the moment. Standing up, he hastily put
his suit jacket on and went
to the door.
He wasn’t shocked to find Ryan standing there.
He moved back to let him in.
Neither
man spoke. They just looked at each other. Colin was waiting for
a cue, a sign as to how he should handle this.
They’d kissed onstage before
and each time there’d been chemistry but they’d
played it off with teasing
words. Something about this time felt different.
Long, silent moments went by. Oddly enough they
didn’t have a sense of
uncomfortableness
to them; just an anticipatory feel.
Ryan finally broke the silence. “Do you want to
go to my house and hang out
for a while?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
***
When they walked into Ryan’s house, Colin
quietly followed Ryan into his
den. This was the one part of the house that was
completely his. Ryan shut
and locked the door behind them and gestured for
Colin to sit on the couch.
Colin sat staring at Ryan’s well-organized desk
and tried to focus as he
felt Ryan sit down next to him.
“Some show, huh?” Ryan said softly.
“Yeah, definitely.”
“You seemed a
bit distracted towards the end. Was something bothering you?”
Colin turned to face him and narrowed his eyes
as he tried to discern what
was going on behind Ryan’s enigmatic green eyes
and neutral expression.
“No, nothing was bothering me. I just…felt this
odd energy.”
“Would I be wrong in assuming it had anything to
do with me?”
Colin realized Ryan was asking him about the
kiss in a round about way. He
was giving Colin an easy way out if he wanted.
He didn’t. “You wouldn’t be
wrong.”
Ryan reached out, his hand coming to rest on
Colin’s shoulder. “So, what do
we do now?”
“I’m not sure if we should do anything.”
“Maybe we should see if it was just a fluke. I
mean, before we get all
worried about this.”
Looking directly into Ryan’s eyes, Colin decided
he’d never heard a better
suggestion. Leaning towards Ryan he was still
surprised when their lips
actually touched. He thought for sure one of
them would back out.
Neither man did and
the kiss continued, moved on, and became something Colin
wasn’t prepared for. He’d expected some sort of
reaction, but the need, the
raw hunger, took him by surprise. Ryan’s right
arm went around Colin’s
shoulders as the other went around his waist and
pulled him close.
By some unspoken agreement, they parted their
lips at the same time and
began exploring each other’s mouths. Gripping
Ryan’s shoulders tightly,
Colin was amazed at how good it felt to be in
Ryan’s arms.
Ryan turned Colin so he was pressing him into
the back of the couch. After
another searching, probing kiss he pulled back
slightly. “Wow…guess it
wasn’t a fluke, huh?”
Colin just stared at him, stunned. He was
surprised that the kiss had been
so good, but he could accept that on a purely
physical level he had
responded to Ryan. A warm body is a warm body.
What really shocked him was
the open, vulnerable eagerness in Ryan’s eyes
and the excitement, the
soaring happiness, he felt welling up inside.
Some of that excitement must have showed on his
face because Ryan just
smiled and moved forward to claim his mouth
again. This time they explored
more, their hands trailing over each other, as
the kiss became demanding and
rough.
Colin felt Ryan move down and began kissing his
neck. He let his head fall
back against the couch and brought his hand up
to stroke Ryan’s hair. Ryan
unbuttoned the top buttons of Colin’s shirt and
kissed the spot where
Colin’s neck met his shoulder. It was apparently
the hot spot he was
looking for, because he stayed there and sucked
gently.
Colin began to squirm and he pressed Ryan’s head
against his neck,
encouraging him to suck harder. Ryan did just
that and he didn’t stop until
Colin was moaning. Then he nipped lightly on
Colin’s shoulder as he
unbuttoned a few more buttons.
When Ryan started kissing his chest, Colin
realized how fast this was moving
and how unprepared he felt. Not just for the
physical stirrings but the
emotional ones as well. He wasn’t ready to make
love with Ryan. He wasn’t
ready to admit that he could feel this way about
another man even though he
quite evidently did.
“Ryan,” he said, pushing the other man away.
“What’s wrong,” Ryan asked, panting slightly.
“We have to stop. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“But why? Did I do
something wrong? You seemed…I thought you wanted this,
too.”
Colin moved away, trying to distance himself
from the hurt in Ryan’s voice.
“I did. I do. It’s not a matter of want. There
are just too many reasons
why this is wrong.”
“Like what?”
“Well, we’re both married, for starters. I mean,
I’ve never cheated on my
wife. Hell, Ryan, we’re both men. I’ve never,
ever considered doing…that.”
Even as he said the last words, Colin knew he
was lying. He had thought
about having sex with Ryan before, long before
tonight, in fact.
Ryan stared at the ocean painting on the far
wall as he said, “I know I’m
married, Col. You don’t have to remind me. I
also know I wouldn’t be if it
wasn’t for the kids. We agreed to stay together
until they graduate. She’s
seeing someone else now.”
Seeing Colin’s shocked expression he smiled a
weary smile. “I know it
sounds odd but I want her to be happy and I
never loved her the way she
should be loved. So if this other guy does it for
her, I’m thrilled. As
for the other part…well…I’ve never been with a
man either. But it didn’t
seem to matter when you were in my arms.”
Colin closed his eyes as his thoughts started
racing. That explained how
Ryan could do this without guilt. Now, he
thought, why am I here? He
wondered how he could disregard his wife so
easily. Admittedly, they hadn’t
been doing that well. He didn’t see her all that
often and when he did,
they’d usually just discuss finances and other
necessities. He’d even
considered the possibility that she was seeing
someone else once or twice.
When he did, he found he felt no malice or
jealousy, just a sort of tired
acceptance.
Ok, so if his wife wasn’t the real problem, what
was? Somewhere in the back
of his mind he could hear every negative word
his father had said about
gays. He also remembered the kids taunting him
at school because he didn’t
walk straight enough or act manly enough.
Suddenly he stood up. He needed to get out of
here. “I’ve got to go,” he
said, starting for the door.
“Wait,” Ryan said, following him and grabbing
his arm. “Don’t leave like
this. I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have….”
Colin pulled his arm away. “Look, Ryan. I can’t
do this, ok? I’m sorry.
I’m not…I can’t…I have to go.” He unlocked the
door and left without
looking back.
***
Colin drove along the lonely road and tried to
regain some semblance of
control over his tangled emotions. He felt
nervous and scared about what
just happened. He couldn’t believe how strongly
he responded to Ryan or how
elated he was to know Ryan felt that way about
him. Mostly, though, he
couldn’t understand the part of himself that
wanted nothing more then to
return to Ryan.
He wanted to scream in frustration. This isn’t
me, he told himself
repeatedly. He didn’t want men. He didn’t kiss
them. He was straight.
Lord, I’m not even convincing myself, he
admitted.
He also had to admit that it didn’t feel wrong
to be in Ryan’s arms. It
felt warm, safe, and inviting.
Colin shook his head trying to force those thoughts
away. He couldn’t
handle that type of relationship with Ryan. He
decided he would give it
some time and then try to patch up their
friendship. He still needed Ryan
in his life. Of that, there was no question.
*****
After a few awkward phone calls, they met for
lunch and everything
ostensibly returned to normal. They still spent
as much time together as
before. They talked and laughed like usual.
There was only the occasional hint that
something had occurred. A glance, a
touch, or a stumbled phrase would bring the
desire back to the forefront of
Colin’s mind. Even so, he was pretty adept at
burying his feelings.
There were, however, times when his gaze in the
mirror would land on the
mark on his neck and his thoughts would return
to the feel of Ryan against
him, hot and eager.
*****
Colin sat in his armchair staring unseeingly at
a book. He’d been looking
at it so long that the words had melted into one big blur of black and
white. As much as he tried to focus on anything he just couldn’t find
the
actual desire to follow through. He’d been home
for a week and his thoughts
still revolved around Ryan.
He missed him. He didn’t want to miss him. Every
since they’d become close
friends he’d always felt Ryan’s absence deeply.
Whenever he wasn’t in
driving distance it bothered him. Now, though,
that longing seemed wrong.
The ring of the telephone interrupted his
thoughts. He was the only one
home and he needed the distraction, so he
answered it. “Hello.”
“Hi.”
It was Ryan. Colin smiled as he felt a warmth settle over him. “What’s
up?”
“Not much. I just missed you and was wondering
what you’re up to.”
Colin felt his breath catch as Ryan said he
missed him. There was something
in his tone, some gentle emotion that touched
Colin immensely.
“I’ve missed you, too. I was just thinking about
you,” Colin said, before
he had time to think about it.
“Really.
What were you thinking?”
“That I wish we didn’t live so damn far apart.”
“I wish that, too. So, do you know when you’re
coming in again?”
“I’m not sure,” Colin said. He had intended on
staying home for a few weeks
but hearing Ryan’s voice made him reconsider. “Maybe this weekend.”
“You should, definitely. My wife’s going to a health retreat and the
kids
are staying with her mom so I have nothing to
do. You can stay here and we
can hang out, watch movies, take over the world,
or something.”
He knew Ryan was smiling, he could hear it in
the lilt in his voice. It
made him smile, too. “OK, that sounds great.”
*******
Colin sat on the airplane and debated his
decision to go see Ryan. It was a
foolish idea. This was just the situation he’d
been trying to avoid. It
was going to be just the two of them in an empty
house for two days. He’s
had trouble hiding his feelings on the phone,
how in the world was he going
to do it in person.
The situation was not helped by the conversation
he’d had with his wife
right before he left. They’d talked about how
things change, move on,
without you really wanting them to. They talked
about distance, space, and
how two people can be in the same room but miles
apart. They talked of love
and time and the realization that even the most
constant things in life can
sometimes change.
He knew what she was saying. He felt respect for
her honesty and regret for
the truth of their situation. They’d both cried
and for the first time in a
long time they hugged each other for a reason
other then expected custom.
So now he didn’t even have her as a barrier
between him and Ryan. The only
thing left was his own fear and he hated feeling
like a coward.
********
After Colin got off the plane, he went looking
for Ryan. Walking down the
long, crowded hall he felt a sense of excitement
building. He saw Ryan
before Ryan saw him. He looks good, Colin
thought, as he took in his
friend’s appearance. He was wearing a pair of
khaki slacks and a blue
button down shirt that did nice things for him.
Colin felt the charge when Ryan’s eyes met his.
He saw the smile settle on
his friend’s face as he purposeful strode
towards Colin.
Hi,” Colin said.
“Hi,” Ryan said softly, pulling Colin into his
arms. “I’m so glad you’re
here.”
Colin dropped his carryon and wrapped his arms
around Ryan. “Me too,” he
said, against Ryan’s shoulder. Home, the word
danced around Colin’s mind as
he let his senses take in Ryan’s scent, the
sound of his voice, and the
familiar warmth of his body.
********
They were both silent as they walked into Ryan’s
house. They seemed to be
waiting for the other to speak.
Without planning to, they ended up walking into
Ryan’s den.
“Well…” Colin stopped speaking as his foot
caught on the edge of the couch.
He reached out to catch himself as Ryan turned
to steady him. Ryan’s hands
settled on his shoulders and his seeking hand
landed on Ryan’s chest, just
over his heart. They stood there like that and
looked at each other. He
could feel Ryan’s heartbeat, steady and strong,
and he realized some things
in life do remain constant. He’d always felt
this love for Ryan.
He closed his eyes and leaned forward seeking;
seeking something, perhaps
the cessation of time or maybe a glimpse of
eternity. Whatever it was, he
was sure he found it when Ryan’s lips touched
his.
As he kissed him, he could feel Ryan’s heartbeat
quicken and for the first
time in his life he felt complete. The seeking
kiss gained direction and
intensity. He knew where this was going. It had
an irrevocable quality to
it.
There was still that nagging inner voice but it
was being silenced by the
courage that comes from being true to oneself.
Colin realized that he was
still the same man even though he wanted Ryan.
He wasn’t weaker or less
masculine, just happier because this was exactly
where he wanted to be.
Ryan pulled back suddenly. “I’m sorry,” he said,
turning away, “I told
myself I wouldn’t…that I’d respect your wishes
and look, you’ve been in my
house for all of two minutes and I’m all over
you.” He ran his hand over
his eyes. “I thought I had this under control
but I still….”
Colin turned him around and silenced him with a
finger against his lips.
“Shh. Listen,
Ryan. It’s ok. I want this. I want you.”
Saying the words
out loud made Colin smile.
“But, I thought…I mean, you said….” He stopped
talking for a moment as a
thought took hold of him. “You really want me?”
“God, yes. So much I
can taste it. You’re all I think about.”
“Why did you pull away from me last time?”
Colin heard the hurt in Ryan’s voice and
realized how hard it must have been
for Ryan to make the first move and how badly
Ryan must have felt when he
walked out on him. He knew he owed Ryan the
naked truth. “I was afraid.
What I feel for you scares me, Ryan. It’s so
strong, I feel overwhelmed. I
was also afraid of what feeling this way about
you makes me. But, now I
know what it makes me. It makes me an incredibly
lucky man.”
Ryan met his eyes. “I’m having trouble believing
this,” he said, reaching
out and tracing Colin’s jaw with his fingertips.
“I want to. It’s just
that I’ve told myself this could never happen.
It scares me, too, feeling
this way. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love
you.” His hand moved up
to trace Colin’s lips. “Where
do we go from here?”
“I have a few ideas,” Colin said, daringly sucking Ryan’s forefinger
into
his mouth.
Ryan moaned softly, “Good thinking,” he said,
kissing him. “I want to show
you how much you mean to me.”
“I already know,” Colin said, smiling. “But you
can show me if you’d like.”
“Oh, I’d like, but not here. Let’s move
somewhere more comfortable,” Ryan
said, pulling him out of the room.
Colin knew Ryan as leading him to the master
bedroom but he didn’t want to
go there. He didn’t want their first time to be
in the bed Ryan shared with
his wife. That thought stirred a possessive
jealousy that Colin had
previously thought himself incapable of feeling.
He pushed Ryan towards the
guest room instead.
Ryan seemed to understand and made no comment or
protest.
Once they were in the room they faced each other
with uncertainty. Neither
man wanted to make the first move.
Colin looked down at the floor. “I can’t believe
how nervous I am.”
Ryan nodded. “I know. I expected I’d be nervous
because I’ve never…with a
man, but I’m more nervous just because it’s you
and I don’t want to
disappoint you.”
Colin smiled. “You couldn’t.” He reached out.
“Come here.”
Ryan slid into his arms and the passion flared
again overshadowing the
nervousness. Colin kissed Ryan letting his
tongue dance lightly across
the other man’s lips before giving in to the
urge to explore his mouth
completely. He’d wanted to tease Ryan more but
he couldn’t. His desire to
taste, to explore, and to deepen the kiss was
too strong. Colin couldn't get
enough of Ryan. He kissed him until he couldn’t
breathe and had to pull
back.
Ryan tightened his arms around Colin’s waist,
holding him close, whispering,
“I can’t believe how badly I want this.”
“Neither can I,” Colin
said, pulling Ryan towards the king-sized bed. He
toed his brown loafers off as Ryan stepped out
of his shoes.
Their gazes locked and Ryan moved forward
swiftly, tumbling Colin onto the
bed. Colin’s laugh of surprise was cut off by
Ryan’s mouth. Ryan kissed
him fiercely, stopping only to pull Colin’s
shirt off roughly. The moment
it was gone, he captured Colin’s mouth again.
Colin wanted to slow things down a bit so he
could savor the moment. He
rolled them over so he was on top and held
Ryan’s arms above his head. He
looked into Ryan’s dark, half closed eyes,
keeping his mouth inches from
Ryan’s.
Colin knew this pause was driving Ryan crazy. He
could feel the tension and
the hunger emanating from the other man. Ryan
surged upward trying to claim
Colin’s mouth, but Colin pulled back avoiding
the desperate kiss.
“
“Relax. We don’t have to rush this.”
“I don’t want to wait any longer. I’ve been
waiting for years.”
“Not that much longer,” Colin said as he began
unbuttoning Ryan’s shirt. “I
just want to enjoy this, make it special.”
Ryan nodded as Colin pulled the shirt out of his
pants. Colin ran his
fingertips over the hairless chest, tracing the
lines and curves lightly.
He pulled Ryan up slightly so he could slide the
shirt off and then resumed
exploring. He wanted to find every sensitive
spot, everything that made
Ryan moan and gasp. Leaning forward, he began
kissing and licking his
chest. He slid his tongue across a nipple,
loving the soft little sounds of
pleasure Ryan made.
Colin let his hands lead the way in his
exploration, followed closely by his
mouth and teeth. His hands trailed down over
Ryan’s smooth stomach, getting
to know the feel of it. Moments later, he moved
down to kiss it, feeling
the muscles tighten in response.
Ryan couldn’t be still anymore. The lower Colin
moved the more frantic Ryan
moved. Colin’s hands finally reached the
waistband on Ryan’s pants and he
slowly unbuttoned them and slid the zipper down.
He scattered wet kisses on
Ryan’s lower stomach as his hand stroked Ryan’s
staining erection through
his boxers.
Ryan was now moaning and his breath was coming
in short, quick gasps. Colin
moved back to sit on his knees as he slid Ryan’s
pants and boxers off in a
nearly graceful motion. Throwing the useless
clothing on to the floor, he
focused his gaze on the naked, flushed man lying
in front of him. He tried
to take in every detail and commit it to memory.
Colin reached out, running his hands up Ryan’s
legs, sliding over his inner
thighs, and touching him everywhere but where
Ryan really wanted to be
touched. Finally, he ran his forefinger across
the center of his need. He
watched him leap and convulse at the slight
touch.
Colin was struck by the sudden urge to taste
Ryan. He needed to know
everything; his most intimate taste, how he
looked when he came, and if he’d
cry out or just shudder silently.
Colin crawled in between Ryan’s legs and began
swirling his tongue around
the leaking head, before moving to engulf as
much of Ryan’s erection as he
could. He moved slowly up and down, trying to
find a rhythm. He finally
did and he began steadily building the pressure
and pushing Ryan towards
release.
“
Colin knew Ryan was close and that this was his
last chance to pull away,
but he didn’t want to pull away. He wanted Ryan
to finish in his mouth. He
felt Ryan’s hands tighten on his shoulder to
warn him. Seconds later, Ryan
moaned Colin’s name in one long gasp and came
explosively.
When he could think coherently again, Ryan
pulled Colin into his embrace.
“Damn,
Colin smiled. “Felt good, eh?”
He rolled Colin over and slid on top of him.
“Yeah, I want to make you feel
good, too.” He ran his hand over the bulge in
Colin’s pants. “Like that,
huh? Want more?”
Colin nodded, feeling
his whole body come alive under Ryan’s seeking hands.
His body was starting to ache with need and he
realized he’d never wanted
like this before.
He felt Ryan’s talented hands undoing his pants.
As he pulled he pulled
them off of Colin he smiled. “Nice tight-ie white-ies,
“Thanks,” Colin said, laughing. “Do they turn
you on?”
“Oddly enough, yes. But everything about you
seems to turn me on,” Ryan
said, sliding the underwear off.
Ryan’s words struck a chord with Colin. No one
had ever made him feel so
desired. He pulled Ryan up into a kiss and
reveled as their naked bodies
touched for the first time and decided they fit
together perfectly.
Ryan found the spot on his neck that sent
pleasure racing up and down his
spine. It was an almost unbearable sensation and
he pushed on Ryan
shoulders. Ryan took the hint and moved down his
chest, tasting every inch
of him.
Finally, his mouth hovered above Colin’s
erection. “Is this what you want,
arousal.
“Yes,” Colin whispered.
Colin watched as Ryan moved down and took him in
his mouth. The visual
image combined with the sensation of wetness and
heat, was pushing him to
places he’d never been before.
He grabbed the sheets on the bed and murmured
Ryan’s name over and over.
Ryan name itself had taken on an erotic
connotation. The two syllables
rolled off his tongue and across his lips like a
caress.
He could feel the pleasure mounting and groaned
when he felt Ryan pull back.
Suddenly Ryan’s passion dark eyes were looming
over him. “I want you
inside me.”
The softly uttered words hit Colin hard as he
tried to comprehend Ryan’s
request. He’d wanted to have sex with him for
years and now that he had the
chance he was stunned silent with surprise. He
finally managed a nod.
Ryan kissed him softly and said, “I’ll be right
back.”
Colin knew what he was going to get and he used
the moment alone to try and
calm his racing thoughts. His excitement was now
warring with his nerves.
This was it. He knew he was crossing a line that
he could never uncross,
but he knew he wouldn’t regret it.
He nerves brought his level of arousal down so
he wasn’t so near the edge.
He was glad about that. He didn’t want this to
end before it even began.
He wanted this so badly but he’d never done this
before and he was afraid he
wouldn’t please Ryan. He seen enough and read
enough to know the
technicalities of making love to another man,
but actually doing it was a
different story.
Ryan returned carrying small tube, looking
flushed and aroused. Colin felt
the long missing sense of anticipation return to
him. It was the way he
felt when he was about to have sex with someone
he loved and wanted
desperately.
Ryan crawled into the bed and handed him the
lubricant. “So, you ready for
this?”
“Oh yeah,” Colin said, deciding the best
approach was to fake confidence
until he actually felt it.
It didn’t take too long for him to become
comfortable. Even with some
slightly awkward moments, he realized it was all
just a matter of paying
attention to Ryan to determine what made him feel
good. He teased Ryan
until he seemed more then ready. He stared into
Ryan’s eyes, seeing the
longing and need he felt reflecting back from
the bright, emerald depths.
“Come on,
Colin nodded. He positioned himself between
Ryan’s legs and took a deep
breath. Slowly he entered Ryan, wanting to hang
on to the moment, draw it
out. If there was one moment in his life he
could remain in forever, this
would be it, the moment where, for the first time,
his body joined with
Ryan’s. He realized that never in his life had
lovemaking felt so much like
making love.
He felt Ryan’s body relax and welcome him
inside. He wanted to make this
last but he could feel passion driving him on.
Ryan was also encouraging
him, pulling him closer, deeper.
“I love you, Ryan,” he said, needing to express
the incredible feeling that
was overtaking him.
“Love you, too.”
That was the last coherent thought either man
had for a while. They moved
together seeking release from the mounting
tension. Colin’s thrusting
became forceful as his hand worked its way
between their sweat-slicked
bodies to caress Ryan’s throbbing erection.
Moments later both men slid into the abyss of
overwhelming pleasure and came
in a breathless, spiraling moment. Colin felt
like he was free falling as
exhilaration and sheer joy washed over him
repeatedly.
As he held on to Ryan, he realized that this
night had changed everything;
everything he thought about who he was and why
he was here. For the first
time he understood how people could live and die
for love. This is where
all his roads had always led and he’d been too
stubborn to admit it before.
He’d always had an extraordinary awareness of
Ryan, a concern for his well
being that went way beyond strong friendship.
Now, that emotion had found
focus and an outlet. He wanted to scream his
love from the rooftops.
He settled for kissing Ryan’s cheek and holding
him tighter. One thing at a
time, he thought with a smile.
finis