I don't know how it all started. A
look, a touch, a thought.
It hardly matters now; he's gone for good. Ever since I met him
in
England, his first time on the show. He was good, really good. He
had
a smile that made me go weak at the knees. It matters not, he's
gone
forever. Dammit!!! Why does it always happen to the good guys?? I
miss him so much, so bad. It never would've happened if I had
stayed
with him. I didn't though. I'm such a fool. Chip had dumped him
and
he started drinking.I should've stayed. I left the house, I left
him
alone. I didn't know he had a gun. Dammit!!!! I know it wasn't my
fault nor was it Chip's. It's his own, but I wish it could've
been
different. He shot himself and I never got a chance to tell him I
loved him. I'm sitting on a couch in the funeral home. It's
surreal.
Of all the people here, Chip is the most broken up about it. You
could here his sobs from miles away. I look up at him, his body
is
convulsing. His body is racked with each sob. It's dreamlike, to
see
him lying there. It's hazy and depressing. A half-smile graces my
face, looks like he's sleeping, I say this thought out loud. He
is in
a way, Ryan says to me softly. Eternally, I mutter back
sarcastically. I notice he isn't crying, but I know he is
grieving in
his own way. We all are. I'm crying, so are Chip, Colin, and
Wayne.
Ryan is silent and kind of mopey. Drew is angry.I see him punch
the
couch. Dan stands there, staring at him. I continue crying.
Dammit!!
I scream silently at the ceiling. Why??? Why Brad?? Why did you
have
to die? Why do you have to leave? Let me go.in your place, god
Brad.
why you?