*******
White rose. Red rose. Pink rose. White for
friendship. Red for love. Pink for that place
between where chastity and romance linked--where passion learned
temperance and where
purity let down its guard. Pink for that place where
friends became lovers.
As he fingered the soft, gently curving petals of the white rose
in the now-empty place next
to him on the bed, Colin Mochrie closed his eyes against a rising
tide of tears. Ryan was
gone. There would never be a next time. The night
they'd shared--the love, the trust, and
the wonder--had vanished. In its place was empty warmth
from sunlight streaming through
lace curtains. And the roses.
A surge of something in his chest-sadness, perhaps, or
despair-pushed helpless tears out
of his eyes. Tears for himself, for his wife and child, and
for Ryan. There was no regret,
no guilt, nor shame. He was not sorry for what he
did. This was the first, last, and only
time. The best time. Love without reservation. Itinerate
hearts returning home for a brief
moment of peace and perfect happiness before resuming their long
journey.
They would move on; Colin with his wife and son, and Ryan with
his newfound love in
Brad Sherwood. Time and distance would invariably
intervene, causing them to drift. But
last night--*their* night--would forever remain between them,
each kiss and gentle caress
seared into memory as affirmation and torment. Affirmation of
deep, abiding love; torment
of love known for only a brief night. It was this last that
kept the tears flowing from Colin's
eyes. The knowledge that Ryan was his soul mate, and that
Ryan would always remain
just beyond reach. They would still be friends, close
friends, and with that, Colin supposed
he would have to be content.
Still, the thought did little to ease his struggling
conscience. Blindly, he reached for the roses
and raised them to his nose. The sweet, gently fragrant
scent brought about a fresh spate of
tears. Memory, fraught with pain and joy, swam to the
surface.
**
There had been two "Whose Line is it Anyway?" tapings
that day; nearly seven hours' worth
of performance. Fortunately, these were the last of the season.
Pickup tapings, as Ryan Stiles
had aptly dubbed them. ABC had ordered fifty episodes for the
season, which meant at very
minimum, twenty-five tapings. Ryan, Dan Patterson, and Drew
Carey, the brain team behind
the show, had scheduled twenty-seven, and held six dates open for
contingency. They'd
needed three of the contingency days, and had taped four shows
during those days.
Not that it showed. Everyone at the wrap party--forty-odd
people, including a handful of
ABC execs--seemed energetic and relaxed. It was probably
because of the alcohol, Colin
Mochrie figured, taking one last quick look around the Green Room
before ducking out into
the hallway. Things were getting a little loud and out of
hand. In one corner of the room,
Drew and Greg were arguing over politics, which was a dangerous
topic for those two. In
another corner, several members of the production staff were
having a heated discussion
about sports. In the back of the room, Wayne Brady and his
wife, Chip Esten, and Dan
Patterson and his wife, appeared to be squabbling over something
show-related. A lot of
people were pretty drunk. Colin wasn't one of them.
He was actually ready to call it a night,
but Ryan, with whom he'd ridden over, was nowhere to be found.
'He'll come find me when he's ready to go,' Colin supposed.
In the meantime, he was going to
find somewhere quiet and out of the way to relax. Down the
hall from the Green Room--the
party room--was the actual studio where the tapings were always
done. Perfect. Relishing the
silence that surrounded him like a cloak, Colin headed that way.
The heavy, metal double doors to Lincoln Studio weren't locked,
and they opened silently
under his hands. He'd taken no more than five steps into
the studio when he realized that
someone was already inside. Up on the stage, in Performers'
Purgatory (another quaint
Ryan-ism referring to the row of four chairs where the performers
sat between games), seated
in the second chair from the left, was Brad Sherwood. He was
sitting forward with his head in
his hands.
On hearing the doors open, Brad looked up slowly with a tired
smile as Colin approached.
His dark eyes were sober, clear, and unusually melancholy.
"Bored already, Col?" he asked
with a raised eyebrow. "Gee, I thought you might
actually last one whole party."
Colin shrugged amiably and dropped to his usual chair. "It's
getting a little too loud for my taste,"
he said as his eyes adjusted to the noticeably dimmer light in
the room. "Drew and Greg are
talking politics. Things are getting a bit heated, so I figured
I'd get out of there while I could still
hear. You know how it goes."
"You leaving?"
"Can't. Ryan's my ride, and he's disappeared."
Brad sat back in his chair with a tired sigh. "He went
up to his office for a few minutes. That's
where he said he was going, anyway."
Oh, that was right. Ryan had mentioned a couple of things
he needed to get done for the
postseason meeting tomorrow afternoon. Still, those things
could have waited until the morning,
and the fact that Ryan was doing them now bothered Colin.
"Doesn't he ever take a break?" he
wondered aloud. "Seems like all he does lately is
work. There are five executive producers on
the show. Why is he the only one who does anything?"
"I don't know," Brad murmured. "All I know
is that Drew and Dan are worried about him."
Colin hadn't known that. "Really? Why?"
"Same reason, I guess," Brad answered slowly.
"Drew was just saying that Ryan has been
working really hard lately, and never goes out to relax
anymore. Ryan's a lot quieter, kind of...
withdrawn. Plus, Drew said he can't remember the last time
he saw Ryan with a woman." He
paused and then added, "I'm surprised Drew didn't say
anything to you. He said he planned
on talking to you yesterday."
Colin suppressed the urge to sigh. He'd noticed the
same. Ryan was quieter, smiled less, kept
more to himself. It was also very true that it had been a
long time since Ryan had been with a
woman. At least twenty-five years, if he'd ever been with
one. That Ryan was gay was a little
known and closely guarded secret. Colin was the only
straight person who knew. That
notwithstanding, it *had* been a long time since Ryan had been on
a date, period. The last had
been nearly three years ago.
"I'll talk to him," Colin murmured, allowing himself
the luxury of a grimace. "I assume that's what
Drew will want me to do, anyway."
Brad shrugged and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees,
forearms dangling. "You seem
to be the only one Ryan ever talks to. He doesn't talk to
Drew much. Or any of the rest of us."
This time, Colin did sigh. It was true enough; Ryan was
easily the most closed of the "Whose
Line" bunch. He opened up to Colin, but even then only
rarely. Colin wasn't entirely sure what to
think about that. It made him sad to think that there was only
one person Ryan really trusted, but
at the same time, he was glad Ryan *did* have someone to open up
to, and that he was that
person. "Yeah," he said. "Unfortunately,
that's true."
Brad didn't answer; instead, he leaned forward and once again
rested his forehead in the heels of
his big hands. He sighed softly and then moved his hands so
that he could rub his eyes without
looking up. There was tension in the set of his shoulders,
his posture seeming to radiate trouble.
Dismissing Ryan from mind, Colin asked, "Is everything okay,
Brad? You seem kind of down.
Usually you're the life of the party."
Glancing up, Brad regarded Colin intently for a long moment, a
measuring light in his eyes.
Finally he nodded once, decisively, and sat back in his chair.
"To be honest, I'm feeling a little
down. Can I, um, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
There was a long, considering silence, and then, "Have you
ever woken up one morning and
realized, totally out of the blue, that you had feelings for
someone you've known for a long time?
Someone you've never thought about like that before?"
"Feelings like...what?" Colin asked slowly.
"Like you were suddenly head-over-heels for her, you didn't
know why, and there was nothing
you could do about it?"
'Poor Brad. Still having woman troubles.' Sometimes
Colin wondered if Brad would ever find
the right woman. This sounded promising, and very familiar.
"Yes," he answered. "Once,
although we were only friends for about eight months before I
realized how I felt. I was with
Second City back then. She and I had been introduced
through a mutual acquaintance, and we
hit it off as friends. She was...sweet, funny, tough, and
beautiful. But she had a steady boyfriend,
so things between us were strictly platonic. Then one day I
really thought about it and I just knew
that she was the perfect woman for me. The thing was that I
was too shy and she was still
involved with that other guy." He paused and shook his
head. "For about five months, I
wandered around in a kind of daze, miserable, scared, and
lonely."
"What happened?" Brad asked, almost breathless,
eyebrows raised, and eyes alight with
understanding.
"I had," Colin said, "a very good friend then who
was able to slip through the cracks. He always
knew when I was having problems, and he managed to weasel it out
of me then. A couple nights
later, he asked me to meet him at Dave's, which was a bar in
Toronto. When I got there, he was
there, and much to my surprise, so was she.
"So he sat me down next to her and he said, 'Say, Colin,
weren't you just telling me that you
really like her?' If I'd been able to move, I probably
would have decked him, but I was frozen. I
have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Before I
could do anything, he turned to her and
said, 'And didn't you tell me not too long ago that you really
like *him*?' She turned red, but then
she said, 'Yeah.' Then she turned to me and asked, 'That
true?' I said yes. We dated for about
two years, and then got married. Deb thinks we would have
gotten together eventually, but we're
both glad it happened the way it did. Makes a good
story."
Brad nodded. "Sure does. You guys were pretty
lucky to have that friend."
Colin smiled a little. "He's a very good man.
He's done a lot more for me than just that, too. Of
course, the way he acts, you'd never know, but we all know that
Ryan's got a good heart. He just
doesn't like to show it very much."
"It was *Ryan*?" Brad held up a hand.
"Should have known. That's why you're such good
friends,
isn't it?"
"Mm-hmm. He likes to pretend he's a tough guy, but
he's actually pretty sweet. I've discovered
that he's a pretty hopeless romantic, too." Colin
grinned. "Don't you dare repeat what I've just said,
either."
"Oh, I won't," Brad said with a peculiar smile.
"So...I'm assuming there's a reason you asked," Colin
prompted gently.
Suddenly shy, Brad glanced around the studio before
nodding. "Yeah," he admitted. "'Cause
it's
happened to me, too. I don't know why, but every time I get
near...my friend lately, I feel funny.
Nervous, kind of fluttery in the stomach, like a damn teenager.
Sometimes I can't breathe when I
get a certain look or a smile. I just woke up and realized
that everything I could ever want, my
friend is. Funny, sexy, bright, sweet, and just.everything
I could hope for."
The fact that Brad kept saying 'my friend,' triggered a few bells
deep in the back of Colin's mind,
but he paid them little mind. He shrugged and asked,
"What's the problem? Why not just talk to
her?"
"It's not that simple," Brad said, once again looking
around the room. He grimaced and sighed
deeply before dropping his voice. "Look, if I tell you
something, you've got to swear not to tell a
soul, okay?"
Puzzled, but agreeable, Colin nodded. "I swear that
whatever you tell me stays in this room."
"Good. Only one or two other people know, and nobody
around here does. See, um, that friend...
isn't a woman. I'm, um, I'm gay, and I've fallen for a
guy."
Colin sucked in a sharp breath. Well. *This* was
certainly an unexpected twist. Of all the people
he would figure to be gay, Brad was one of the last. It
hadn't been such a shock with Ryan because
Ryan was more the gay type. Whatever that was.
This...wow. He hadn't had clue one.
"Oh. Okay.
Bit of a surprise, there."
Brad managed a weak chuckle. "Didn't see it coming,
huh?"
"No," Colin said wryly. "Can't say as I
did. Before you ask, and I'm sure you will, yes, I'm
perfectly
okay with it. I've got a few gay friends back in
Toronto." 'One right here, too.'
"That's good to know," Brad said. "My
biggest worry has been that none of you will accept it."
Colin shook his head. "Greg, Wayne, Chip, Dan, and
Ryan are all a lot more open-minded than
you'd think." 'Especially Ryan,' he thought, but
didn't add. "Drew's about the only one who's got a
problem with it. Ryan says he thinks it's just because
Drew's a closet case. You know, though, we
all like you because you're Brad, not because you date
women."
"I hadn't thought of that," Brad admitted quietly,
sitting back in his chair.
"Was that the only reason you didn't tell anyone?"
Brad hesitated a moment before combing fingers through his dark
hair and then shaking his head.
"No," he answered. "I just haven't really
needed to until now. See for about seven years, I was
in a stable, happy relationship with a pretty decent guy.
Up until about six months ago, anyway.
To make a long story short, I was always gone, he got lonely, and
he ended up sleeping with a
few different guys. I found out after it had been going on
for a year. When I finally knew, well,
that was the end of that."
"Ouch," Colin murmured, leaning forward and resting his
elbows on his knees. He realized a
moment later how insensitive that sounded and grimaced.
"Sorry."
"That's okay," Brad said. "'Ouch' pretty
much hits it on the head." He sighed and shifted
uncomfortably in his chair. "Anyway, after that, I
spent the next few months moping around,
feeling sorry for myself. And then one day, I woke up and I
felt different. I don't know how or
why, but all of a sudden, I discovered I had--*have*--uh, pretty
strong feelings for someone on
the cast here." Glancing at Colin with an apologetic
smile, he said, "Not you, though. Or Drew."
Colin nodded. "I kind of got that already. You
probably wouldn't be telling me if it were me."
Still not quite over the surprise, his mind quickly began
speculation, almost of its own accord.
Brad had said the cast. So that narrowed it down to Greg,
Wayne, Chip, and Ryan. He had to
duck his head to cover a smile. How perfect would that
be? Brad and Ryan? The funny thing
was that Ryan had, a while back, said that he would most like to
be involved with Brad out of
everyone.
Of course, that was doubtful; if Brad was hiding in here, that
probably meant whoever it was
was still in the Green Room, leaving Greg, Wayne, and Chip.
Well, Greg and Brad didn't get
along very well, so that was one more he could scratch.
Wayne was married, but that probably
didn't matter. Probably was Wayne. On the other hand,
Chip was single and attractive. Straight,
but single. Potential. This was mostly idle
speculation, and Colin dismissed it impatiently as he
looked over at Brad.
"You want to tell me who it is?" he asked.
"Not really," Brad said, shaking his head. In an
almost bitter tone, he continued, "He's straight,
so it wouldn't do any good. There's nothing I can doabout
it."
Colin bit the inside of his lip. "He married?"
"Uh, no," was the quiet answer.
Check. That scratched Wayne, so in all likelihood, it was
Chip. But then again.there was no
telling. "Okay, so we've eliminated all but two."
"You think you know who?" Brad asked.
"I've got an idea, yeah," Colin said. "You
may as well tell me. I won't tell anyone, least of all
whoever it is." 'Unless it's Ryan,' he added to
himself. 'I *won't* sit idly by if it is. Now while
both of you seem so...down lately.' "You can ask Ryan.
I'm pretty good about keeping things
quiet."
Startled, Brad glanced up quickly, and then looked away just as
fast. Wild roses burned in his
cheeks as he closed his eyes and then murmured, "That's who
it is. Ryan. I-I don't understand
why or how. I guess it doesn't even matter. All I
know is that I feel so, uh, shaky around him.
Nervous. His eyes, I guess. I've never, ever felt this way
about anyone in my life, Col. I feel
like...I can fly when I'm around him."
"Boy, sounds like you've got it bad," Colin said with a
surprised, happy chuckle. This was
definitely going to be a lot of fun.
"I do," Brad said with a little smile. "It's
such a...a helpless feeling. There's just something about
him, you know? He really is sweet. He took me out to
dinner the other night just because he
felt like it. We've clicked since we met. It's
amazing."
Just then, the studio door opened and Ryan ambled through,
ducking his head to get under the
doorframe. He was dressed very nicely in a white silk dress
shirt, charcoal gray vest, and black
slacks. Most of the others, including Brad, had changed
into jeans and T-shirts. Ryan looked
tired, but smiled wanly as he folded his lanky body into his
usual place at Colin's left. "Hey,
guys. Heard you got bored and left early. What's
going on?"
"Not much," Brad murmured with a small smile.
Colin managed to keep a straight face. "We were just
talking about you, actually." He glanced
at Brad quickly, and saw that Brad's eyes had darkened with
alarm.
Meanwhile, Ryan's very green eyes narrowed warily. "What
about me?"
"Oh, nothing really," Colin shrugged. He turned
to Brad and asked, "Hey, Brad, did you know
that Ryan's really gay? Bet you didn't." Brad's
eyes widened in shock. When Colin glanced at
Ryan, he saw that Ryan was scowling. "Here's something
you might be interested to know, Ryan.
I just found out that Brad is, too."
Ryan's face went red, and his eyes stuttered over to Brad, who
was openly gaping. "Wh...uh-huh.
Is...is that true, Brad?" he asked softly. "Are
you really gay?"
"Ah, yeah," Brad nodded. He looked like he'd just
been hit over the head with a brick. "Um,
okay. Yeah, I am. You are too, huh?"
"Looks that way." Ryan chuckled and stood
up. He thumped Colin's shoulder before walking
around to sit in the chair at Brad's left. "Wow.
This a...bit of a surprise."
"That's what Colin said."
"That's because it is."
Brad smiled teasingly. "Yeah, well, for some reason,
I'm not really surprised to hear you are."
Ryan's grin lit up his eyes. "That's what Colin said
when I told him."
"When was that?"
"'Bout...ten years ago, I guess."
"Ten years?! How come you've never said anything about
it before?"
"I don't know," Ryan shrugged. He seemed a little
uncomfortable all of a sudden. "I just didn't
really know what to expect from everyone if I did, so I just
decided not to bother. What about
you?"
"The same, mostly." Brad shook his head.
"I cannot believe this."
A long silence, slightly awkward followed. Neither Ryan nor
Brad would look at one another.
After a few minutes, Colin began to grow impatient. This
was stupid. Here they were, both gay
and both single. Were they blind? "Oh, for...Brad,
Ryan, do me a favor. In the last two weeks
you've both told me that you've got feelings for each
other. So don't just sit there. Why do you
think I brought it up in the first place? Guys, it ain't that
difficult." Now he knew how Ryan must
have felt all those years ago. It was a good feeling.
Ryan leaned forward and flashed Colin a look of mingled annoyance
and gratitude. "Y'know, I
was just about to get to that." There was, quite
suddenly, an aura of open vulnerability that was
both sweet and fascinating. Ryan was usually so closed and
isolated that it was actually quite
lovely and intriguing to see him become a little more
human. He swallowed nervously and looked
at Brad. "It's true, you know. S-so would you, uh,
like to...to go have dinner or something after
the meeting tomorrow?"
Brad smiled, looking completely charmed. "I'd love
to," he said. "A lot."
"Great," Ryan said, returning the smile.
Reaching out his with his right hand, Brad grabbed Ryan's
left. It was so cute to see these first
few hesitant moments, Colin thought with a paternal smile.
Ryan so sweetly vulnerable, and Brad
so shy and unsure. "Boy," Brad said, "this
is such a surprise. I can hardly believe this is happening."
"It's worked out very neatly," Colin offered
thoughtfully. "I'm amazed."
"Sure," Brad said. "Kind of like it was
meant to be. I mean, what are the odds of both of us being
gay *and* liking each other? Okay, yeah, I can maybe see
both of us being gay. But liking each
other, too? That's...wow. Pretty cool."
"That's what I was thinking when you told me," Colin
said.
"It's happening much faster than I expected," Brad
said.
Ryan seemed to recover some of his usual confidence. He gave Brad
a gentle smile. "Usually
does," he said. "Best not to ask a lot of
questions."
Colin nodded and smiled. "Just go with it," he
said with a yawn. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Ryan said. "Looks like you're
ready to go. We probably should. It's been a long
day."
"Sure has," Colin agreed.
Ryan stood and looked intensely down at Brad, who still held fast
to his left hand. "I'll see you
tomorrow, okay, Brad?"
Brad swallowed, looking utterly lost in that vivid green
gaze. "Right," he breathed, dazed.
"See you then." Almost as an afterthought, he
added, "Thank you so much, Colin."
"My pleasure," Colin said. "I just hope it
works out for you both."
"I think it just might," Brad mused, finally releasing
Ryan's hand.
A warm tingling sensation passed through Colin's middle.
Those two really did look cute
together. 'Not as good as Ryan and I would look,' he thought
absently. 'I'd bet he and I would
be a nearly perfect match-' He froze in the act of rising
as he realized what he'd been thinking.
Where the hell had that come from? And why was he thinking
about it now? On a few
occasions, sure, he'd supposed that if he were gay, he might have
gone for Ryan--familiar to
familiar. But this really wasn't the place or time to be
thinking about it. Dismissing the thought
with a small headshake, he rose smoothly.
"Bye, Colin," Brad said.
"See you tomorrow." Colin nodded to Ryan, who
turned and headed for the door.
When the metal doors closed behind them Ryan stopped abruptly and
turned to regard Colin
intently for a moment. "Is there something
wrong?" Colin inquired mildly.
Ryan raised a trembling hand to his eyes. "Thank you
for what you just did, but don't you
*ever* do that again."
"Well, now you know how it feels, don't you? As they
say, paybacks are a bitch."
"Yeah, but you only had to deal with one shock. I had
two, and no time to really process
the first before we got to the second. Christ, I go in
there to pick you up, and the next thing
I know, I'm asking Brad out on a date when I just found out he
was gay not five minutes
before."
"What's the big deal?" Colin shrugged. "You
said you liked him, and he...he's quite taken
by you."
Ryan grimaced. "I suppose it's not a big deal because
I *do* want go out with him, but still."
His eyes narrowed in accusation. "You enjoyed
that."
Colin grinned. "Of course I did. It was
fun. I've been waiting fifteen years to humiliate you
like you humiliated me. And honestly, you can't say that
you didn't enjoy doing it then."
A forgiving smile touched the corners of Ryan's lips. "Okay,
okay, you got me there. I did."
He resumed an easy stroll, chuckling and shaking his head.
Sobering, Colin decided to change the subject. "Say,
uh, you know, everyone is...a little
worried about you, Ryan. They asked me to talk to
you." All right, so *technically* that
wasn't true, but Brad had said that Drew was planning to ask him
to talk to Ryan. "Is
everything all right? You seem more...withdrawn than usual
lately, and you're working
yourself stupid-"
"Don't call me stupid," Ryan murmured.
"Don't change the subject. You're also looking thinner
and tired all the time. So give.
What's bothering you?"
Ryan sighed and looked down at his shoes briefly before
answering, "Actually, there is
something, now that you mention it. But I'm not sure...if
I...Not here, okay? Can we talk
about it in your hotel room?"
"That's fine."
On the way to the hotel, they discussed nothing of great
import. Ryan seemed a little
nervous, Colin noticed without comment. It probably had to
do with whatever Ryan was
planning to say. Still, there was a very strange light in
his green eyes; one Colin had never
seen before. It was nervous, scared, and decidedly
melancholy. It made Ryan look no
more than eighteen, young and hurt, and made Colin's heart ache.
It took about five minutes for them to get from Ryan's Range
Rover up to Colin's room.
"You want something to drink?" Colin asked, heading for
the mini bar.
"Ah...no," Ryan murmured, taking a seat in one of the
two chairs over by a small, round
table. "Better not."
Deciding he'd rather not deal with a headache in the morning,
Colin settled on a glass of
water and headed for the other chair. Once seated, he
asked, "You, uh, want to tell me
what's on your mind? Something wrong?"
Ryan sighed again, the melancholy in his eyes deepening.
"Not wrong exactly, no," he said.
"Just...it's difficult. That's all. I've been
dealing with this little...demon, or whatever you
want to call it, for a long time. Lately, it's gotten a lot
bigger. Before I tell you, though, I just
wanted to thank you again for what you did for Brad and me.
I mean that."
"You're welcome," Colin said. "I owed
you."
"You really love her, don't you?"
Colin nodded serenely. "Very much."
"Good," Ryan murmured. "You deserve to be
happy."
That was a strange thing to say, but welcome nonetheless.
It was actually kind of nice to
know that someone thought about it. "Thank you.
You do, too, and I really hope Brad will
be the one."
"He is," Ryan said. He sounded so completely
certain that Colin couldn't help but believe it.
Ryan waved it aside. "He's not *the* one, but that's
okay. I think I just might love him,
anyway, so it doesn't matter."
"What do you mean, he's not '*the* one'?" Colin asked,
frowning. "How can you possibly
know that?"
"That," Ryan answered, "runs right into what's
been on my mind for the last few weeks, and
past years."
Colin felt like he didn't know which way was up. This
didn't make much sense. "What are
you talking about?"
Ryan hesitated, veneer of calm slipping away. Sighing, he
swallowed nervously, and then
said, "I...I've been trying to...to tell myself I don't
feel...what I'm feeling. Until lately, I've
been able to pretend it's something else. Just.friendship.
That seemed to be good enough.
But in the last few weeks, I just...haven't been able to pretend
anymore. It's not just
friendship." Unspoken, but quite clear, was,
"...it's love."
Confused, Colin blinked and tried to sort out his thoughts.
Once again, this wasn't making a
whole lot of sense. The only pertinent questions he could
think to ask were, "Feeling what?
And for whom? You're going to have to help me out, here,
Ryan, because I'm not sure I
follow."
"Yeah," Ryan agreed quietly. "I'm not being
very clear, am I? It's just.I don't know really
how to say this except to be blunt. I don't know why and I
don't know how, but I don't care.
It's feeling like I've found the one I should be with--my best
friend. In other words, feeling
love, Col. For you."
The soft words struck Colin between the eyes, leaving him shaken
to the core. Ryan...in love
with him? Stunned, Colin found he couldn't even meet Ryan's
eyes. His heart hammered in
his chest. "Oh...my," he said weakly.
"You're in love with me?" The fact that he was
speaking
aloud barely registered through his bewilderment.
Face flushed miserable scarlet, Ryan nodded. "I have
been in love with you for a very long time,"
he said clearly, with simple, moving dignity. "But...I
know you love Deb and Luke. That's why
I've never said anything. Maybe why I never should have
said anything." He closed his eyes
and continued, "I...I just couldn't help it. You're
absolutely everything I could ever hope for. I
know I can trust you, and you're the only man I've ever felt safe
with."
Colin's mind reeled. This was almost too much to
handle. Of course.in a way, it did make sense
that Ryan loved him. They'd been friends for a very long
time, always turning to each other in
times of distress and in times of peace. Colin was the one
friend Ryan had been able to count on
and the same went in reverse. Still, this was quite a
shock. Especially on the heels of what had
happened less than thirty minutes before. But it was also
kind of amazing, and a little sweet.
Colin found he was nervous and afraid, but also, strangely
enough, happy.
"Ryan, I..." he faltered. "I had no idea you felt
that strongly. I don't know what to say."
"You see why I stayed away?" Ryan asked softly.
"Yeah." Colin knew what he had to do, and he
hated himself for it. There was no way this
could happen. Debra and Lucas were far too important.
"Listen," he said calmly, "I'm very
flattered, and a bit overwhelmed, that you feel this way, but.but
you know it can't happen. I
love my wife very much and-"
Ryan raised a hand and shook his head patiently. "I
know," he interrupted gently. "I
understand that, Colin. Don't you think I do? I'm not
asking you to make a choice between
her and me."
Puzzled, Colin frowned. There was only sincerity in Ryan's
eyes, but it didn't make sense.
"Then...if you don't want me to choose, what *do* you
want?"
"Nothing," Ryan answered in the same gentle voice.
"You asked me what was wrong, didn't
you? Now you know. What you chose to do with the
information is completely up to you.
Ignore it, forget it, whatever you want to do is fine. Just
say the word and we'll never talk about
it again."
Well, obviously that would be the best course of action, but now
that he knew, it stuck in Colin's
mind like a fly in flypaper. Oh, Ryan wasn't lying, he
knew. If he asked Ryan to never speak
about it, then that would be the end. The only problem was
that something like this was a little
hard to ignore. Ryan probably knew that, too. Deep in
Colin's heart, conflict and confusion
began to stir uneasily, and for the first time, he listened to
what those voices were saying.
He really did love his wife and son very much. Of that
there was no doubt. The confusion,
however, didn't revolve around his feelings for them. It
was how he felt about Ryan that was
starting to get a little confusing. The more he looked at
Ryan, the more he realized that he
actually *did* have some kind of attraction, or something, toward
the big guy. There was
something so appealing about him--open vulnerability, sweetness,
a gentle light in those very
green eyes--that could-
Colin's mind froze for a moment. Something appealing that
could cause deeply buried feelings
to surface, maybe? 'Oh, my God,' he thought, wrenching his
eyes away from Ryan and trying
to slow his suddenly overwhelming deluge of thoughts. 'I do
have feelings for him.' That would
probably account for that fluttery feeling he sometimes got when
Ryan smiled a certain way, or
stood especially close when they were together on stage. It
probably explained why they were
so close, too. Not even Deb knew him quite as well as Ryan
did.
Attraction was there, definitely. It was always there, and
Colin had just sort of let it go as a
matter of course. He never really *thought* about it.
Not consciously, although once or twice
he'd caught himself looking at Ryan's lithe frame, wondering
about the body underneath the
clothing. He *did* love Ryan. Come to think of it, he
always had. As a brother, a friend, a
confidante, and so much more. It was just that it ran so
deep, he didn't even think to look for
it. Now that he did, he couldn't stop thinking about
it.
It left him confused and scared as hell, but he understood.
There was no denying it, either. Try
as he might, he knew how he felt. 'We'd have done very well
together,' he thought, resigned.
'We have complete trust, comfort, and affection between us. Plus
we've got all the right things
in common. My God, I do love my wife, but...she and I don't
match nearly as well as Ryan and
me. I think.this man is my soul mate.' It was a
sobering thought; the wonder quickly faded,
replaced by rationality. There was a reason he'd never
allowed himself to feel these things: it
would be far too easy to abandon his family and fall into Ryan's
waiting embrace. Too easy and
too wrong.
He fisted his hands so that Ryan wouldn't see them tremble.
The tremor came through in his
voice, despite his best efforts. "Ryan, I...I-I wish
you, um, you wouldn't have said that."
Ryan looked up, green eyes telegraphing his fear. "Col...I'm
sorry," he whispered. Then, for
the first time Colin had ever seen, two tears dropped out of his
eyes. "I tried not to feel that
way," he said, as two more glittering tears fell.
"I'm so sorry." Another pair of tears trailed
out of his eyes. Then another pair. A moment later,
Ryan broke down completely and began
to sob into his big hands.
Cursing himself for being an idiot, Colin got up quickly and went
to Ryan's side. Gently, he
took Ryan's fever-hot face between his hands and brought it to
his shoulder. Like a drowning
man, Ryan wrapped his arms around Colin's back. Colin
rested his own lightly around Ryan's
heaving shoulders. "It's okay," he
murmured. "Just let it go." He felt
suddenly very protective,
like he wanted nothing more to stay and keep the world away from
this fragile man. The sense
of love deepened, and some of his doubt faded. This was
where he should have been.
About five minutes later, Ryan's sobs began to taper off.
He drew a few more hitching,
hiccoughing breaths, sighed, and then rested his forehead on
Colin's shoulder. After another
minute or so, he sat up, releasing Colin, who dropped his arms at
the same time. "Done?" Colin
asked quietly, reaching for the box of tissue on the table.
"Yeah," Ryan said wearily, eyes puffy and red.
"I'm sorry. I-"
"Stop apologizing," Colin said, perhaps a shade
harshly. Shaking his head, he continued more
gently, "Look, I'm sorry, Ryan. I didn't mean that the
way it came out. Don't apologize
anymore. I feel bad enough for making you cry."
He wiped Ryan's face himself. "Although I
think you probably needed it."
Ryan smiled weakly. "I kind of think I did, too.
Either that, or I was just looking for an excuse
to bawl like a baby on your shoulder, since I've never done it
before." Sobering, his smile faded.
"How *did* you mean it, then, Colin?"
Colin took a moment to consider how to answer the question, and
then finally said, "You, um,
kind of caught me by surprise. I mean, all of a sudden, I
discover that my best friend is in love
with me, when I had no idea. Now, I'm...afraid, nervous,
and very confused. See, I-I'm starting
to feel things I never knew I would. Things that I've maybe
been feeling all along, but just didn't
know until now. I don't know what to do."
For the space of perhaps a dozen heartbeats, Ryan looked intently
into Colin's eyes. Then he
leaned forward and caught Colin's right hand in his big left.
"What are you feeling?" he asked
softly.
"I think...I love you, too. I'm starting to realize
that I have all along. I just never thought about
it or...or really even looked for it until now." Colin
bit down on his lower lip. "The more I think
about it, the more I see how...perfect we go together. You
know more about me than anyone,
and I trust you more than I trust myself. We have
everything that matters in common. My wife
and I don't even have that." He paused and looked into
his heart. "It should have been you. All
along, it's been there, but I didn't even see it. You're my
soul mate. The thing is...I love my wife
very much. I can't just walk out on her and Luke. But
you're here, too, and I don't know what
to do."
"Stay with her," Ryan said without a trace of
hesitation. "I've told you already that I'm not
asking you to chose between her and me. She and Luke are
your family, buddy. They need
you."
"What about you?"
A tinge of red momentarily colored Ryan's cheeks. "I
need you too," he admitted quietly. "I
know I can't have you, though. Not...not the way I
want. But I will have you as a friend, as
someone I know I can trust, and as someone who understands me
like no one else does. And
I think...I think that'll be enough."
"Do you?" Colin asked quietly. "I hope
so. It's not going to be easy to look at you everyday
and wonder what could have been."
"That was why I stayed away," Ryan said, looking at his
hand, which was still entwined with
Colin's. "I couldn't take it, but now that you know, I
can look at you again without getting
scared that you'll find out and hate me for it."
"I can't hate you," Colin whispered. "No
matter what you say or do, I'll never hate you.
You're my friend, remember? Strange as it is, I love you no
matter what." Closing his eyes
against a bright surge of pain, he said, "But outside of
this room tonight, I will never say that
again. It'd be too easy."
Ryan nodded in understanding. "It stays between us
here." A look of hope brightened his
eyes. Shyly, he touched Colin's chin with his left
hand. "Colin...can, um, can I kiss you?" he
asked, voice little more than a trembling whisper.
Looking into those crystal green eyes, Colin realized that he
would deny them nothing, nor did
he ever want to. His heart surged, warming him with a sense
of peace and love. "Yeah," he
murmured, "you can."
Slowly, Ryan leaned forward and brought his right hand up to the
side of Colin's face, touch
infinitely gentle. He pressed his lips softly against
Colin's forehead, cheeks, and then lips.
Some wall of resistance within Colin's heart trembled as he
became lost in the sweetness of
the moment. They'd kissed three or four times over the
course of their long friendship--onstage
each time--but never like this. This was real; there was love and
implicit trust in the press of
Ryan's warm, soft lips over his. Simply stated, this was
the best he'd ever had.
It was Ryan who broke the kiss after what seemed like an age, but
was, in reality, only a few
brief moments. His eyes shone brightly with unshed
tears. In a choked voice, he said, "I wish
things could have been different, Colin. God, I-I wish I'd
seen this sooner, said something
before. I love you so much."
Colin had to swallow around a lump in his throat. "I
wish that, too," he admitted, and meant it.
In the kiss had been a sense of homecoming. This was
unquestionably where he belonged. It
was one of those things he just knew. "I've never felt
this strongly about anyone in my life...and
I never even knew. How could I have missed it?"
He had to close his eyes against a surge of
tears. "You know we can't."
"Col...?" Colin opened his eyes at Ryan's
hesitant question. "One night," Ryan murmured,
softly kissing Colin's forehead. He sat back and slid one
hand down Colin's chest until it rested
lightly over Colin's heart. The other hand Ryan raised to
lift Colin's chin. "If I asked, would you
give me one night to be your lover? Just one?"
It wasn't an especially difficult question to answer; in his
current mood, Colin probably would
have jumped off a cliff if Ryan had asked. Still, the
prospect was frightening. Fighting not to
show his fear, Colin said simply, "Yes."
Ryan nodded solemnly. "Then will you give me
tonight?"
"Will that be enough?"
"It'll have to be," was the quiet answer.
"This one night...for the rest of our lives. Will you
let
me?"
Colin took his time answering the question. It wasn't
something to be taken lightly. This was
an enormous act. It wasn't "just sex," as a lot
of people probably would see it. No, this would
be something much more: a brief night's pleasure to temper a
lifetime of painful knowledge.
Wandering, lonely hearts finding their way to happiness for a
time before resuming life's long
journey. There would never be another chance after
tonight. 'And I'd be an idiot to let it go,'
he thought before nodding, unsure and afraid.
"Tonight." It would have to be enough.
A small smile tugged at the corners of Ryan's lips as he rose
smoothly. Holding out a hand, he
said, "Take my hand, then. And don't be afraid.
I swear I'll never hurt you."
Tentatively, Colin slipped his left hand into Ryan's right and
allowed himself to be drawn to his
feet. For a long moment, he stood looking into Ryan's
eyes--indeed, very soul--while Ryan gazed
steadily back. Little by little, Colin felt whatever wall
of resistance he might have had crumble.
His fear withered, replaced by desire and a strong sense of
trust.
"I won't hurt you," Ryan promised quietly.
"Ever."
Colin nodded once. "I know. I trust you more
than I trust myself, remember?"
Ryan didn't answer verbally; instead, he stepped forward and
brought his hands up to Colin's
cheeks. Then he bent down and touched his lips to Colin's again
for another long, sweet, tender
kiss. Colin trembled as all conscious thought was swept
away. Caught in the moment, he
responded with passion, his inhibitions quickly dissolving.
He brought his hands up to rest on
Ryan's shoulders, wanting everything, and surrendering
completely.
A few moments later, Ryan broke the kiss and reached for the top
button of Colin's shirt. Slowly,
with almost religious ceremony, he unbuttoned each button of the
blue cotton dress shirt until it
stood open, revealing Colin's lightly furred chest. Ryan
slid his hands under the shirt at the
shoulders and pushed it off. It landed in an indifferent
pile on the floor. With that barrier gone,
Ryan's hands were free to roam. His touch was tantalizing:
fingertips, feather-light, just barely
grazing the flesh. Where they moved, each nerve in Colin's
skin lit with electric fire. Down across
the shoulders, down the arms, back up across the collar bones,
down the pectorals. Thumbs
flicked lightly over each nipple. Down the plane of the stomach,
around the sides and up the back.
Colin trembled at the incredible sensation. No one had ever
touched him this way.
"Beautiful," Ryan murmured, as he continued his
exploration. Emboldened, Colin reached out
and opened the buttons of Ryan's charcoal-colored vest and white
silk dress shirt underneath. He
took his time; there was no rush. As Ryan had done, he
pushed the shirt off at the shoulders.
There was a whispering sound as it slid down Ryan's smooth arms
and onto the floor. That done,
Colin began his own exploration.
This was the first time he'd been with a man, and there were
definite differences. Ryan had no
body hair at all, which allowed Colin to feel the smooth, yet
slightly rough texture of the skin.
Very definitely masculine. Ryan's chest and stomach were
covered by wiry muscle, which leant
a firm quality to the soft skin. It was quite unlike
anything he'd ever felt before, but he found he
liked it. Curiously, he leaned down and very lightly nipped
at Ryan's nipple, which elicited a
startled gasp and then a chuckle. Hands on his back encouraged
Colin to try the other. He was
rewarded with another quick intake of breath, this time
accompanied by a content sigh.
When he straightened, he saw that Ryan was flushed and
smiling. Ryan leaned down and rested
his forehead against Colin's, and then reached out to settle a
gentle hand over Colin's heart again.
After a moment's hesitation, Colin brought his own hand up to the
middle of Ryan's chest. Under
the warm flesh, he could feel the racing pulse of a living heart,
that was, for the moment, beating
for him in love. This most intimate posture was a sign of
the true depth of Ryan's love for him, and
his own for Ryan.
Thinking back years later, this was the moment Colin recalled the
most vividly: the steady rise and
fall of Ryan's warm chest, the pulse of the heart, their
foreheads touching. This was the moment that
Colin gave himself completely to his lover, when all barriers
between the two of them were shattered.
"I love you, Colin," Ryan whispered. "I
always will."
There was a lump in Colin's throat that made it difficult for him
to speak. "I...I love you, too, Ryan,"
he said thickly. "Now...and forever."
With those words, the bond between them was forged from chains of
adamant. There was no
going back, but Colin had no desire to stop. He felt true
happiness and peace wash over his soul,
quelling all doubts and guilt. There was no fear when Ryan,
smiling, reached out and undid Colin's
belt and top button of the slacks. Colin did the same for
Ryan, and then paused long enough to
remove his own shoes and socks. Ryan did it, too.
Clad only in their open trousers, they reached
for each other at the same time and removed the final cloth
separating them.
They stepped toward one another, pressing nude flesh together,
creating heat and friction, and
trapping their erect members between them. Their kiss was
firm and passionate, yet unhurried.
There was no sense of time anymore. The only thing that
mattered was the sensations: each
searing caress, each tender kiss, each breathy sigh of
contentment. Nothing else mattered.
It was like nothing he had ever known.
*
Unrestrained passion: giving and receiving without fear, with a
sense of wonder and discovery.
Finding the other half of the soul. It wasn't just sex.
There was simply too much there for it to
ever be. "Just sex" was for other people. This
was love in the truest sense, the most rare and
amazing of them all: true love. The kind born not of the
body, but of the heart.
Their love was slow, passionate, and beautiful. Time drew
out eternally. Colin discovered that
Ryan was a sensualist in every sense of the word, deeply
romantic, and a tremendous lover. He
kept his promise. His penetration was infinitely gentle as
he entered with considerate care. His big
member scraped across something inside Colin's body that almost
caused Colin to lose control.
Waves of the most intense pleasure he had ever known sent
wracking shivers down his spine.
Having Ryan inside of him, he discovered, was unbelievably
fulfilling; something missing finally
recovered.
His own penetration of Ryan was clumsy and inexperienced, but he
knew Ryan enjoyed it. Being
inside his best friend, inside the tightest heat he'd ever felt,
was amazing. What followed was not
so much an orgasm as it was an explosion. He and Ryan were
both in tears by then, sobbing
through nearly unbearable pleasure, knowing that this was
something extraordinary: not just the
meeting of bodies, but the merging of minds, hearts, and
souls. For the first time, the last time,
and all time, they were home, inside perfection.
Afterward, in the darkness, there were no words. Wrapped in each
other's arms, exhausted and
completely satisfied, they fell asleep together.
***
Now, alone, Colin could feel only emptiness where there had, only
a few short hours before,
been a sense of perfect happiness. With one final hitching
sob, he dropped the roses down
onto the bed and got up. After wiping his eyes, he went
back, picked up the three elegant
flowers, and then set them carefully in a carafe of water.
They seemed forlorn, almost lost in
the big glass pitcher. Rather like himself.
As he turned to prepare for the day, his eyes grazed over a white
envelope on the dresser. It
wasn't sealed, and was addressed simply, "Colin," in
Ryan's handwriting. With a trembling hand,
he reached over and picked it up. Inside was a single sheet
of white paper, folded over once.
It read:
'My dearest Colin,
I'm sorry to do this to you--leave without at least saying
goodbye. I had, as I saw it, two
choices: stay with you all night and risk the temptation to make
love to you again, or leave and
keep my promise. Believe me, it wasn't an easy decision to make,
and I hope you understand
that this is for the best. As you said, it ends here.
Last night was the most incredible night of my life. I have never
loved anyone so much, nor been
so well loved by anyone. You made me feel things I've never
felt before, despite my past
experience. That was the other reason I had to go.
What we had was as close to perfection as
we could ever hope to get, and that's the way I want to remember
it: our two itinerate souls
finding their mates at long last. In you, I have found the
other half of my soul, and indeed, myself.
Thank you for giving me that chance.
With all my heart, I believe we were meant for each other.
If not in this lifetime, then perhaps in
the next. We will be together someday. I felt that
last night. I feel it now as I watch you sleep.
For the first time in my life, I am truly happy. Because of
you, there is peace where there used
to be emptiness. I may never have you again in this lifetime, but
to know that I did have an
opportunity to love you and have your love is enough, and I pray
that it's enough for you.
We'll move on. I get the distinct impression that this is
going to hurt for a while, but eventually,
it'll fade. You'll get on with life as a wonderful husband
and father, and I'm relatively sure I'll be
with Brad. I hope you and I will always be close, but if
we're not, if we grow apart, I want you
to remember that I will always love you. There will never
be another night like the night we
shared, but I won't stop loving you. I can't. I don't
want to.
I hope you understand, and can forgive me. No regrets.
My love for all time,
Ryan'
Colin reread the letter twice and found his eyes were wet
again. He *did* understand, and in
the back of his mind, he blessed Ryan for making the decision to
leave. Not that he would have
minded Ryan sticking around, but this did take a little of the
awkwardness out of it. This way,
they could face each other and pretend like nothing had ever
happened.
The eloquence with which the letter had been written was really
what caught Colin's eye. In the
past ten hours, he learned more about who Ryan really was than
he'd thought he could. Ryan
was a sensualist, a deep romantic, a man of intense passion, and
someone who was more
intelligent than he seemed. He had the soul of a poet with
an artist's eye and temperament. And
he was also an incredible lover.
Colin chuckled quietly as he headed to the shower, and the
thought uppermost in his mind was,
'He certainly doesn't *disprove* the theory about men with big
feet.'
**
It was easier than he thought. Especially when Ryan was in
such high spirits that afternoon.
There was a sparkle in Ryan's crystal eyes and a big smile on his
lips when Colin walked up.
"Afternoon," Ryan said pleasantly. There was a
brief flicker of something below the sparkle in
his eye, but beyond that, nothing else. They were alone for
the moment. "I wondered when you
were going to get here." He lowered his voice.
"Say, Brad and I were talking a few minutes ago,
and I think we're both going to come out today. Don't ask
me why."
"Your idea?" Colin asked.
"No." Ryan leaned back in his chair--his usual
chair in Performer's Purgatory--and sighed.
"How are you?"
"Not too bad, actually."
"Good. That's...that's good."
"Uh, yeah," Colin said, feeling a little awkward.
"I do understand," he said softly. "Thank
you
for being strong enough."
Ryan nodded, eyes roving around the set. "It was hard,
but...for the best."
"Mm-hmm."
"So...when's your flight out of here?"
Colin raised an eyebrow. "That eager to get rid of
me?"
That was the last they spoke of it for a long, long time.
**
*A Year Later.*
Colin Mochrie walked hurriedly into the Green Room, not really
paying attention to where he
was going. The others--Greg, Brad, and Ryan--were already heading
out to the stage, but he'd
forgotten his glasses. As he approached the table where
he'd left his glasses case, he jerked to
a sudden stop. Sitting next to his case was a small glass
vase with a single rose inside. A pink
rose.
His heart slammed in his chest and his hands shook as he reached
for the card sitting docilely at
the base of the clear glass vase. He put on his glasses and
then looked at the small paper
rectangle. "To Colin," it said in an unfamiliar
hand. But that was enough. He knew as certainly
as he knew his own name who'd left it there.
It was a beautiful flower, frail and sweet, yet with an inherent
strength and goodness. Much like
the man who'd left it there for him to find. Colin couldn't
take his eyes off of it and had to
suppress an urge to pick it up. Now wasn't the time.
He was running late for the taping.
Wrenching his eyes away from it, he slipped out of the Green Room
and headed back for the
stage.
A year had eased the worst of the heartache. He'd found,
much to his relief, that he was quite
content to be with his wife and son. There was a newfound
sense of peace in his heart, peace
he saw mirrored in Ryan's eyes. They'd been able to return
to their old patterns in a matter of
hours, and no one had noticed any difference in their behavior.
For the most part, Colin didn't think about what happened very
much, because he knew Ryan
didn't either. Life moved on, and for them, it was better
not to dwell on the might-haves. Still,
every now and again, he wondered what it would have been
like. To be with Ryan for more
than a couple of hours, to love without reservation, to grow old
together. Probably would have
been sweet, he usually thought with bittersweet resignation.
He glanced at Ryan with a small smile as he took his place
onstage. Ryan raised his eyebrows
and smiled back, but didn't say a word. He seemed to know;
like so many things, it just went
without needing to be said. 'I haven't forgotten,' that
smile seemed to say. 'I don't want you to,
either.'
Colin tipped his head slightly in acknowledgement before turning
his attention to Drew Carey
and getting primed for the taping. Less than ten minutes
later, the show got started.
"The first game," Drew announced, "is called 'Song
Styles.' It's for Brad Sherwood with Laura
Hall and Linda Taylor. Get that stool, Brad."
The short, heavyset man stood, buttoned his suit
jacket, and picked up his handheld mike. "Now, who am
I going to have you serenade tonight,
Brad? Mm...I know." With a grin, he walked, not
out into the audience, but across the stage
and up to Performers' Purgatory. He moved past Greg and
Colin, until he stood next to Ryan.
"You. Front and center. Get on that stool."
As the audience hooted in the background, Ryan stared up at Drew
with surprise clear in his
eyes. "Wh...huh?"
"Come on," Drew said, holding out his hand and hauling
Ryan to his feet. "Move it." He shoved
Ryan in Brad's direction, and Ryan stumbled down the steps amid
laughter and applause. Drew
reclaimed his seat behind the desk as Ryan sat down uneasily on
the stool.
"Hey," Brad grinned, resting a hand on Ryan's
shoulder. "Relax."
"Take it easy, Big Bird," Drew said with a smug grin.
"Okay, Brad, being as this is kind of a
special day for you and your significant other there--happy
anniversary to both of you, by the
way--I want you to sing to Ryan in the style of..." He
named off an especially romantic singer.
"Take it away whenever you're ready."
Colin threw his head back and laughed at the completely dazed
look on Ryan's face. It was
priceless. Brad looked like he'd died and gone to heaven as
he looked down into his lover's
eyes. He didn't dance around during his song. He just
gazed steadily into Ryan's eyes and
sang a sappy, lovely little ditty that sounded quite sincere and
ended with the words, "I love you,
Ryan."
"Why, I love you, too, Bradley," Ryan murmured,
standing up. They embraced, kissed briefly,
and then headed back to their chairs.
Drew turned to look at the camera. "In case you didn't
get that, yes, Ryan and Brad really
*are* gay, and they're...a couple. Today is their first
anniversary." Behind him, the audience
erupted into a chorus of "awwwws" and cheers.
"So, one thousand and one points to each of
you. You'll get one thousand and two next year."
"If they make it," Greg called.
"I'm sure they will," Colin said quietly. He felt
strange, as if something very important had just
happened. Ryan turned to give him an odd look, like he'd
felt it, too. "Life goes on, right?"
There. That was what it was: the final ending to their very short
chapter together. Although it
had been over for quite a while, now, it felt over--their whole
experience together as lovers,
and everything that had come since. Now, only now, a year
later, was it completely over. Life
had gone on, they'd survived, and now, it was time to start
living again.
Realization dawned in Ryan's eyes at nearly the same
instant. "Life goes on," he agreed in a
soft voice. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
**
Each year, on the fifteenth day of February, no matter where he
was, Colin always received
a pink rose. He never forgot, even as his life carried him
to new places, away from those
old friends; as he and his wife grew older, as his son grew up
and moved on, as friends
began to die, he never forgot. Each year, he looked into
the pink rose and saw that magical
place where purity and passion met, and his heart was filled with
such joy and peace that he
almost always shed a tear or two.
It was a lovely feeling that had come from one night of
perfection. One night that did indeed
hold them the rest of their lives.
The End