I can see you laying there, feet curled up underneath so your
tall frame easily
fits on the leather couch. I can't help but stare at your tousled
brownish blonde
hair as it caresses the large purple pillows.
As unromantic as it sounds, I simply adore the thin line of drool
that has snaked
its way down the side of your face.
You always sleep in the fetal position when you're by yourself.
Almost as if to
protect you from the outside world. I can understand that of
course, people like
us need to protect ourselves.
The silence is, as the saying goes I guess, golden. Both of us
seem almost
unstoppable when it comes to talking, but right now, this moment,
both of us
are silent. Then sun is slanted at that perfect angle through the
blinds, you are
so beautiful.
You look almost angelic, a sun halo encircling your hair and a
golden glow
fading over your body.
"Ryan?" I whisper, placing a gentle kiss on your
forehead. Then I smile as a
relieved grin crosses your face and you roll onto your back,
opening your arms
for me. You are still in the groggy haze where you can't remember
that we can't
both fit on the couch. Still, it is heart warming that you wish
me to join you.
In a gesture of love and understanding, I kneel beside you and
take your top
hand. With an almost romantic moment, I kiss your knuckles, then
run your
warm hand down my cheek.
Slowly, your eyes flutter open and you turn back to me. The
twinkle in your
eyes tells me that I have made you happy. God, I love you so much
right now...
in my younger days I would have kissed you deeply -- probably
even made
love to you right that moment. Now though, I am old -- we are
old, no sense
in pretending otherwise. So, I just hold your hand and sigh
lovingly as you run
your long fingers through what little hair I have.
Damn, I love you so much right now.
* * *
* *
You think I'm sleeping, that's why you let yourself in and snuck
through the
living room.
I can feel your eyes on me, it's so sweet when you watch me
sleep. I think I'll
keep pretending to sleep.
You're close to me now, I can smell what's left of your Brut
aftershave mingled
with a little sweat. Anyone that says you smell like a comedian
is full of it, you
smell like love. I swear, if raw sex had a scent...
Where was I? Oh yes, I know you are close. Part of me wants to
reach out and
touch you...but I hold back -- you'll touch me soon enough.
Then, you move away. I can still feel your presence...over by the
television. I
wonder if you're still watching, maybe noticing how the sun
shines on me.
I know if said out loud, that would sound pretty egocentric...but
it's true. If you
love me as much as I love you, it's true.
I'd never tell you, but I watch you sleep too. In the wee hours
after we've made
love and you are sleeping soundly...I just stare at you and watch
your rhythmic
breathing. The shine of the moon off your head. It may seem
cruel, but that bald
head is just the cutest thing. So what, I'm weird.
You're back beside me. Your fingers hovering over me. I think I
love you most
in these moments. The silent dance that happens between long-term
companions.
Most people fall into routine and don't notice the small things
-- but I notice. I
know you've changed your style to look less like me and more like
Brad -- a
deterrent I suppose...the media doesn't care, but you do. I've
also noticed a new
zit halfway down your back -- right in the middle of the
sprinkling of freckles.
My name. You spoke, either you've caught me faking, or you want
to wake me.
Even though you can't fit here with me, it would be a sweet
gesture to act like
you could.
I'm so happy that you 'woke' me. Now, as you kiss my hand and
touch your soft
face with it...
Damn Colin, I love you so much. Kiss me, or let me sleep. Just
know that I love you.
*****
END
*****