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Thank you for visiting my Journal page. Usually I am quite reserved and not used to sharing details of my life, but I have been inspired by the many stories that have been told through these types of diary's and it's only fair that I give back, a glimpse of myself and my journey.....

Elles's WLS page

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My Life Story (short version)

Photo Page

II have struggled all my life with my weight. My earliest memories is shopping with my mom and sister. My sister is a year younger than me. My mom insisted that we dress alike. That was okay, but because my sister wore "slim" sizes and I wore regular's, my mom made a huge deal and insisted that I try "slim". I remember the frustration and feelings that I had when I tried to fit into those clothes. My mom announced loudly that she was going to the boys department and purchase me "husky" clothes. I was humiliated and felt like I had failed her. I think I was about 8 and wore size 10 reg. (I realized after having my own daughter that I was a "normal" kid) By the time I was 12, I wore 12 in Jr.'s. She had to cut off several inches from the bottom. Of course, she always made a big deal about it. When I got into High School, I dropped down to size 5 and though I looked okay, I was a mess inside. I was constantly worried about gaining. I walked to and from school (about 3-4 miles each way) and kept the weight down until I had my son at 17. I went from 120 to 194 because I thought pregnancy was an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. When I turned 18, I moved out on my own and started to lose the extra weight. When I was 19, I became pregnant with my second son. I had my daughter 10 months after my son was born, meaning I had three babies by 21. My body had taken a beating. When I was 23, I weighed 160. That's when I moved in with my last boyfriend. It wasn't until several years later, I realized that I was living with my mom..... so to speak from a psychologist point of view. In the beginning of our relationship, he offered to pay me $500 to lose 50 lbs. He wanted me to weigh 110? I just wanted to please him (yes, I realize how sick this was NOW) I really tried. I went to Nutri Systems, phen fen, slim fast, starvation, and Richard Simmons of course. I spent 7 years trying to be what HE wanted me to be. It wasn't only my weight, but every aspect of my life. I finally left when I found out he was cheating and knew that if I stayed, he would suck the life out of me. I was 240 and 29. I wasted my 20's with him and wanted a new life. Over the next year, he tried to get me to come back. That's when my eyes were opened and I saw that it was because of HIS insecurity that he put me down all those years. It has been 4 years and I am still rebuilding my life. I have suffered a lot of medical problems in the last year. I had three surgeries last year and almost died from pancreatitis last July. God has been with me as I fight to regain my health and I finally decided that I wanted to live healthier, so I can enjoy my children. I have chosen to remain single because my children are at an age where they need me most of all. I made the decision to have surgery last year when I was recovering from pancreatitis. I came so close to death that I had given it up to God. I made peace with my life on earth and was ready to go. When I did recover, I knew that God will take me when He's ready. I had thought about this surgery before but didn't have the courage because of the risks. I called for the seminar when I got home and went to my seminar in September. I couldn't get a consultation until April, so in the meantime, I have tried to do all of the testing required (cardiologist, sleep study, etc) and will have all my reports to take with me to my consultation.
I will keep a photo journal as well and maybe dig up some of those pictures of my youthful years. Please sign my guestbook and come back once in a while. I'll keep this updated. Thank you for visiting my page and allowing me to share. God Bless.