Enthusiasm. It is, I have come to understand, a very underestimated feeling.
When was the last time you felt enthusiastic about something? I mean, truly enthusiastic, that feeling that's as if you're about to burst, you're that excited about something?
For me, it had been ages. As we live out our daily lives, it's so easy to start numbing out at some point, as the sameness of every day just drags you along. I think the last time, prior to this last year of my life, that I felt any real enthusiasm over anything was when I was in high school. That's an awful long time, much too long. But don't misunderstand me. From then until now I have felt happiness, true, genuine happiness. But feeling happy is not the same as feeling excited.
And it's my own fault that it's taken me this long to once again relish the fun, simple things in life that once made me enthusiastic on a regular basis. At times, I drowned myself in my problems, losing sight of the bigger picture, so that I could find no joy in anything. Other times, I surrounded myself with people who are just so jaded, so cynical, so afraid to open up to life that their attitudes rubbed off on me. And honestly, I got kinda tired of the sour-puss look that seemed permanently affixed on my face.
It's not that I am now this perky, life-is-peachy cheerleader, it's just that I have realized that if something excites me, however big or small it is, why should I not savor that excitement and lose myself in it, even if it's just for a while?
You know what my big vacation plans are for this year? I'm spending a week at the beach. The beach that is eight miles from my house. In a Howard Johnson's, because that's what I can afford. And you know what? I'm counting the days. I'm thrilled to pieces. My boyfriend is going to achieve sainthood for the patience he exhibits every single day when I devote a few minutes to gushing about our plans. Before, I would have felt all these things inside and expressed my eagerness, but not to the degree with which I do it now. And it feels so good! The beach to me is a special place. It is where I can find some peace and make plans for the future. The happiest, most cherished memories of my childhood are of the beach. Given all this, there is no reason to hide what I feel.
My point here is that life is just too short have a chip on my shoulder about everything. Am I less cool if I choose to be a bit giddy or silly or to not have a snide remark about every single thing? Probably. But if being this way more often alleviates the burden of the rough times, why repress it?
At the very least, if I spend more energy being enthusiastic about the good things, I may be better able to laugh off the stupid things. Besides, I look hotter when I smile.
