| "Metrosexual," My Ass Late Fall 2003 I am so fucking tired of being unable to look at a man anymore and not knowing off the bat of he's straight or gay. Gorgeous hair style, hip clothes, beautiful shoes: he's polished, handsome and clean-cut. Is he gay? Is he straight? No, he's "metrosexual"!!! This whole thing about "metrosexual" men is a bunch of bullshit. The generic definition of a metro (I got this one off of ABC News): "straight, urban men who like embracing activities usually associated with women, like shopping, pedicures and buying shoes." That's not being "metrosexual," that's being "gay." Or, at the very least, a "pretty boy." I couldn't stand to be with a man who's more vain and shallow than I am, and I'm not very much of either. I don't want to compete with my man for best hair style or cooler wardrobe. I should unquestioningly have both, seeing as how I'm the girl in the relationship. Oh, I know, I sound so sexist. Big fucking deal. I like my men to be manly. I've done vain and shallow and near-metro; I know what I'm saying! And yes, I like a man who pays attention to what he wears, who makes an effort to look handsome and put-together. And I can appreciate a man who, if I show him some neat grooming trick, will get into it and make it a part of his routine. And a man who has a sensitive side and will read me poetry and sing to me? Hell yes, I am putty in their hands. But I have no interest in discussing Kenneth Cole's latest line with my guy, nor do I care to make it a habit of dragging his ass around the mall with me. Isn't that what my girlfriends or gay friends are for? I guess I just want that right balance of having a guy who looks and smells good but is still masculine. And the line is getting blurred with metros. I mean, I'm happy for guys if they feel that this is a way to play to their feminine or non-macho side, but there are limits. Like a ton of shoes. Like a closet full of beauty products. Like knowing every single designer in your closet and caring. This metrosexual thing, it's a sack of shit. |
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