JobonSITE

Yep, you heard it right, you can get a job here at THE SITE. You get your own page, for starters. Not to mention the huge celebrity status that comes with working with us!!! Ok, so that's not much, but you still get your own page, and opportunity for advancement, if we like your work. And all applicants will, at the very least, get their applications featured here on THE SITE, so why the fuck not??? So copy and paste this bad mofo into your e-mail and fill it out, with the subject line of Application for THE SITE, and send it to gaud@forpresident.com And just so you know, we will be grading these on a very strict criteria, so do your best. Or just b.s. it all and we'll probably like it even better.

1. Your name:
2. What you would like to be called:
3. What is the funniest word you can think of:
4. Favorite food:
5: Favorite drink:
6. Favorite number:
7. What do you like to do in your spare time:
8. What is your sign:
9. What is your power animal:
10. Black is to ??? as canteloupe is to anteater.
11. Pick a number between 979 and 3011:
12. If you were a jar of pickled bologna, what would you do first:
13. Pick axe, lawn chair, giraffe, ???.
14. Jump the ??? up, because I'm a ??? ???, I'll ??? your ??? if you don't ??? my ???.
15. I'm a happy little ???.
16. Do you find Pee-wee Herman attractive?
17. If you had five minutes left to live, what would you do....to an old lady?
18. If someone steps on your foot on the street next to a hot dog stand, what is X equal to?
19. What's better, oranges or werewolves, and why?
20. If a bird shits on your head, you:
       A. Grin and bear it, knowing that the bird will eat some rice and die.
       B. Take out the slingshot or mack 10 you must have and kill the bird dead.
       C. Watch the bird fly away with a tear in your eye asnd shit on your head, knowing that it's a metaphor for life, and that the bird is heading for a nuclear blast zone.

21. If a bumble-bee is in your car, you:
       A. Pull the car over, open the doors, and let it fly out.
       B. Hand a friend a rolled up newspaper and have him beat it to death
       C. Run the car off the bridge and jump out at the last minute. It's worth losing the crappy car to see that bee die.
22. 5+8.1- 2(3)+3000x square root of 150-9divided by 3.5=???
23. John is 20 miles from Bill. John is smoking a fatty, and Bill is speeding there at 95 mph to get a quick puff. Is the answer B?
24. What would you have to contribute to THE SITE?
25. How much time would you spend working on THE SITE per week?
26. What else do you want to say (note: this is a very important question, whatever off the wall statements, offers, or expletives you bring up will mean the difference between getting a position or not.)?