Home > ATXF Unofficial > Limerick Contest 1996-1997
Due to my carelessness, I have lost the names of the authors of some limericks. For this reason, certain limericks have the author given as (unknown). If you recognise one of these as a limerick you wrote, please e-mail me.
Squeeze/Tooms
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: =3 / 10
There once was a weirdo called Tooms
Who sent many folks to their dooms.
He ate up their livers
Gave Mulder the shivers
And built spitball nests in his rooms.
The Jersey Devil
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: 6 / 10
There was a young lady from Jersey
Who was neither beast, nor devil, per se.
Although she was wild
She just sat there and smiled
When Mulder showed her his percy.
Ghost in the Machine
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: 5 / 10
This bad computer never missed 'em
In the elevator it squished 'em.
Mulder was appalled
That they had installed
The Demented Operating System.
Darkness Falls
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: 10 / 10
There are trees in the generic forest(tm)
Which are called home by many a pest
Don't knock them down
Or the bugs'll come round
And you won't take too long to digest.
The Host
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: =3 / 10
There is a giant blood-sucking worm
Who causes sewer workers to squirm.
He waits in the water
For victims to slaughter.
I don't want to work for *that* firm.
Irresistible
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: 9 / 10
There once was a man named Don Pfaster
Who's social life was quite a disaster.
He liked girls who were dead,
Tried to shave Scully's head,
Now in jail, his problems are much vaster.
Humbug
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: 1 / 10
There's an episode that's full of freaks
And tattooed insect-eating geeks.
It's my favourite one
Because it was fun
And Scully gave us some nice peeks.
Syzygy
Author: Annette Fraser
Rank: 2 / 10
In the episode called Syzygy
Two teen girls let loose on a spree
They murdered their friends
Cats met dastardly ends
It's a dangerous thing, PMT.
Quagmire
Author: Seemi Khan
Rank: 7 / 10
Mulder and Scully went to find Big Blue
Lake Monster eating people, was it true ?!
Queequeg, Scully's small dog
Ran off into the bog
And was eaten by a 'gator, boo, hoo !
Herrenvolk
Author: Annette Fraser
Rank: 8 / 10
The X-Files is in its fourth season
It's classy so this stands to reason.
It hasn't yet shown
In Aus, but it's known
That Herrenvolk has many bees in.
Fox Mulder
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: 4 / 4
An FBI Agent named Fox Mulder
Sometimes cries on Dana Scully's shoulder.
Then Kirsty cries out
With a mighty shout
That it's about time Fox Mulder rolled her.
Fox Mulder
Author: Seemi Khan
Rank: =1 / 4
Fox Mulder is often known as Spooky
As other agents think he is kooky
He works on the Xfiles
Cases often reviled
But he has yet to find a real Wookie !
Agent Pendrell
Author: Seemi Khan
Rank: 3 / 4
Agent Pendrell on Scully has a huge crush
Her lovely smile often causes him to blush
Will he ever win her precious heart
Asking her out would be a good start
But then all the URST would just turn into mush
[Note: URST = UnResolved Sexual Tension]
Skinner
Author: (unknown)
Rank: =1 / 4
Assistant Director Walt Skinner
With Lyndal has come up a winner
She worships his dome
Wants to take the guy home
And add choc sauce and eat him for dinner.
Daniel Lam
Author: Kheldar
Rank: 6 / 9
A game of double the innuendo
The Daniel Lam intellectual kendo
Began with a twist
And a flick of the wrist
And came to a sticky end-o
Relativity
Author: Steve Leahy
Rank: 3 / 9
A number of ATXF bods
Thought Gene and John A were both sods
We've all grown quite weary
Of Ritzian theory
Why don't we debate Adam Dodd's?
Dregs
Author: (unknown, but probably Steve Leahy)
Rank: 4 / 9
As each thread staggers on its last legs
Comes a new post from someone called Dregs
Who feels required to mention
That he wants attention
And if he doesn't get it, he begs.
Alys
Author: (unknown, but probably Steve Leahy)
Rank: 2 / 9
High in the tower of ATXF palace
Lived a lovely young princess named Alys
Till a knave filled with jive
Criticised Babylon Five
And she piked him with terminal malice.
Legion
Author: (unknown, but probably Steve Leahy)
Rank: =7 / 9
Some Steves from a wide-ranging region
With humour not unlike the D-Gen
Invaded the group
And the talented troupe
Was soon referred to as the L*****
BP
Author: Annette Fraser
Rank: =7 / 9
We worship him on bended knee
As He proudly stands tall by the sea
We think he's so hip
That we've all bought a GIP
The god of the newsgroup - BP!
Alys
Author: (unknown)
Rank: 1 / 9
Amongst many $teve numbered this wish,
To have Alys served up on a dish.
'Til he was knocked off his bike,
By a well-aimed fresh pike;
What is it with Alys and fish?
aus.tv.x-files
Author: Daniel Frankham
Rank: 5 / 9
I hang out a lot in ATXF
And I guess sometimes I post to excess.
But my posts never sin -
Not if you believe in
Universal interconnectedness.
The X Files
Author: (unknown)
Rank: 9 / 9
The X-Files formula is right on,
Especially when there's a fight on;
So few viewers frown
When they choose to go down
To the basement without turning the light on.
Author: Annette Fraser
Rank: 2 / 3
A lovely young sheila named Alys
A lady yet spears men with malice
And lives, yearning, sighing
As lips yield, soon spying
At lusty youths, some with a phallus.
Author: Steve Turtle
Rank: 3 / 3
A Lovely Young Sweetheart - ALYS
Lots and lots of guys woud harass
You know how she likes
Stabbing them with a pike
'tis no wonder that they are embarassed.
The saga limerick, The ATXF Roll-call, is so long it has its own page. It was voted first place in the special limerick category.