The 5th Annual Westfield Saints Golf Day was a great success, enjoyed by
all. With the new, controversial rules, that forbid any groundsmen, dogs,
or under 15s, the day was carried out in a typically jovial manner.
Many great shots were made, and to the amusement of all, some less
impressive strokes to boot. Defending champion Gary "Smudger" Smith
kicked off proceedings with the 3 time former champion Alan "Sloth" Chaplin and
the deadly duo, the pesky Pembroke brothers, waiting in the wings. The
pressure was on with current 1st XI champion Gavin Ward also in contention for
the prestigious prize. Unfortunately this pressure proved to get the better
of Ward, who was caught cheating at the par 4 3rd, landing his tee shot
behind a tree, before playing is 2nd from the edge of the fairway. Event
co-ordinator John Price was later unavailable for comment.
It was a bizarre illness that prevented Price from launching an assault
on the game's biggest prize, falling foul of something that was somewhat
vaguely discribed as pneumonia.
The opening shots proved to be a mixed bag, with Smudger landing a safe
approach, Doug "The Greasy Bok" Newton and Tom "Pudner" Woods losing
track of their radars and Steve "Golden Arm" McCrum still struggling to work
out how to hit the ball off the ground. This was redeemed by a glorious 2nd
shot, a chip to within 4 feet of the hole. The putt was duly missed. By
6 feet.
After the 1st hole was done and dusted, the Saints marched on to the 2nd
tee, where play was temporarily delayed, due to the Course Marshall
losing his marbles and letting a five-ball on the course. On a Sunday. The
result was some, frankly, rather ugly scenes, which can't be legally printed.
But the point remains... what was he thinking? On a Sunday.
Proceedings then proceeded, as is the norm, with the only other
noteworthy incident occuring when Sarah Midwinter was the subject of some
lighthearted banter from the rather exuberant Woods, of which Ward took to heart. The
result was a tongue-lashing (not for the first time) from Ward, still
upset that Woods had caught him cheating at the controvertial 3rd hole.
Controversial, as Ward wasn't the only one practising "creative
accounting" at that hole. Reports have come through that Michael Bailey hit numerous
tee shots, before settling for his pick of the lot. He ended up recording a
par. Team mate and all-round reliable source Alan Chaplin later denied these
accusations.
After a rubbish over priced meal at the Gaybury Inn, the award ceremony
took place, hosted by the skinniest master of ceremonies in Woking, John
Price. Gary Smith was awarded the Ron Chapman Cup for the second year in a row,
winning from James Pembroke in a tight finish. No one can remember who
came 3rd. Team Pembroke (James, Ed and Greg Dildo) won the Team prize, whilst
Sarah Midwinter robbed Steve McCrum of the Wooden Spoon, a trophy he has
previously been awarded three times. (He didn't play the first one.)
Drinks were drunk afterwards.