| It is with great pride that WOMB announces the submission of our latest victim, Rodney J. Sawatsky. A native of Canada, Sawatsky is president of Messiah College and represents the first in what will surely be a grand tradition of placenta-consuming educators. This forward-thinking academian was hesitant at first, but quickly embraced the values that we hold dear. |
From the pages of The Swinging Bridge, Messiah College's student newspaper: "Research proved to me how rich and unique placenta-eating cultures truly are," Sawatsky commented. "The only way to truly embrace the diversity embodied within the act of placenta consumption was to, well, eat the placenta." Sawatsky was also quick to recognize his calling as a placenta-eater. "As a man, it is my vocation to submit to the desires of my wife. It's clearly her vocation to deal with the difficult process of childbearing, and this is the least I can do," he announced just before consuming a placenta. Colleagues and friends applauded hesitantly at a placenta-eating ceremony that took place in the President's dining hall, just outside Lottie Nelson. "I wasn't really sure how to prepare the placenta, but...whatever," commented a Dining Services employee. "Mmm...Canadian bacon," Sawatsky replied when asked about the taste of this new food. "This is bigger than the new Student Union building," commented Dr. Crystal Downing. "Three cheers for feminism!" A nauseated Henry Venema looked baffled, but accepted Sawatsky's decision. "I'm not sure it's something I would do, but I support it and feel that Plato probably wouldn't understand a philosophy that so openly embraced the body and its functions. What a big loser." "That trendy poseur," mocked the ever-unsatisfied Students For Social Action. "Maybe he should try eating some placenta AT THE RAFIKI HOUSE!" Despite the mixed reception the Messiah community gave Sawatsky, WOMB rejoices in his decision and hopes that stuffy white males in the upper eschelons of learning institutions everywhere will follow in his submissive footsteps. |
| Authentic signature from the MAN himself, pledging his loyalty to WOMB and our mission ~> |
| Be Informed. It's good for you. |