Why is it so difficult to not learn in school? Teachers are so persistent and spend so much time trying to hammer information into your head that you might actually end up learning something. You most certainly do not want that. What has learning ever done for you?
Never fear. There are many ways you can refrain from retaining any lasting knowledge.
Primarily, you want to make sure you keep your mind as far away as possible from the subjects being discussed in your classes. The best way to do this is to simply not be there at all. Unfortunately, those pesky attendance laws are in effect until you are eighteen years old, therefore skipping school, while still an effective method of learning prevention, is a limited solution.
For the majority of the school year, you are going to actually be stuck in a class where there is all this information flying around. To avoid catching any of it, do your best to be unreceptive to it. Stay up late at night. Stay up to watch South Park and all of the Late Late Late Late Late shows. This will make you tired and cranky for the rest of the day. When you are sleepy, it is much harder for anything to sneak its way into your brain. If possible, sleep while in class. Being unconscious is almost as effective as skipping school altogether. Snoring is a plus, because it may distract others around you, saving them from also being victims of education. If you cannot manage to always be utterly exhausted, pretend to be sick or just put your head down. Go to the bathroom ad nauseam. You have a bladder problem, remember?
Absence, whether physical or mental, is not always achievable. That is when you must shift gears and turn to distraction. Occupy yourself with other non-academic endeavors. Write notes with the latest gossip. Draw pictures: the more offensive, the better. When in a computer class, be on the Internet perpetually. Only minimize the window when a person in authority walks by and pretend to actually be doing the work. Play games on the graphing calculators in whatever atrocious math class you are forced to attend. But do not succumb to calculating anything, because that would be tantamount to Stepping Aside For The Man.
Classes with fairly inattentive teachers require minimal learning resistance. Often you can talk over anything attempted to be taught to you. Make sure you are griping or speaking obscenities as much as possible. The farther removed your speech is from anything scholastic, the less likely you are to retain any knowledge.
When your efforts fail and you are forced into doing some type of schoolwork, spend as little time on it as you can manage. Copy the work the other drones do, or just write down the first thing that comes into your head when you fill in the blanks. Write the lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song when more than one or a few words are requested of you. And for goodness’ sake, do not ever read anything. Reading is one of the oldest and trickiest forms of teaching. Do not look at a block of text any longer than you absolutely have to. In fact, why are you still reading this? You have already gotten enough information-avoiding information.
Homework is absolutely out of the question. You have to do enough education-dodging at school. When at home, eat, sleep, and be merry, for tomorrow you might remember something from today.
When you get your grades, which you obviously don not actually care about, you are morally obliged to complain about them. Feign slowness. Claim social status or racial bias. Bemoan the difficulty of all of it. Perhaps one day you will help convince these foolish educators that it is futile to attempt this teaching because they are so bad at it.
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