At the head of any abusive church -- or a cult in the making -- is an abusive leader. This leader in his position of authority (1a ) establishes himself as the spiritual guru to bring his followers into psychological and spiritual slavery; and (b) may boast of his special anointing (2) is deceptive as sermons may be used to ax grind or as opportunites to humiliate members or smear former adherents or members; (3 a) is not above lying or deliberately engineering circumstances to get his own way, (b) may exaggerate or lie to look good; (4) is somewhat paranoid as he does not enourage ministry outside the local body; (6) in abusing power is given over to such things as evil, untruth, self-blindness, and more; (7) tends to be accountable to no one, thus leaving an open door to aberrant behaviors to include perversions of all kinds; (8) has a Board or Session composed of a few who are chosen primarily because they can be controlled; (9) has decisions which cannot be questioned and statements which are final; (10) is one who enforces the same "can't talk rule" used in numerous abusive circumstances from spiritual to psychological to sexual and worse.
One of the hallmarks of the abusive church is the number of people who have left the group because they could no longer stand being used and manipulated. Another trademark relates to how they treat people who leave. Never will people leave with love, rather they will likely be shamed and slandered as they leave. Victims of abusive churches often manifest broken lives, crushed spiritual faith at best, divorce, depression, nervous breakdowns, drug and alcohol addictions, as well as family and work problems. All of this is to the delight of the abusive church leaders who thrive on the horror stories about what happened to 'so and so' after he / she left the group. Those remaining interpret that something bad will happen to them as well if they leave the group. Another obvious characteristic of abusive churches is that they usually denounce all other Christian churches, professing that they alone have the truth and that all other churches are corrupt. As such, they do not associate with other Christian churches. They often refer to themselves as some special group such as, "God's Green Berets," "The Faithful Remnant," "God's End-time Army," of "God's Swat Team."
In conclusion, you are in an abusive church if the following is practiced: (1) relationships with former members is discouraged; (2) the leader(s) use(s) former members as "object lessons" in his attacks; (3) you are not encouraged in your calling; (4) pleas for money are frequent and emotional; (5) your group sees itself as the main organ of the body of Christ; (6) when your church is for the most part not friendly; (7) and does not interact with other churches; (8) when the leader is unable to admit his errors; (9) when he does not encourage questions or suggestions; (10) when abusive leaders use guilt, peer pressure, intimidation, spitirual blackmail, terrorism, harsh discipline, ridicule, humiliation or threats of divine judgment from God. (11) Another tactic known as "shepherding" requires every member to be personally accountable to another. To this person, one must reveal all personal thoughts and feelings. This information is used to control rather than help the unsuspecting member. Lastly, when the messenger behaves suspiciously, 1 John 4:1-3 says, "Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world." 1Corinthians 7:23 says, "You were bought with a price. Do not become slaves of men.