By: Lisa (murf1013@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never have been, never will be. Just having some fun. Besides, I have no money, so don't sue. No infringement intended. "Much Afraid" lyrics belong to Jars of Clay - and I apologize to them for tampering with them to fit my story - the song is great as is it.
Archive: Working Love and any place else that appreciates C/G stories. Just let me know so I can visit.
Spoilers: Hunger Artist
Pairings: C/G
Summary: Gil gets bad news from the doctor...and turns to his best friend.
Feedback: I'm not above begging for it...seriously.
Empty again. Sunken down so far.
So scared to fall. I might not get up again.
So I lay at your feet.
All my brokenness.
I carry all of my burdens to you.
All of these things I've held up in vain.
No reason nor rhyme just the scars that remain.
Of all of these things I'm so much afraid.
Scared out of my mind by the demons I've made.
You never ever let me go. Oh, never ever let me go.
So happy to love, yet so far to go.
You lead me on to where I've never been before.
~~ Much Afraid - Jars of Clay ~~
* * * * * *
It had started already.
The buzzing. The muffled voices.
"Obviously most of crime scene investigation is about seeing, but much of it is about hearing, as well. Listening. To listen, not just to what people are saying, but how they say it. If their tone of voice matches their facial expressions or body posture... So even if I read lips and know what they're saying, it's not enough."
As he sat, waiting for the doctor to give the diagnosis he already knew was coming, Gil Grissom's mind flashed back to the days of his childhood. When he used to take long walks with his mother. And they would talk and talk – for hours at a time.
Until the day when she started hearing the buzzing. The day the voices became muffled. That was the day Gil's life had changed forever.
"We're both scientists, Mr. Grissom, so let me tell you the science. You've got Otosclerosis. Basically this means a bony growth has begun to form around the base of the stapes. What it does is prevent the stapes from moving and passing vibrations to the inner ear, neutralizing sound waves.
"It's hereditary...my mother."
"Most doctors think so, but there's no way to know when it's going to show up, and there's no way to reverse it once it does."
"Right...How long do you think?"
"I don't have that answer."
Gil nodded, his heart jumping into his throat. Dread flowed through him, quick and sure. Of course he'd always known there was a chance Otosclerosis would strike him, but the days and years had passed with no indication that it would appear. Now that it had – he was petrified. Gil stood and turned away before his face could betray his fear. He took a deep steadying breath and started toward the door.
"Thank you, Doctor."
Gil closed the door behind him as he left. He could feel the tears forming behind his eyes as he walked quickly out of the medical center. He wanted nothing more than to run away and hide. It made him sick to feel so weak. A wave of nausea rose inside of him. He turned the corner of the building and vomited into the alley. When he was finished, Gil wiped the back of one hand across his mouth and collapsed against the hard brick wall of the building. His eyes slipped shut. It took every ounce of his strength to halt the salty tears before they burst from him. One single drop managed to break free and it slid wetly down his cheek.
"God, no." He whispered to the empty alleyway. "Not now."
His head tilted to the side and he opened his eyes. On the other side of the alley he saw a sign.
'Hart's Tavern.'
Gil rubbed his knuckles against his eyes. His gaze rotated skyward. He took another deep breath, pushed away from the wall and started walking.
* * * * * *
Catherine bolted upright in bed. She squinted into the darkness and glanced around, attempting to find the source of the sound that had awakened her. The room was pitch black and she saw absolutely nothing. She jumped again when she heard soft knocking on her front door. A quick glance at the clock told her it was 3:08am. Tonight was her night off. She definitely wasn't expecting any company. There was no way it could be Lindsay. She wasn't even in Vegas...she was on vacation in Miami – with Ed. And they wouldn't be back for a week.
Whoever was at the door, knocked again. Still quietly...but more insistent this time. And the knock was followed by the obvious sound of the doorknob being tested – to see if it was locked.
Fear crawled over Catherine's spine and she mentally chided herself for it. She slid from beneath her blankets and planted her feet softly on the floor. She crept to her closet and removed her gun from its case. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she walked quickly out of her bedroom and through the house, stopping just out of sight of the front door. Catherine waited until she heard another knock and then counted to ten. She flipped on the lights and stepped into the foyer, gun held in front of her.
"Whoever is out there, I'm armed and have my gun pointed at the door." She clicked the safety back. The sound echoed through the quiet like a peal of thunder. "I'm a very good shot and I'm not afraid to use it if I have to."
"Catherine?"
PART TWO
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