Interview with Leyla Harrison
(interviewed by Nicola Simpson, August 27-30, 2000)
Leyla Harrison posted her first story to alt.tv.x-files.creative in June 1995, and has written over sixty stories since, almost all within the XF universe. This is her first interview.
How did you start writing fanfic?
My first story was written before I even knew that there was an online XF community! I thought I was the only one who was sitting there dreaming up stories for Mulder and Scully that existed outside the boundaries of an episode. I didn't have a computer back then so I wrote the first twenty-five pages out in longhand and then started over and did the whole thing on my typewriter. I don't think I had any ideas of what I was going to do with the story once it was done, but I was very focused on getting it done. I wrote that first story (which, looking back, is *terrible* <g>) and then about six months later, discovered the Internet at a friend's house. It took me another six months to actually get a computer and get online, and then I finally wrote my first fanfic for public consumption.
There was backlash on the story from the beginning -- I posted the first part of a Scully rape story called Fragile. This was very early in the XF fanfic days, and I believe, looking back, that it was one of the first Scully rape stories that was posted (with the exception of Sound of Windchimes). The first chapter was posted late one evening, and within an hour I received my first feedback -- from an anonymous mailer service with a very nasty note attached, asking me, "Who do you think you are for writing such a horrible, disgusting thing about Scully? How dare you? (and a few expletives that I won't repeat here <g>)". I was horrified and actually a little scared. I couldn't reply since it was an anonymous mailer service, so I posted a message to the newsgroup saying how I really did not appreciate the note, or the person who hid behind it. I also wrote that I was just trying to write a story, to explore something new. I then promptly logged off and didn't log back on for three weeks. <g> I also abandoned the story.
When I did finally have the nerve to get back online, I found my inbox and the newsgroup filled with discussions about how I had the support of the community, that I should ignore the nasty E-mailer and keep writing. I was incredibly encouraged, and so I decided to continue the story. I did, I posted it, and that's how it all got started.
Can you describe to me, if you can, the motivation for writing Fragile?
In watching The X-Files, one of the things I was immediately drawn to was the characterization of Scully. There weren't as many strong female "role model" characters on television at the time, as there are now – I think there are so many more out there now on various shows. But I admired Gillian Anderson because she played a strong female, and I admired that and definitely responded to that. One of the main reasons I wanted to write Fragile, I think, was the fact that I needed to dispel a notion -- the fact that rape can happen to any woman, not just the "weak" ones.
So, I thought to myself -- how would someone like Scully deal with the horror of rape? How would she be able to rally her emotional strength to deal with that kind of trauma? The answer, I learned quite quickly as I wrote, was that she would do what every woman does who is raped -- she would be affected by it in a variety of ways, both physically, emotionally, and sexually (since she was in the middle of a budding relationship with Mulder when it happened).
After the enormous amount of support I received after I went back online, I received, among the "I really liked your writing" feedback, letters from women who had been raped themselves. Letters from friends of rape victims. The courage that those letters showed to me was astounding and I was incredibly moved. I realized that there were a lot of women out there reading fanfic who had been touched by rape, and I ended up doing the bulk of the story for them. Sounds kind of odd since I didn't know any of them personally, and still don't, but it felt like I would have let these brave women down if I had just let it slide, or if I had Scully get "cured" from her ordeal by falling into Mulder's bed.
The story had an enormous impact on atxc, both positive and negative. How do you feel about the role of the story as a building block to this new subgenre (at least, new to atxc at the time) of "rapefic"? How do you think rapefic has developed and changed since 1995? Is rape as a plot device more common, or do you think that stories like Fragile encouraged people to deal with some of these issues in a realistic, healthy way?
I didn't think about the impact that Fragile would have on the fanfic community until there was a little skirmish some months later about another rape story written by Little Jo (Shame). The basis of the plot was that Krycek rapes Scully in her home, and she has an orgasm (not from pleasure but simply because of the body's natural response); by the time Mulder comes to find her she has worked her way free and blown Krycek's head off. There were a lot of posts on atxc about how inappropriate and "wrong" it was for the author to have allowed Scully to have an orgasm, how that degraded her, etc.
I wrote to the author and we talked about "rapefic" and I posted a few angry replies to the newsgroup. I remember explaining at one point that the body often has no control over its physical responses and that the story was therefore not in any way degrading. I remember the topic died down a lot after that -- a few people wrote me later and told me that they were really glad I had mentioned that -- they "believed" me based on the fact that I had written Fragile. I found the whole thing kind of odd.
I've never liked the fact that rape is used as a plot device for romance, and yet it started to become very common in XF fic. I don't see too many changes in that -- I think most rape stories I have read still have Scully being violated and then falling into Mulder's arms for comfort. The way many of the stories are written, it leads to the assumption on the part of the reader that what we are reading is supposed to be a turn-on -- but then again, this is the world at large we are talking about here, and there's not much we can do to change people's views.
On the other hand, the growth in the XF fic community has brought a lot of talented and sensitive writers to the forefront, and I've seen many of these people write some very powerful and moving rape stories which are about healing and recovery. I really admire that. I guess being an optimist at heart, I always hope that there are more of these people than the ones I discussed above.
Many authors would have taken the easy way out, I suspect, and not dealt with the real consequences of rape. Where did you find the intestinal fortitude to not compromise in this story?
For rape stories -- or rather for Fragile, and all of its many offshoots that I wrote, including the completely redone version, Beyond Fragile, I felt that there was no question in my mind of what I needed to do. I'm not quite sure where I got the fortitude, as you put it, to do it -- I guess in life there are some things that you just do because you know you have to, even when they are incredibly difficult.
How do you feel about being an "authority" on something like that in fanfic? Do you find yourself dissecting other rapefics and comparing them to your own work?
I actually feel a little sheepish, to be honest. <g> I've never been an authority on anything, and I kind of felt weird with the notion that people were viewing me that way. As far as other rapefics out there, I've mostly ignored them. The only exceptions I make to that is when they come recommended by someone I know and trust. I stopped reading other people's rape stories after I read one that really disturbed me -- I can't remember the title, though. After that I thought, "Enough."
What disturbed you about it?
I don't remember the author or title, so I won't give anything away. What disturbed me most was that Mulder raped and beat Scully (can't remember the motivation for that, though), and then afterwards confessed his guilt to her about it, only to have her respond, "I was only acting like I was fighting back -- it's always been a fantasy of mine to have you rape me." I believe the author was in her late teens, and that scared me a little.
Certainly "forced seduction" isn't a new theme in romantic fiction. Do you think that the line between "forced seduction" and "rapefic" is blurred sometimes?
Yes, I do think that it has been blurred -- I know I've written fics with powerful (although never forced) seduction. It's always been consensual. I know that as I'm writing these stories, that for example when Mulder pushes Scully against a wall, if she really wanted him to stop, she would stop him. The difference I find in my own stories, anyhow, is that the attraction between these two is undeniable, and in many cases they are too hard-headed to accept it and/or act on it. I also know in my heart that the Mulder we see on the show would *never* rape Scully, no matter what, and therefore I have a hard time imagining any fanfic in which he does that. Those are the most disturbing to me, I think -- the Mulder raping Scully ones -- not just because it's so out of character, although that is a big part of it, but also because the writer obviously sees something violent between our heroes, which I don't think has ever and would never exist.
Do you think that violence in general has become more prominent in XF fic?
I'm not sure I can answer this accurately. I tend not to read stories that are classified as violent unless I know the author's work. A good example of this is one of my favorite stories, Sounds of Silence by GirlGone. It's a very graphically violent story, but I've always been a fan of her work, and so I read it. I was disturbed by it, but enjoyed the quality of the writing. For the most part, though, being an angsty writer makes me an angsty reader. I want to read more of what I'm writing.
Do you think that writers of rapefic are willingly misunderstanding the characters in this regard, or are their stories more about fantasy?
I think it's a little bit of both. Fantasy is part of everyone's lives -- I mean, we all are fantasizing a little if we're writing fanfic, right? <g> The only thing that disturbs me is that I fear that there are young women out there writing about Scully being raped because it's their own personal fantasy. It's kind of like how many women are drawn to serial killers? I think those women have something deeper going on with them that needs to be looked at, because even though it's just a fantasy, they're putting themselves at risk of having it become a reality. Which I don't think they want.
As far as misunderstanding Scully's character -- I think this happens *all* the time, not just in rapefic, as evidenced by the fact that we still see stories about "Dana".
What are the boundaries of characterization in fanfic? If fanfic is created by people who are dissatisfied by the gaps or lack of character development on the show, isn't it fair for authors to develop Scully as "Dana"?
I think there's been good character development on the show. <g> I think fanfic is more created by people who want to fill in the gaps -- like, how did Mulder end up with Scully's cross on at the end of "Requiem", or what happened between the teaser and the end of all things. I find it hard to imagine that after we went to commercial, that Scully looked deep into Mulder's eyes in "Requiem" and said, "Fox, take my cross back to Oregon with you." (Then again, I also believe that its impossible that between the teaser and the end of "all things" that Scully and Mulder didn't have mindblowing sex. She was just on her way out for coffee or donuts. Yep, that's my take on "all things". <g>)
Characterization is a big thing for me in fanfic -- both in reading and writing. I tend to not read stories where characters don't ring true. I can't enjoy a fic where Mulder and Scully get married in a double wedding with Skinner and Mrs. Scully. I just don't see it happening (especially since my beloved Sheila Larkin will likely never be seen again, thanks to the blowup between Bob Goodwin and Chris Carter when XF left Vancouver, sob -- thank you *so* much for that, Chris <g>).
I think it's up to each writer to do what they feel best with the characters in their writing, but I'm not able to enjoy fic that has characterizations that are "off." I guess that's just how I feel.
How did your approach to your second story differ from your first? Were you more careful in constructing it, or less deliberate? How did feedback change your own perception of your writing?
<trying to think back to the second story -- I think I'm past the fifty mark so it's a little fuzzy> I do remember that with the next few stories I wrote, I was very careful to structure them well. There was angst from the get-go, because I've always liked to write that way, even before fanfic came into my life, and besides, I'm a bit of an angsty person. <g> I remember crafting the stories carefully for two reasons: 1) I wanted the readers to enjoy them, and see something a little different, and 2) I wanted to be proud of what I had written for myself.
Back then feedback was different than it is now -- by this I mean that there weren't as many people in the XF online community and so there was never a deluge of feedback. But I worked on the ideas for my stories carefully, wanting to choose what I thought at the time would be interesting and different topics. An example of this is a (IMHO, truly awful) early story I wrote about Scully being shot and losing the ability to speak due to the fact that an area of the brain, the Broca Area, was damaged. I had read about it and thought it would be interesting to use in a story.
The feedback I got for those early stories affected me more in the output of my writing, though, than the style of content. I had been writing for many years before I started writing fanfic, but it was always on my own and for my own personal enjoyment. I really liked the idea of sharing my writing with so many people and getting a response back. It took me out of the box I had been in when I had been writing for myself.
Some authors hang on every piece of feedback, whereas other authors profess to not even *want* feedback. How important is the support of the online creative community to you as a writer? What does it give you, and what does it take away?
I *love* feedback 99.9% of the time. I like knowing who is reading my stories, and I especially like knowing what they liked, or what worked for them -- and even what didn't work. I've had a few feedback emails that have turned into incredibly strong friendships that I wouldn't trade for the world. I've had some incredibly suggestive feedback letters -- the contents of which I'm sure you don't want to put in the interview -- which pretty much just make me laugh.
Oh, come on! After saying that, you gotta give me at least one! <g>
I don't remember which story it was in regard to, but it went something like, (and in all caps) "I really love your story. You write Mulder and Scully really well." (So far, I thought, it was fine.) "I read the scene where they fuck over and over. It got me so hard. I couldn't stop reading it. Maybe you can write a story for me like that, so I can jack off to it like I did to this one. You made me shoot my load all over the room."
I swear, it's a good thing I'm not easily spooked. I laughed my ass off reading it, then forwarded it to everyone I knew, and then replied: "Thank you for your insightful comments about my story. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it!"
<g>
I don't usually post WIP stories, primarily because I usually like to stay true to my own vision of the story and not have too many outside influences. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but I start stories with an idea in mind that grows -- I like to see what people think of the idea once I've run it through and written it all down. Hope that part makes sense.
I don't see any drawbacks of feedback, to be honest, with the exception of non-constructive criticism ("your story sucked"). Feedback that is constructive to the story or to me as a writer inspires me to write more. As an example...I very recently took a break from writing XF fanfic and started writing fanfic for another show. I had an idea for a series of stories in my head, and posted the first, and then started writing the second. I started to slow down midway through it, and then I started getting feedback for the first story. Everyone wanted to see more -- and I then realized that I wanted to see more too. <g> So I forged ahead -- and a week and a half later I am into the fifth story and have a group of supporters who are e-mailing me and posting encouragement on the newsgroup regularly, which really helps keep me going.
The reason why I think this worked so well is that the new fic community I've become a part of is much smaller than the XF online community -- less of a chance to feel "lost in the crowd". I always felt like I knew people early on in the XF fic world, because there were less of us. <g> Now it often feels like it's incredibly easy to get lost.
How do you think the fic community (such as atxc) has changed over the last five years, other than just plain growing? What trends have you seen come and go? Which ways has the community changed for the better, or for the worse?
I think that people have become very critical. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing, though. I'll try to explain. There's been a lot of criticism, IMHO, towards newer authors are treated in the community -- and especially newer or younger authors who are not perfect when it comes to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. At the same time, the frustration many people feel about this is what has led to there being a Beta Readers Circle, which I think is something everyone can benefit from.
I was on the creative newsgroup for ER this morning and saw a post that said, and I will quote: "I was wondering if you would mind if I posted an XF story here. It's for a challenge and I really need some feedback on it and the people at the XF Creative Board are rather cold to new authors. My stories mostly get ignored over there...anyways, tell me what you think."
I was really saddened by this -- that an author trying to post an XF story would have to turn to another show's creative newsgroup to try to get her story posted and responded to. Especially since I fear she's going to be flamed for her post.
With the growth of the community, I think there have been a lot of people who have appointed themselves as "leaders" and then let that go to their heads (I will *not* mention an example here, although I will say it refers to the squabble that went on with Gossamer about a year ago, I think it was). This is also disappointing. When I started writing XF fanfic, I felt that the group was a family -- an extended family. Large and sprawling. Which was wonderful. As the community grew, I've seen cliques spring up and I don't think that's always helpful or positive for new writers coming into the fold. And there have been a lot of new writers coming into the fold over the last few years as XF became more and more mainstream and less cult.
Go To Part Two to read what Leyla has to say about writing erotica versus romance, and her inspiring story about how fanfic helped her battle cancer.
Last Revised on