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Once Santa was travelling by train from Delhi to Bombay . He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next one.

When the train reached
Bombay , one of Santa's co-passengers got curious and asked him, "Why did you do that. You could have bought a single ticket for the entire trip."

"My doctor has advised me not to go on a long journey," replied Santa.

 

One day a lady came in running into police station where santa singh was police inspector...

And she said "praji..praji gajab ho
gaya "

Santa singh asked "bhenji ki ho
gaya "

The lady replied "mere pati 6 din pehle gobi ki sabji lene bazaar gaye the, aur abhi tak woh nahi laute hain"

On that santa singh replied " koi gal nahin bhenji, tusi aur koi sabji bana lo".

 

Banta Singh stuck on an elevator

Santa Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.

Banta Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 4 hrs.

 

SANTA SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Santa Singh: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Santa Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

 

When tenders were floated for the channel tunnel to connect England & France , many international building companies vied with one another to get the contract. The stakes were very high, the job of digging building expertise.

Tenders were opened by the Board of Directors of the Anglo-French corporation which had taken on the project. British builders' estimates were over 200 million dollar, each, French and German builders were marginally lower.

There was one from
India : Singh & Singh Builders whose estimate was only 5 million dollars. The Board was for ignoring the Indian tender but out of curiosity invited Singh & Singh over to discuss the plans.

Banta Singh & Santa Singh of Singh & Singh Builders appeared before the Board.
The Chairman asked them "Have you any experience of undertaking this kind of work?"

"Indeed we have," replied the two Singhs, "we bored a lot of tubewells in the Punjab & Haryana. We can bore holes anywhere."

"This is not as simple. How will you connect the tunnel from the English side to the French?" "Simple," replied Santa Singh, "Banta Singh will dig from the French end and I from the English."

The Chairman was flabbergasted. "You don't realise that it will need a lot of accurate calculation to get the two tunnels to meet at the same point under the channel. Other companies' estimates are over 200 million dollars each & you think you can do the same job for 5 million dollars. How will that be possible?"

"What is bothering you?" demanded Singh and Singh, "if our two tunnels don't meet, instead of one we will give you two tunnels.

 

A MAN appeared at the box office of a cinema and bought two tickets.

A few minutes later he returned and bought two more.

When, after a short interval, he appeared a third time and offered to pay for two more, the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up.

'Aren't you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a little while ago?' she asked, puzzled. 'Yes,' replied Banta Singh plaintively,

'But there's some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!'

 

Interview of a Sardar

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.


Following is the transcript :


O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites

S : Yes Sir.


Officer started asking questions


O : Above

S : Below

O : Front

S : Back

O : Left

S : Right

O : Male

S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)

S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)

S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)

S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our sardar also shouts)


#Officer is now angry.

O : Get out

S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.

S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.

S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.

 

Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good job.

Santa singh says, OK next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day, Santa singh says, first I will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, I would give you all answers and questions. So you go and then answer there. You will get the Job. So, Santa goes in.

EMPLOYER: When we got independence?
SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got succeeded in 1947.

EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA: It changes frequently and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER: OK. What's
India 's population?
SANTA: (He was not to reply last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.

Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.

Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions. He goes in Now.

EMPLOYER: When were you born?
BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got succeeded in 1947.

EMPLOYER: What?? Who is your father?
BANTA: It changes frequently and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER: Employer is upset now. Are you mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.

 

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on.

The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baraat.

So one of them asks Santa Singh,

"Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar
gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?"

..... comes the reply,

" Haan ji ! Hai hi baat badi khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"

 

Banta and Santa buy one race horse each after learning about big money in racing. Says Banta, "How do we identify which horse is mine and which one is yours?" Santa Singh replies, "I will cut the tail of my horse and so the horse without a tail will be mine and the one with a tail will be yours." So they cut the tail of the horse. But in the night their naughty kids cut the tail of the other horse too. And the next day
Banta Singh is worried and says, "I will cut one of the ears of my horse so the horse with one ear will be mine and the other one will be yours." The next night the kids cut the other horses ears too. And so it goes on until the horses lost their ears, eyes, had broken noses etc. And in the end both horses were left only with bare legs and were just barely living. Both Santa and Banta were frustrated.
At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA"

 

Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they werent mine.
His second friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasnt mine.
Santa says, I think my wife is having an affair with a horse. Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. No Im serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.

 

Santa Singh goes into an electrical goods store, you know one of these stores that sells fridges, TVs etc. Santa walks up to the salesman, points and says, "I want to buy this TV." The salesman say, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." So Santa goes away and comes back two hours later after having a haircut, points and says, "I want to buy this TV." The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." Santa goes away again and comes back two hours later with his beard and moustache also shaved, points, and says, "I want to buy this TV". The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds, Why are you wasting your and my time? Dont come back in the shop again!"
Santa says sheepishly, "OK, you do not sell to Surds. But tell me how did you figure out that I was a surd even after I had shaved my hair, moustache and beard.
The salesman replied, "Because that TV you want to buy is actually a microwave oven."

 

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five Sikhs - two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver Santa Singh, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I dont understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Sir," the officer replies, "You werent speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" Santa says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, Santa grinned and thanked theofficer for pointing out his error.
"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? these people seem awfully shaken and they havent muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, theyll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 180." Said Santa.

 

Santa was hard up for money, so he walked around his neighborhood, trying to find a job. He met a nice American who said he would give him work and pay $100. All he had to do was paint his porch white. He gave Santa a bucket of paint and walked into his house, laughing. He told his wife what he had done.
"Frank, our porch covers half of the house! Youre so mean." his wife replied.
One hour later, Santa went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man. The astonished man handed him a $100 bill, and asked how he finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy!" replied Santa Singh, "Oh, and its a Ferrari, not a Porsche."

...........

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