1.Peter Lansidel- We share the same first name. Therefore he must die. There can only be one!!!...I have a highlander complex.
2.Jeff Barger-We used to hang out. Now we don't because I am a friendship bulemic. I ate him and puked him out...I digested part of him and it gave me diahrea...therefore he must die.
3.Mrs. Baroch-She is replacing Mrs. Nagengast. She knows my name. She's fun to pretend to hate. Therefore she must die.
4.Seth Robison-He plays drums better than me. Once he rocked me too hard...and he cannot dance. Therefore he must die.
That's all I have now. But watch out...you could be next. I have heroes too! Ethan Daniel Davidson is my hero because he gives away his music and has played 250 shows in the past two years. Issac Brock is my hero because he is the genius behind Modest Mouse...and he offered Brad Beck a line of coke. Doug Marstch of Built to Spill is my hero because he rocks much harder than I do. That is all...as for everyone else...you are like kittens...kittens that I do not adore or desire to kill.
02/19/03:
Here's a little PSA for all you kids at Great Falls High, kind of like one of those "The More You Know" things on NBC:
02/14/03:LOVE!!!...It's Valentine's Day! (it has been for the past 32 minutes)Let's talk about love. I love it when there's something stuck on the roof of my mouth and then I finally get it off. I love to laugh...but sometimes I feel bad afterwards. I love nice people. I love being obvious. I love love. I love being redundant. I love that I can find more things to smile about than not. I love knowing people that are dorky. I love yelling "Put two in!" I love pogs. I love that I love pogs. I love kitties and rainbows. I love that I can be in a band that is a joke but Lindsey Karl is into it. I love making stupid meaningless art. I love doing nice things (even if they aren't frequent). I love that I can write about love on a website that usually doesn't. And most of all.... I love you!...unless I don't...then I don't.
And now ladies and gents... a new addition to the journal page: Bryan... enjoy!
02/10/03:
So this is cool, no seriously, it is. So apparently I don't like girls. Yeah it's news to me too. Maybe it's not so much that I don't like girls, but more that I don't like bitches. Obvioulsy a lot of people don't like bitches, otherwise they wouldn't be called bitches. Also hypocrites, they suck too. For example: Vegetarians who don't eat meat because they think it's immoral, yet they buy leather purses because they are fashionable. At least when I butcher innocent creatures its to eat them and not hold my credit cards. Even though I am a person to explode on people, I wouldn't do it over the internet, especially if the person I was yelling at owned the website I posted it on. On a happier note, I know I'm stupid so it won't do any good to tell me that. But I think I would rather be stupid than resemble Jar Jar Binks or Geoffrey the Giraffe either for that matter, if you know what I'm saying. For all of you peeps out there who would say,"He'll say that on the internet, but not to your face," just ask me, I'll you the honest truth about how I feel and why. I would also listen to your side of the argument. Some people I really don't have beef with until they go on one of those self-righteous crusades, proclaiming their mental superiority and an almost diety-like omniscience. I wish I was as smart as God, then I as one person could change society from a male driven mysoginistic Hell, to a perfect society. You have no idea how much persecution is involved in being an upper middle class woman, especially since Im going to an Ivy League school, if I don't have anything to justify or a cause to fight for, what would I do with all of my free time? Become an actual person instead of this machine who works themselves sick. That doesn't sound like one ounce of fun. As an alternative I could give myself a Colombian Necktie, and then no one would have anything to worry to about, because everyone knows that if just ignore it , it will go away. After all guys, Lisa says we should pretend and be nice to each other, but the only reason she says that is so that no one will hate her, which is truly inevitable. But everybody hates everybody and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it, it's a part of humanity, also included in this infortunate tangled web of evolution is hypocrisy. If ridiculing people did nothing, no one would do it. Whether it be used to make one feel better about themselves or to elaborate on the truth, ridicule has been used since the beginning of society, if no one poked fun, then this country and our society wouldnt be where it is today, So deal with the fact that no one likes you and then prepare for college, where an even greater amount of people won't like you. Im such an asshole, I know this.
02/08/03: People keep exploding in the guest book...cause their silly. First off, I'll clarify something...I would have posted the thing about the protest even if cory wasn't involved..because it's still stupid. So anyway...everyone should download some F-minus...they are so talented and sound a little like New Found Glory...I think you'll like it! The Raincoat Mafia might be playing a show in Missoula soon (Feb. 22?)where we will premiere all the new songs...that will make everyone cry...because they are mean. (not really...they're good clean american fun). Now that we have less than 4 months of highschool left...people are getting oddly nostalgiac...and I hate it...cause i'm doing it too. For instance in the last week I have talked about the band trip I took in 8th grade with like 3 different people. Holy Crap! I'm listening to random mp3's and 2 of them in a row sounded exactly like other songs...a ladytron song that sounded exactly like moby...SO I KILL MOBY!!!! bwah hahah!
02/01/03: So cory kalanick responded to my little picture I made by writing in the guestbook...I don't understand why he bothered...seriously...everyone knows I'm an opinionated dickhead. Who the fuck cares that I don't think your protest is valid???...it's a fucking opinion..whoopty crap.. I really don't understand why people care about this website. It's just me being bored so I offend people. As far as not listening to both sides of the "story"...I don't care what you (being cory) did or didn't do. I don't like you anyway. I don't give a shit if you thought I was gay or if you ate my baby and raped mother earth. I think you're obnoxious no matter what...so maybe you should go take advantage of drunk girls instead of looking at this stupid website. So anyways...lets talk about what I love...I love kitties rainbows and pandas..they make me feel warm and gooey inside...warm and gooey like a burrito.
01/12/03:
I'm just going to use this forum to comment on how much I hate Peter Dolan. Seriously. I hate him sooo much. I went through all this trouble to make this really cool senior ad for him and I kept it secret for so long and it was almost done and then what does he do? He goes digging through my room one day and finds one of my drafts in the trash can... completely ruining the suprise. Bastard. Well I hope you like your ad Peter, its right next to your idol Max Weber's. I hate you so much, so much that I purchased an ad and wrote a really nice letter w/ Ataris lyrics and everything. Bastard.
01/05/03: I think there are animals that get a lot of crap...like goats and donkeys...everyone likes the puppies and the kitties...but no one ever asks for a goat....if I had magic powers I would make it so donkeys and goats pooped out money..then they'd be wanted..and people would dig in poop for the hundred dollar bills. Then the world would be a better place...not really...just a place where dollar bills had pooh on them.
01/01/03: First day of the year...and I am a new man. The moment midnight hit I transformed into a hella sexy beast wearing a tie...not really...but new year's was interesting. We lit an artillery shell that I've had for two years...and for whatever reason it didn't work...as in it exploded on the ground. Then after like five minutes my neighbors came outside and were like "If you guys even touch my car I'll fuck you up...it's worth way more than your fucking van you fucking cunts" and of course Kim Jae responds with something like "We didn't touch your fucking car chode cobbler...Go eat cunt!" So then I ran screaming into the night like the little girl I am...actually we went back inside and ate cookies and watched 200 cigarettes. I'm pretty sure my neighbors are in the mafia...because they own the San Remo Casino and are all Italian...and one time I watched them all leave at once...as in like 15 people all left their house at the same time in 15 different cars...and there's randomly people there I've never seen before...like this weird guy with a super bike. I hope I don't get my skull cracked. That would hurt.
12/24/02: It's christmas eve...hazah...I was hoping to get a pony for christmas....but there aren't any presents under the tree shaped like a pony. But there is this one that was barking and whining...and then it ran across the room...but it stopped making noise when I kicked it. I hope people like(d) their gifts...becca is such a ho bag....she gave me the outcrowd cd. Whatever Peter, you know you loved it hehe. Next time they play I'm going to go and yell all the lyrics at them...then jump on stage steal the guitar and rock their socks off with new A.D.H.D./Raincoat Mafia set...who knows....all I know is that the rock opera will kick ass.
12/17/02: So my mind was wandering the other day and I was thinking...if people I knew were characters in the Brave Little Toaster, who would they be? Becca of course would be the vacuum....merely because she is grumpy and sucks everything up...but at the same time she cares. Then I decided that Lindsey would be the blanket....because she's cozy, yet vulnerable....I think I should be the lamp...because he was just really funny... and for the toaster...none other than al!...I think al is like the toaster because he sort of encourages people and always asks how they're doing....yep....the brave little toaster.
12/12/02:
So I recently discovered the existence of Bizarro Becca. Yup, Bizarro Becca. See a bizarro is basically another you, only with a completely different personality. Superman had a Bizarro Superman who was evil and there was an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine discovers Bizarro Jerry, George and Kramer, a trio that enjoyed reading at the library. Bizarro Peter, or Travis Drevecky, has existed since sophomore year when Mr. Willey gave Peter Travis's school pictures insted of his own. So, by bizarro standards, Travis, although having a resemblance to Peter, must have a completely different personality. Understand? Their personalities are 100% different, except they both tend to alienate people, albeit by completely different practices. Lindsey seems to have aquired herself a bizarro as well, it seems Zach's best friend in Santa Fe is pretty much Lindsey undergone a personality change. Bizarro Becca plays the flut in marching band, that's all I know. I only saw a picture, but since I'm a whorish robot unicorn she must be a prude human horse... with her own TV series.
12/07/02: Tonight is prom. I think it will be fun because I didn't spend that much money. I got my condoms at Planned Parenthood and my booze I stole from a dead hooker on the street. So I was thinking...instead of grinding (two people rubbing their groinal areas together and calling it a dance) I should force every girl I dance like they are having a seizure while having a heart attack....and if they don't I'll step on their toes and douse them with blood. I really hope someone slips someone me a rufie...that would make my prom so much more exciting...I wouldn't even have to put effort into "scoring" if I get raped...maybe I'll slip myself one.
12/04/02: So now I'm going to respond the most heterosexual person around...max weber...my best friend (tear). Truthfully, I was excited to hear from jared that such an esteemed member of the highschool community would sign my guest book. So now to answer his question. Who am I taking to prom?....only one of my favorite people ever...Lindsey Kuntz! Although she hasn't been the same since "the accident," I think I can see past the fact that the left side of her face is unrecognizable...and sometimes her glass eye falls out and I have to pick it up...but oh well. I'm proud to dance with someone who is in a whell chair that only has two limbs. If making love to a girl that needs help going to the bathroom makes me gay, then I am a fairy queer homo fag. After all "It's sapiens to be homo." Max is right though...I'm a poser. I wish I was on the varsity soccer team with all my favorite people. Making fun of my soccer career...now that's going too far...I admit defeat. I have been outdone in all areas...I mine as well commit suicide if the Max Weber thinks so low of me. Golly Gee....Max has so many wonderful qualities. If only I could emulate just one, then I would be "da" shit...sigh...if only I had 40 ounces of social skills then I could some neat quotes from max. I would have the best website ever....more max equals more fun!
12/02/02: This morning I woke up and realized that I have alienated myself to the point that I turned into a bowl of orange jello with little marshmallows in it. Granted I am no giant bug, I was very offended when my family started eating me. I mean seriously, how many other bowls of jello jiggle like I do? Eventually I became hungry and ended up eating myself into nothingness. So now I write on this miserable website through my nonexistence in abstract space. Yeah, you felt sorry for Gregor? Well, I am the bowl of jello that ate itself! How tragic...
11/25/02: So apparently people were talking about the things I've been writing on this website...I just want to say that people take this far too seriously. When I say things like "I wish the set would explode"...I simply mean that the stage does not agree with my inner aura...by wank I mean not wort participating in...mostly I wrote this because I was annoyed with Mr. Willey...as in he made me paint the set...and I really don't like painting. Furthermore, when I say that I wish that helen is the only one of the applicants to be accepted to Emerson, I simply mean that in my humble opinion she is the most qualified. Basically, I tend to exagerate things. For those of you who thought I was mad at Becca, this could not be farther from the truth. The explosive becca thing is an inside joke...she said she was a unicorn and I said that if a virgin touched her she'd explode and if she touched herself she'd implode. I simply enjoy alienating people with my bad humor...it is not a personal attack...well at least none of the ones in november were...they are just fun. I am really not that much of an angry person...more disappointed than anything. I thought I had really good friends and it turns out I didn't...it's as easy as that. I finally saw things for what they were. I cared for certain individuals and trusted them and they didn't seem to do the same for me. Not that I am without blame, though I feel that isolating myself from the negative stimuli in my life was a good decision. I am happy. However, I would be more happy if I had my skateboard deck...stupid mailorder. So if you feel that I have been unfair to you on this website...more than likely I have...but my reasoning is far to abstract for your understanding (not really). I act and have acted like an asshole...and for that I apologize. For those of you I pissed off last year by not being friendly I apoligize...because simply put I was miserable...so I didn't really feel like having human interactions. I took my problems out on other people. Although some of my misery stemmed from silly teenage crap, I think that much of it has foundation. If I have been rude to you this year...I further apoligize...either I was joking and you didn't catch my humor or I was just being dumb. Very little of the things I say are actually meant to hurt anyone. So basically four types of people in my life: the people I hate (both featured on the gallery page!); the people I don't like to be around because of past interactions; the people I am indifferent to; and the people I like. Believe it or not, there are more people on the list of people I like than on the people I hate. GASP! So anyway...I don't know why I wrote this but no one will read it anyway so it's pointless...a lot of the things I do are pointless.
11/19/02: So it's only first period and I'm already bored to death...or at least to the point of studying for my math test...that's pretty damn bored...I think I'll keep updating this and not tell becca...maybe I'll make her heart explode....this got boring really fast....that sucks.
11/18/02: I'm glad we never update this site anymore because it's dumb. Now that I changed the password I think it will be less dumb, but oh well. I went to Missoula this weekend with Al...needless to say trevor was very jealous. The Raincoat Mafia played at Higgins Hall...it was pretty fun but Nerds with Instruments were a bunch of wankers. They wanted to play like a 32 song set so they were mad when tyson told them to stop after like forty minutes. The singer was especially a wanker...he went to boys state and I hated him there...blimey cunt. But I saw the Oblio Joes at last! They were amazing. But there was a drunk guy abusing a puppy at jay's and it made me sad. Well, at least I wasn't working on the stupid play. That thing is wank. I hope the set explodes...but then helen would be sad...how about the set explodes and helen is the only person accepted to Emerson...that would make everyone happy...everyone excluding the ones that didn't get accepted.
8/19/02:
Well Trevor, Peter, and I just finished watching one of the best movies of all time: Food of the Gods. Basically the story goes like this: Old farm couple find magical white substance coming out of ground. After discovering that
white substance is not in fact oil, couple feed the substance to farm animals, resulting in enormus chickens, bugs, and mice the size of cattle. Mice attack all humans, humans shoot mice, etc. It evens makes a very interesting point about racism in the United States (right Trevor?). Lots of people get mauled by giant mice and wasps and chickens... what more could you ask for? So pour yourself a bowl of kix and a glass of tang and rent Food of the Gods, I guarantee you will not be disappointed... that is if we ever return it. On a side note, Trevor has this to say:
8/06/02: Now that I fucked myself very hard, I realized that people are lame. Yep, just lame.
7/28/02: Here's some advice from Trevor, a good friend of mine who happens to actually know what Akira is about:
7/27/02: It's been a while huh? Well since Peter and Lisa seem to be on sebatical from the journal page I will tell whoever will read this about my week. Or maybe I'll break this up a little bit and work backwards. Today is Saturday and I just arrived back to my house from a week (sorta) at Seeley Lake. I just rescued my dogs from the pet resort and I'm typing this entry... Peter was supposed to help me but it seems you just can't wake the boy before noon on a Saturday. I went kneeboarding yesterday and besides sporting a few new bruises, I can't lift my arms without them almost falling out of the sockets. Wowza. I have front row center seats for Smashmouth tonight (thanks Brittney) and I think my parents just got back to town. I came back with my cousin in her Prelude, we made it from Seeley to G-Town (thanks Brandon) in 1 hour 45 minutes (100 mph isn't that fast... is it?).
6/28/02: Well I'm back from yearbook camp... errr yearbook convention... yeah that's it. It was a pretty fun week actually. The first day we got there we all walked to town. Now, we were originally told that this walk was 2 miles down and 2 miles back, so we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Then, the guy at the desk told us it was 3 miles, and we were a little miffed, but we did it anyway. After walking down and back, we found out it was in reality 4 miles down and 4 miles back and we all groaned and rested our aching and blistered feet. The only one not in pain was Lisa who accomplished this hike in her little wooden heeled shoes. Nelli got a blister in her toe crotch... figure that one out. That night we had more staff bonding than people should probably have. The rest of the week was fun, but hectic. We had to put together designs for pretty much every aspect of the yearbook, so that meant late nights watching Butt... I mean Footloose and learning about Roman times. The last night we hung out with these real cool kids from Laramie, Wyoming (shout-outs to Matt and Chelsie, word). Along the way, Nelli turned into retarded yearbook girl and Suzy Bushweazel... but mostly she was retarded cause "Nobody gets mad at retarded people.” Bryan developed two other personalities, Langston and Jacques, twins separated at birth. Langston is a mildly English gent who works for Mizz Clare (Lisa) and Jacques is a militant, anarchist, French man who hates mostly everybody and wants to see certain people lying face down in a gravel pit. The last day we went to the awards ceremony at which we won 1st place and eight free pages of color for our book. Also, Katy and Nelli both won awards for their photography. After that, Nelli, Bryan, Mia, Katy, and I decided to go biking into town. Bryan defiled statues on Main Street, we have pictures. I promise as soon as Nelli gives them to me I'll post the quotes from this excellent adventure... they're awesome. Peace out yo.
6/17/02: This is not so much a journal entry as it is an announcement. Earlier today audiogalaxy shut down on a court order thus meeting the same end as our beloved napster. You may all commence crying.
6/12/02: This is a speech written and may be performed by my comrade Jordan Hess.
My name is Jordan Hess, and I am running for Superintendent of Public Schools. A lot of people before me have gotten up and pledged their devotion to your ideas. They say things like "I'm going to serve you, and represent you!" But as soon as these people get into office, they're going to abandon your ideas. Frankly, if you elect me, I'm going to use my office soley to abuse my power. You know what I say? I say, "Fuck You." You're simply my vehicle into office. So fuck you, really. No,really, watch out in the shower.
6/10/02: For your reading enjoyment, a letter dictated to me by my brother... I thought it was worth posting.
Dear Mr. Tyson Ballew,
Take this down. A message from God of All Drumming: Mr. Jared G. Sayre. He has but one demand for the show on the 24th. The name of Old Shoes must be changed. Here is what Mr. Jared G. Sayre wants: The Old Shoes Family Fun Hour Extravaganza Half Hour of Power Credenza featuring Mr. Jared G. Sayre on percussion equipment. This is his only request with any further comments please send him an e-mail or letter or see him in person, come to his office, his office is in the basement of this address: -------------------(I don't think if I want everyone to have the address).
Sincerely yours,
Rutabaga McSkudonald
6/10/02: For those of you who don't know, I am at boys state, bored beyond the point of death. The people here are the most mundane I have ever encountered. The people range from really scary jocks to really scary nerds...both of which have nothing interesting to say. The only people I've met that I do not fit in this category are Barry from speech and Abe who is also from speech. This place is freaking lame...they are trying to force us to buy t-shirts to pose for a picture. Even Josh Frickle was complaining about it. He said, "This is like so totally stupid. We pay to come here and then when we get here we have to pay more. That is totally ridiculous, plus the food sucks." The best part is that our political parties have to come up with platforms on issues dealing with Boys State itself. So they were talking about teachers...and the main concern was the number of hot teachers there were. I guess the only good portion about Boys State is that it is easy to run away and play on computers...and Hoppy is here.
6/09/02: So here's a basic breakdown of a day for me at girls state. 1)Wake up 2)Eat Breakfast in cafeteria, 3) Go to flag raising 4)Sing Girls State Song too many times 5)Sit in Assembly hall and listen to speeches and try to stay awake by drawing pictures on a legal pad 6)Fall asleep anyway 7)Get a rude awakening by mean militay lady who slaps the back of everyone's head who's down for the count 8)Barely manage to stay awake through remainder of speeches by singing Jack Johnson songs in head 9)Lunch time 10)Complain w/ other girls about not doing anything but sitting and eating 11)Go back to assembly hall for more speeches 12)Stay awake by writing entertaining quotes and singing Get Up Kids songs in head 13)Go to party convention 14)Watch as the supposed "liberal" party gets taken over by small town chicks who hate Canada and Wally World 15)Make fun of them w/ Tabi 16)Spend free time on the phone w/ people at home to keep sane 17)Time to be patriotic, flag retreat 18)Back in assembly hall for more speeches, move on to Elvis Costello songs 19)Eat Dinner 20)Vote in primary election... forget names of people to vote for, sigh and pick random ones 21)Spend free time hanging out w/ other Great Falls Girls and working on yearbook design 22)City meeting... work on city song 23)Go to Bed. So there you have it, a day condensed basically to wake up, eat, flag, sit, eat, sit, flag, sit, sleep. Sounds like fun, huh?
5/25/02: There are pants in my licorice. I wear pants. I pick my nose when I feel insecure. I wonder if the pants would fit in my nose.
5/21/02: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah we haven't been updating much latley... oh friggin well. Well let's see what I can get to come out of my head today (besides dark depression clouds)... hmmm... not much so I'll just type in some Ben Kweller lyrics.
Gotta love Ben.
Wind is cold alright back in Dallas. The neon light
from the building lets you know you're home.
You'd go way back when if you wanted to be my
friend or you'd call me. I'd understand, it's true.
I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling down.
Just say "hello" to the ground.
4/2/02:Wowza, I'm going to make this one short and sweet... WTF Films is in the midst of their latest production: Real World Great Falls. Last night probably marked the epoch of dirty filmmaking, and without giving too much away it included this line: "Your name's LaToya cause you're dirty!" Funtastical.
3/12/02: I figured since ITEDs have reared their ugly, putrid, smelly, horrendous, nasty (you get the drift) heads I should take some time out of my busy (yeah right) life to steal from Peter's previous post and talk about my post-today (P.T. for the abbreviation-loving crazies out there) movie life. It'll all start on my birthday, which everyone forgot. So in retaliation, I'll join a prep school and attempt to build a memorial aquarium on its baseball field. When my efforts are thwarted, I'll just go hang around the mall, maybe even catch that stupid game show they are putting on. The next day I'll skip school (for the 10th time) to go to this weird office on floor seven and a half. I'll discover a door behind a filing cabinet that leads into the mind of an Irish gypsy boxer who happens to be involved in an elaborate diamond heist. When I get out of the gypsy's head, I'll end up on the stage of some small town's pageant celebrating itself. After losing my short-term memory for a spell, (falling head first onto a poorly constructed stage will do that to you) I'll go in search of pirate's treasure to save my house from being torn down for commercial development. Oh yeah, then I'll defend my home from a bunch of teenage vampires and visit that record store where the guy keeps spouting off his "top fives."
3/7/02: I have decided that my entire life will eventaully turn into a movie...or it will reflect parts of movies. I'll get detention with Emilio, have a date on the other side of the tracks, work at a gas station (when I'm not even supposed to be there that day), Long Duck Dong will pass out in my front yard, become a Scotish heroine addict and go swimming in a toilet, I'll have a donation fund to save my life, work in a record store that lost its money in Atlantic City, a flare gun will go off in my locker, I'll produce a girl through science, and I will become a computer (with tennis shoes) .
2/23/02: I've decided that 4B's is the greatest and best resteraunt in the world. We were eating our various meals after the play, when I noticed that there was a man that looked like Ben Affleck....Ben Affleck if he weighed 350 lbs. So I pointed it out to Becca,and she agreed that everything he did was very Ben Affleck-esque.So after gawking at the resembalance and pointing it out to everyone, another celebrity walks in and sits right behind him. Best Supporting actor nominee of "Ghost World" Steve Buscemi. For those of you who foolishly eat at AppleBee's....you are really missing out. The waiters and waitresses are about 6,000,000,000 times more friendly and funny. Every time that we go to 4B's, it is an experience all of its own. For instance, the time I went with Lisa and she thought that gravity was shifting. Afterwards, she couldn't remember a thing. Furthermore, there was the time that we thought an old man was going to cross the middle of tenth...but then a bus picked him up. Where else could you find waiters who say things like, "No doubt my homey gee." Then there's Rollin, who is remembers us from the days of Christmas Carol, and always takes the time to have a conversation with his customers. Once, he even sat down to talk with an elderly lady for about half an hour. Whereas, at AppleBee's you'd pay $3.00 for a milkshake the size of a pop can. It is really a choice between a massively overpriced menu and an extremely tumultuous atmosphere, and the quiet, friendly atmosphere full of sights and sounds. You may say,"I eat at AppleBee's for the food." Just in case you didn't notice, the food there is not good enough to charge $6.50 for a small cheeseburger. But at 4B's, the food is worth more than your money. Everytime we go to 4B's we end up tiping very well, because the service was so friendly. Remember, the best things in life are not free....the best things in life come from 4B's.
2/12/02:Okay kiddies, today we're going to talk about unexplained phenomena. Sure, there are many things we could talk about, like aliens and crop circles, the loch ness monster, the cafeteria food, John Travolta, the parli kid who works at the 10-plex’s way-too-prominent part. But no, we're going to take about spontaneous combustion. Spontaneous combustion has been a drastic problem facing the world since 1904, when S. Dwight Spunkermier randomly (spontaneously one might say) exploded while riding his bicycle in Manhattan. Some attribute this explosion to the dynamite witnesses claim to have seen in his trousers, but others are skeptical. Ever since Mr. Spunkermier's untimely, death the number of spontaneous combustions has skyrocketed. In less than 100 years, the number has grown from one explosion per year to 8,944*. This devastating figure has confused scientists to the point where they all say, "Did you just make those figures up?" and "Get out of my la-bor-a-tory!" Clearly, the only logical next step is to ask Peter J. Dolan M.D. why this number has risen so drastically. Dolan answered, “It’s simply God’s way of controlling the population.” Well there you go folks, there’s your answer. Hope this helped explain that previously unexplained phenomena. So, if Peter is nothing more than a pile of ashes tomorrow you’ll know why… spontaneous combustion!!! (or he’s a vampire.)**
*All figures are bunk, so should know that.
**Got any stakes handy?
02/04/02: The word cheese conjures many images. Yellow, mice, cows, dairy products, Wisconsin, yokels, Steve Urkel, holes, spread, cans, slices, graters, traingles, movies, television, people. Well that was certanitly an intresting topic, thanks Peter... I'm fresh out of ideas.
1/3/02: So the past few days our group of bored fools has continually talked about my future career. Well, in the past I have aspired to be lawyer(ewwww...boring)or biologist (ewwww...science). So,we went through various vocations and compared them to my "personality." For instance, me being a doctor (I would never get a liscence b/c I'd kill a couple patients while taking blood)So basically I'll either be a bum, or the guy from Office Space. I'll end up in a cubicle somewhere sporting my pit stains and crappy tie, and continually thinking, "I hate _______ about my job...I should rebel." Then, I'd try and do something rebellious like the guy in the movie, but then I'd get fired and be a bum (like I would otherwise). I think I'll work at the Quick Stop.
12/31/01: It's New Year's Eve...hooray...one crappy year down the tube. Maybe this year the Father Time will look upon my humble life with a benevolent smile and give me joy. Maybe next year life will not be a soap opera, but comedy! That would be stupendous. But not slap stick...ugh. Hopefully it will be something along the lines of Clerks. That way we could talk about Star Wars as much as we want...maybe even play hockey on the roof of the Quick Stop. Maybe if we put Clerks, Mallrats, Empire Records, and Snatch in a blender (after straining out all the akward moments...two nipples for us) and we would have a magical slushy of comedic life. Poor Lisa...she left New York this morning--BEFORE THE BALL DROPPED--but she saw a bunch of good plays. Yesterday, Becca and I started a band....Eleventy-Seven...the instruments? Tamborene and kazoo. We rock this hell hole like heroin addicts given musical "talent"....wait...isn't that what happened? We sing mostly about clouds and rainbows....and sometimes we include unicorns with tar on their feet. If only we didn't have to read Huck Finn: Boy Wonder....then the band could really get off the ground. But anyways, we're going to rock this party like it's 2999...we're dressing as robots and talking about Blue Fairies...Happy Holidays!
12/30/01: Today while sipping a white cherry icee and munching on a pretzel from Punk Pretzels (Neon Pretzel) an idea struck me. We were trying to find a focus for our new movie, a musical... and it struck me... why don't we combine other musicals and form one super musical!? Take Grease, Cabaret, and West Side Story.. combine them in a big pot, cook for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Let it simmer, and you have created the greatest musical ever! Latino whores driving cadillacs.. what could be better?
11/26/01: I've decided to try the little method of therapy from Ally McBeal. SMILE THERAPY!!!So, I am going to attempt to be a happy and nice person. When I am sad, mad, or any of the sort I'll smile! Not a psychotic smile, but a REAL smile. Wow....I am starting to sound like Pinnochio...."But it's a real smile!". That's kind of scary. At least I'm not made of wood, and have a nose that grows every time I lie. I would have one long nose. I wonder if the school would consider that a weapon. I could sharpen it...then when someone pisses me off I'll yell, "Lisa is really, really tall!"...then my nose would stab them through the chest. Hmmm.....if only...til then I will just have to keep on smiling.
11/25/01: Poor, poor Becca. She's an onion. We don't know how she got that way. It's really scary. One minute she was walking around happily and then....poof....and all that was left was an onion. A rotten onion that talks. You know, Becca doesn't make a very good oninon. I wonder if there is a clan of onions waiting to take over the world.....hmmmmmmm....Becca is just the FIRST of many! BEWARE THE VEGGIES! BEWARE!!!
11/24/01:As an avid music-listener who has strong tastes and opinions in a wide range of music , I feel the need to defend my Beasties, which were so recklessly attacked by Peter earlier today. Here is a breakdown of his posting, complete with my response.
11/24/01: I would now like to express my deep hatred for the Beastie Boys. Despite Becca's claim, they are not "the best ever",which she says about any music she listens to. You see Becca, contrary to popular belief, I do not like music that gives ME a headache. You may have noticed that the Beastie Boys follow a pattern in all of their songs. One of them will say something like "I like my sugar with coffee and...." then all of them say "tea" at the same time. That trend continues through all of the song. I know I listen to screwed up music, but none of the music that I listen to follow a pattern in all of their songs. blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAH. Such artistic ability must be rewarded. Despite lacking in the music arena, the Beastie Boys know how to make a video. That is their only redeeming factor. If I ever listen to the Beastie Boys, I can only handle one song (much like techno). It's just the kind of music that you can only listen to a song once every turn of the century. THAT is why I don't like listening to the Beastie Boys, and that is why I will never listen to them.
11/21/01:I know it's been a long time, but I've been busy. Anywho, I found out today to my great suprise that I scored a 93 out of 99 on the ASVAB. Even more suprising, I only missed 3 on the mechanical part, a section I pretty much only guessed on. Guess my blind elimination skillz are decent after all. To realize how shocked I was by this information, imagine being blindfolded in a pitch black room while trying to defuse a bomb by cutting the red wire. I guess the downside to this is the bazillion phone calls I'm about to recieve from the military. Shiza.
10/27/01: Shame on Cory Kalanick. Shame on him...deleting all of his funny journal entries. The one redeeming factor of his website. Tsk..for those of you who didn't know about these entries here is a basic entry. "You know, sometimes it seems like ponies are the most beautiful animals on Earth...then they kick you in the head and you get severe brain damage......on a side note West Side Story is very entertaining!" But no...Cory had to delete them all, because we made fun of him. POOR, POOR CORY!!! Cory and his mid-sentence mood swings!
10/22/01: After a two week hiatus, I am ready to continue on creating insane journal entries. In those two weeks I have learned many great lessons of life. 1) Chrissy Baroch has the worst timing in giving reading assignments. 2) It is relatively easy to leave Cory in the parking lot of Wal-mart. 3) Nasty Man uses mind bullets. (That's telekenesis Kyle) 4) Mrs. Baroch writes the worst prompts the world has ever seen. Just try to explain the universe backwards...in Latin. That would be an easier prompt. 5)Lisa is a super-hero. 6) The Asian Wonder 7) Kate had a chicken...Kate had a cow...Cory was proud, he didn't care how. 8) Lisa's kryptonite is meat. 9) My parents do not like paying the bill for the internet. The many great lessons I learned in the past two weeks.
10/17/01: First off, lets all give Peter a round of applause for being cast as Marley in A Christmas Carol! Go Peter. Secondly, let us applaud all who did well at the GFHS Ice Breaker. Especially our first place orator, Kate. What was that? You wanted to do SOI instead of OO? What? I can't hear you. Thirdly, let’s take some time out of our day and talk about Michael Jackson's video, err excuse me, short film for Rock My World. It is easily one of the most disturbing videos I have seen in a while. Mostly because of Jacko's "hunt" for the woman in a video. Anything with Mike chasing/kissing/touching/coming within three feet of a girl is disturbing enough, let alone when they all occur at the same time. Then there's the Marlon Brando aspect. He rolls around in a chair and rolls around on his legs, occasionally opening his mouth to grunt something. I can guess it wasn't much of a stretch for him; it’s basically what he does at home, only now he's clothed. Chris Tucker appears in this as well, he dances, and then he dances some more, he says "Mike!", he spins, he dances, he runs away, dances, and gets into a car. Mike gets in trouble with some guy for dancing on a bar while not being a female in a short skirt or tight fitting jeans. He had the female part down; it was the clothing thing the guy had the problem with. Then dancers fall from the sky and help Mike prove that dancing, and only dancing, solves all problems. Then there's fire. Mike and the girl run away and -- here's the nasty part -- kiss (now its time for a collective "ewwww", after the whole Lisa Marie thing I REALLY did not need to see that). They escape with Chris, the end. Sorry if this gives you nightmares.
10/15/01: Yes Kenny, I am a dork. A dork who comes to school on time.
10/7/01: Hello young citizens of the overlord! Today we are going to talk about Disney. Disney started out as a happy little tv station with movies and cartoons and the like...lalalala...then walt said, "we should build an amusement park." and thus Disneyland came to life. Fun for all ages! But then...ba ba bum...Walt decides he should have an amusement park that is 3x the size of the old...BWAH HAHAHA!!!...As he continues on his trek towards success over children's minds Walt decides that nothing is out of his reach. $$$$ So, from that point on Disney began its quest for a monopoly over entertainment. Let's see...ever heard of a little production company called MGM...guess who owns that! oh Disney. Then Disney decided to buy out tv stations here and there...Let's see ABC, Lifetime, Disney,and some obscure Mexican station are all owned by Disney. Don't let Mickey get you...don't be swayed by his smiley charm! Behind that mask is an illegal immigrant with pubic lice. Don't let that monstrous beast hug your child! Soon enough the economic monster Mickey will swallow you whole. BEWARE! BEWARE! Watch out for that mouse-eared demon from hell! (and if you go to disney world with your supposed best friend you'll come back and he'll say you flirted with him...then you'll hate him)
10/5/01: Go Go Linda Ballew for getting me out of class...Right now it is 3rd period and I am updating the site. Well, I am really missing out on Math with Opheim. Darn it...I really wanted to learn about algebra. LIES VICIOUS LIES!!! Oops...I guess I have Tourrets when I type. So anyway....while everyone else was in English class with Chrissy, I was carrying big boxes of candy back and forth from one concession stand to another. hooray I say to that.
10/3/01: Conspiracies are fun. Here is a new one for the entire world to enjoy. Micheal Jordan and Micheal Jackson are the same person. ba ba bum...You've never seen them together have you? HAVE YOU? I didn't think so...I bet they come from a distant planet, coming to overthrow the pop culture of America. What does MJ really stand for? Maybe it is a secret code...or like a membership card. Notice how they are both making their come backs at the same time...they both have mystical talents with no traceable origin. Jordan has an uncanny ability in basketball, while Jackson has the power of groove. No wonder Jordan couldn't play baseball...he hadn't been formatted to do that. Five players on a basketball team...Jackson 5...I think you know what I am talking about. Jackson has a mysterious white glove...no one knows where it comes from...no one knows where the other glove went. Both of them have tried to break into acting careers...Air Jam anyone? If you have seen Jackson's new video, you know he wants to try acting. You know the song ABC123 by the Jackson 5? It is a secret signal to control listener's minds. Then Jordan has his own brain controlling code.........HANES........watch out for the code name-MJ, MJ, MJ!!!!
10/1/01: Guess what boys and girls! It's homecoming week, so you should probably kill yourself now...I mean...what fun! Jungles are fun! Maybe school will turn into a humid hell hole....wait that would be like normal except for the humid part. I wonder what they would do if I brought exotic birds to school. They'd probably say, "My, look at those exotic birds. Aren't they splendid? I think so. AH! My eye! It's an insane bird of death!"...That's exactly what they'd say........BEFORE THEY DIED! Maybe I'll train my birds to sing and dance to West Side Story. I'd have the hippest birds this side of the Mississippi. I wonder if I'd have to get Puerto Rican birds...that could be costly. Maybe I'll just train Cory to sing and dance instead. For now on I'll call Cory Maria. Then I'd say, "Do you feel pretty?"...then Cory would respond by saying, "Ai Yai Yai! I want to be in America!" Then he would break into song and make Hispanic sounds. Since Cory is Maria then we'll assume that Kate is Tony. Tony got into a knife fight with Robbie, Cory's brother. Then Tony said, "Jets unite!" or some other unifying statement to her posse of dancing bears. Then the Puerto Ricans would say,"Choose your weapon!" Then Kate and her posse would respond, "We will fight with dance." Then the Puerto Ricans would say,"Bring it on!"-Making a reference to the film with the same title...Then Tony would suddenly break into a Micheal Jackson type dance. Then Maria would say,"I like those moves, but look at this.AIAIAAI!" While thrusting his hips in every direction. Then Riff (Jeff)pulled out a gun...and said, "I'll show you how to dance!!!" and immediatly shot Tony and Maria in their foreheads. Then Maria's ghost would say, "Ai Yai Yai Chico, why you do it?" Then Riff shrugs his shoulders and prances away with the rest of the dancing bears while making jet noises. Then Tony killed her ghost self, because she wanted to be with Maria in Cuba (they made into a circle of hell...for dancers) Zoom Riff, Zoom. THE END.
9/25/01: I would like to take this time to talk about the Super Friends. If they were so SUPER, why did they each have a bad guy with equal powers against them for the first seasons. Maybe Lex Luthor has cloned the superfriends, but altered their appearances. It is in the realm of possibility, after all that is exactly how Superboy came about. Yep that's right, Superboy is Superman's clone. And what was with Wonder Woman....oooh the lassoo of truth...well darn it now I can't lie to Wonder Woman. Then she had her magical bracelets that reflected attacks...so really Wonder Woman really has no "super powers" but super accessories. I wonder why Mattel never picked up on the line of clothes for Barbie...hmmm...Barbie's magical lip stick of splendor gives her the ability to put her lipstick on without the use of a mirror. Wonder Woman away! Then there was her invisible jet that she would randomly get into. Where did she find the invisible jet? Does it run on invisible gas? Even the origins of Wonder Woman are pathetic. Wonder Woman was once an amazon princess who secretly competed for the title. She lived in a civilization with no men....hmmmm...No wonder she never had wonder children...With her magical tiara and go-go boots Wonder Woman fights off evil---"AHHH...her jewelry! It is just too cliche! We can't fight THAT! What are we doing? With super heroes like THAT society will collapse on its own." -Mr. Villain man who encounters Wonder Woman
9/24/01: When I think of mega-consumerism, only one word comes to mind (or rather one made-up word): Wal-Mart. When I think of the game spies, the same word comes to mind. We spent approximately 40 minutes in Wally World last Saturday night, and we only covered about 1/4 of the store. It also happened to be restocking night, so there was an employee around every corner. They didn't seem to mind us throwing their carefully placed pillows and stalking each other with random toy weapons still in the box. In fact, the only one who got in trouble was Lisa, for running. Hooray for Wal-Mart and its blue vested army!
9/20/01: BAH Chrissy Baroch...BAH Joy Luck Club...BAH style analysis...BAH I say!
9/19/01: I think we all know Lisa is the pope and all, but where is her pulpit? Even if she had one no one could see her. They would only see the big pointy hat....then when she goes on missions people will mistake the sun shining off her forehead for a radiant glow from God. Why would anyone listent to a pope like that? Maybe if she did a little jig every time she said the word "church". Then millions of people would come to see her and her dancing splendor. All the court jesters would be jealous and lose their jobs, then have to work at the dry cleaners. Poor court jesters. If only Lisa had used Rogaine seventeen times a day since she was five, then she would have a full head of hair. Then people would say, "My, what beautiful hair the pope has!" amd there would be much rejoicing in the land.
9/18/01: Hey everyone! I like anagrams. Do you like anagrams? Well, I think I'll use them now. A DISCO GORY. A DICE GONG ON WORRY YOU. Now for antonyms! Smart cat is a good LDer. Will someone figure out my devilish message? Answer- NO! BWAH HA HA HA HA
9/17/01: I am deeming this day Purple Monday, because of the drop in the DOW and NASDAQ. We've had Black Tuesday, so why not Purple Monday...why does everyone forget purple? Purple is dark and bleak. Schools with purple as a school color are the worst....yes that's right PURPLE!!!
9/17/01: As I have a truckload of homework upstairs, I probably shouldn't be working on the site, but oh well. Today was pretty boring. I found out others hated the movie Jeepers Creepers as much as I did. After going on a tangent about writing an insane essay in which words like "diction" and "detail" are replaced with "dancing" and "lounge singing" Peter and I wasted several class periods (or kept ourselves awake) by drawing pictures of people dancing. Oh boy, what a fun life I live. BTW, if you haven't seen Adult Swim on Cartoon Network yet, be sure to check it out. Calc homework away!!!
9/15/01: Gee golly mister,that darn Jeepers Creepers movie was shiza. Who needs closure when we can have a flying bat thing that eats organs...that would be just swell. Today I put the blade to my wrist and tried to cut through the vein in order to kill myself....by the way "Waiting for Guffman" is a great movie!
9/14/01: Let's talk about the day of Peter Dolan. Today I brutally slaughtered Cory.....and by Cory I mean my math test. Cory was pretty easy. Even Lisa could pass Cory. Cory was a waste of time. I don't know why Mr. Opheim made Cory...I mean shouldn't he be praying to Yahweh? Foolish Mr. Opheim...creating Cory...Cory was illegible...Most of Cory I could hardly understand...let alone Doug and his hair.
9/11/01: 9-11 We will remember this date forever. A war on terrorism looms in the future and we know the United States will never be the same. As we all feel the shocks and aftershocks of this day let us keep in our prayers those who have lost friends and family. We must come together in these hard times. God Bless America!
9/09/01: Started Building the site today. I saw Memento on Friday, see it.