It pains me to admit this, but I have a problem. No, dickweed... it's not hemorrhoids. Well, that's actually part of a bigger problem, I guess. I was actually talking about my urge to watch terrible movies. I purposely watch some pure shit, and I like doing it. I may hate the movie, but I am compelled to watch. I can probably blame this on the thousands of hours I spent watching MST3K in my youth, or perhaps Channel 62 in Kansas City, which showed these types of films ad infinitum when I was a dull and simple lad. In either case, I truly enjoy some bad movies.
Case in point: At The Earth's Core. Doug McClure (B Movie star that looks kinda like Stuart Smalley) and Peter Cushing (star of a crapload of classic horror films) burrow into the earth in The Iron Mole, which is just a huge drill. They fall asleep during the trip and awaken somewhere deep inside Mother Earth's creamy center. The place is called Pellucidor and is kinda like a prehistoric world with big reptiles and cavemen. Doug immediately falls for a hot cavegirl played by Caroline Munro (and so will you.... uh, if you're into chicks). Doug decides to save her and her peoples from all the cheap looking monsters and that sets up the rest of the movie, nothing more than a series of poorly conceived, fake looking, never ending fights between McClure and huge papier mache and rubber beasts that don't move.
The monsters are just terrible looking.... the main bad guys being telepathic rubber pterodactyls on wires that explode when they hit the ground. Other monsters include rubber lizards, dudes with pig faces, killer plants, and a dinosaur that bears a striking resemblance to Muppet character Sam the Eagle. Some of the creatures have voices that sound like air horns, while others sound like voices being played backwards. Oh yeah!
It's a hella good time if you like crap. You got your atrocious acting, your incredibly hot chick that wears next to nothing, your skinny white guy with an afro, your old British guy that cracks wise, and dozens of laughably bad monsters and fights. It's a bad movie fan's wet dream. |
