Aah, Murdercycle. Look at that title. Stare at it until it is burned into your retinas. Murdercycle. Now think for a moment. If you were making a movie with that title, what would it be about? A motorcycle that runs over a lot of people, right? Lots of dudes getting hit by a bike. Blood and guts and one killer HOG!
Well, you can forget about all that, because this movie is absolutely nothing like what I just described. In actuality, it's a lot of really, really bad actors that spend the whole film talking and walking around an army base that looks very similar to my back yard, while some guy rides around on a piece of shit 250 dirtbike with lots of black rubber and lame tubes on it.
The main characters are a few soldiers and a psychic chick with scary weird eyebrows. She often senses that the Murdercycle is approaching about one second before it shows up, so she's of absolutely no help. The Murdercycle kills people with its cartoon laser and is trying to retrieve some orb from space or some shit. Anywho, there's a conspiracy that's stolen straight from an X-Files episode and.... well, you probably get the point. This movie sucks royally.
The acting is simply atrocious. That dog on Mad About You was a better actor, and the damn thing was always looking in the wrong direction because his trainer was just off camera with some damn Beggin' Strips. Dogs don't know it's not Bacon. Also, the special effects are some of the shittiest of all time. There's the heat vision stolen from Predator, but here it looks a thousand times worse, even though this came out over ten years later. It seriously looks like the Murdercycle is having a psychedelic freak-out whenever it sees somebody. And why do the characters call it "Murdercycle" anyway? Maybe because the screenwriter thought it sounded better than Crappy Moped of Death. Personally, I think that name is more fitting. |
