| Soylent Green |
| copyright 1973 |
| Soylent Green is a truly stunning vision of the future. Stunning, because people still dress like it's 1973. Seriously, if I wanted to see a guy dressed like Fred from Scooby Doo, I'd just watch Scooby Doo. It's only on Cartoon Network 17 times a day. Fred, uh, I mean Charlton Heston, walks around the year 2022 wearing a faggy scarf. In this crappy future, the world has become so overpopulated that there's not enough food and all the resources have been exhausted. Heston is trying to solve the murder of a dude who worked for the Soylent Company. Soylent is responsible for supplying food to the U.S. in the form of crackers that look like multi-colored plastic strips (Fruit Roll Ups?!!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!). The main problem with the movie is that it is excruciatingly boring. But, between long segments where nothing was happening, there were some entertaining highlights, including: -A woman has an orgasm while eating strawberry jam. -The ending is cool, with Heston going over the top. Sure, it's easy to figure out about ten minutes in, and most people know how it ends before they see it anyway, but it's still good. -Edward G. Robinson is good as Sol, Heston's elderly buddy. His death scene is one of the best I've ever seen. -The methods the government uses to take out protestors are pretty hilarious. -In the future, whenever you buy a home, you get a free whore. I can't wait. |
| 1 out of 5. Sure, it's boring and predictable, but c'mon, SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! |
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