Illing

the world is made up of flickers. i watch it on the screen and it’s under my feet and i just can't take it. i feel things; behind me is a wall, and around me is the room, and i'm watching it all. i can see everything. images:

twist knife kiss bleed eyes love dream save hold fuck touch finger cheek hair braid spikes cry spin dirt feed live hide travel-in-circles go-straight run see hope reach cut blue shoulder neck ear dark sweet move in out sound oh oh think don't sky tongue wrap chairs wall look stars bright noise skin can't don't stop no

he stops. i'm against the wall, can't breathe. one of us is holding the other up. i have trouble feeling my legs, but that's not what's important. stop, orlando? why stop?

"Lij, are you all right?" what? i'm fine, thank you very much. would you like some tea and crumpets, and the weather today is very nice, isn't it? no fucking small talk, just fucking, please.

"Elijah, you look terrible. Am I. Am I hurting you? Is it me?" i look around me. we're in a theater, and the movie's on. we should watch the movie, shush.

oh, wait, it's just rushes. screening room, rushes. i remember, we had a date . . .

"Lijah, are you all right?" movie projectors. orcs fighting up on the screen. viggo's fighting them, and there's somebody else who looks like. oh yeah.

"hey," my voice is weak; i can hardly hear it. "that's me." somehow we've come un-propped from the wall. we're on the floor now, and he's still inside me, but i can’t feel it anymore.

"Elijah, look at me." i look. "Are you sick?" probably. i shrug, and he checks my forehead.

"Shit, you have a fever. Fuck, Lijah, what am I doing, here you're sick and I'm just - "

he keeps talking, but my ears shut off. his voice goes out of focus, but his mouth looks nice like this. i can see him make the word "doctor", and he doesn't seem to notice that he's still inside me. does he plan to carry me all the way to the doctor while we're still attached?

"I can't believe I didn't notice it. I saw you were feeling bad this evening, and then I went ahead and brought you here just because I had planned things for tonight, I'm so - "

i would love to see peter's face if we did that, went to the doctor like that. i'd love to see peter. i miss him.

"i miss peter," i say, voice almost gone. i'm crying, i can see the tears as they drip onto orlando. they're pretty. the rushes behind orlando's head are still going, and orlando has brown eyes.

"God, you're really out of it, aren't you? We seriously have to get you to a doctor." he tries to stand up, and he moves inside of me. i can feel it now, feels nice.

"no, just . . ."

"Just what, Elijah?" he asks, concerned. his skin is kind of brown, too; against mine it's so beautiful. i lift myself up, try to move against him, but i'm pretty weak. out of breath already.

"just keep going."

"What! You're sick, I can't. That’s. No way." i don't try to argue, i just stick my tongue in his ear and make little swishy motions with my fingers along his face. he sighs, the good kind, but he's not convinced. getting there, but not yet.

i take his hands and put them on my cock. it's been squished between us all this time, and now i notice that it feels really good like that. i move his fingers along it, and then he forgets where he is and moves his fingers for me.

i'm having trouble breathing, but everything looks so beautiful like this. every movement shoots stars through me. yeah, that's. oh.

i can see things and feel things, but it's not making sense.

fire rock sun water paper gold mouth slick breathe take sight flash red green blue silver chest room floor skin hold need this keep give break in out center tip slide catch be sharp twist need fill believe shift crawl ride spark fight scream caress bite sparkle happy lovely too-much not-enough zoom view swish concern oh oh Oh

out. fade back. fade

to

black.

The End