The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary
..............................................................by Ambrose Bierce

Archives:
Architect, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Beauty, n. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Destiny, n. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

Edible, adj. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Kleptomaniac, n. A rich thief.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

Male, n. A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

Misfortune, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows to make us disobedient.

Omen, n. A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

Poetry, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

Senate, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

Twice, adv. Once too often.

Yesterday,n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

A Dover Thrift Edition | General Editor: Stanley Appelbaum | Editor of this Volume: Philip Smith
Copyright 1993 by Dover Publications, Inc. | All rights reserved under Pan American And International Copyright Conventions