noncon
The funniest Non Conformity ever!
   NonCon all up in this mug! Booyah! In this edition, I'll be giving a first-person narrative about my days with jOe-Town, the hottest boy band in the world. Of course, after I left they changed the name to O-Town and edited me out of all the episodes of "Making the Band," but it was still a great time in my life.
You see, the reason I was never in the show was because they figured the ratings would be bad and O-Town would lose some street cred if their main member left the band, so they made up this "Ikaika" character to replace me with. I was in most of those scenes, like their first concert and everything, but they just used a computer to superimpose Ikaika over me. That's why Ikaika never explained why he left. Because he didn't. They hired him to cover me up. Now he's in the band LMNT, who say they're "four elements co-existing in harmony." Yeah, three rejects and a white guy with an afro are elements. Now Dan Miller is in O-Town, and he's a cool guy. I hope he's having as much fun as I did.
    Getting away from that though, my days with jOe-Town were excellent. I can still remember the very first time we performed together. I had Ashley and Jacob on my left and Erik and Trevor on my right. We were all psyched up, and it went off without a hitch. The crowd was cheering for us like we had been all over MTV already. I just looked out at the crowd and had to smile. It was breathtaking. Ashley and I exchanged glances, and I knew he was digging it as much as I was.
    Afterwards we all met backstage and and had a little bit of a party to celebrate. Our old manager, Lou Pearlman, was there and he was telling us what a great job we did. He was our manager until we fired that money-grubbing scumbag for almost robbing us blind. Then Jacob keyed his car.
    The days of jOe-Town weren't all filled with practices and whatnot, though. We spent a lot of our time just hanging out. We had a pool and Trevor taught me the ins and outs of underwater basket weaving. Erik is an expert at freestyle walking, and we would tear it up at the local playground. Ashley copied my hairstyle. Then everybody in the band had short hair, so Jacob grew his monster dreads and Trevor poofed out his Afro of Justice(TM). I toyed with the idea of growing a mullet, but then that punk Justin Timberlake in N'Sync did it first. Jacob keyed his car.
    "Allll for love, babyyyyy..." You wouldn't believe how many times we had to sing that line. We had to practice and practice and practice until our vocal cords wouldn't work anymore. Then we had to dance. It wasn't too hard, but Erik struggled a bit. A four-hour marathon of Michael Jackson music videos gave him the 411 on all the fly moves, though. After that we agreed to never mention Michael Jackson again.
    The band was starting to get popular, and with TV cameras all up in our face 24/7, we knew that we weren't far from accomplishing our goals. But it was starting to take its toll on us, and we started fighting over stupid things. Ashley punched me because I ate the last package of Beef Ramen. Jacob and Trevor kept arguing over which show to watch, Pokemon or Digimon, so Jacob keyed Trevor's car. Then everybody ganged up on me because the band was called jOe-Town. We had a ton of creative differences, and I figured it would be best for all of us if I left. Besides, I was 17 years old and I had missed a month of school. I had to get back to Woodcreek. Before I left, though, Jacob keyed my car.
    I'll never forget those days. They were great. Jacob, Ashley, Trevor and Erik are some of the greatest guys I've ever had the pleasure of hanging out with, and from what I hear Dan is pretty cool too. Good luck guys, let me know if you want to do a reunion tour or something.
The above picture is from the day when Dan was welcomed into the band as a replacement for Joe. Jacob had to be placed between Joe and Dan to aviod any skirmishes between the two. Eventhough Jacob tried to separate them, both Joe and Dan ended up getting their cars keyed...