Title: Thinking Rocks Author: aylapolgara@hotmail.com Summary: This is what should have been but never was. Names have been changed. Dedication: Dedicated to my grandmother. I will remember her always. Rating: G - warning, sad. Copyright: Everything I have written is mine, to archive (if you want) request from me at above address. Nothing can be used without my permission. Info: This was written for a class. I love it. ----- A warm breeze danced around the young girl, pushing the high pasture grasses as it passed. She skipped happily through the tall grasses of the field, her faded cotton yellow sundress stretched tightly across her round stomach. Her plump face was lit up with a bright smile that seemingly stretched from ear to ear and in one of her chubby little hands she held an assortment of wild flowers. Short blond hair was chopped off at her chin and wide brown eyes sparkled with delight as they watched an orange and black butterfly land on a tall purple flower in front of her. "Ruthy, what's that?" She pointed innocently towards the butterfly causing it to flutter away. Laughing happily she made an attempt to catch it, jumping playfully into the air only to come landing back down on the soft, dry earth. Spinning around lightly on her tiptoes she watched as the butterfly flew even farther away across the field. "That's a monarch butterfly, Debbie, did you see how bright the orange is with the black?" An older woman walked slowly towards her over the soft but rough land along a path from the farmhouse in the distance. She held a long walking stick made of oak, the bark long since removed leaving smooth wood worn from years of handling. A flowered scarf wrapped around her head like a turban while a multi-colored moo-moo was draped over her thin frame. Her smiling gazed followed her grandchild as she sought for footing on the bumpy ground. Meanwhile, Debbie's attention had been quickly drawn to a round rock-like object sitting on a bare patch of ground. She poked at it experimentally with a stick at first, grinning mischievously, then went closer as if to pick it up. As her grandmother drew near she could tell that it was a box turtle, startled by the energetic little girl, and hiding inside its shell. "Leave the turtle be, Deborah, you know you mother doesn't want any more of your pets in the house." Caught in the act, girl looked unhappily up at her grandmother before giving the turtle's shell one last pat and running on. "We're going to the creek this time, right, Ruthy? You promised." She climbed on top of a large rock and waited patiently for her grandmother to catch up. The sunlight beat down on her skin showing off a healthy tan from days in the sun. Her grandmother watched her with a feeling of contentment. Her first grandchild and only granddaughter was surely a gift from the heavens meant to make her last months on earth happy. "Of course, but first I'm gonna sit down over there at my thinking rocks. You've got so much more energy then I do." She looked over the girl's head at the circle of rocks ten feet ahead of her. They had been her area of solitude for as long as she could remember. Before Debbie had been born she had spent many nights out here just looking up at the stars. Wondering if she would live to see her first grandchild. Hoping and praying that she would, knowing that the doctors held little hope for her lasting more then five years, and at that time it hadn't seemed as though her daughter would be able to get pregnant. But then her daughter and her daughter's husband created a little miracle, she became pregnant, her first child, Ruthy's first grandchild. They had both been so happy. It brought them close during a time in which tension was thick over medications and doctors. Mother and daughter bounded over the birth of little Deborah, sharing a closeness, a feeling only mothers could. A month after her birth, Ruthy had brought little Debbie here, to her thinking rocks. Held the child protectively against her breast and christened the baby with her tears - tears of joy and sadness. As time went on little Debbie grew as her grandmother watched, the doctors swore up and down the only reason Ruthy was still alive was that little girl. They were right. But despite her best efforts to stay alive and healthy for her new grandchild she knew she was getting sicker by the day. Today, despite her children's wishes that she stay in bed where they can keep an eye on her, she decided to go for one last walk. "RUTHY!" Shattering Ruthy's thoughts with a single word, Debbie bounced off the rock impatiently. "Come on! Let's go to your thinking rocks!" Smiling even as her grandchild's little face scrunched up in annoyance, she gave thanks to anyone who would listen. "Why don't you go collect some more flowers for your momma while I lie down by the rock for a bit?" The girl excitedly ran into the fields, happy to have a task to do, as her grandmother let herself sink gratefully to the ground. Lying on her back she looked up at the clouds drifting overhead. Her mind wandered at times but she was happy to let it. Little Debbie was a blessing, the last blessing she would receive in this lifetime. Closing her eyes, she settled back onto the ground, sleep came to her easily this one last time. ----- Debbie's stomach growled angrily as she stood up brushing the dirt off of her pants. She turned and looked over at her grandmother sleeping peacefully on the ground. It had been a while since she had lain down and the sun was starting to go down behind the trees. During that time she had collected quite a large pile of wild flowers, her Momma would be so happy. Her stomach protested again signaling it was definitely time to eat so she walked towards her grandmother to wake her up. "Ruthy? Ruthy, wake up, I'm hungry." She shook her grandmother's shoulder slightly but her grandmother didn't move. Her eyes were closed and her chest didn't rise at all. On top of her stomach her hands lay unmoving, as Debbie shook her, however, the movement made one hand fell onto the ground. "Ruthy?" She didn't see the two anxious figures coming over the ridge until there were at her side. Looking up she saw her mother and father standing there looking heartbroken and withdrawn. She frowned slightly, she was with Ruthy and she didn't need them. "Momma, Ruthy won't wake up." She heard her mother emit a small sob as her hands came to her mouth. Her mother turned a desperate questioning look towards her father who shook his head slightly. He gave her a quick strong hug before turning to pick up Debbie. "Its okay Debbie, why don't we go back to the house and get something to eat." "Yeah! I want hamburgers!" Debbie smiled brightly at him; Daddy always gave her hamburgers. She didn't even notice the sad smile her father gave her mother before walking towards the house. Debbie's mother gazed down at Ruthy as a single tear slid from the corner of her eye and down her cheek. "You wanted it this way, didn't you?" ----- She hated this black dress; it wasn't pretty at all, why had Momma made her wear it? And the shoes hurt her heels but Momma said she wouldn't have to wear them too long. Once they got back to the farm she could take them all off and put on play clothes again. She didn't know why she had to wear them in the first place. She wanted to go to the Creek. Ruthy wasn't anywhere in site and she wanted to go to the Creek; Ruthy had promised. Looking up at her mother sitting beside her on the hard bench she wanted to protest being stuck here when Ruthy said she could go to the Creek. She stopped slighting as she saw a tear roll down her mother's cheek. "Momma what's wrong?" An ashen face turned to look at her, pale and aged overnight by wrinkles and lines of worry. She was wearing a long black dress as well as a veil that was pulled away from her face. Tear lines streaked her cheeks and in her hands she tightly clutched a cloth handkerchief. "Shh, Debbie the priest is talking." She turned her gaze back to the priest as if to somehow escape the pain. Debbie spared a curious glance in the priest's direction to try and see why this man held her mother's attention. She only found him stiff and boring, hardly worthy of such attention. Glaring at her mother she pulled herself up into a kneeling position on the bench. "But, Momma, Ruthy promised to take me to the Creek! I wanna go to the Creek! I wanna go now!" Her wailing got louder and louder as her voice trailed on. Strong arms closed around her from behind, clamping a hand over her mouth. Turning her head slightly she saw her father there with a tight expression on his face. He spared her mother a sorrowful glance before drawing Debbie to him. "I'll take her outside." His voice was barely a whisper and there was pain in it. Picking her up into his arms her made his way down through the pews. Silently he told her to settle down as he took his hand off of her mouth. As they made their way towards the back of the room she spotted her grandmother lying in a casket at the front of the room behind the priest. She had her hair done up nice and a smile was practically painted on her face. "Ruthy! RUTHY!" She wailed piteously as her father ran out of the room. He closed the door quickly and set her down on the floor, holding her should with a strong hand as she tried to push past him and back into the room. "I want Ruthy! What's wrong with Ruthy? I want my Ruthy!" Tears streamed down her cheeks as her face turned red. She balled her fists at her sides and stared up at her father. Ruthy was in there, she had see her, and she wanted to go back and get her. "Debbie, your grandmother isn't there anymore." He sighed to himself as he searched for the words to make her understand the depth and severity of what had happened without hurting her too badly. She was too young to have to deal with the death of someone so close to her like this. "Ruthy has gone on a trip. You know how the priest talks about heaven at mass? Well, Ruthy went up there to see God. She's not going to come back, but you will see her again." Debbie waited impatiently while her father talked, barely hearing his words. Ruthy was gone? Ruthy wouldn't leave her! She wanted to go with Ruthy now! He fists unclenched as she brought her hands to her face to rub her eyes. "Daddy, I wanna go to Ruthy." She appealed to him with every part of her being. He always gave her what she wanted, and she wanted Ruthy. "You can't, Debbie. I know this is hard to understand but Ruthy wouldn't want you to come see her right now. When you're all grown up and have grandchildren of your own you'll get to see her again. For now she just wants you to be happy." He knelt down beside her drawing her into his arms. "I promise you, you will see her again one day." Closing her eyes she leaned into him cried for her Ruthy and the injustice of it all. She still didn't understand why she couldn't go with her Ruthy but she knew her Daddy wouldn't give in this time. It was all so unfair, she had been so happy just days ago, she didn't know why life had to change so much and so suddenly. But life would go on, and she would grow up. She would have children of her own, and they would have children of their own. Never would she forget her Ruthy, though, her grandmother. Her children would take long walks with her down to 'Ruthy's Thinking Rocks' and their children would come too. There she would tell them all about her grandmother, and how for each of them were as much as blessing to her as she was to her grandmother.