THE FIRST EVICTION A Ten Minute Comedy By DAVE TUCKER Copyright ? 2002  By Dave Tucker     CAST OF CHARACTERS ADAM EVE GOD (voice) SETTING A Garden. TIME A long time ago.                               Lights up on ADAM with a                               clipboard.  He is naming                               animals. ADAM:  Okay, well ……. Let’s see.  You know, you have a very unique look.  We should give you a name that matches that.  You, know something … special….. Well, how about….. “ardvark?”  Really?  Well, I think that’s a pretty interesting name.  We could even spell it with two a’s at the beginning – you know – kind of exotic?  Whatta ya think?  Good.  Okay, you’re the aardvark.  Who’s next?  Okay, let’s have a look at you.  Turn around.  Thanks, that’s good.  You know, your remind me of somebody else.  I can’t remember what I named him.  He was a lot like you, only white.  What was his name?  Oh well, it’s not important.  Okay, you’re kind of fuzzy all over - I like that cute little tail - let’s see….. how about “Bunny?”  You don’t like that?  No, actually I’m all out of one syllable names.  Look, I really don’t have time for this.  I’ve got –                               SOUND:  Giant Roar. ADAM:  Okay, okay.  Maybe I can find one after all.  No need to get upset.  (rummaging through lists on clipboard) All right, here’s one.  How about “Bear?”  Will that work for you?  Good.  Okay, glad you like it.  You’re the Bear.  Now move along ….. and put away those claws.  Somebody might get hurt.                               Enter EVE with a piece of                               fruit. EVE:  Adam, look what I’ve got. ADAM: What’s that? EVE:  It’s a fruit. ADAM: Oh, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. EVE:  I think it would be good to eat. ADAM: I’m not so sure about that.  I seem to remember something about a fruit.  You know that we – what was that anyway? EVE:  Come on, take a bite. ADAM: Wasn’t there some reason why we weren’t supposed to – EVE:  Come on, Adam, bite it. ADAM: I thought there was something about a fruit that we weren’t – man, I just can’t remember what it was. EVE:  I’m going to! ADAM: No! don’t-                               EVE bites fruit. ADAM: Are you okay? EVE:  Sure.  This is good.  You should really try it. ADAM: Really? (bites fruit) Hey!  You’re naked. EVE:  Oh, my!  I am naked.  But so are you. ADAM: Yeah, whatever.  Wow, you look good! EVE:  Adam, this is awful.  What are we going to do?  Quit staring at me. ADAM: Sorry - can’t help it. EVE:  This is horrible.  I feel so ashamed. What are we going to do, Adam?  We’ve got to think of something! ADAM: I can’t think.  When I look at you, all the blood rushes out of my head. EVE:  We are going to be in so much trouble. ADAM: Hey, can I touch those? EVE:  Adam, get serious, you know what’s going to happen –                               SOUND: Thunder. EVE:  Too late.  We’re busted. ADAM: Bust.  Yeah, that would be a good name for those. GOD (voice):  Adam, where are you? EVE:  It’s God! ADAM: I’m over here, God.  Come get a load of her bust. EVE:  Hide.  He’ll see that we’re naked. GOD (voice):  Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat? ADAM: Oh, yeah.  That’s what I couldn’t remember.  We were eating something, God.  I’m not sure what.  My mind went a little blank when I saw Eve like that.  Just look at her! EVE:  Now look what you’ve done. GOD (voice):  I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. EVE:  Just my luck.  What about him? GOD (voice):  Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, `You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return.                               SOUND:  Thunder. EVE:  He’s a little melodramatic, isn’t He? ADAM: I didn’t realize anyone would get so upset about a little T&A. EVE:  Come on, blockhead.  We’ve been evicted.                               EVE exits ADAM: Wait for me.  Hey, can I touch those?                               ADAM exits. Blackout. END