By Dave Tucker
Copyright 2002 by Dave Tucker
MIKE and SHARON are in a
department store looking over
Christmas decorations.
MIKE: Just think, this is our first Christmas together. It’ll be different than decorating alone.
SHARON hands pad and pencil
to MIKE.
SHARON: Okay, take this pad and write down the items and their prices while we go through.
MIKE: Okay.
SHARON: Let’s see, lights – Probably four strands. Do you like the colored or the plain white?
MIKE: Plain white, definitely.
SHARON: Okay. Four strands at $6.99 each.
MIKE: Lights, four, $6.99 each.
SHARON: A Christmas tree stand. This one is $19.95.
MIKE: Tree Stand - $14.95.
SHARON: And a little blanket thing to go over the stand. Oh, this is nice – with the little tassels.
MIKE: I like the one with the sequins on it.
SHARON: Really?
MIKE: Yeah - reminds me of Grandma’s. Kind of.
SHARON: Okay, sequins it is. That’s eleven fifty.
MIKE: Got it. Tree…. Um…...tree apron?
SHARON: Yeah, I guess that’s what it’s called.
MIKE: Do we need to get a cart?
SHARON: No, just make the list. Do you like tinsel?
MIKE: No, that stuff always drove me crazy.
SHARON: No tinsel. What about ornaments?
MIKE: Colored glass balls?
SHARON: Yeah, how about this jumbo pack – twenty-four in gold, red, and blue?
MIKE: Okay, glass balls. Fiftenn ninety-five.
SHARON: What about other ornaments?
MIKE: Oh, these are so cool – the Star Wars collection!
SHARON: You like those?
MIKE: Yes, these are awesome. I mean, we don’t have to get them.
SHARON: Go ahead and write it down.
MIKE: Well, maybe just Princess Leia, and Luke, and R2D2. Oh, and Darth Vader. That’s only four.
SHARON: Go ahead. Write it down.
MIKE: Star Wars ornaments. Four at seven ninety-nine.
SHARON: And a star for the top of the tree. This one is eight dollars.
MIKE: Okay.
SHARON: What else? Candles?
MIKE: Sure. I love candles in the window. And maybe on the coffee table, too. How many?
SHARON: Oh, how about six? Ninety-nine cents each.
MIKE: Got it.
SHARON: Oh, stockings, I almost forgot.
MIKE: Right, stockings.
SHARON: What kind do you like?
MIKE: It doesn’t matter.
SHARON: How about the red with white fur? That’s traditional.
MIKE: Sure. Oh, and can we get a wreath for the door? My mom always put up a wreath on the door.
SHARON: Okay, pick one out.
MIKE: This one is eighteen – is that too much?
SHARON: No, that’s okay.
MIKE: Wreath. And two stockings.
SHARON: Anything else?
MIKE: I can’t think of anything.
SHARON: Okay, here’s my calculator – total it up.
SHARON pulls out calculator
from purse and hands it to
MIKE.
MIKE: Okay, four at $6.95. Nineteen ninety-nine, eleven fifty, fiften ninety-five. Star Wars stuff is four at $7.99. Five dollars plus six at ninety-nine cents. Eighteen for the wreath, plus $8.95 times two. That’s a total of $154.04.
SHARON: Okay, add forty bucks for a tree.
MIKE: That’s $194.04.
SHARON: Add sales tax.
MIKE: Sales tax………..and the new total is $210.92.
SHARON fills out check from
her checkbook.
SHARON: Okay….. two hundred and ten and ninety-two one hundredths. Good, okay let’s go.
MIKE: What about the decorations?
SHARON: Huh? Oh, we’re not going to buy any. I just needed the total.
MIKE: What for?
SHARON: So I know how much to put on the check – see.
SHARON shows check to MIKE.
MIKE: Two hundred and ten dollars? To the Union Gospel Mission? What the hell is this?
SHARON: That’s our donation for Christmas.
MIKE: Aren’t we going to get decorations?
SHARON: No, we give what we would have spent to a worthier cause.
MIKE: But what about the decorations?
SHARON: We don’t need any. It’s not that important.
MIKE: Yes it is. It’s very important. It’s traditional.
SHARON: What difference does it make? Who really cares about Christmas traditions? Do you understand how screwed up we have become as a society about this whole Christmas thing? People spend two and three months out of the year getting ready for a two-day holiday. Drive down any neighborhood and you’ll see thousands of dollars worth of lights and plastic Santas and nativities as people try to out-decorate each other. Grocery stores conspire to push food and food and more food - meals for Christmas Eve, meals for Christmas Day, Christmas breakfasts and Christmas brunches, New Years Eve buffets and New Years Day smorgasbords. And then you’ve got the Christmas gifts - for the boss, for the receptionist, the mailman – hell, I knew one family who would publish a list of things that each family member wanted to get for Christmas – two months in advance. And I’m not talking about kids, here – I mean every family member right up to Grandpa would put together a list of things that he wanted to get - like some perverted letter to Santa Claus from adults who were lusting after more and more stuff. And then they had to have a Christmas meal at each household in the family – and when there were too many family members to make sure everybody had a holiday in which to host a meal, they made up holidays, like December 21st Dinner. And the only reason they did this is so they could show the entire family how they’d decorated their homes. Christmas is about over-eating and getting gifts and impressing others with how you spend the holiday. Whatever happened to the Christ child, or even just Peace on Earth? Huh? Nobody cares about Christmas traditions – it’s just some glorified version of Disneyland sprinkled in snow and flashing with lights.
MIKE: But that’s not the case. That’s not true. Christmas traditions are beautiful things that bring people together. The memories that I have of my childhood are re-created in the way I spend my Christmases. A fresh cut tree standing in the living room, filling the air with this incredible fresh scent, mixed in with the smelled of mulled cider coming from the kitchen – that’s Christmas for me.
SHARON: Yeah, well that Christmas tree costs more than it takes to give a hundred homeless people a warm place to sleep for the night and a hot shower the next morning.
MIKE: Christmas is the flavor of Christmas cookies, and roast Christmas ham, pumpkin pie, and candy canes – that’s something that takes me back to the days of Grandma, cooking in the kitchen – that’s Christmas for me.
SHARON: And your Christmas ham and pumpkin pie cost more than it takes to feed fifty transients a full Christmas dinner – probably the only full meal they’ll get that week.
MIKE: And it means lighting up the house and looking into the dark night and seeing the glow of all those little light bulbs shining in the snow and the soft light of candles around the house, reflecting on the glass ornaments on the Christmas tree – that’s Christmas for me.
SHARON: And the electricity you use lighting up the house costs more than four new pairs of shoes for kids whose parents can’t afford to buy them.
MIKE: Well……….Christmas means giving a few gifts and show my close friends that I’m thinking of them, to receive something that was made for me or bought with me in mind as a small celebration of our relationship – that’s Christmas for me!
SHARON: And just one of those little relationship-bonding gifts is more expensive than sending a half a dozen teenagers to a retirement home and to sing carols and talk with the lonely elderly living there. And that’s Christmas for me.
MIKE: Suddenly I feel very superficial.
SHARON: Well, that’s Christmas for you.
Lights fade out as SHARON
exits.