Disclaimer: Again, I am not them, I don't know them, I am only using their names and faces ('cause they're cute) and their music ('cause the second album totally rocks). That's all! Please don't come after me with a candlestick!
"Let's go out tonight," Joey pleaded as they gathered their bags. It was 8 o'clock, and they were all physically exhausted, but all work and no play made them even grumpier little boys.
"I'm just going to go to bed," JC objected. "But you guys have fun."
"JC, we're not going anyplace without you," Lance told him firmly. "So if you don't come, all of us are going to just go home by ourselves."
To Lance's surprise, a hand was on his back, hidden from the view of the others, and he looked up to see Justin behind him. Okay, he amended in his own mind, not all of them would be going home alone. To be honest, Lance almost wished Justin would go home. He wouldn't leave Lance alone! Constantly hovering over him, stopping the dances when Lance looked at anyone besides himself and Justin, and when they took a break, Justin practically yanked Lance's arm out of its socket pulling the blond down with him onto the couch. Frankly, Lance was getting tired of it. He was Justin's friend, nothing more, and Justin was acting like a jealous boyfriend. It was driving Lance nuts.
JC seemed to consider his words carefully, trying to get out of it, but finally his shoulders slumped in defeat and he nodded. "Okay. I'm in."
The guys all clapped hands and cheered enthusiastically. Lance purposefully moved away from Justin and slung an arm around JC's shoulders, despite the look Justin gave him. "It'll be fun," Lance assured JC, ignoring Justin. He looked up at Joey. "Club?"
"Scoped out one earlier. It's great. We'll rendevous at your place, 'kay?"
"Sounds good," Lance agreed, looking around at the other guys. "Everyone in?"
They all nodded, including Justin, who looked like he was debating on whether to pout or get angry. Finally he settled on stoicly blank, and they all made their way out to their cars, Lance purposefully staying next to JC. Not that it mattered, because Justin was as far away from Lance as he could get. And, as they continued walking out, Lance began to realize just how stupid he was acting, how completely irrational, and how totally immature. Justin was his best friend. Just because he was worried about Lance did not give Lance the right to be mean to him. Lance knew Justin was worried about JC taking his spot in Lance's life, and Lance purposefully was hanging out with JC for that very reason.
Lance kicked back a few steps until he was by Justin's side again, and Justin barely glanced at him as he continued his conversation with Chris without missing a beat. That was okay with Lance. He was perfectly content just to stand next to Justin, whose presense already made him feel better. God he loved his best friend, Lance thought to himself, looking up at him. He loved everything about Justin, even his god damn annoying jealous streak.
Lance knew that Justin could feel him watching him, and for that very reason Justin didn't look at Lance. Eventually, however, he did glance at his best friend, and he actually paused, the words he'd been about to say completely forgotten. Lance knew that the devoted adoration he held for Justin was written all over his face, but he didn't care. He wanted Justin to see it. He wanted Justin to not be angry anymore.
Justin looked like he didn't know what to say. They continued walking, but his eyes were trained on Lance's face, as though unable to look away. Now Lance was getting a little worried and confused, but suddenly Justin smiled a dazzling smile that lit Lance from the inside, and he wrapped an arm around Lance's shoulders before continuing his conversation with Chris, sounding much more easier than he had been.
Lance relaxed into Justin, happily settling into him. Justin always made him feel special, even if he did it in very annoying ways. He would just have to convince Justin that he was his best friend, and then Justin would relax. With a new goal in mind, Lance joined up in Joey and JC's conversation with a smile.
The ride from the studio to Lance's house was quiet. Justin didn't seem to want to say anything, and Lance wasn't in the mood to strike up a conversation. His thoughts were whirling around his mind, and he couldn't even focus on them anymore. He was going to go crazy soon, and he didn't know what to do. Especially not with Justin sitting only inches away from him. He couldn't even think clearly anymore.
"Lance?"
Lance glanced at Justin, surprised that he had broken the silence. "Yeah?"
Justin looked small; scared, and it pained Lance to see him so. "You know how we make stuff up to say to the press?"
Lance shrugged. Of course he did. It was common policy to try and shock the audience by stretching the truth. "Yeah?"
"Do you ever feel guilty about what you say?"
Lance paused. "I don't lie to our fans, Jus, you know that."
Justin leaned his elbow on his knee, then his chin on his palm. "Yeah," he agreed slowly. "I do." His eyes studied Lance's face. "You're going straight to heaven, you know that?"
Lance smiled slightly. "Well I hope so."
"Hope is for those unsure. I am sure."
Lance glanced at him. "What's wrong?"
"I'm a liar, and I hate myself."
"Woah." Lance nearly stopped the car in his shock. "What're you talking about and where did this all come from? Less than ten minutes ago you were bouncing off the walls."
Justin sighed and looked out the window, leaning against the back of the seat. "I know. Nevermind."
Lance watched him for a second before reaching for his cell phone in his cargo pants pocket, pulling it out, dialing a '2' for the speed dial, and hitting send. Justin looked at him in confusion to see what his best friend was doing, but Lance was busy concentrating on not crashing them and holding onto the phone at the same time to pay attention to Justin.
"Hey JC," Lance greeted. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Justin flinch. "Justin and I aren't going to make it tonight. Yeah, I know what we threatened. No, you can't stay in. Yeah, we'll all go out tomorrow, alright? Okay. Yes, I know you were tired. Yes, it probably is best. Oh, yeah, we're fine. Sort of. I'm really sore from today. After all," he began teasingly, hoping JC would laugh. "I had to work extra time on ya'll. Wade worked my poor sore bum off." It worked, and JC laughed. "Okay. Lata JC!" He ended the phone call and slipped the phone back in his pocket before getting into the next lane.
"What're you doing?" Justin asked mildly, still sounding small.
"Going north." Lance switched lanes again, trying to get on the North-bound freeway.
"So I see. Why?"
"Because I want to go driving," Lance answered. "And you and I are going to have a lovely little talk." He rolled up the windows and turned down the music, but didn't speak again until they were on the freeway that contained what looked like a total of four cars.
"You wanna start or should I?" Lance asked, glancing at Justin, who was slumped in the seat.
"Start what?" Justin asked back glumly.
Just then, on the radio, "This I Promise You" came softly drifting out of the speakers. As was custom, Justin reached out to turn it off, but Lance interrupted him.
"Don't," Lance requested softly, looking at him. "Sing it."
Justin stared at Lance for a second, and then slowly picked up the song as it went, even taking JC's half of the song. Lance never sang, never joined in the chorus, never did anything except keep his eyes on the road and occassionally glance at Justin, though he knew Justin was staring at him. Hell, Justin was singing the song to him, and they both knew it.
When the song was over, Lance glanced at Justin again. "Anyone," he began slowly. "who can sing like that, and actually mean the words that they sing, can not be a liar." He allowed his eyes to clash with Justin's before turning back to the road. "And you're only a liar when you lie to yourself, Justin. In your life, the only one who matters is you. As long as you remain honest and true to yourself, then it doesn't matter what you tell others."
Justin's eyes actually filled with tears, much to Lance's astonished horror. "But I'm not honest with myself," he whispered softly, brokenly. "And I'm not the only one in my life, Lance. I'm not the only one that matters."
Lance frowned. "Jus, no matter who else is in your life, you are the only one there. And you have to be honest to yourself. If you know you're lying to yourself, then you know that you're being honest."
Justin shook his head, covering his eyes with the heels of his hands to repress the tears. "I'm going to pretend that what you said just made sense."
"Don't pretend. Think about it for a moment, have a tissue," Lance snatched one from the glove compartment and handed it to Justin. "and tell me what is going on with you, because honestly, you're starting to scare me."
Justin took the tissue and simply began tearing it up into shreds, staring at the pieces before, to Lance's astonishment, opening up the window and tossing them out. "That's Justin fucking Timberlake's tissue! Try to sell it on E-bay!"
Lance didn't know what to do. Justin looked like he was going to fall apart at the seams. Justin had been unusually clingly lately, but Lance had thought that Justin had feelings for him. Maybe Justin was just looking for someone--or something--to take his mind off of his problems. Lance was confused, yet again, so he wordlessly unrolled his own window, rolled back the sunroof, and then reached out to blare the music so loudly that the car actually throbbed.
"What the hell are you doing?" Justin shouted, turning down the volume so quickly that Lance thought he might rip the dial off. The silence was deafening, and for a moment, Lance couldn't even hear.
"Getting your attention?" Lance offered.
Justin looked like he was going to snap at Lance, but then he suddenly laughed. "It worked," he assured him, reaching over and rolling up the sunroof as he rolled up his own window at the same time. Lance put his own window back up, and the car was so silent that Justin turned the volume up to a soft melody background sound.
"I was just thinking about going clubbing," Justin began softly, and Lance listened intently. "And then I remembered the last time we went clubbing. All those fans pestering us, and even the news people showing up, and we had to lie and say no, we weren't freaking with any girls. You were the only one who didn't lie, but that was because you weren't. And then I started thinking about all those times I've lied to reporters: 'No, Britney and I aren't dating.' 'No, Britney and I are just friends.' 'No, really, I'm totally single.' And then I think about all the times you haven't lied to reporters: 'Yes, I'm dating someone.' 'Yes, I have kissed girls.' 'Yes, I do drink and I have tried drugs, but it was just a few times at a party, and I'm not interested in anything right now.'" He sighed. "How? Why? I don't understand."
Lance shot him an utterly bewildered look. "How why understand what?"
"How you can do it. How you can go through your whole life, see the glass half full, and yet you still have this... this innocence about you... Damn it, Lance, we're in the same god damn business!" Justin's sudden anger surprised Lance. "How is it that you've come out so pure and unscathed, and sometimes it's all I can do not to cry over what I've lost?!"
Lance calmly pulled the car over to the side of the road, parked it, and then turned to face Justin. "You've lost a normal life, Justin. You've lost the magic and mystery behind the music business. You're where everyone wants to be, and you don't want it anymore, and you feel ungrateful. Am I wrong?"
"You're normally not," Justin confirmed bitterly, looking away.
Lance grabbed Justin's chin and forced Justin to look into his eyes. "That's because I feel the same way," he growled lowly, allowing the shock to register on Justin's face. "I thought you knew that. And yeah, I could choose to feel sorry for myself that I got lucky, but instead I opt to think about everything I've gained. Namely four really great best friends, and one in particular that I can't imagine my life without. And maybe it's not a normal life, Justin, but it's mine, and I love it. And without this life, I wouldn't be able to have you, and everything we go through: all the annoying screaming fans, all the psychotic stalkers, and every appearance we have to spend five hours getting ready for makes it all worth it. The friendships I've made make it worth it."
"God, Lance," Justin breathed, and then broke away from his best friends' firm grip to hug him tightly. "Thank you."
Lance lightly stroked Justin's back. "Is that all?" he asked softly. "Or is there more?"
"Huh?" Justin pulled away. "What're you talkin' about?"
"You mentioned lying to yourself, and having to answer to someone else. Wanna talk about it?" Lance carefully studied Justin's eyes, which were suddenly looking slightly panicked.
"Nah, I'm coo' bro."
Lance cringed inwardly. He hated it when Justin talked like that. It normally meant he was trying to cover something up. In every interview, when Justin was being honest, his voice was soft, southern, and gentle, just like Justin. But when he was lying, or trying to cover up for something, he switched into his, 'I'm the man' mode and spoke in some strange ebonic talk that no one could understand.
Lance shrugged and easily got back on the freeway, deciding that if and when Justin felt like talking about it, he would be there, but he'd pushed Justin enough for the night. It was time to go to Lance's favorite place. Lance stole a glance at Justin, who was leaning back against the seat with his eyes closed. It was time to share it with Justin.
They had been driving for an hour and a half when Justin finally asked, "Lansten, as much fun as I think a road trip would be, don't you think we should have packed a change of clothes before we left? Granted, it's not like we can't buy a new wardrobe, but I have favorite shirts I don't go anywhere without back home."
Justin had just called Lance's home his own home.
Just the small thought sent shivers down Lance's spine, and for the first time he considered Justin moving in with him. That could actually be sort of fun, Lance decided slowly. It wasn't like Justin didn't practically live there as it was. He didn't really know why Justin paid separate rent on a house he never stayed in. Okay, so Justin didn't pay rent, he bought the damn thing, but he paid to keep the utilities up! Not that he needed to save money... Though he really should...
"Lansten?" Justin asked softly, placing a hand on Lance's arm and shaking the green-eyed boy out of his revere. "Are you okay?"
"Oh, sorry," Lance apologized, feeling dumb. "We're almost there."
This was the first time Justin had heard of them actually headed someplace, and he paused, leaning back slightly. "We're going someplace?" he asked, surprised.
Lance shot him a teasing grin. "What was your first clue?"
"When you said, 'we're almost there'," Justin returned. "Where are we going?"
"Just wait and see, Jus. You sure are impatient sometimes, you know that?"
"So I've been told! You mean this whole time we've actually had a destination?"
"Uh huh."
"Well when were you going to tell me?"
"When we got there." Lance glanced at Justin, who looked thrilled, which relaxed Lance. He had been a bit nervous at Justin's outcry, but Justin was just looking pleased.
"You sly little devil you!" Justin exclaimed. "I had no idea."
Lance winked at him. "I know."
Justin immediately began firing questions at Lance, who calmly refused to answer most of them. And then, finally, Lance saw his exit. "We're almost there," he told Justin, pulling off the exit and then taking the roads permanently engrained in his brain.
Ten minutes later, they were driving on a dusty, bumpy road, and Justin was looking around desperately seeking his surprise, but not finding it anyplace, unless it was grass Lance wanted to show him.
Lance pulled off the road they were on, onto another road, and then pulled the car to a stop. "Now," he told Justin mischeviously. "we walk." He turned off the car, stuffed the keys in his pocket, and together he and Justin began following a small path that went through the trees.
Lance sighed happily, loving the feel of the cool, fresh air on his skin and invading his senses. It was heightened even more by Justin at his side, whose side brushed against his own every few steps. After about ten minutes, they reached the end of the forest, and Lance happily ran for the edge of the cliff that they were on.
Justin yanked him back, gasping in horror. "Are you crazy?" he wheezed, holding Lance tightly by the arms. "The ledge could fall and you'd go tumbling..." He looked over the side of the cliff to the hundreds and hundreds of feet below at the water. "down. And down. And down. And down."
"Jus, calm," Lance ordered gently, taking Justin's hands in his own and shaking them slightly to loosen him. "It's not going to fall. I come here all the time when we're home."
"You do?" Justin looked surprised, his fear momentarily forgotten.
"Yeah. Sometimes I go down there, too." He pointed to the beach below, where the waves were gently rolling in and out, and to where there was a patch of rocks where the waves crashed against, creating a nice, soothingly gentle sea sound.
"Where are we?" Justin breathed, turning his hands so that they held Lance's and looking out at the water, which was reflecting the moon and stars which shone so brightly overhead.
Lance smiled at him, knowing perfectly well what Justin was feeling. "We're in heaven," he told his best friend simply. Justin turned to look at him quickly. "No wrong can happen here, Justin. Feel it. This place won't let anything harm you." Slowly he detached his hands from Justin's and sat on the edge of the cliff, letting his legs dangle over the edge as he studied where the dark night and the dark water met. After a hesitation, Justin sat next to him, but only touched their shoulders together, otherwise keeping his distance.
"Why are we here, Lance?" Justin asked softly.
Lance had been thinking about that himself, ever since he started off in this direction. He knew there were plenty of reasons he wanted to give Justin, and yet he couldn't put any of them into words. "Because I wanted to share it with you," he finally admitted, his low voice soft with raw emotions. "Whenever I'm upset and we're here I come to this place, and I think about how nothing can be wrong when I'm here. It calms me down. I regain my focus. I go back with a cleared head an a new sense of peace." He sighed. "When I die, I want to be buried here."
"God," Justin said, shuddering. "Don't ever say that." Almost as though he needed to be comforted that Lance was still there, he leaned his whole body against Lance's. "I can't imagine my life without you, Lance. Don't talk about dying. It only makes me think about being alone."
"You'll never be alone, Jus," Lance assured him, looking over at him. He wanted Justin to know... Wanted Justin to feel the strength of the bond Lance felt with him. He had to show Justin. Had to do something to make Justin aware of the fact that he didn't need to be jealous or scared of losing him. Justin had to have something... Some token...
Lance had it. He'd forgotten about it, but he had it. And now he was very, very excited.
"I've been trying to figure out how I could show you that I could never replace you," Lance began softly, a bit doggedly. He felt Justin's eyes on him, but Justin said nothing as Lance studied the water. "And I keep drawing up a blank. So I thought I'd bring you to this place... This place I've never brought anyone to before, and just tell you. But I think actions speak louder than words, don't you?" His eyes met Justin's blue ones, and for a moment was paralized with Justin's beauty under the silver rays of the moon. Justin continued to say nothing, but he nodded, his blue eyes so bright Lance forgot to breathe.
Eventually Lance nodded back, and he stood, going over to a tree just a few yards away. Justin didn't join him, and Lance kicked at the base of the tree. His foot caved through between two rather large roots, and smiling, Lance kneeled down, picked up a small, oak box, and brought it back to a very startled, very astonished looking Justin. The box had been there for nearly two years, and Lance was pleased with how well it had held up.
"So here," Lance concluded, handing the dirty, polished box to his best friend. "It's yours."
Lance watched as Justin shook the little box, trying to decifer what was inside. Lance smiled slightly, and Justin slowly opened the lid of it, glancing at Lance once before opening it all the way. When he saw what was inside, he stared.
"I was 15 years old when I found that," Lance began softly, his voice low. "I was in the waiting room getting ready to audition for some band that some guys were putting together. I thought it looked cool, and it was just sitting there on the ground, so I picked it up and began asking people if it was their's. Everyone kept telling me that it wasn't, and it was my turn to go up, so I stuck it in my pocket and went into a room with a table full of people staring at me. And I simply stared back at them, terrified out of my mind, so nervous that I was sure my voice was going to shake and I was going to sound awful. And that was when some kid stood up, walked up to me, held out his hand, and said, 'Hi! I'm Justin Timberlake. Don't be scared, okay? And if you find yourself getting nervous, just look at me!' And I remember thinking, 'Wow, those are really pretty eyes.' But more importantly, I remember thinking, 'I was nervous about something?' And the kid sat back down, gave me a big grin, and my song started, so I began to sing, clutching that in my pocket the whole time." Lance nodded at the Japanese character in the box. "When my audition was over, the kid came back up to me and said, 'That was great! You've got such a great voice.' And everyone was staring at me, sizing up my faults, but by that time it was over and I could relax. 'But I have to ask,' he continued, 'What are you holding so tightly in your pocket?' And I pulled out this little Japanese character and said, 'I found it outside. I couldn't find the owner.' And the kid looked up at me and asked, 'You found something like that and looked for the owner?' I remember being so surprised. 'Of course,' I answered defensively. 'It's not mine.' And the kid grinned at me. 'I like you,' he told me confidently. He turned around and spoke to the people at the table. 'This guy is my choice,' he told them matter-of-factly. 'I don't care about the others.' And he turned back to me and said, 'That's your lucky charm, Lance Bass. Keep it forever.'" Lance paused and looked out at the water before again looking back at Justin, who was staring at the character in the box. "A week later I got a call from the same kid, asking me how soon I could get down there, because I had just been chosen for this new group. The next day I was at the jewelers buying a silver chain for that silver character to go onto. I'd kept it with me all week, praying that I got the position, and when I did get it, I knew that the kid was right, this really was my lucky charm." He smiled slightly. "It wasn't until my mom saw it around my neck that she told me what it meant."
Justin's voice was thick with tears. "What's it mean?" he asked softly, still not looking away from it.
"Friend."
To Lance's astonishment, Justin burst into tears and threw himself into Lance's arms, hugging him so tightly Lance could have sworn he heard his ribs crack.
"I remember!" Justin sobbed. "I remember that first day like it was yesterday! And I remember wanting you in the group so badly I could taste it! I remember looking at that strange charm in your hand and thinking that anyone willing to try and find the owner for something so trivial must be someone special. And I remember looking into your green eyes and never wanting to look away again! I wanted to know you. Wanted to know what went on in your mind. Wanted everything that happened to you happen to me, too. In five seconds, I knew that. And I remember you wearing that every day for three years, and then, one day, it was suddenly gone and I searched everywhere for it, thinking that you'd lost it and wanting to be a big hero, until Joey commented on it one day and you calmly replied that you took it off because you didn't need it anymore. I felt like my heart had broken that day, because..." He took a moment to draw in a ragged breath, pulling back from Lance, who was tearing up himself. Blue eyes stared into green. "Because that necklace always symbolized our friendship in my mind."
Lance wiped Justin's tears away with his thumbs and spoke softly. "Mine too. That's why I put it here." He looked around, indicating the area. "I wanted our friendship to live here, forever, because this was as close to heaven as we were going to get while still alive. The day that you and I were just hanging out playing games and your mom called, and you told her you were hanging out with your best friend was the day I took that off, Justin, because my dream had finally come true. I didn't need it anymore."
Justin hugged Lance tightly, his body shaking with his sobs. For a long time, they stayed that way, Lance simply holding him and lightly stroking his hair and his back, until Justin finally pulled away and brushed aside the tears. "Put it on me?" he requested, picking up the chain and holding it out.
Lance smiled and took it, remembering every angle and curve of the character. It felt so familiar to be in his hands again, but instead of crying when it left his fingers again, he smiled as he clasped it around Justin's neck and Justin turned to face him, letting Lance see how perfectly it fit on him.
Lance smiled gently. "It's perfect," he agreed.
"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you," Justin breathed, curling up to a surprised and flattered Lance. "I had no idea how much you remembered about that day," he told Lance, his voice soft. "I had no idea you felt that way at all."
Lance rested his cheek against Justin's curls. "I didn't know you did, either," he returned, just as softly. "But I'm glad I do, now."
"Me too," Justin sighed, and Lance could feel Justin growing more comfortable. "I love you, Lance," he told him, very, very seriously.
The moment of truth. Lance didn't hesitate. "I love you too, Justin," he whispered. Justin looked up at him, and they shared a long look before Justin smiled shyly, almost embarassed, and curled back up against Lance again, who held him protectively.
The night could not have been more perfect.
"Lance!"
Lance came running into his bedroom, eyes wide, heart pounding, and a cold sweat all over his body. He stared at Justin, who was sitting straight up in the bed with a wild, frenzied look in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" Lance gasped, terrified. He rushed to his bed and sank down on it beside Justin, who was shaking.
"You're okay," Justin breathed, patting Lance's body, a touch that left Lance shocked and a little uncomfortable. "You're not angry? We don't hate you?"
Lance stared at Justin. "What're you talking about?" Lance asked, utterly confused. Justin was still patting him all over, and it was starting to make a familiar heat rush up to Lance's face.
"I had nasty dreams," Justin sighed, finally stopping his full body examination. Lance nearly sighed in relief.
"About?" Lance prompted, concerned.
"You." Justin's sad blue eyes came up and met Lance's, and Lance immediately moved to lean against the head board before Justin curled up to him, both boys wrapping their arms around each other.
"What about me?" Lance asked calmly, stroking Justin's hair.
"We hated you. All the guys and me, 'cause you were so innocent and pure and we weren't." The dream had obviously shaken Justin, because he continued to tremble, despite the fact that he was covered in sweat. Lance reached down and pulled the blankets up over himself and Justin before rewrapping both arms around his best friend. "And then I had a dream that you died, and I was all alone." He looked up with wet blue eyes at Lance. "You're not going to die, are you? You're not going to leave me?"
"No," Lance admonished immediately, his voice soft. "Of course not."
"Promise you'll never leave me!" Justin ordered, sounding scared.
"I promise I'll never leave you," Lance repeated gently, still trying to soothe Justin.
"Promise that you and I will be together forever."
Something about that wording struck Lance as wrong, but he ignored it. "I promise you and I will be together forever." Lance tugged on the solitary chain around Justin's neck, a first for the curly headed blond. "Remember?"
Justin's fingers flew up to the charm and a smile flashed over his face. "I remember," he agreed, curling up onto Lance's shoulder. "W-will you stay with me? Just for a little while?"
"As long as you want," Lance promised softly, cuddling up to him. He could feel Justin smile slightly as he settled onto Lance's chest, throwing an arm possessively over Lance's stomach. He was still shaking slightly, but Lance wasn't sure how he could fix that, so he simply held Justin as asked until he heard the rythmic breathing of his best friend. Carefully he detached himself and went back into the living room.
Last night, after he and Justin had stayed on the bluff for quite some time, they had made their way back to the car and drove back home quietly, each deep in thought. Justin made no bones about where he would be sleeping, rather, he simply followed Lance into his room and climbed into Lance's bed before Lance even finished changing. As soon as Lance slid in, Justin curled up beside him, and each boy on their side facing each other with inches between their bodies, they fell asleep. That was how Lance had woken up, and after studying Justin's beautiful features for a while, found that he needed to get up. So, he had curled up with a book on the couch and turned on the DMX stations to 903, the pop music, and lost himself in the literature until he heard Justin's terrified yell.
Just the memory of it sent chills through Lance's body. He hoped Justin never shouted his name like that again. Like Lance was gone, and Justin was filled with nothing but pure, raw anguish and misery. The sound had an effect on Lance, even through out the rest of the day, when they were back in the studio's practicing. While normally Justin was hanging on Lance, it was Lance who was clinging to Justin. Justin seemed thrilled with the extra devoted attention, and soon they were both following each other around.
Lance was quietly discussing wardrobe with JC while Justin and Chris headed to the bathroom, when JC brought up the subject of Lance and Justin's relationship.
"Something going on between you two?" JC asked quietly, so Wade and Joey, who were working on the moves, couldn't hear.
Lance's eyes widened. "You mean, like, are Justin and I--"
"That's exactly what I mean."
Lance's heart ceased to move. It really did. "Of course not!" he finally gasped out. "We're best friends!"
"Which explains how come you two are gazing at each other like love sick puppies, right?"
"We are not--" Lance protested weakly.
"Oh, yes, you are," JC assured him, then paused. "You don't see it, do you?"
"See what?" Lance asked, sounding tired and defeated.
"How he looks at you."
Lance looked up at JC. "Justin?"
"Well we weren't talking about Joey."
Lance frowned slightly. "You lost me, JC."
JC nodded seriously. "I'm aware. I thought you knew."
"Knew what?" Lance yelped, drawing the attention of both Wade and Joey. "Sorry," Lance apologized, then turned to JC, who had an eyebrow cocked. "Knew what?" he repeated, softer.
"That he stares at you every chance he gets. That he's always finding someway to touch you. That when you're working with someone else you can practically see his jealousy... His desire."
Lance paled and took a reflexive step away from JC. "JC, don't," he warned. "It's not like that."
"Yeah, Lance, it is. And don't try to play innocent, because we all see how you look at him too. You treat Justin like a god, and he's got you on a pedestal. We all know it. The thing is getting you two to realize it."
Lance stared at him. "We're just friends," he tried. "Neither one of us is gay."
"You don't have to be," JC admonished. Now Lance was utterly confused. "You just have to fall in love. He's your match, Lance. Your soulmate." He paused. "I saw the necklace Justin's wearing, Lance, and I know what it means. I have from the first moment I saw it." He studied Lance's eyes. "And I think it's time that you know what exactly Justin Timberlake went through to get you into this group. He knew from the first moment you walked into the room that he needed you, and it's time you knew the truth."
"Are ya'll talkin' about those annoying cigarette ads?" Justin sighed, even as he hopped up onto Lance's back, causing Lance to stagger slightly under the unexpected weight. "I hate those damn things."
"Who doesn't?" Chris returned, hopping onto JC's back. Justin and Chris began scuffling while JC and Lance tried to maintain their balance.
"Damn, Curly, have you been puttin' on weight?" Lance groaned, hoisting Justin higher onto his back.
"Hey!" Justin yelped, stabbing Lance in the shoulder with his finger. "Watch it, buddy. I diet, you diet!"
"Diet is a four letter word!" Joey yelped.
"We know you think so!" Chris teased back. "But so is 'Joey'!"
Joey paused to consider this, then gaped. "You know, you're right!"
"Ow ow ow!" Justin growled at Chris. "Watch the hair, watch the hair!"
"Watch it do what? Get pulled out? Okay!" Chris grinned wickedly and tugged on tufts of Justin's curly hair.
"I said 'ow' damn it!" Justin shouted, trying to pull his head away from Chris' strong grip. "You're hurtin' me, Kirpatrick!"
"You're such a baby!" Chris sighed, giving one last tug before letting go. Justin dramatically slumped onto Lance, dropping his head to Lance's.
"I'm wounded for life. Is my head bleeding?"
JC looked up. "Nah," he assured Justin. "You're fine."
"Damn straight I'm fine!" Justin claimed, sitting up straight. "I'm the hottest thing since sex!"
Every eye in the room, except for Lance's, was trained on Justin. And if Lance hadn't been under Justin, he would have been staring at him, too.
Justin looked around at everyone, then arched an eyebrow. "Prove me wrong!" he dared. "Prove me wrong!"
"You're still a virgin, Curly, you wouldn't know," Joey admonished immediately. "There's nothing better than--"
"Joey, we don't want to know," Lance interrupted quickly. "Please, keep it to yourself."
"Aw, it's the blond virgins," Joey teased.
"Joe, don't act like you don't wish you were, too," Chris stuck in.
Joey paused to think about it, then reluctantly nodded. "Okay, I do. Or at least wish I'd have waited for love." He shot a warning look at Justin and Lance. "If I hear that either one of you just slept with some floozy without there being love, I'm going to kick both your asses."
"Huh?" Justin and Lance asked together in disbelief.
"You two watch out for each other, and I expect you to help each other make good decisions. If one of you screws up, I blame both of you."
"I don't think you have to worry about me sleeping with any 'floozy'," Lance assured Joey, then slyly glanced up as far as he could. "Justin, on the other hand--"
"Justin's not a virgin," JC objected thoughtfully, and now every eye in the room was on him, but he was looking up at Justin. "Remember Britney?"
Justin sucked in a breath. "JC, Britney and I--"
"Yeah, I remember the night, too!" JC interrupted, his memory catching on. "It was about a year after all of us got together, and you came into the hotel room we were sharing together the next morning and told me that you had spent the night in Britney's room. You were so excited."
Lance could only stare at JC before loudly clearing his throat. "Am I the only one who's a virgin in this room?" he demanded, more angrily than he intended. He was amazed that his voice wasn't shaking. Honestly, he felt like he'd been punched. Justin had lied to him? Lance almost dropped Justin on his ass in his angered betrayal.
"No," Justin stated firmly. "JC, your story's wacked. I didn't sleep with Britney. I mean, I did, but we didn't have sex. We crashed together on her bed."
JC's jaw fell. "That whole time I thought you meant that you--"
"No," Justin snapped angrily. He hopped off of Lance's back, and Lance turned to look at Justin, a bit nervously. "I never had sex with Britney. I'm still very much a virgin."
"To girls or guys?" Joey teased.
Justin started towards Joey, but Lance's hand was on Justin's arm. "To both," Justin told him darkly, before shaking himself free of Lance's hold. He turned to Wade. "You gonna teach us this new dance or are we gonna go home?"
"Dance," Wade assured him quickly, clearing his throat. The others assembled into place, Lance staring at Justin, who was refusing to meet his eyes. And then, suddenly, those bright baby blues met green in the mirror, and Justin offered a weak smile.
Lance was surprised that he had even believed JC for a second. Justin would never sleep with anyone. He was too pure; too perfect. Lance smiled back strongly, and that seemed to make Justin feel a little bit better, because his own smile grew wider, and he straightened his shoulders.
JC's words came crashing back at Lance, and when Lance's eyes met JC's in the mirror, Lance knew that he and JC would be talking later that night. JC was right. Lance did deserve to know the whole story.
"Clubbin'!" Joey carolled happily from the back seat of JC's car.
"Joey, if you say that one more time, we're going to have JC turn around," Lance warned from the passenger seat up front.
"Don't be such a spoil sport!" Justin admonished him, from behind JC. "We're goin' clubbin', we're goin' clubbin'!"
Joey joined him, and then Chris, and the three in the back shouted loudly about "goin' clubbin'." They were very excited about this, and after trying to shut them up, Lance gave up in exasperation and turned to face the front. He turned up the music and rolled down his window, allowing the cool air to wash over his body before he felt something sharp jab into his side and he yelped, sitting up straight and turning around quickly.
"I'm cold!" Chris whined, pointing to Lance's window.
"So you stab me?" Lance growled unhappily, rubbing his side even as he rolled up the window. "A polite, 'Lance, please roll up the window' would have worked too!"
"Chris don't know tha meanin' a tha word 'polite'," Justin teased, using those damn ebonics that Lance hated. Lance sighed and leaned back against his seat, hoping that they would reach the club soon, before he threw his shoe at Justin. The last time he'd thrown his shoe, Justin had tossed it out the window and JC had had to turn around and go back to get it. Justin still claimed it was an accident, but to Lance shoving it through the small slot that he had opened wasn't accidental. Justin had made it up to him later by buying him three new pairs, however, so Lance couldn't complain too much.
Chris, Joey, and Justin began playfully bickering in the back, while Lance considered first covering his ears, then blaring the music, then rolling down his window again. Finally he settled on closing his eyes and humming to himself.
"You're all I ever wanted," JC sang softly, and despite the noise in the back Lance heard him and looked over at the older man. JC was glancing at Lance, trying to cheer him up. "You're all I ever needed, yeah, so tell me what to do now, when I want, you, back."
Lance grinned slightly.
"You're the one I want," Justin sang, adding his voice to the song. Lance glanced over the back of the seat at his best friend, and found the car suddenly silent except for Justin's voice. And Justin's blue eyes were smiling at Lance. "You're the one I need. What can I do?" Lance knew that Justin had left out the word 'girl', and he cocked an eyebrow slightly. "You're all I ever wanted, you're all I ever needed, yeah, so, what can I do? When I want, you, back."
"We're there," JC announced, stopping the car.
Chris and Joey happily hopped out of the car, while Lance was more slow about it. He was shutting his door when he felt Justin behind him, and slowly he turned around to face his best friend, searching his blue eyes.
"You okay?" Justin asked softly, worriedly.
Lance nodded, forcing a smile. "I'm okay," he promised, looking past Justin to the other three. He sighed. "Let's go before they leave us."
Justin nodded but kept his eyes trained on Lance as they joined the others. Lance knew that Justin was staring at him, and he tried to pretend like he didn't notice, lest one of the other guys say something.
Finally they got into the club, and Joey and Chris immediately went for the floor. JC, Justin, and Lance all grabbed a table, and immediately a girl looking like she thought she was all that came over and asked Justin to dance.
"I don't think--" Justin began.
"Go," Lance prompted, giving Justin a little nudge with his foot.
Justin glanced between Lance and JC, turned back to the girl and smiled, though it looked forced. He followed her out to the dance floor, shooting one last glance over his shoulder before he disappeared completely.
"Just like that," JC said, as though he and Lance had been holding a conversation.
Lance jumped slightly and turned quickly to face JC. "What're you talking about?" Lance asked, flustered.
"That look you two just shared. That you've been sharing. And don't think I didn't see him singing to you earlier in the car." JC sighed and stared at him. "How you can be so close to him and yet still be so utterly clueless is beyond me."
Lance made a face, not liking JC's assumption. "I think I know Justin fairly well," he commented dryly.
"I don't doubt it," JC assured him. "What I do doubt is your ability to see the depths of Justin's feelings for you. God, Lance, I've known they were there for five years. And don't think that I haven't seen your feelings for him spanning that long as well!" He smiled gently. "How about you and I go take a walk where it's a bit quieter, and I'll tell you the whole story?"
Lance hesitated. Did he really want to know? He asked himself, and then, as he saw Justin looking utterly miserable on the dance floor, stiffly holding a girl that was sticking to him like a wet tissue, Lance nodded. He did want to know.
JC smiled and took Lance by the arm, leading him up to the second floor, where it was much more quieter. They chose a remote corner, and there JC began his story.
"We'd looked at about twenty applicants before we reached your name," JC began softly, his voice fading with the memory as Lance watched him. "We were all tired, and exhausted, and we wanted to go home, but there were still five more people to listen to. We weren't even auditioning for bass'. We were going for the soprano tone, but we were also desperate, so we agreed to listen to whatever we were given." JC sighed. "And then you walked into the room, and Justin was sitting next to me at the time. We had been talking, actually, but I don't remember about what. I just remember his hand clamping down on my arm, his jaw open, and his eyes wide. I looked up and I saw you, and I looked back at Justin, who was blatantly staring. Blatantly staring. I'd never thought Justin was interested in guys until that moment. He'd always been seen around with Britney, and he'd had enough girlfriends to prove that he was interested in girls. Or so I thought. But I watched him stare at you, and then..." JC trailed off, as if still in disbelief. "He stood up like he was a robot, walked right up to you, and introduced himself, something he never did. Justin wasn't shy, he just didn't go up to people and start talking to them. And I remember watching you two stare into each other's eyes, and thinking, 'Oh no.'" JC looked down, unable to meet Lance's curious eyes. "I didn't want my best friend to be gay," JC admitted finally, sounding ashamed of himself. "I didn't want to be in a group with two gay guys. But I knew from the moment I saw you two look at each other that that was what was going to happen. Even if you didn't make the group." JC smiled weakly. "I'll get to that later."
JC paused and took a sip of the drink that he had snagged, coating his throat, as Lance watched him in complete confusion. "Anyway," JC continued. "Justin didn't want to hear anyone else after you had finished singing. I remember sitting next to him and actually watching the goosebumps on his skin rise. I thought you were good, hell, I thought you were the best we'd seen since we started auditioning, but Justin had a reaction to your voice. At the time I thought that if we didn't let you into the group, Justin would... I don't know. Get over it, or something." He sighed. "I should have known better. Justin spent all week with us, demanding that we let you into the group. We tried to convince him that we weren't looking for a bass, but Justin was adamant, even pointing out every fault all the other singers had until we felt like you were our last hope. But still, I was stubborn and clung to not wanting to be with two gay guys, so I tried to get some more guys. And there was one... He was good. He was very good. A nice high voice, like the rest of ours, a kind guy... I liked him. I thought we could be really good friends. And I remember going into Justin's house--I was staying with him and Lynn--and hearing him on the telephone, crying, and talking to the operator. 'Bass!' he shouted. 'His name is Lance Bass, and he lives in Laurel, Mississippi! How many Bass' can there be in Laurel, Mississippi? Please, just give me the number!' Justin. My always happy and cheerful Justin... My best friend... Crying." JC shuddered. "And it was all my fault. I heard Lynn go in there, and I shamelessly ease-dropped on their conversations. Justin told her that you weren't in the group, and he wanted to be the one to break the news to you. He told her that he didn't want to lose contact with you. He told her that he wanted to be friends with you." JC sighed and twirled the straw around in his cup. "And I knew. I knew that I couldn't do that to Justin, and I couldn't do that to you. So, I called up the other guy, told him that we'd filled the position, and then called up the stairs to Justin and asked him if he had your number. I remember how heartbroken he looked when he came down the stairs and miserably told me that your number was unlisted. So I handed him the piece of paper with your number scribbled at the top that I'd copied earlier, and told him to call you and tell you that you needed to be in Orlando in two weeks. Justin's smile was so bright... I rarely see that smile on Justin, and it's only when you're around, or when someone says something great about you. But Justin dashed for the phone and called you, and when he got off he jumped up from the couch and hugged me, and I couldn't believe what I'd been about to do to my best friend."
JC paused to think things over, and Lance was so stunned that he didn't say anything. He couldn't think of any words to express his feelings, which he couldn't even describe. He wasn't sure how he felt, so he simply waited for JC to continue.
"I remember being so nervous when we waited in the studio for you to arrive. The four of us were there already, practicing our harmonizing, and Justin was so happy he was literally bouncing in his seat. He'd dressed up for the occassion: did his hair, chose a nice pair of khaki's, and even a nice sweater. I remember being stunned, and then worried, but I tried to be supportive. And then there was a knock, and a timid boy entered, flashing a shy smile at all of us. And I remember Justin jumping to his feet excitedly, rushing over to your side, and hugging you tightly." JC smiled warmly. "And then, when he pulled away and you two looked at each other, I remember thinking, 'God, they are so lucky.'" JC glanced at Lance. "And over the years, I've watched you two watch each other when you thought no one was looking. I saw how crushed you looked everytime Justin went out with a girl, and how devestated he became when you went out with a girl. The only time you two ever seemed happy was when you were together. I just... I thought you guys knew that you felt that way about each other. I had no idea that you weren't aware of it. Justin's so glaringly obvious when he wants something that sometimes it strangles us. Even Joey and Chris know that you two were meant to be from the beginning." JC smiled. "I have always believed in soulmates, Lance, but I never saw two people be them until I saw you two look at each other." JC reached out and took Lance's hand, looking earnestly into Lance's eyes. "You two are soulmates," he told him. "He is the other half of you."
Lance stared at JC for a long time, their hands still together, and finally Lance swallowed hard. "I've never been attracted to a man before in my life," he told JC honestly, his voice low and from the base of his throat. "But with Justin, it's different..."
"I know," JC assured him gently. "And for the record, you don't need to be worried about what I think about the two of you. I think it's great."
Lance smiled weakly. "JC, we really are just best friends. Nothing is going on between us."
"You can't honestly believe that--" JC started.
"Something you two wanna share with the rest of the class?"
The cold voice startled Lance into actually springing to his feet, facing quickly off against Justin. He started to explain, but the words died away on his lips as he stared into those blue eyes he knew better than his own, searching them for something... Anything... Any sign of truth to what JC had just told him.
All he saw was cold, jealous, hurt anger.
And yet, as Lance continued to stare wordlessly at Justin, the look of anger slowly died away, replaced by a bit of concern and worry, and there Lance saw it. Everything JC had said would be there. It was. JC was right. Justin was his match.
Lance considered fainting, then decided that wouldn't be a manly thing to do. So he reached out and carefully closed his arms around Justin's neck, hugging him tightly. Justin responded immediately.
"What's wrong?" Justin asked quietly, worried. "Lansten?"
Lance leaned his cheek against Justin's shoulder and met JC's eyes. The older man smiled knowingly and walked away, leaving them alone.
"Nothing," Lance finally answered, when he felt he could talk without his voice breaking. He pulled away and smiled warmly up at Justin, who was still looking concerned. "Nothing's wrong, Jus." He held Justin's hands and just studied his best friends' eyes.
"You sure?" Justin pestered, still frowning.
"Very sure," Lance promised, releasing one of Justin's hands to touch the necklace around his best friends' throat. It looked like it belonged there, it really did. Lance couldn't help it. He hugged Justin again, burying himself in his embrace.
"Come on," Justin ordered gently. "Let's get us home."
Lance followed without protest as Justin led him out of the club, finding JC before they did so and telling him that they were leaving. JC had simply nodded and winked at Lance before staying at the table. Justin hailed a taxi, and he and Lance climbed in as Justin told the taxi driver the address.
The ride to Lance's house was relatively silent. Lance was thinking carefully about what JC had said to him, and Justin was watching him worriedly. When they arrived at Lance's house, Justin paid the cab driver and led Lance up the walk, opened the door, and together they went into the living room and dropped down onto the couch, side by side. Justin had a hand on Lance's thigh which seemed to be exhuding protection.
"You know what?" Lance asked thoughtfully.
"No. Tell me." Justin rolled his head to the side to look over at Lance.
Lance paused, then continued. "When I went home after auditioning for this group, the first thing I did was call the operator and ask for your number."
Lance could feel Justin freeze beside him. "You did?" Justin finally asked, sounding slightly hoarse. "Why?"
"Because the idea of never talking to you again was enough to make me ill," Lance answered plainly. He looked over at Justin, and blue met green. "I think it's hard to keep your soul in two different places, don't you?"
Justin's blue eyes widened, but he nodded. "I do."
Lance nodded back, still mulling over JC's words. "You wanna go to bed?" he asked abruptly, standing. "I think I'm tired."
"I... Sure," Justin agreed, sounding a bit bewildered. Lance could understand his surprise. Normally he and Lance just sort of crashed into the same bed. They never actually discussed going to bed together in the same bed when they were fully awake.
Lance nodded, and then led the way to the bedroom, not bothering to see if Justin was following. He was sure that he was. He could feel Justin, as though every sense was suddenly tuned into him.
Lance changed fearlessly, knowing full well that Justin was staring at him as he stripped off his shirts and tossed them into the dirty clothes hamper. He also knew that Justin's jaw dropped when he stripped to his boxers and then went looking for pj's, opting for a large jersey that he was pretty sure was Justin's, and a pair of thin sweats he knew were Justin's, and yet they were still stuffed in his drawers. Lance climbed into bed and closed his eyes. He heard movement going on in the room, the sound of Lance's drawers opening and closing, and then a minute later the bed sinking slightly as Justin climbed gently into it.
"Come here," Lance ordered, waving Justin over. He wasn't sure what had come over him, but Justin didn't seem to be minding too much. All Lance wanted right then was to be close to Justin. To hold him and be held by him. That was all he wanted.
Justin did as requested, sliding over into the middle of the bed and taking Lance into his arms on his own initiative, which seemed a little timid at first, but as Lance sunk into the bare chested man, he relaxed and allowed his arms to detense.
"JC didn't...?" Justin let the question trail, but Lance knew he was frowning.
"No," Lance assured him firmly. "JC and I are just friends." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Just sleep, Jus. Think tomorrow."
A few minutes later, Lance was asleep.
Next Chapter
Previous Chapter
Friends Forever Index
Main Page