Pair O' Dice

By Alaine Benard & Angie Ledbetter

Signed, Alice D., Hattiesburg, Miss.

 Dear  Alice ~ What exactly are you having challenges with? Are you afraid to confront that husband of yours? It seems to me that after that many years of marriage, you should be allowed an opinion or two. Stop pussyfooting around. Open your mouth and tell your husband that you refuse to have his hawgly family member move into your abode. "He stinks, he's a bum, he's a loser, and he's a drunk," are some of the reasons you could offer. Another tip, dear, it is not necessary to convince people of your worth. You don't have to share your resume of good Samaritan deeds to get others on your side. Even if you only bake an occasional cake for the garden club, you've got a right to say who lives under your roof!

Adios, Alaine

My Sweet Alice:  Perhaps you can tell by my twin's "tude" that she's had
quite a few run-ins with her own in-laws. Please take time to consider how
this delicate situation can best be handled. One must always remember that when we marry, we marry the whole family. If your husband is really insistent on helping his brother, perhaps you could set some guidelines up beforehand. Sit with your husband alone and write down your concerns into a sort of contract. EX - "If Brother-in-law fails to get a job within 2 weeks of his arrival, he will be asked to leave." "If any alcohol comes onto our property, he will be put out immediately." "The duration of the stay is for 3 weeks only." "Said amount of money will be paid by Brother-in-law for room and board on every Friday." As a team, you and your husband then set forth your contract with the pending guest. As a united front, he will know where he stands before he enters your home. Maybe he has had a change of heart this time, and we are our brother's keepers, but do not let yourself be taken advantage of if you see the stipulations of the contract being broken. Good luck, dear! And don't forget to pray.

 Angie

Dear A/A:

I don't know what to do! My 15-year-old daughter has taken up with a man of 18, and it is breaking her father's and my heart. I have talked until I'm blue in the face, but all to no avail. Please help!

Signed, Distraught Mom

Dear Mom:

I know this must be hard on you as her parents. Teenage years can be so trying. Have you tried counseling with your pastor as a family? Sometimes an unbiased third party can get through to a teen where parents cannot. I'd also suggest that you pray together as a family, with this intention at the top of your list. Do you object to her dating this fellow simply because of his age? Beware of creating the Romeo and Juliet syndrome, wherein you push them into each other's arms. Try to spend some time with him in your home to get to know him better. It may work out that he isn't interested if he knows there are involved, loving parents. Although she will “die of embarrassment!” stick to the curfew and dating rules you've already set out. You have those in place already...right?

Prayers, Angie

Dear Blue Face~

Time for talking is done. Now it's time to do some walkin'. You trot on over to the mall with "princess" and let Dad handle Romeo. I would ask you to think about what an 18-year-old wants with a 15 year-old- girl, but I think we all know the answer to that one. Invite Hoo-Dude over, and then hop on the mall bus before his arrival. Let Dad puff up his chest and flex some muscle while he's setting down the 'law'. No excuses, no debates, no discussion (remember the color of your face.) The only thing needing to be said is that Baby Girl is 'hands off".  Produce a copy of the pre-filed restraining order, currently on hold with the local law, to end the conversation. While buying princess a new outfit, inform her of what's going down at home. She must pick your decision or pack up her bags. Stand tough, Granny... uh, I mean, Mom.

Alaine

Dear Twins:

My beloved dog, Champ, has been a member of our family for almost 18 years. He was recently hit by a car in our front yard and was rushed to the vet hospital. In order to fix Champ up like new, the vet bill will be over $2,000.00. Of course, I want to pay it, but my husband said NO. I went behind his back and okayed the operations with our vet. Now my husband says I am responsible for the bill, and I'll have to get a job if he doesn't back down. Help!

Broken Hearted and in the Dog House in Scottsdale.

Dear Champ's Mom:

So sorry to hear of your traumas, dear! I know how pets can become part of the family. Our Boston terrier surely is. Can you work out a compromise with your husband? Have you explained to him that you had no option but to agree to the emergency, life-saving work on Champ at the time of the injury? It's really not like you can obtain an estimate at times like these. I'd also ask your vet if you could work out a payment plan. Paying in smaller monthly installments won't hurt the family finances as much as having to pay in one lump sum. Pray for guidance, and in the meantime, try not to let yourself seethe over the trouble. Time is on your side.

Prayers, Angie (pet lover)

Dear Champ:

Go get the master's slippers and pipe. Chew the hell out of 'em and pee on his smoker. When Mom comes flying in the room in a panic, scoot your old butt under the bed. While she's cleaning up your party, pull out a few of Master's hunting rifles, rod and reels, the season's football ticket, and maybe a Playboy or two. While Mom's perusing the stash, run on to the kitchen and bring back the bill-paying calculator. Since Mom's such a chump, you'll probably have to crunch the numbers yourself. Master's hobby supplies should ring out about $5000.00 a year, not including licenses, transportation, and all the beer and sardines he takes on the trips to use those goodies. When Maw checks the total, Mr. Master will be in the doghouse and you can take his side of the waterbed. Now would be a good time to hit
her up for that diamond-studded collar. Go ahead and convince Ms. Master to buy herself a trinket too.

Ciao, Arrrrrf! Alaine