I believe the Intention Model to be one of the most important models learned in this course. It is also very important, to the point of being at times imperative and situation-changing-powerful, but somewhat difficult to exercise. One of the hand-outs from our February 6 class, titled "Lesson 11, Intention Model," was very helpful in understanding this concept. This hand-out divided intentions into two basic groups: those that are appreciative, honoring, and respectful and those that are judgmental, blaming, and inclined towards separation. The first group is said to result in large amounts of healthy trust, teamwork, cooperation, and respect. The second group is said to result in low amounts of trust, conflict, resistance, guilt, and fear.      I have observed this division in types of intention in my life and do believe that they each bring about the sort of results mentioned here. I realized that in classes that I do not enjoy, that I do not look forward to and become excited by - when work is assigned in those classes I am annoyed or frustrated by it and predict that it will be difficult and time consuming. These thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies, of the self-imposed type talked about on page 76 of the text book, invariably come true. But, in classes that I enjoy and I am excited, when I am assigned work I take it on with an air of anticipation and ambition. I look forward to working on it because I believe I am good at it and that I will improve even more as I put work more work into it. This also, luckily, proves to be a self-imposed self-fulfilling prophesy.      Having identified this syndrome, I can look to the handout to see how I can help the situation. It lists four steps to take in order to change Intention: "1. As Myself, Do I Have The Willingness To Change My Intention?" When I asked myself this early this semester about my psychology class, which I had dreaded, I decided that I did have that willingness to look at psychology as an interesting, exciting class instead of the curse of earth I saw the foundation course as last semester. "2. Be Aware That You Do Have A Choice." My choice was clear: expect the worst and get it, or expecting something better and reap the benefits. I was convinced that I, of course, was the major deciding factor in that choice. "3. Make A Decision To Change My Intention." I, therefore, decided to make it a practice to read every word of every chapter assigned in our text book and to show up for all of the classes. Without dedication this would have been pointless, and if I did not make it a point to be dedicated I was going to suffer a bad grade in the course. So, I made the right decision. "4. Prepare To Act with The New Intention." I do not have any class after my psychology class, so I specifically designated the couple of hours after each class as time to do my psychology reading. This was an entirely novel practice for me!      This change in intention has lead many positive consequences: I no longer dread psychology class. I no longer struggle through the text book readings. And, my grades, due to these first to consequences, are better than they were last semester.      I believe the L.E.A.P. model is not only one of the most important models of communication discussed in this course, I believe it is also one of the easiest to implement. It is a problem solving method that involves listening, empathizing, and asking questions repeatedly in a cycle before then taking some problem solving action. It was depicted in diagram form during our class lecture on February 14. This diagram makes it very easy to understand:    (Please excuse my lack of graphic skills on html.)                                                  empathize                                             /    /  |       \   \    \                                                   /    /    |         \   \    \                                         /     /     |          \    \    \                                       /     /       |            \    \    \                                    /      /         |              \    \     \                                  /      /           |                \     \    \                                 /      /             |                  \     \     \                              /      /               |                    \     \      \                          listen -->-----------|-------------->--  ask questions                                  \------>------ |------------->--/                                                     |                                                    \ /                                                problem solve I envision this diagram as having the real problem, the heart of the matter, at its center. In the original round of listening, empathizing and asking questions, dialogue is no where near this most important hub of importance. As we go through round after round of this repetitive and productive cycle we get closer and closer to the true base of the problem. In the process we have built a triangle, a symbol of strength and security, that does not exist until this process has been followed. Consider the following example: Person A: (to Person B) "I can't find my glasses and I can't see well enough to read this report without them!" Person B: Having presumably listened to Person A, thinks to himself that it would be really lousy to not have one's glasses and therefore not be able to see says, "Well, were the expensive?" Not bothering, then, to restart the cycle by listening they then offer to drive Person A to the store to buy a new pair of glasses. If this sort of process were followed, as it often is, in this example Person A could waste hundreds of dollars for an unneeded pair of glasses. But, things work out different when the L.E.A.P. model is engaged in: Person A: (to Person B) "I can't find my glasses and I can't see well enough to read this report without them!" Person B: Having presumably listened to Person A, thinks to himself that it would be really lousy to not have one's glasses and therefore not be able to see says, "Well, were the expensive?" Person A: "Yes, but I don't need new ones." Person B: (having listened) "Well, why not?" Person A: "Because I just left them down the hall. But, could you read me the titles of these pages so that I know which ones to photocopy." Person B: (having listened and empathized with Person A's situation, and having thereby reached the heart of the problem, can help Person A take problem solving action) "Sure, let me see them and I will read you all the title." Person A: "Gee, thanks! I sure am glad you were able to help me solve that problem!" Once the heart of the problem has been reached, the individuals can then venture directly down out of the triangle into the problem solving area, which is good for everyone. But, as was just shown in a condensed, simplified example, that is impossible without the simply, and therefore easy to remember and implement, steps of L.E.A.P.       On a more professional note, Behavioral Interviewing is one concept that I look forward to putting in to use. I was recently hired as the Display Advertising Manager of the American University Eagle. Right now the job consists of finding interested companies and organizations to advertise with the Eagle. Next semester, however, I will be building a more extensive sales staff for the paper. It will be my job to find, screen, and train sales representatives to work under my supervision. Due to limited resources and office space, my plan at this time is to hire two students to fill the job. But, I do not simply want to take the first two people who inquire about the job. I plan to put up flyers to find interest and interview a large number of applicants to fill the two positions. Because I believe that the principle presented to us in class and video and handouts on March 7 will be helpful, I plan to follow the procedure that was described as I interview my applicants. The basic principle, that "a candidate's past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior" is implemented through the following four steps: 1. Preplan the interview by studying the job description and listing the skills that will be required. This is the most common sense part of the concept, but I am glad it is emphasized. I will be looking for people who are articulate enough to speak to a wide range of people on the telephone, uninhibited enough to make unsolicited phone calls to professional business peoples, and organized enough to create ad accounts for different clients. 2. Build rapport with the candidate. I had been nervous about this because I feel that the beginning of the interview, from either end, is very important. What this helped to realize is that the actual interviewing does not have to begin upon eye contact or introduction. Small talk would be a good predecessor to interview questions, and the first few interview questions should be very easy to get the candidate talking. 3. Give the candidate time to reflect on their response and allow silence. This stuck me like the gold-rush-digger sifting through sand and then becoming very excited as he found a gold nugget that he had put in his coat pocket the day before. This seems so simple, but becoming aware of it consciously made it seem like my great, soon-to-be trademarked secret that will make for more effective interviews as I require candidates to respond well to my questions while allowing them to respond in the best way they are able. 4. Maintain control of the interview by not allowing rambling. This one also seems common sense, but the examples in the video of how this is done, as cheesy as they were, were very helpful to see how this can be easily done. 5. Seek contrary evidence when a one-side image of a candidate is forming. I expect that since I will advertise that the open positions will have to do with sales, I will get very extroverted individuals who apply. This may give me a repeating one-sided image of uninhibited people who can solicit and do cold calls without problems. Many people have never made such phone calls though, so by asking about his specifically I may find that some of my excited, extroverted applicants actually struggle with cold calls. And, by asking a more general question about times that the applicants have had trouble communicating in a professional situation, I may be able to add color to the perfect pictures I would allow myself to paint of some applicants. 6. Ask questions that seek specific processes that have been gone through in the past, and do not accept generalities. If I ask a candidate about what sort of sales processes they have gone through, I don't simply want to hear that they sold some cookies for organizations in high school. I want to know, specifically, if that means that set up a table with some cookies on it and hope some people asked to buy cookies, or if they took cookies door to door through his neighborhood asking people they didn't know to give up their money for cookies.       It is the emphasis on past behavior that I find most beneficial here. In interviews in the past, I have been asked to hypothesize about what I would do in this situation or that. I happen to be a very good story teller and generally got the job. But, I am not looking to hire a story teller, as I may have accidentally hired without this interviewing technique. I am looking to hire a energetic, motivated salesperson and that's what I have learned to find.      As I look through my book I find that the part that I found most important and interesting, the part with the most highlighting, are Chapter 5, on Language. Two sections are particularly noted by dog-eared pages. They are the sections on "The Language of Responsibility" and "Disruptive Language."       I had never realized that language can so distinctly show the speaker's willingness to take responsibility for what they are saying. I often hear someone say something like, "It sucks that we never get together anymore." This on its own sounds pretty normal and straightforward. But, when you compare it to, "I regret that we don't get together more" or "I wish we got together more" it is clear that the latter statements are far more powerful and clear. I have tried to make it a practice to correct my own speaking accordingly.      This section has a subsection on page 142 titled, "'But' statements" that I take issue with. It says that "but" in the middle of the sentence has the effect of canceling out the first half of the sentence. Later it says, "When the goal is to be absolutely clear, however, the most responsible approach will deliver the central idea without distractions that can come with 'but' statements." I believe this to be a self defeating and misdirected principle. The section gives the example, "You've done good work for us, but we're going to have to let you go." Here, the "but" does not cancel out the first part of the sentence. It adds to it or qualifies it. If you did as this section suggests and changed the statement to, "We're going to have to let you go," you would not be clarifying the original message you would be abstracting and obscuring it to the point of maybe effectively changing it. The original example says that the employee has done well for the company and there is no hard feelings but some unchangeable circumstances has lead the company to make the decision to the let employee go. The suggested new versions say the employee is gone, kaput, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. There is no reason to believe that the original message intended this. Indeed, I believe that the "but" language may very well be the most effective way of clearly expressing the ideas that are attemptedly expressed.      The subsection on "I" language may have been the most helpful in this section. It really crystallized for me how "you" language can breed defensiveness. Saying to someone, "You ruined the party!" has no possible constructive meaning our outcome and will make the person feel they have to refute the statement. But, the three parts of the "I" statement (describing the person's behavior, your feelings about that behavior, and the consequences of it) can make that entirely valid more constructive and kind: I feel that you dampened my good time(feeling) when you got really drunk and started dancing on the roof with your clothes off(behavior). I felt I had to spend all my time and energy worrying about our safety and reputation and could not enjoy my own party.(consequence)      The Disruptive Language section was also highly helpful and interesting. The Fact-Opinion Confusion subsection made it very clear that the statement, "He doesn't know what he's talking about" does not mean the same thing as "His facts are statistically incorrect and his conclusions are therefore mathematically impossible." But, such opinions are commonly used interchangeably with statements of fact. The expression of one's opinion is certainly healthy and no one opinion can ever be wrong. But, it needs to be expressed as such. The statement, "I don't think he's right about that," is inherently infallible because it is an exhibition of the speaker's internal thoughts and feelings. No other person can possible find untruth in our opinions, though they may disagree, so long as we express them as opinions.      What I learned in the Fact-Inference Confusion subsection has saved me from unnecessary arguments. Whereas the lone question, "Why are you upset?" is likely to cause an argument over whether the questionee is upset, the three steps of this subsection (statement of observed behaviors and facts, inferences about meaning of those observations, and questions for accuracy and explanation) can lead to a productive, satisfying exploration of feeling. Example: "You seem quiet on the phone(observation) and I'm worried you're upset with me(inference). Is everything ok?(question)" This procedure is much more likely to yield a true answer than "Why are you so upset?" and it may even, following the original answer, spontaneously combust into a full blown L.E.A.P.      The final subsection, Emotive Language, is also quite important. We must be aware of word choices and of the connotation they have. We must be aware of how our listeners will perceive what we say. When selling watches, the salesperson who says, "This watch is very inexpensive" will be much more successful than the one who says, "This one is really cheap." Our words have many levels of meaning, and we need to be especially aware of the ones that have an evaluative context.      I was very impressed with the The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It seems that the agreements themselves act as a summary or guide to nearly everything learned in this book. I feel that they all apply to my life and if I did not already have a set of beliefs to measure my life by I may have adopted these. 1. Be Impeccable With Your Word This practice of honesty and being upfront is very conducive to good communication. Being impeccable with your word would cause you to use more "I" language and less ambiguous "It" language It would avoid the disruptive language of fact-opinion confusion by causing us to state facts as facts and opinions as opinions. 2. Don't Take Anything Personally This principle is an observation of projection. Nothing anyone says about me should ever really hurt me. In the words of rock band Everclear, "They cannot hurt you unless you let them." People are often hurt by the verbal outbursts of angry or hurt individuals. This summer I had a friend who worked part time as a cashier in a self-serve gas station. After doing bad math and failing to balance the register one night, the manager, who has been working there for more than a decade despite his regular attempts to find other employment, yelled at my friend a lot. He said things like, "You are always messing up" and "You are really good for nothing." I interpreted this to be a projection of the manager's insecurity about himself being projected onto my friend. The major point being, my friend should not take such attacks personally. In general, we should all be immune to the opinions of other people. 3. Don't Make Assumptions We all know what assumptions do. And, in addition to they have more concrete bad consequences. They stunt the process of L.E.A.P. as it is very difficult to listen or ask questions once one has made assumptions. It can also lead to a preponderance of inferences and create widespread fact-inference confusion. Our assumptions may very well even be symptoms of our own projections. And, if we make assumptions we may start spend all of our listening time on the less reflective/more evaluative side of the Types of Listening Responses scale on page 198 of the textbook. With our assumptions we may begin analyzing, advising, and evaluating without the necessary foundation work time in silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing, emphasizing and supporting. 4. Always Do Your Best In the words of insurance sales tycoon A.L. Williams, "All you can do is all you can do." This agreement invokes a spirit similar to that of the Golden Rule. If we always do our best to understand, sincerely help and understand others it is reasonable to believe, though not expect, that they will do the same for us and society will function better as a unit with improved communication. Back to Communication page Ryan's Writings main page

Interpersonal Communication Models and Concepts in Our Lives by Ryan Cofrancesco