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Since Aug 24, 2001

"I still shiver with a kind of astonished delight when a gay brother or sister tells of the narrow escape from the coffin world of the closet. Yes yes yes, goes a voice in my head, it was just like that for me. When we laugh together then and dance in the giddy circle of freedom, we are children for real at last, because we have finally grown up."

Paul Monette in Becoming a Man: Half a Life Story

 

Welcome to Chasing Rainbows

As a gay youth growing up in a Christian setting, my discovery of my sexuality at the age of twelve was in direct contradiction to my upbringing. How could I be gay? Doesn't God hate gay people? It must be a temptation of Satan to trick me into going to Hell with him. Such torment for such a young person to have to face. The religious fundamentalist would have us believe that we chose to be gay and that we can choose not to be gay. The search for my true identity as a youth was like trying to Chase Rainbows. You can pursue a Rainbow but never quite catch it.  I remember the torment that being gay brought to my young mind. I was in total torment for my soul because I was taught that I was going to Hell. I prayed to God to remove the sin of homosexuality from my soul and I was often seen at altar calls to repent of my sins. Why did God never respond to my tormented prayers? The religious right would say that I did not pray hard enough or sought redemption with the right zeal. However, I believe that God did answer my prayer in his silence. He was saying "I created you just the way you are. So why don't you accept my gift? I will always love you." I did not have to seek redemption because redemption was always offered to me first.  All I had to do was accept his gift of grace.

This page is dedicated to all gay and bisexual men who are seeking their authentic selves. I hope that my words will provide you with direction and hope that there really is life outside of your self-hatred. That a gay or bisexual man can find meaning in life and find his one true love and soul mate.  You are not alone in your struggles and that the world won't end if you finally accept your sexuality. It didn't for me and it won't for you. You can survive.  The amazing thing to me is the strength of character that I have found in my gay and bisexual brothers. We have survived a lot to get where we are at today. I am always happy to hear of another brother who has survived his ordeal of the closet.  I think Paul Monette said it best in the above quote.  Take a few moments and explore my site. I hope that it provides you with a starting place in your journey.  Hugs.


Page last updated on 11/17/2002
Copyright 2001 by William R. Strutts.  All Rights reserved.

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