Betrayal
		In most cases of childhood sexual abuse, the abuser is known to the survivor and is often in a position of authority. The effects of betrayal cannot be underestimated. It is imperative for a child to develop a sense of trust, especially from her parents, in order to feel safe to build a healthy self-esteem. This is stolen from her during her abuse. When this trust is betrayed by someone the child trusts to protect and love her, it breaks down the whole foundation for the child's belief system. Because the child often has unconditional trust in authority figures, she begins to question herself and to blame herself because adults are "always right." The child's feeling of worthlessness is enhanced as she internalizes that her abuser would not do it to her if she had any value to him. If the abuser is a parent, who is supposed to be her principle caregiver and protector, the betrayal is extremely devastating. The child is actively taught not to trust the people closest to her, and she may develop serious problems with intimacy and forming bonds with others as an adult. During my abuse, my innocent little five-year-old mind liked the attention I was getting from my older brother even though I detested the acts. My brother never allowed me to play with him and his friends, and so I felt since I did what he wanted me to do (even though I had no choice), maybe it would be a way of getting my foot in the door to play with him and his friends, especially since his friend also abused me. When the sexual acts were over, he and his friend were gone! I was devastated! Not only did I have to endure the most disgusting acts imaginable (or actually unimaginable because I could not even fathom the things I was made to do), but I was not even valuable enough to him to allow me to play or to even be nice to me the rest of the day. I was ignored--forgotten. This was an incredible betrayal to me because I idolized him and looked up to him greatly as an authority figure (even though my memories of him are almost exclusively negative). A child's mind trusts so completely and innocently; she will give her heart for a smile and a wink of approval. She cannot see the faults, however blatant, in adults or authority figures. She can only see the faults in herself--and they must be enormous to "cause" her loved one to do the things he does to her. It seems obvious to most adults that this type of thinking is very distorted, but the child's mind is undeveloped and unable to process the abuse or to put the blame in the lap of the abuser. She cannot understand the corruption. The confusion is more than she can sort out. She copes with it the only way she knows how, which is usually in some form of repression. Sexual abuse is difficult for most adults to deal with, let alone to make sense of it as a child. A survivor may struggle with relationships because as she becomes more intimate with someone else, her fear of betrayal overtakes her; she may do something to subconsciously sabotage the relationship. How can she trust someone new when a person in her past who was supposed to protect her instead betrayed her and violated her? The pain is very real, and pushing others away will guarantee that she will not be betrayed again. So she may never allow the trust to build, and her relationships remain superficial. The other extreme is for the survivor to become intimate quickly in all relationships because she is so desperately looking for love and acceptance. She then makes herself vulnerable for others to take advantage of her and betray her again, which reinforces her thoughts that she is not worthy of love. She may also repeatedly attract people with attributes of her abuser to continue the dysfunctional pattern and thus continue her abuse. This may be a subconscious attempt to attain the approval of her abuser, especially if he is her father. Therapy may be helpful, along with reading many good books on the subject to help the survivor to identify what needs she is trying to fulfill in a dysfunctional manner, and to learn how to build trust both in herself and in others.