Self-Loathing
		Self-loathing is the ultimate in self-hatred. It is the result of years of the survivor internalizing negative feelings and thoughts about herself, and of her inability to forgive herself. She feels worthless, as she cannot recognize any value in herself, and the more someone else tries to convince her otherwise, the more she defends her "badness." Her negative self-talk is extremely harsh as she holds herself up to impossible standards. She may be hyper-critical of her every move, and may, in fact, seek out opportunities to show how "bad" she is. She finds fault in every accomplishment she makes, which undermines any progress in life. The survivor may live in a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. She learns to expect failure, and she doesn't care enough about herself to try to change the pattern. This can lead to destructive behaviors, such as drug or alcohol abuse, prostitution, eating disorders, or suicide attempts. Because she has no nurtuting thoughts to comfort herself, she is once again left vulnerable and without protection. Even though she knows what is right and wrong, she stops fighting and becomes resigned to being "wrong," which reinforces the self-destructive cycle. She allows her life to be driven into the ground. She may feel that the worst that can happen--death--would be a welcome relief to her. Self-loathng may surface as anger or depression. The never-ending shame and guilt rob the survivor of any positive nurturing thoughts; her dysfunctional internal dialogue repeatedly tells her she is bad or wrong or stupid or ugly or nasty or disgusting or dirty or unworthy or fat.... Her psyche cannot help but to believe it because it is all she is ever told. She blocks out all positive comments from others because she "knows they are lying" because she knows she is bad. She becomes angry with herself for being the "bad" person she has convinced herself she is. Then as she internalizes this socially unacceptable feeling, she may become depressed.She may struggle daily with living inside her own skin; she cannot get away frm herself. Alcohol or drug abuse is common as the survivor tries desperately to drown the demon inside of her. Eating disorders may be an attempt to gain back some control in her life. Suicide may be the final result. Self-loathing is difficult and frustrating to treat because it is hard to convince the survivor that she is worth more than her behavior may indicate. She must be willling to change her life, and she may need professional help to extinguish extreme behavior as a result of not loving herself. If her behavior is not extreme, she will still have to drastically change her internal dialogue, which feeds her negativity, to begin to nurture herself and eventually to learn to trust and love herself. Working through all of her feelings of sexual abuse will be important to start accepting herself. It may also be helpful for significant others to read books or to participate in therapy so they may be able to learn how to challenge her negative thought processes and help encourage the survivor to take back the control in her life.