Sorry for the crossposting.  Don't worry, I'll work on the other serious fics later and thank you for your comments on them.  Warnings:  Off the cuff, silly, refers to previous wufei & Sally fics where Mulan & Fei are their daughter & son, some OOC, mild Wufei torture

Evil Child

"Our child is evil," said Wufei. "EVILLLLLL!"

"Which one?" said Sally, drinking her green tea.

"The girl child."

"Wufei, please call her by her name."

"Mulan. When Fuyuka came over, Mulan dressed Fei in her clothes, then proceeded to put lipstick and eye shadow on him to make Fuyuka laugh. I’m afraid he’s going to get into cross-dressing."

"There’s nothing wrong with cross-dressing."

Bang!

"And hitting your head on the table won’t change my mind."

"It’s not only that. She’s always making weird new art projects! She asked Fei to pretend to be a monkey so she could figure out how to draw one for a painting."

"Well, she’s just playing. She may turn out to be a great cosmetologist or artist."

"She drew me as Godzilla in one of her drawings! With flames shooting out of my mouth and a big green tail on my butt!"

"It was a very good drawing." She quickly put up the newspaper in front of her face so he wouldn’t see her laughing.

"Oh, it starts small, but soon she’ll come home with face piercings, multi-colored hair, baggy clothes and using words we don’t understand! And probably some hideous creature she’ll introduce as a boyfriend."

"Hmmm, I guess you led an exemplary life, what with calling women weak and deciding to help a girl Mulan’s age conquer the world. Oh, yeah, Mulan’s bad, very bad!" Sally then giggled.

"Laugh all you want, Sally. How about her fixation on beating Gabriel Marquise at kendo? Don’t you think that’s a bit obsessive; pouting and going to her room whenever she loses. Then when she wins, she scowls and says to the boy, ‘You weren’t trying hard enough.’"

Sally put down the newspaper and openly rolled her eyes. "Oh, gee, where did she get it from?"

"Yes, where?" said Wufei, puzzled. "I can’t figure it out for the life of me."

Sally put a hand over her mouth to keep from spitting out the tea.

"I’ve decided."

Sally raised an eyebrow. "Decided what?" I must teach my man not to think unless we do it together. The ideas that creep into his head when he’s alone . . .

"Let’s send Mulan to military school. It will straighten her out, sharpen her mind, give her discipline."

"Military school? Oh, yes, the world needs another Mariemeia," said Sally drolly. "I really want our daughter to learn how to handle weapons, incite her schoolmates to revolt, design her own flag and end up on the evening news."

"But . . ."

"No military school. I mean it, Wufei."

Wufei pouted. "Then what do we do?"

Right then, Mulan walked in and said, "Dad, happy birthday."

"How did you remembered today was my . . ." Wufei said.

"Mommy told us. We made a cake."

"I helped," chirped Fei, who toddled behind her.

Wufei looked helplessly at Sally. You set me up, onna!

Sally said, "Mulan frosted the cake."

The cake was a large flat cake. On top was a picture of Shelong in icing, a very convincing and detailed likeness made with various colors of frosting against a white background.

"Oh, how did you . . ."

"She copied it off an old photograph I had. Neh, Wufei, why don’t you tell her what you told me?"

"Tell me what?" said Mulan.

"Yes, tell her," Sally prodded.

Wufei was turning redder and redder by the minute.

"What did he say, Mommy?"

"Wufei, would you like me to repeat them or shall I let you do it?"

"Ah, ah," said Wufei, hesitating. I’m being outflanked by women, aughhhh! "You are so creative it astonishes me."

"Yay!" said Mulan.

The End

Founder of the Society against the Complete Bastardization of Heero Yuy
Owner of Trowa's crepe pan
Keeper of Sally's common sense
Keeper of Wufei's Viagra & Rogaine