Employee Performance Appraisal:

Name:
Title:
Department:
Supervisor:

KNOWLEDGE

[   ] Bastard really knows his shit
[   ] Knows most aspects of his job
[   ] Knows enough to be dangerous
[   ] Wouldn't know his own name
[   ] This turkey is brain dead

ACCURACY

[   ] Does excellent work if not preoccupied with sex
[   ] Pretty good only occasionally loses it
[   ] Doesn't give a shit about his output
[   ] Does shitty work and constantly fucks up
[   ] Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice

WORK SPEED

[   ] Fastest bastard I've ever seen
[   ] Fast when it suits him
[   ] Fast while being watched
[   ] Needs his arse kicked every 5 minutes
[   ] Moves as if in a coma

DEPENDABILITY

[   ] A very dependable little crawler
[   ] Usually dependable if not pushed
[   ] Conscientious if sexual urges satisfied
[   ] Always the first to leave
[   ] Completely unreliable in all things

CO-OPERATION

[   ] Extremely co-operative team member
[   ] Harmonious little brown nose
[   ] Co-operative only if coerced
[   ] Doesn't get on well with others
[   ] Doesn't give a shit, never has

APPEARANCE

[   ] Very neat and tidy, even combs his pubic hair
[   ] Neat and tidy when trying to impress
[   ] Needs to be introduced to toothpaste and deodorant
[   ] Sloppy dirty bastard
[   ] Flies leave fresh dogshit to follow him

PUNCTUALITY

[   ] So early we wonder if he goes home
[   ] Usually on time
[   ] Only late when there's a good reason
[   ] Late too often without excuse
[   ] Arrives so late, only half the staff have met him

LEADERSHIP

[   ] Kicks arse and gets things done
[   ] Constantly pisses off the troops
[   ] Sometimes told to get stuffed
[   ] Only cleaners obey him
[   ] Couldn't lead a starving dingo to fresh meat

Evaluation read and understood

Employee signature


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