What is a sponsor? Simply put, an AA Sponsor is someone that will help guide the newly sober alcoholics through the uncertain waters of recovery during the few first weeks and months of sobriety - and then as the relationship grows a unique bond forms. Sponsors are people just like you and me that have mumbled, grumbled and stumbled over the obstacles of early sobriety.
Sponsors carry on a tradition in the family of man that began before our ancestors swung down from the trees for the last time. These mentors not only pass along their own experience, strength, and hope; but impart to the newcomers the wisdom, tradition and history of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous that we may use these gifts to achieve sobriety.
A sponsor is a guide only. He or she can only suggest options and solutions. They are not in your life to "fix" your problems. They can only point the way to sobriety. You must make the journey.
What do you look for in a sponsor? First, quality sobriety. You would be wise to pick a sponsor that has been sober for as least a year. I would suggest that you not limit yourself to only one sponsor.
Does the person "walk the walk?" or are they just shooting off their mouths in the meetings. Look for the winners. Is the person enjoying sobriety or is it a burden to them?
Once you pick your sponsor(s) do so on a trial basis. Sometimes the chemistry is not there. But when it is, you will know it.
It is ok to use the group as a sponsor in your first few days of sobriety, but you really need to build a report with a core group of sober people to allow yourself to grow.
It is a bad idea to pick a sponsor of the opposite sex. Things can get complicated very quickly as romance seems to become the primary purpose for the relationship. Usually these relationships end badly and both parties walk away adversely affected.
If your spouse is already in A. A. do not use them for a sponsor. They are too close and sharing things like the fourth step and fifth step can be at best awkward - at worst, completely life shattering. This is not to say the relationship is doomed, but each spouse needs to work their own program and then together form the relationship program on that bond between them.
Many of these relationships between newcomer and sponsor have turned into lifelong friendships. I have seen the most unlikely pairings. But the bonds between these people become strong as there is a unity in the purpose of staying sober one day at a time.
Likely, you will go through at least a couple of sponsors before you find the one that is right for you. Don't worry, God will guide you if you ask and when you are ready, the teacher will appear. Then one day, you will look up there will be a newcomer asking you to be their sponsor.
All one day at a time.
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