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| Trudg'in |
| Trudg'in |
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| Click on chips to get one. Courtesy of Buddy T. |
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| Step Two |
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| This family of web pages is not endorsed, sanctioned, or connected in any way with Alcoholics Anonymous® or the General Service Office of Alcoholics Anonymous®. All views and opinions expressed are strictly those of this author. Copyright © 1987 - 2001 Bill L, All rights reserved. |
| In silent memory of those who suffer from the effects of alcoholism. |
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| “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Copyright © 1939, 1955, 1976, Alcoholics Anonymous World Service®, All rights reserved. I had believed in nothing greater than myself for almost my entire life. In my mind, the Universe revolved around my little ego. I had believed; and God turned His back on me. He hadn't lived up to my expectations. If He wouldn't help me, then who needed God? As far as I was concerned, God didn't exist. How wrong I was. I had to believe that there was hope for my life; that I would eventually succeed in being able to live a normal life without the aid of booze and drugs if there was something greater to replace my dependence on the alcohol I drank and dope I had used. First, I had to realize that there was a distinct difference in religion from spirituality. Then, I had to be willing to accept that there was indeed a power greater than myself. The problem was that I didn’t know where to seek the answers I needed. With time, I began to recognize the answers in what others shared with me; or in what I read, or when my mind was still enough, what was put there by divine guidance. As time passed I began to see the divine hand in most of my life and how much I had been missing by not just taking the time to seek. And then by being quiet long enough to receive what I sought. That belief was shaky at first because I had lost the ability to trust. Trust required my opening up the fortress I had built around myself and become willing to reach out to others to accept what they could offer me. I had a realization that others could do for me what I could not. In time that trust even grew to include God. I realized that I had entered a state of Grace. Next I had to realize the insanity of my life. No one in his right mind would voluntarily lose every thing they owned; chase away all of their friends; give up the security of a steady job; and call the floor of a church home for almost a year. All because of what I put in my body for "recreation". Nor would anyone live in a whirlwind of crisis as I had done from the time I was able to first remember. I had lost face. I had lost faith even in myself. I had lost hope. I had lost the will to live. I was quite insane. The sanity began when I became humble enough to explore the possibility of something greater in my life. At first, the person that had brought me to A. A. was greater than I. Then it was the group because they had answers to my questions and guided me during my first few steps into sobriety. Then I sought something higher. As I expanded my willingness to humble myself, I began to pray. It began slowly; as a whisper in the dark to something that I hoped would be there to hear me. My early prayers were simple…gratitude and guidance. I have been taught that I should not pray for things and "if only, I'll never". As time has passed, I still pray for simple things, but include others in my prayers. Through prayer I have received many gifts. The gift that I cherish the most is the gift of God's Grace. I now know a serenity that allows me to achieve balance even when the storm of life rages around me. It is fleeting at times…even now; but when it comes, I know that it is because I have come to believe in something greater than myself. Step Two is about humility. Step Two is about awareness. Step Two is about Grace. Step Three |