Submission from Alania
Coming to terms with the fact that there is more than the everyday 'physical' world and what we have all learned about it as part of standard curriculum can be an extraordinarily difficult thing to do. It can be extremely lonely, confusing, painful and very taxing on the mind. The first problem is society's unwillingness to accept that there is anything beyond the defined and established 'norm'. It is a highly egotistical approach to life - if you don't fit in the box, then something must be wrong and we had better make things right so you do fit. As a result it is extraordinarily difficult to find people who can identify with what you are going through, or who are even willing to admit that they have experienced what you are experiencing. So, you are often left alone to try to deal with the massive change that has suddenly been dumped on your shoulders.
Trying to cope and come to an understanding alone is very difficult and can leave you feeling very lost and depressed. You often feel as if you don't know where to go next or what to do with everything you are experiencing. You are continually trying to rationalize it in context with the every day world at the same time that you are questioning your own sanity.
While I first became of aware my own situation when I was 10, it wasn't until almost a decade later I had a large and rather abrupt increase in my knowledge, understanding and experiences relating to it. As a result of the abruptness of what I experienced later on I found myself flailing for control. The increased depth of vision into what I was and how things were that I had acquired left me disillusioned with the every day world, and highly depressed. I often found myself asking the question 'what do I do?' both of myself and of the few friends that I luckily had who could understand what I was going through to some extent. The problem was that they could only help me to a certain extent. As is standard in these situations, their own personal experiences were very different from mine so they couldn't give me the answer to my question, but they could be there for me while I looked for it.
These sorts of experiences can be long, lasting years, and you actually don't ever stop coming across things you haven't known about before. What actually happens in the process is that the daily shell of protection that you have built up around yourself, that every day image of who you are gets systematically stripped away to reveal the actual truth about you, the truth about the physical world and the otherworld(s), and how you fit in to it all. You have to come to accept that there is a 'you' that lives an everyday life doing a job or going to school or raising a family, but that there is another side to 'you' that has the ability to see or do something more, and that possibly has much more to your history than the everyday 'you'. You just have to let the shroud that has been put over the eyes of society completely fall off you and just try to accept and digest as much of what you experience as you can.
I journaled a bit during my later experiences, and while my entries were often very repetitive and filled with frustration, there are some where I had moments of clarity, occasionally after talking to friends and thinking on things and then trying to pull some thoughts together. It was probably something that was helpful to me to do, as it was a way to not get completely lost in thoughts and questions. In order to make it through one of these intense periods it is very important that you plant your feet on sturdy ground, as it were, and allow yourself to be flexible as everything comes at you. When everything seems at its worst, you need to be able to know that at the very least your footing is sure. With patience, an open mind, and hopefully some understanding from someone who can relate to your situation you can come through the other side of it reforged as someone who is stronger and with a deeper understanding of yourself, the things around you, and beyond.
Return to Site Index
Wyrd Haegtessa, all material copyright 2006
Please note: all articles and submission on Wyrd Haegtessa respectively belong in both copyright and intellectual property rights to the authors listed, whether in actual name or pseudonym. Due to a choice of privacy and nature of the materials contained therein, no contact information has been given for the authors. However, if you are interested in contacting an author or wish to submit to Wyrd Haegtessa, you may email the site coordinator and all correspondence will be forwarded to the respective authors.