Submission from tiamat-4
Where does one begin? There are many methods and this path is traversed by very few - rather cliche I know, but on a serious note, not everyone asks themselves a list of existential questions, in search of answers. For some, the consolations of religion and priest or priestess leave people content with their station in life. But on the other hand, does not work for everyone. However, that is the point. Sometimes, in order to find meaning about ouselves and how we fit into the greater scheme of things, we must specify and personalize our particular branch of faith or practice. The foundation of a narrow path is based on starting from a much broader perspective and through trial and error, discovering what does or does not work for an individual and tailoring one's practice by cutting away the dead wood; thus abandoning what is not necessary in order to practice the ways to enlightenment.
I have taken up many forms of study to re-align myself with the universal and occult experiences that I have encountered in the tenure of my time spent in devotion to my studies and have found that different regions and practices bring to mind a variety of phrases which all mean similar things. However there are many methods; be they meditation, chant, ritual or the direct effect of the manipulation of energy.
On another forum, I recently added towards the discourse on the differences between the uses of ritual and direct magic. It occurred to me that I have developed both an inherent sense of when to use one versus the other, but managed to narrow it down much further. It turned out that I am no longer attracted to the form of ritual magic, because it has become too restrictive. On further reflection, I have also arrived at the idea that there are forces at work which exist outside of our inner-vision, as it were. On the one hand, we look at initiations into the Mysteries as something we freely engage in and accept as responsibilities towards our study thereof. But sometimes we become privy to expressions of the knowledge of such Mysteries through iconography that resides outside of the barriers we have defined in our Craft. For example, years ago I started to study the mysteries of the Danaan, but also studied the deities of all religions, to familiarize myself with different regional perspectives. Even though I had no interest or felt no connection with the Hindu pantheon, I received a vision one afternoon of Ganesha, Indian lord who overcomes obstacles. I began to realize after that vision how much I love elephants. I think that day Ganesha made me realize a connection between myself and the elephant.
An in-depth analysis of the details have become part and parcel of how I explore the Mysteries, but the point remians that if one studies the legend and lore of a set (of) pantheon(s), and others begin to emerge, then it is imperative that one recognize that something invaluable is beginning to emerge, and they should take the opportunity to learn from it. After recently reading about the term 'haegtessa', I decided to run a search to find out more. I read somewhere that there exists a connection between Hel and the haegtessa. If this is true, the perhaps, based on a dream I had a while ago which featured Hel, it may be yet another avenue within my studies to pursue.
I would like to add that it has not always been easy for me. As I find more demand of me in the physical world, it becomes more difficult to focus my attention as I wish. For the last couple years, I have been tormented with cycles of inactivity which have distressed me greatly. I believe that, as we become more deeply connected with the Mysteries, it becomes harder to function in everyday life; one becomes very sensitive, which may have a tendency to intensify mental illnesses such as depression. It is a struggle that may become very difficult to sustain. But if it is important enough to us, nothing will get in our way.
Every part of our experiences teaches us something about ourselves, right down to our successes, failures, attractions and repulsions throughout our study and practice. Only in listening to these internal clues that we are giving ourselves about how we experience such mysteries can we truly begin to understand how we, as Seekers, may transform struggle into hope.
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