>Don't make me teaspoon you in the kidney, you dishwashing library!
>They should make 3-in-1 wet naps, toilet seat covers, and panty liners (female hygiene product, guys). Could you imagine? Public bathrooms would gain popularity in the polls!
>I always hated the guy who works in snooty restaurant bathrooms. He's actually paid to sit around and to nothing. I wanna punch him in the neck, just like my neighbor.
>They should breed Furbies and Smurfs to make the scariest creature on Earth. Next to the Olsen Twins, of course.
>I imagine that one day, the last person in my generation will destroy his Pokemon cards. Then I'll sell all ten bazillion of mine as a "rare commodity collector's item" and get rich as the rest of them kick themselves really hard. Then I'll laugh at them. And maybe help them in the kicking.
>Why is naptime a class in kindergarten when I never needed the sleep, and forbidden in high school when we're actually allowed to stay up past nine o'clock?
>In Bizarro World, I have a shy, self-conscious Chistian Fundamentalist cheerleader twin.
>Popcorn turkey drippings borborygmous!
>JOIN THE DIRK DIGGLER FAN CLUB DEMOGRAPHIC
>The chicken crossed the road... to get to the public execution on the other side.
>The Big Bad Wolf is my German penpal.
>What's brown and white and smells like doody? The Hunchback of Notre Dung.
>Worship Satan---Support Harry Potter!!
>You can only learn the hard way NOT to smoke the sofa lining.
>Who's cooler, Indiana Jones or Han Solo? One's played by Harrison Ford, while the other is played by Harrison F***ing Ford!
>If Humpty Dumpty died when he fell from the wall, could you say he rests in pieces?
>The Black Spot strikes again!!!!!
>If Van Gogh cut off his ear out of love, have I cut off that last shred of dignity for the sheer heck of it?
>I like Mario games. It's like an interactive Alice in Wonderland with all the mushrooms and talking weird animals. Shigeru Miyamoto was probably stoned in the 70's with all the rest of his generation.
>Bing bang tiddle tiddle bong
>As much as I've tried, shouting "MAGIC MISSILE!!" does not strike your tormentors dead in the real world. Not even if you roll initiative checks and add the INT+3 bonus. Jerks.
>I'm sorry, I can't come to the phone right now, I'm too busy pining for the fjords.
>When I get reincarnated, I wanna be a FedEx courier. They can get away with triple-parking. And if they're really lucky, live on a tropical island with a volleyball for 5 years.
>I wish I had a guy who said "Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuun" every time I made a shocking statement. That would be so freaking awesome.
>IF YOU ARE NOT A DARK-SKINNED PERSON OF AFRICAN ANCESTRY, DO NOT PRETEND YOU ARE. YOU ARE NOT MY HOMEY AND YOU ARE NOT COOL. GET A BELT AND PULL YOUR PANTS UP. STOP SHAKING MY HOUSE WHEN YOU DRIVE BY WITH YOUR SUBWOOFER CRANKED ALL THE WAY UP. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200.
>I don't care what anyone says, I like Pauly Shore movies.
>On September 11, 2001, I went home and watched Godzilla. And it was funny.
>010010010010000001110101011011100110010001100101011100100111001101110
1000110000101101110011001000010000001100010011010010110111001100001011
100100111100100101110 --Don't believe me? Go to http://www.nickciske.com/tools/binary.php for proof!
>I killed Kenny. And it felt good too.
>I loved that commercial with the hamster things singing their love for Quizno's Subs.
>I like pie!
>WAFFLE POWER