Title: San Francisco - All that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree Author: Hummbugg E-Mail: hummbugg@hummbugg.com Website: http://www.hummbugg.com Rated: NC-17 Archive: Yes just let me know Disclaimer: All credit to CC and Co. Notes: This chapter deals with miscarriage. If that kind of content is likely to upset or offend you please turn back now. A lot of people seem to be enjoying SF and I can't tell you how exciting that is. I'm bouncing up and down on the spot as I'm writing this little message. Thanks to everyone who e-mailed me feedback and to the guys over at Haven who have been really supportive of this series. I got a little creative and made a few 'promo pics' lol. I started a San Fran blog where I've posted the manips and other random SF projects. If you want to check it out go here: http://sanxfrancisco.blogspot.com ON WITH THE SHOW! X To really love a woman, Let her hold you, 'til you know how she needs to be touched You've gotta breathe her, really taste her, 'Til you can feel her in your blood And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes, You know you really love a woman Bryan Adams X Mulder jogged up the front steps to his door and entered the house. He took a moment to inhale deeply. There was just something about the smell of home that wrapped around him like a warm blanket. The house smelled of her and him and the lavender scented carpet powder she sprinkled around the house before vacuuming. It smelled of dark wood and new furniture and sea salt. He'd been pleased with Scully's choices in decor. Their home wasn't decorated as femininely as her apartment had been back in D.C. Scully had purchased a lot imported furniture that gave the house a warm exotic flavor. Many of the pieces had been imported from Indonesia. They had a very large Bali window hanging in their foyer. Mulder was fond of the huge dark mirror with wooden slat doors that stood open to reveal the glass. She had managed to pull off a home they were both comfortable in. "Scully you home?" "In the kitchen Mulder." He sauntered over to the kitchen. She was standing at the bench with her back to him. He shuffled over to stand behind her and tossed his keys on to the counter. She felt his arms lock around her waist and he began placing loud happy kisses down the side of her face each one punctuated by an audible 'mwah'. "Why are you in such a good mood?" "Mmm because it's Friday evening." "So?" "So it's the weekend tomorrow." He'd moved to plaster the other side of her face with affection. "Since when do you care about the weekend?" "Since I started working again." She laughed as he bit her neck gently. "You never cared for weekends when we were in D.C." He dropped one last kiss on her cheek and moved away from her to browse the contents of the refrigerator. "You hungry Mulder?" "Starved." "Wanna go out?" "You want to eat out tonight?" "Yeah. Lets go to Chinatown we can decide where to go when we get there." X Scully was sitting across from him in the warmly illuminated restaurant. She was a little hesitant to deliver her news. She watched his mellow face go about happily chewing his food. She knew he wouldn't be angry. She was just a little worried that he wouldn't be pleased with the changes her little announcement would bring about so soon after finally settling in to their new existence. They had planned to take things slowly, to keep the feelers out for awhile and to make sure they were established on solid and definite ground within San Francisco and The Organization. Scully was certain they weren't in any danger. No one had tried to contact them, no one had attacked them and no one appeared to be following them. They swept the house regularly for bugs and turned up nothing. The Gunmen had installed some pretty high tech security equipment over Christmas. She felt safe for the first time in a long time. She was fairly certain that Mulder was just as settled and secure in this new life as she was. She just hoped this latest turn in events wouldn't shatter their fairly peaceful existence. "What's up Scully?" "Hmm?" "You've been a little preoccupied this evening. Is everything okay?" "I hope so." He looked up quickly from his plate. "Is there something wrong?" She gave him a nervous smile and shook her head. "No nothing is wrong Mulder." He studied her for awhile. The woman had a secret. Of that he was sure. He took in the coy smile playing at the corner of her lips and the hesitancy in her eyes. He could read that expression. He knew what it meant; Scully had a little secret to share, but she didn't quite believe it herself. Giving voice to it would make it a reality and then she would have to deal with consequences. She used to get that way whenever they talked about extra terrestrials after she had returned from Africa. She knew it was true but admitting it would make it real. There was a certain shy hopefulness in her smile. Whatever she had to say she wanted him to be happy about it. Suddenly it dawned on him and before he could stop himself he ruined the chance for her to be the one to break the news. "You're pregnant aren't you?" Her eyes widened. "How did you know?" He shrugged with a smile. "I didn't until three seconds ago." "Are you disappointed? I know we agreed to wait." She looked down at the fork in her hand. His fingers danced over hers as he pulled the metal from her numb digits. He set the fork down and drew her hand across the table so he could press a kiss to her knuckles. "I'm far from disappointed." She looked up at him over the line of her outstretched arm. "How far along are you?" "Four weeks." "Four weeks." His brow furrowed as he thought for moment. Eventually he spoke. "Your birthday?" "It was the only time we weren't using a contraceptive you know I'm not on the pill because it won't work on me just yet." His calf was rubbing against hers beneath the table and his warm smile stilled her slight touch of defensiveness. "You know we're going to have to keep this quiet for awhile? At least until I'm past the twelve week mark." He rubbed his cheek affectionately against her hand. "You call the shots boss." X Twinkle Twinkle Little Star How I wonder what you are Up above the world so high Like a diamond in the sky Twinkle Twinkle Little Star How I wonder what you are X 2 Weeks Later "I'm thinking you should keep the black base and get flames up the sides." "I think a red base and black and orange flames would look cool." Mark and Justin screwed their noses up at Dani. "What!? It would look sooo hot." Dana looked up from the Geography text book she was reading. "Keep the black." Justin grinned and Dani rolled her eyes. "You're only agreeing with him cos he's your stupid boyfriend." Dani stuck two fingers in her mouth and pretended to puke. "Dani don't be so juevenile." "Who died and made you Mom?" Justin intervened before Dani could instigate a full scale sibling meltdown. "Give it a break guys your bitching gets old real quick." Mark smirked and closed the hood of the car. "Lets get out of here. I want burgers." "Yeah! And chili fries!" Dani was dancing on the spot. "Who said anything about you coming?" To her brother's surprise Dani appeared crestfallen momentarily. She supposedly blew it off and shrugged. "I'll stay here and order pizza instead. Pizza is way better than your stupid burgers." She shuffled from the garage into the house. "What was all that about?" Mark had been expecting a punch in the shoulder and a blackmail attempt. 'If you don't take me I'll tell Mom you were out with Aria all night on Saturday.' Dana shrugged and watched her brother as he mused over their sister's out of character behavior. Finally he spoke up. "This is gonna sound kinda dumb but I'm worried about her." "Why?" "She's been a little weird lately haven't you noticed? She's always picking fights with you and when she's not doing that she's moping around the house. She snaps at Robbie whenever he comes within ten feet of her. She's even been pissing Dad off lately.. Dad hardly ever gets pissed off." "You're right and she's been hanging out with Mom a lot lately too. That's really weird. Dani NEVER hangs out with Mom.. well she never used to." "I suppose it's normal; we're meant to be moody little shits right?" Dana smiled at her brother. "Right. So how about those burgers?" "Yeah.. you think we should go get Dani?" They were both surprised when Justin spoke up. "I'll go get her. I have a feeling I know what's up. Give me a few minutes?" "Err okay." X Justin approached the bedroom door with the huge Black Sabbath poster taped to the outside. He knocked twice and waited. "Who is it?" "Justin." "What do you want?" "Can I come in?" "Why?" "Can I come in or not?" "No I'm doing naked yoga go away." He grinned. "No you're not let me in." "Go away I'm busy." He looked around quickly to make sure the coast was clear and lowered his voice a little. "I'll give you a cigarette if you let me in." BINGO. The door opened and she stared at him with narrow eyes. "I get to see the goods before you enter." He flipped open one side of his jacket and pushed the top of his cigarette packet out of the inside pocket. "You gonna let me in or what?" She stepped aside to let him pass then closed the door behind her. "Make it fast." "Okay.. What's your problem?" "I said fast not annoying." "See that's what I'm talking about." "What?" "What's with the attitude problem lately?" She grinned and it bordered on proud. "I was born with an attitude problem." "Yeah but before it used to be funny now it just sucks." "Whatever." "Why are you being a bitch to your sister lately? Come to think of it you've been pretty bitchy to me lately too. Robbie doesn't know what's up with you. He thinks you hate him. You can't even take a joke from your brother; as if he'd really leave you behind." "I don't know what you're talking about Justin. If you don't like me that's your problem. Besides you don't have to like me; Dana's your girlfriend go annoy her and leave me alone." "Stop being such a girl." She glared at him irritably. "Now will you tell me what's up so we can maybe get the old Dani back? I like her a lot better than the new version" "It's not me that's changed." "I knew it." "You knew what?" "You're not happy about me and Dana are you?" "Don't be stupid I'm not jealous." "I didn't say you were jealous." She fell silent. "Are you.. jealous?" Justin ventured this question slowly. "No! Are you insane!?" "No! I was just checking to make sure I'm right." "Right about what?" "About why I think you're not happy about me and Dana." "This is gonna be good. Can you give me a minute to heat some popcorn?" "You miss your sister." Dani snorted but he knew it was all for show. "I asked Dana what it felt like to be an identical twin and she said something really strange but it made some odd kind of sense. Dana told me that she imagined you and her were halfway between sisters and those sheep clones. That's pretty awesome when you think about it. I think I kind of understand why you haven't been yourself. It's always been Dani and Dana. Dani, Dana and Justin doesn't feel right does it?" "No it doesn't. Don't take it personally." He smiled. "I haven't and I wont. I know I've been taking up a lot of her time lately.. What do you say we make a deal?" "Hit me." "If you come with us to get burgers I'll go home straight after so you can have some time with your sister." "Okay.. but then I'll feel like a bitch." "But you like it when people think you're a bitch." "Yeah I do don't I?" She smiled evilly. "Dani is that really you?" He peered closely at her eyes and slipped his hand inside his jacket. She rolled her eyes then made her way to the bedroom door. "Aren't you forgetting something?" She turned back around and he held out a peace offering. She smiled at the cigarette. "Nah you keep it." X "Mulder you home?" Scully kicked the front door behind her and rubbed her grumbling stomach. She spent half her days losing the contents of her stomach and the other half wanting to fill it again. It was starting to get ridiculous. She didn't dare wish it away. For a woman who had spent years nursing nothing but a barren womb the morning sickness was a welcome reminder of her newly restored and highly functioning fertility. "No." His deliberately flat reply drifted out from the kitchen. She entered the room with a smirk. He was perched on a stool at the bench with the laptop open in front of him and a large mug of coffee steaming beside it. Her eyebrow rose as she peered over his shoulder. He was currently engrossed in material for expectant fathers. "Mulder?" He glanced up at her briefly then turned back to the screen. "The X-Files taught us to be prepared for any kind of situation that may arise. I'm just keeping with the theme." "How much research have you done on our current 'situation'?" He could hear the affection in her voice he knew she was amused and more than a little touched. "A couple of hours worth but I've been reading up for the last two weeks. You're late; what happened? Hold up at the morgue?" "Yeah I take a little longer to perform these days." He smiled. "Morning sickness is really all day sickness?" "Yeah something like that." "You've got to keep your fluids up. All that vomiting is going to make you dehydrated." "When did you become the Doctor around here?" He glanced up at her again and turned on the stool to face her. "I'm excited.. That is really odd. In a good way, in the best way trust me. I honestly didn't expect to be so into it all. You know that I never gave much thought to having a family of my own until we moved here. I've actually surprised myself." "I'm not surprised." "Oh?" "Mulder you devote yourself almost blindly to that which is close to your heart. This life was created from your heart.. among other things. I'm not surprised that you would throw yourself into this. You made this." She reached out and drew his hands to her flat stomach and smiled. "It doesn't matter that you never gave much thought to this in the past. I'm sure you never gave much thought to aliens before you discovered your memories with Dr. Werber. Am I right?" "Well I always wondered.. but I wasn't fanatical." "Exactly. Extraterrestrials became your reality.. and mine." "Now this is our reality too." He rubbed her stomach tenderly. "Yes it is." "You make me happy you know that?" "You sound surprised." "No I'm not surprised.. I'm pleased. At first I had small doubts, I wondered if we'd kill each other to be honest." Scully laughed. "We were friends, so much more than friends, but friends all the same for so long. I wondered if we'd be able to move beyond that platonic state successfully without the intimacy and the closeness destroying the solid foundation of friendship and partnership that we'd built over the years." "What do you think now?" "I think that we've not only managed to move forward successfully but the intimacy has strengthened not weakened what we already had and still have." "I never had a friend like you before Mulder." "I never had anyone like you before." "Don't lie." Her smirk was accompanied by a wink. "I'm not. Anything else I may have experienced pales compared to us." "Me too." "You mean we three." Mulder leant forward to kiss her stomach. It chose that particular moment to let loose a deep grumble. He laughed and sat upright again. "We better feed you before your cannibalistic tendencies start to show." "You're the cannibal Mulder. You insist on eating me all the time." "Scully!" "What?" Her expression was innocent. "We've been married too long." Her laughter followed her to the fridge. "That was completely out of character for you." "Welcome to married life Mulder." "I like it more and more each day." They were interrupted by the phone. He reached out for it and tapped the answer button with his thumb. "Mulder." "Hey stud." "You know Frohike replaced Scully with you for the Lone Gunmen Dot Com babe of the month." Scully grinned into the fridge as she eyed a bowl of steamed vegetables left over from dinner the night before. "Bite me." "A little on the defensive side Professor? You know the geeks didn't visit Frisco for my sparkling company." "Enough with the small talk. Has John called you yet?" "No why?" "They're sending you out with the eggbeaters." Eggbeaters: EBETRS. The Extraterrestrial Biological Entity Tactical Recovery Squad "Really?" "They know you have a knack for stealth and you've had SWAT experience. You're too high profile for spy operations. They're not sending Dana they want her down in the lab with our team of Doctors to perform the autopsies and whatever else it is that they do. That side of the game isn't my specialty. You'll learn a lot on the way but your F.B.I. training has helped to prepare you. I think you will enjoy getting your hands dirty again. Keep in mind these missions are highly dangerous. Most of them have been successful but we've lost a couple of compadres along the way." "When do we leave?" "I'd say within a couple of hours. You guys are headed to New Mexico. A crash has been reported. We need to get their before the consortium send their clean up crew." "Are you guys going?" "No our eggbeater days are over. Over the years we have gained enough numbers to be able to excuse members with families from the more dangerous missions. When you guys decide to have children you can choose to remain on what we call light duties. Light duties consist of anything from general office administration, video and audio surveillance to P.I. work and everything in between. Anyway we're getting off track. Pick out something black and sexy John will be calling you with the specifics shortly." "Okay thanks Charlie." "No probs. Later hot stuff." He heard her merry laughter before she hung up the phone. He shook his head and grinned at Scully who was savoring her just heated vegetables. "We're back in business partner." She looked up chewing around a mouthful of potato. "I am being sent out with the E.T. Patrol and you're going to do some more slicing and dicing of the third kind." She swallowed. "Another crash?" "Yep." "Why didn't I get a spot on the squad?" "They want you in the lab ready to go for when we get back. Besides we both know it wouldn't be wise to have you out on assignments like that now that we're expecting." She speared a piece of zucchini on the end of her fork. "This is a step up for you Mulder. They've been sending you on a lot of heavy duty assignments lately. If they didn't make it so obvious that they were thrilled to have me in the labs I'd be offended." "They don't want their star pathologist in harms way. That's why they send ol' lunatic Spooky Mulder on the alien hunts." She offered him the vegetable and he leant across the counter with an open mouth to receive her gift. "You be careful. I'm not the only one waiting for you these days." "The funny thing is neither is the baby. Charlie had a few words to say to me after that shape shifter incident went down." "Oh?" Scully was interested. They didn't often speak of the events that had nearly torn them apart. "I was subjected to a lecture on the inner workings of family." "What?" He grinned. "According to Charlie neither of us can go running off half cocked because our actions affect the family. Funny how little over a year ago we didn't even know they existed. Now days we've adopted an entire family." "It's funny.. even though they're teenagers those kids really adore you." "I'm not the only one. I heard Dani telling Justin about Dana Scully and her kick ass Fibbie style defense moves." Scully laughed. "I knew I shouldn't have sparred with her." "They're good kids." "Yes they are. I hope ours are as bright and funny and happy as Michael and Charlie's kids." "I have no doubt about it. You know Scully our DNA is a very nice combination. It has been quite an experience to see combinations of both of us without having had children of our own." "Try before you buy? Like that night in New York?" "That feels like ten years ago." "I still get embarrassed when I think about it." Finally after months of sitting firmly on his curiosity he felt the time had come to finally ask for and hopefully receive her version of events for that night. "You know you never did tell me what happened between the two of you." "Neither did you." "All you have to do is ask." Scully didn't need to ask. She had easily managed to pry the information from her giggling clone. She didn't want to tell Mulder that. She still hadn't heard it from his mouth and despite her embarrassment she knew she would be amused. "Okay what happened?" She felt her own smirk rising to match his. "I got into bed planning to play it off smoothly and she jumped me. There I was thinking you had taken pity on me and spared me a little awkwardness." Scully played along. "So you had sex with her?" "No we didn't get that far as I said she jumped me and the next thing I knew she had me pinned to the bed with her mouth around me. I wasn't expecting that to be the first thing on your to do list. Imagine my surprise when I touched her hair which was a lot longer than yours at the time." Scully was smirking at him over her bowl. "Your turn. Out with it." "My experience was quite similar. He got into bed barely two sentences were exchanged and the next thing I knew I was naked with his head.." As she paused he saw her face flush. "Scully you're blushing." "It's a little embarrassing Mulder. I should have known it wasn't you." "Scully he's my clone how could you have known?" "Your accents are a little different. I guess I was still buzzed from the wine and I didn't notice, not that we said much." "So what happened?" "He uh he went down on me." "I wonder if we hadn't accidentally stumbled into the wrong rooms if the two of them would have fought over who got to do the honors first." Scully rolled her eyes. "Only you would consider such ridiculous things Mulder." "I keep telling you that's why you hung around all those years. Who else would talk about clone sex and take you ghost busting at Christmas?" "No one else." She leant over the bench to press an affectionate kiss to his lips. "When do you head out?" "As soon as I hear from John I guess." John chose that moment to phone the Mulder residence. "Right on time." X Mulder had been gone for thirteen hours. She was waiting on word from John. He told her there was no need to wait down at the labs until he knew they were well and truly on their way home with their bounty. Scully had opted to stay at home until the time came. She wasn't feeling too well. She had been experiencing a pain very similar to menstrual cramps all morning. The pain had continued to intensify until she was well and truly worried. Deciding to take a quick hot shower she would head to either her Doctor or the hospital to get herself checked out. She feared for the baby. She was only six weeks pregnant and had another six weeks of the first trimester danger period to go. She knew it would be touch and go for the first three months and didn't want to take any chances. Once under the hot spray the pain continued to grow until she was clutching at her lower abdomen and gasping for breath. She knew she had to get to a hospital but the pain held her doubled over and the dizziness she was experiencing caused her to sway on rubbery legs. She lowered herself to the water heated tiles and leaned against the slick glass of the shower stall. In the midst of her turmoil she felt herself almost float away from her body. She watched numbly as the blood flowing from between her legs mingled with the hot water and circled down the drain. She noted the thickness and the clotting of the fluid as the early stages of her once developing now dead child was rejected by her traitorous womb. Scully had never had a problem with blood or any other bodily fluids. She had a strong stomach and a clinical eye these kinds of things didn't bother her under normal circumstances. This was far from normal, this was personal. Too personal. She was vaguely aware of her screaming. The sound tore from her throat as the tiny life within her flickered to nothingness. She slapped at the glass weakly with her palms as her now raw voice became wordless sobs. It was all over. Another one of her babies was dead. Another one of her babies was denied the right to live. This baby hadn't even been given a chance to develop into something resembling a child. The blood continued to pool from her body as the water cooled then eventually turned cold. She stayed beneath the icy flow watching as goose bumps rose on her quivering flesh. Scully's teeth chattered loudly inside the shower stall, it was that sound that jarred her from her nauseating trance. She blinked down at the cold water spilling over her lower body washing the evidence of her miscarriage from her pale skin. She was still in pain and she was still bleeding but the flow had lessened considerably. She rose on shaky knees and shut off the water. Still shivering and teeth chattering she made her way blindly from the shower. On auto pilot she began to dry herself off, search for sanitary pads and slide into clean pajamas. She was weak and exhausted. Logically the hospital was still the place to be. As a woman the last place she wanted to be was around people who would poke and prod her and clinically deliver the news she already knew. Dana Scully was no longer an expecting and expectant mother to be. After a brief taste of impending motherhood it had all been torn away yet again. This time by her own body. As a Doctor she knew it was common for women to miscarry but the feelings of uselessness crept in anyway as she slid into bed. After everything they had been through resulting from her healing, after running a battery of tests that proved she was ripe and ready and positively screaming for fertilization her body still would not cooperate. She felt utterly useless and completely beside herself. She heard the phone ringing but it barely registered on her radar. There was no one of enough importance to drag her out of her bed right now. She ran her hands over her lower abdomen. To the naked eye she was unchanged. Only she knew a sapling once inhabited the now empty womb. The phone continued to sing out to her, its tone seemingly increasing in urgency although that wasn't possible. She stared unseeingly out of her large bay window. The sky was a calm blue, she focused on it for so long it engulfed her peripheral vision. Eventually her half mast eyelids lowered completely and she slipped away as her eyelashes came to rest on her sensitive skin. X Mulder entered the lab with a grin on his face and one end of a stretcher in his hands. "Hey Scully check it out-. You're not Scully." He lowered his load to the ground and glanced around; the grin never leaving his face. "That was a rush. I can't wait to get out there again. Hey where's the Doc?" "No one knows that's why I'm here. I've been trying to get a hold of her for hours. She's not answering her cell or the home phone. I went by your house and no one answered. The front door was locked I would have kicked the door down if the damn thing didn't need a battering ram. I would have climbed through a window too but they were all closed. I got back here half an hour ago to wait for you." Mulder was worried. It was unlike Scully to bail on assignments and even more unlike her to not answer her phone. "You got wheels?" Charlie dipped into her pocket then tossed him her keys. "Let's get out of here." X Scully woke to the sound of Mulder's voice calling from the first floor. She heard him make his way up the stairs and pulled herself into a sitting position. She reclined against the pillows her eyes immediately drawn to the blue sky outside the window. There was something soothing about it. If she stared at it long enough she could forget about her empty womb for a scant moment. She could hear Mulder calling out to her in the bathroom next to the bedroom. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a small blonde figure framed in the doorway. "Mulder she's here." She turned her face toward them. Charlie looked concerned. "Dana.. You look like hell. What's wrong? Are you sick?" Scully shook her head and took in Mulder's wide fearful gaze. He was already halfway to figuring it out. She couldn't look at him it hurt too much to know how devastated he was going to be. She turned her eyes back toward the window and the sweet blue sky. "Dana.. sweetie you're scaring me. What's wrong?" Charlie watched as her doppelganger swallowed a couple of times. Finally she spoke. Her voice was raw and completely hoarse. Charlie winced at the sound. "I was six weeks pregnant." Charlie didn't need any further explanations. She heard Mulder's quietly whispered "Oh God." He lowered himself into one of the chairs adorning their indecently large bedroom. Charlie slowly crossed the room toward the bed. She sat with her hip next to Scully's, facing her. She pulled the defeated redhead into a hug. "Dana.. Oh honey I'm so sorry." She pressed a kiss to a cold pale cheek. "Sweetheart your freezing. Lie down, come on." Without giving her actions any thought Charlie kicked off her shoes and slid into bed beside the freezing woman. "Look at you you're in shock." She spooned around Scully from behind and tucked the blankets securely around them. Charlie rubbed her hand vigorously over Scully's upper arm to generate some warmth. They remained like that for a long time. Charlie wrapped around Scully to keep her warm, Scully staring out the window as if hypnotized and Mulder staring at the carpet beneath his feet. X 2 Hours Later The moment her stoic facade crumbled and she began to cry Mulder had to remove himself from the bedroom. He would forever be indebted to Charlie for dealing with Scully's grief while he dealt with his own. He had spent most of his time downstairs pacing the living room filled with white hot rage and barely contained sorrow. Despite the commonness of the situation it shouldn't have happened. Not to Scully. Not after she waited so long to finally be a mother. He had been through so many things with Scully over the years but this left him completely unsure of what he was supposed to do or say. Foolishly he'd skipped over the miscarriage content on the websites he'd been browsing. He hadn't wanted to prepare himself for the worst. He only wanted the best for her and for the both of them. He imaged how she was feeling right now. He felt like someone had ripped his heart out and gleefully stuffed it in a meat grinder. Surely Scully felt even worse than he did. Eventually he was going to have to go up their and deal with their loss. Fox Mulder was actually scared. How exactly did one deal with the loss of a child? It didn't matter that said child had simply been a mass of multiplying cells, it was still their baby all the same. Nameless, faceless and still small enough to remain undetectable to the naked eye but to Mulder and Scully the pregnancy had been the first step toward accomplishing their hopes and dreams for the future. A blissful two weeks of impending fatherhood was all he'd been allowed and now it was gone, just gone, just like that. What was a man supposed to say to his grieving wife when he was struggling with his own sorrow? 'Sorry honey. There's always next time?' He glared bitterly at a print out resting on top of the kitchen bench. It was a diagram of the changes that would occur to the female body throughout a pregnancy. It contained a series of hand drawn pictures showing the developing fetus and in each picture the abdomen of the pregnant woman grew bigger. Each picture had a few lines of text beneath briefly detailing each stage of the pregnancy. He screwed it up angrily and tossed it in the bin. "Hey." He looked up toward the soft voice. Charlie was standing in the entrance to the kitchen regarding him with sympathetic eyes. "How you holding up?" He sighed. "I'm not sure." Mulder sank onto one of the stools by the bench and crossed his arms over his chest. "How do you feel?" Mulder snorted. "How do you think I feel?" "It doesn't matter what I think." She moved to stand in front of him between his outstretched legs. Charlie was even worse than he was when it came to invading other people's personal space. "This isn't the end you know? There will be other opportunities to- ." "It still doesn't change anything." "I know that." She reached out to embrace him and rubbed a hand soothingly over his upper back. Mulder didn't move to return the embrace but he accepted her comfort by pressing his face to her shoulder. First and foremost Charlie was a mother. He found it oddly comforting that her maternal tendencies extended beyond her own children to wrap protectively around the other people in her life that she cared for. "What am I supposed to say to her?" "I think you should be open and honest with her about your feelings. She's not the only one suffering right now. It's common for one or both partners to become isolated and withdrawn. Your wisest move would be to keep the lines of communication open. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking at first that's fine. I think you should set the example. Share your feelings with her. If she doesn't reciprocate right away don't push. As long as you set the example and make it clear that you're willing to listen when she's ready to talk I think you'll do okay." "She's not exactly big on words." Charlie squeezed her arms around his shoulders tenderly. "Take care of her without being overbearing. Ensure that she knows nothing between the two of you has changed. As long as she has your support she will bounce back. This is a terrible thing to go through but we both know her history. Dana is resilient and headstrong. She will move on just give her some time. She's feeling a little useless right now." "Useless?" "I don't make it a habit to reveal confidential patient information but this is for her benefit after all and I'm not practicing.. The physical and emotional experiences of a miscarriage differ from woman to woman. Dana feels betrayed by her body. She came this far only to have her body fail her at the pivotal moment. She's taking it pretty hard. I'm not sure if she's going to be much help to you and your own mourning." "Mourning.. I'm in mourning for a child that never got to be a child. You get to a certain point in your life when you realize that reality is just not fair. In my case it seems to use every opportunity to throw disaster my way." "I don't think you should look at life that way. Take a good long look around you and count your blessings. You have your health, you're certainly not broke, your work and beliefs are starting to pay off and you're loved. Do you have any idea how much she loves you? The whole time I was up there she was worried about you and how you were feeling. I made her stay in bed. I told her I'd come down to get you." Charlie finally released him from her embrace and took a step back. "You should get her to a hospital. They need to check her out." Mulder nodded wearily and scratched at the back of his neck. "I guess I better go see her." He stood and glanced toward the staircase outside the large archway. "You call me if you need anything okay?" "Yeah thanks Charlie." "What are clones for huh?" He smiled and despite his sadness it was genuine. "That's what family is for." "You're a quick study Mulder." She returned his smile and squeezed his hand. "I'm really sorry you know.. I had hoped you would start a family of your own soon. I didn't expect to find out Dana was pregnant quite like this." "We didn't expect we would have to break the news like this." "Let's hope next time the circumstances will be a cause for celebration." She released his hand with a sad smile and scooped her car keys up from the kitchen bench. "Take good care of her." "Always." X 1 Week Later Fox and Dana, Hope can be bent but it can not be broken. It contains no limitations, no terms and no conditions. Hope is a spirit we can all believe in. Be sure to never give up on hope because it will never give up on you. We trust that you will accept our gift in the spirit with which it was given. Always, Michael and Charlie X The sun was beginning to set over San Francisco. Scully wandered out into the backyard beneath the dusky sky. She looked up to admire the stars beginning to twinkle faintly against the swirling backdrop of red gold and violet. She had watched from the bedroom window as Mulder worked at digging a hole in front of the back fence. Eventually her curiosity got the better of her and she wandered down stairs to find out why he was planting a small tree in their backyard. She knew Mulder wasn't scared of a little manual labor but planting trees at sunset was a little odd even for him. Currently he was kneeling in the dirt patting the soil around the base of the freshly planted still small tree. "Mulder?" He looked up to see her standing just outside the back door. Mulder held out his hand in invitation. Slowly she made her way over to stand beside his kneeling form. "What's with the plant?" "It's a gift." "From?" "Michael and Charlie." "Oh." "It's going to grow into a lemon tree." He pulled from his pocket the note that he had found attached to the pot sitting on the front porch that morning. He handed it to her so she could read the message of hope within. He watched as she blinked at the mist beginning to form in her sad blue eyes. "Every year it's going to bear new life to commemorate our baby." Scully bit her lip and nodded. He rose to his feet so they could stand side by side and look down on their memorial together. "So the baby lives on after all huh?" He turned his face slightly away from her choked voice. This was difficult and bittersweet for both of them; much like the taste of lemons. "We should call her Lemon." "Her?" "I had a hunch." "Oh Mulder." Her face crumpled under the onslaught of big fat drops of liquid sorrow rolling down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry." Under normal circumstances Scully would be none too pleased if he dirtied up her clothing. He had a feeling she wouldn't care this time. He reached out and pulled her into a dirt covered embrace. He tucked her head beneath his chin as she cried so she wouldn't see his own tears starting to zigzag down his dust streaked face. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It just wasn't meant to happen this time. Lemon was destined for bigger and better things. She is our reminder to never give up hope." Scully didn't speak she only cried harder. "As soon as you're ready we'll try again. She showed me that I'm prepared for what she could have been. I want a family; I want to fill you to the brim with growing babies. I want you to mother my children. Lemon didn't happen upon us to deter us; she was sent to strengthen our commitment to our plans for the future. We will have that family Scully I promise." "I wont give up on hope." "Neither will I." Scully squeezed him tightly as she regained control over her turbulent emotions. Finally she pulled away to look at him. His hands immediately rose to cup her face. He brushed the tears from her cheeks with the pads of his dirty thumbs. He watched as her eyes ran over his face momentarily before once again locking with his. "I don't think I'm going to be ready for this.. not for a little while." "That's fine Scully. This isn't a race to the finish line. We'll do this in our own time. All you have to do is give me the word." She silently regarded him for a long time before sliding her arms up and around his neck. "You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that." She pulled his head down and rose on tip toe to press a kiss to his forehead. "I knew for a long time that there could never be anyone but you. I thought I knew that you would never want this with me and even if by some cruel twist of fate you did I wouldn't have been able to give it to you anyway." Mulder stroked the line of her back without speaking. It was Scully's turn to do the talking. When she continued her voice was soft in volume. "I still feel like I'm dreaming.. One wrong move and I'm going to wake up one morning back in D.C. knowing that I blew my chance." "Scully.. Are you insecure about my feelings for you?" She pulled her eyes from his. "I just.. No.. not anymore. Mulder I'm in love with you. You know that. The most beautiful and simultaneously terrifying part about it is that I keep on falling in love with you. I've never experienced anything quite this strongly before. I used to worry sometimes that I'm in over my head and that we're not quite on the same page. I guess old habits die hard." "Believe me we're on the same page and you're not going to wake up in D.C. Wrong and right moves are OURS to make now. So far we've managed to make all the right ones. We're in this together like everything else. No more doubts from either of us okay? We both know we're in this for the long haul. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't in love with you." Mulder rubbed his cheek along hers smearing the fine streaks of dirt and tears staining his face against her soft skin. "Lets go inside; we're both filthy." He pulled from her embrace and laced his fingers through hers. Together they made their way into their home. He lead her toward the bathroom and shuffled her inside, quietly closing the door behind him. He flicked the switch for the heat light so the air would be nice and warm when they emerged from the shower. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and tossed it in the corner. "Mulder after this last week.. I'm really not in the mood for-." "Neither am I. Lets just get clean. Then what do you say we order pizza and watch another one of those Chip n Dale DVD's I got you for Christmas?" Her smile was grateful. "Sounds perfect." X THE END EPISODE 8 COMING SOON