 |
| Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll? The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!" Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but most men are perverts Sent to me by Melissa Michael. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff There was a blonde in a brand new Ferrai and she cut off a 18 wheeler trucker. The trucker got mad and told her to pull over. She did and he got out of his truck and he took a piece of chalk and a bat from the truck and drew a big circle on the side of the road and he told her to stand in that circle and to not move out of it. The trucker took the bat and started smashing the car and he heard the blonde laughing. He turned around and she was still in the circle just standing there. He continued smashing the car again and again he heard her laughing. Again he turned around and there she was standing their in the circle!! So he kept smashing. Yet again and he heard her laughing again. Frustrated he said, "Girl I'm smashing your brand new Ferrai! What's so funny!?!?" Laughing she replied, "I stood outside the circle 3 times when you weren't looking!!" Submitted by Josh Teeters. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight? A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde #1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked. Blonde #2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. |
|