Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : I don’t own ‘em, though sometimes I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Summary : In an elaborate ploy, the Yuuzhan Vong destroy the snub fighter supposedly belonging to the manifestation of Yun-Harla, the trickster goddess: Jaina Solo.

Song : I’ll Be Missing You : By Puff Daddy

A/N : Hey, before you all start flaming me for killing Jaina, I want you to understand one thing: Things are not always what they seem. There will be more to this story than meets the eye. If you want me to complete it, just let me know.

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I’LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 1 : Death of a Goddess

Colonel Jagged Fel glanced out the cockpit canopy of his fighter craft and watched as Jaina Solo effectively roller her X-Wing out of the path of a coral skipper. The asteroid-like craft quickly turned in its trajectory, trying to find the elusive craft. She suddenly dropped out of nowhere, right in front of the coral skipper. The Vong pilot didn’t have time to react as Jaina released a volley of short burst quad lasers. The skip’s dovin basil swallowed the laser fire, but missed the torpedo. The skip blew up in a spectacular burst of yorik coral.

“You amaze me yet again Goddess,” Jag heard Kyp’s voice crackle over the comlink shared between their ships and Jaina’s.

Jag gritted his teeth but said nothing, though he did have to admit it was a pretty good maneuver.

“Thank you Twins Two,” he heard Jaina reply to Kyp’s remark. “Heads up Twins Three, you got a skip coming up behind you fast and furious.” He heard her direct toward him, a slight edge to her otherwise calm voice.

“Copy that Twins Lead,” Jag responded and threw his claw craft into a gut wrenching tuck and roll. He straightened the fighter’s nose out then spun it into a hard 180-degree turn.

“Right behind you Twins Three,” he heard over the comlink just as he saw Jaina’s X-Wing sweep down in front of him from out of nowhere. She quickly pelted the on coming coral skipper with her quad lasers. “You gonna jump in anytime here Twins Three or do I have to do it all myself?” she asked, slight amusement evident in her voice.

“Just waiting for your go ahead Lead,” Jag responded.

“You’ve got the-”an electronic squeal suddenly was emitted over the com frequency.

“What the?!” both Jag and Kyp said at the same time.

“Cappie’s been hit,” Jaina’s voice suddenly cried out, “Stabilizers are out, shields down to 64%. I’m in trouble here!”

“On our way Lead,” Jag said and quickly jinked his ship into action.

Jaina’s X-Wing was spiraling out of control, heading dangerously close to the planet below, Borleias. Suddenly another X-Wing entered the picture, a glowing red tail of fire trailing behind it.

Jaina’s X-Wing wobbled and bounced around, attempting fruitlessly to get out of the other damaged fighter’s flight path. To no avail, the two fighter craft collided and exploded in a bright fiery burst.

A coral skipper that had been dogging Jaina’s crippled craft fired on last burst of plasma at the Trickster’s ship, in hopes of hitting Jaina Solo’s craft before the inevitable collision. The skip soared through the explosion, paused a moment as it rotated in its course, then disappeared in a burst of light.

“NO!!” Jag screamed as he watched the burning embers of the two X-Wings wink out in the vacuum of space. He didn’t cry, he felt the tears well up in his eyes, but he refused to allow them to fall. ‘Someone will pay for this,’ he vowed and gritted his teeth in grim determination. He looked for the first Vong ship to enter his line of sight and took off after it.

“Twin Suns Leader, report please,” he heard his Uncle Wedge’s voice come over the squad’s frequency. “Lt. Solo, report please.”

Static crackled over the com frequency and Jag knew there would be no answer. Another innocent life claimed by the Vong. ‘How many more will there be?’ Jag wondered to himself.

“Twin Suns Leader, please respond!” Wedge’s voice again, more urgent this time.

“Twins Leader was…destroyed,” Jag said very quietly.

“Repeat that please Colonel Fel,” Wedge said anxiously, hoping her had misheard his nephew. The Solo’s just couldn’t withstand loosing another of their children. Anakin’s death had been bad enough, then the uncertainty of Jacen’s fate. Now this, Jaina had to be all right, she just had to be.

“Twins Leader was destroyed,” Jag repeated a bit louder this time.

“Did she eject?”

“Negative sir, no sign of the pilot’s ejection seat,” Jag answered, scanning his screens and sensors, hoping against hope to see the faintest of blips. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. “She’s gone,” Jag said softly.

“Copy Colonel Fel, “ Wedge said sadly, dreading having to tell Han and Leia of Jaina’s fate. “The Vong are now retreating, all squadrons return back to base. Rogues, you’ll have sentry duty. Keep your eyes open and stay alert. Everyone else return to base.” Wedge’s voice was somber as he relayed the order.

Jag fell in with Kyp, but neither said a word. The ships flew side by side, each pilots’ mind focused on the young woman who had just passed.

******

Kyp felt a ghostly hand touch his shoulder within the cramped cockpit of his X-Wing. He looked around and of course saw no one. May the Force protect you, he heard her voice say softly in his ear.

“Jaina?” he looked around the cockpit but saw nothing. Then the fleeting touch was gone, like a final farewell. “Farewell Jaina,” Kyp whispered.

******

He felt a chill invade the cockpit of his claw craft and wondered if he had developed a hull breach during the battle. He checked out all of his systems and everything was in the green. No problems there.

The chill swelled, growing steadily colder until he could almost see his breath forming in front of him. Then it was gone, and the cockpit was its normal temperature.

He felt a warmth caress his cheek as a gentle touch was placed against his lips. You said you’d never leave me, but it turned out I’m the one that left you. I’m sorry Jag, a voice whispered against his lips.

“Jaina?” Jag questioned, hoping he was hearing things, yet at the same time hoping he wasn’t.

I’m sorry Jag, the voice whispered again, sounding distanced now.

******

He glanced around at all those gathered for the assembly. The funeral service for Jaina Solo. There was not a single dry eye in the place, emotions were plain as day on everyone’s faces. Everyone’s except for his face, Jagged Fel’s.

The last of the Solo’s children was dead, the Vong had managed to wipe out an entire generation of a family. How many more families would perish before the end of this terrible war would be seen?

Jagged Fel glared up at the encroaching night sky as a squadron of X-Wings flew past, their S-foils locked in attack position.

There had been no body to retrieve, there wasn’t much left of either of the two X-Wings that had collided. No proper burial, how hard that had to be on her family.

They’d been teammates, Jaina and he, and perhaps if the opportunity had arisen, so much more. He never know, not now…

A somber intro like a church organ began, then turned a little more up beat as it echoed across the interior PA systems…as Jag listened to the music and lyrics he could find nothing else that matched the occasion and what had happened as what the lyrics were saying. The lyrics put emotions into words and as he glanced around at those gathered around he couldn’t help but notice that there were fresh tears standing on everyone’s cheeks.

This right here (tell me why) goes out to everyone who has lost someone that they truly loved…

Seems like yesterday we use to rock the show

I laced the track, you locked the flow

So far from hanging onto profit for dough

Notorious they got to know (that)

Life ain’t always what it seems to be

Words can’t express what you mean to me

Even though you’re gone we’re still a team

Through your family I’ll fulfill your dreams

In the future I can’t wait to see

If you open up the gates for me

Reminisce sometimes

The night they took my friend

Try to black it out, but it plays again

When this real feeling is hard to conceal

Can’t imagine all the pain I feel

Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)

I know you’re still living your life after death

He could still picture her X-Wing spiraling out of control, heading dangerously close to the planet they were trying to defend. Then out of no where the other X-Wing vectoring in on her flight path, there was absolutely nothing he could’ve done, even if he could’ve gotten there in time…but to watch her die that way? Fresh tears surged to his eyes but still he refused to let them fall. Now was not the time for tears, there would be time later, once this war was over with.

If now is not the time then when? A silent voice asked from the back of his mind.

Later, he answered the voice. Once this war is over then I can grieve, now those emotions could cost me my life or that of someone else. I will grieve later…now is not the time.

The voice remained quiet, but Jag still felt uneasy. A single tear wound its way down his cheek, he made no move to wipe it away. Luke Skywalker, who was standing next to him, glanced over at him briefly. The older man put a comforting hand on the younger man’s shoulder.

Every step I take

Every move I make

Every single day

Every time I pray

I’ll be missing you

Thinking of the day

When you went away

What a life to take

What a bond to break

I’ll be missing you

Luke glanced over at the young man that was standing to his right. His left hand held tightly onto that of his wife, Mara. She held their tiny son in her arms, tears streaming silently down her face. She made no sound, refused to.

Leia and Han stood on the further side of Mara. Tears coursed down Leia’s face as she held tightly onto Han for support. Three children, they had lost three children. He couldn’t imagine what they were going through, didn’t want to imagine as his eyes returned to his infant son, Ben.

Luke’s eyes turned up to the heavens above and watched as the squadron of X-Wings made yet another pass over the assembly. He turned to look at Jagged Fel once more and noticed the single tear that had made its way down his cheek, it had been there before, but now its trail sparkled a glossy silver.

Kind of hard with you not around

Know you’re in heaven smiling down

Watching us while we pray for you

Everyday we pray for you

Till the day we meet again

In my heart is where I keep you friend

Memories give me the strength I need to proceed

The strength I need to believe

My thoughts they just can’t be defined

Wish I could turn back the hands of time

Us in the six

Shopping for new cloths and kix,

You and me taking flix

Making hit stages they receive you on

Still can’t believe you’re gone

Give anything just to hear half your breath (half your breath)

I know your still living your life after death

Leia held onto Han tightly, the tears coursing down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them, even if she tried. Her heart was broken, she couldn’t believe that Jaina was gone now too. First Anakin, now Jaina…Jacen’s fate was still unknown, but she refused to believe that he was gone, no matter what anyone else would say. She just couldn’t believe it. He was the last of their children, he had to live…everything depended on him now. The family legacy…everything.

Her bond with her daughter had been broken a long time ago, recently they had just started to put it back together. She had so many high hopes for her daughter, now the Vong had shattered those hopes. Just like they were shattering everything else.

She felt a soft touch against her cheek and looked up at Han, fully expecting to see him smiling down at her. Instead she saw him staring off into space, his hands nowhere near her face. She looked quickly around but saw no one really near to her besides Mara and Ben, but Mara was staring intently over at Luke.

I’m sorry mother, she felt that same whisper soft touch against her cheek.

Jaina? Leia called out with her mind. Luke and Mara looked over at her, picking up her unease. Mara’s brow creased in concentration as her eyes flew around to take in the ceremony. Leia watched as her sister-in-law quickly passed in front of Luke, handing their infant son to Jagged Fel and left the ceremony. Her eyes met with Luke’s but he just shrugged, not sure what his wife had detected.

Leia once again felt the feather light contact of her daughter. Jaina? Leia met Luke’s gaze and understood at once he was feeling it too.

I’m sorry mother…the voice echoed in the distance then disappeared completely. A final farewell. A terrible gut-wrenching pain doubled Leia over as a new surge of tears glided their way down her cheeks. “NOOO!!!” she cried out in pain, the lost of her daughter too much.

Every step I take

Every move I make

Every single day

Every time I pray

I’ll be missing you

Thinking of the day

When you went away

What a life to take

What a bond to break

I’ll be missing you

Someone tell me why

Jagged Fel stared down into the grayish-blue eyes of the baby in his arms, he looked over at Luke Skywalker and curiously raised an eyebrow. The little boy cooed up at him, his pudgy arms reaching up to play with a part of Jag’s formal military suit.

Skywalker just shook his head, not understanding himself what had urged his wife to leave the ceremony the way she had. Moments later Mara Skywalker returned, Luke looked at her curiously but she just shook her head. Nothing, she silently sent to him.

She took her son back from Jagged Fel and looked down into the eyes of her child and smiled sadly. One more cousin you’ll never get to know Ben. I’m sorry things are turning out the way they are…life was never meant to be this way.

On that morning

When this life is over

I know I’ll see your face

Every night I pray

Every step I take

Every move I make

Every single day…

She gently caressed his cheek as he fell into a restless sleep. I’ll love you always Jag, she said silently as she kissed his cheek. He mumbled something in his sleep and rolled over to his side so that he was facing her.

I’m only sorry it ended this way…I had so many hopes and dreams for us. I guess now I’ll never know, she paused as he rolled again, onto his back this time. She gently ran a finger across his cheek, he hand came up to grasp hers, but only went through it.

“Jaina,” he murmured in his sleep. She bent down and kissed him once more on the lips before disappearing.

I love you Jag, echoed in the room long after her departure.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : I don’t own ‘em, though sometimes I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Summary : The New Republic is unraveling from the deadly invasion of the Yuuzhan Vong, can the reappearance of a missing hero bolster their moral?

A/N : Well, you all asked for it, so here it is, the continuation of I‘ll Be Missing you. I’m not gonna tell you exactly who is in the ‘friendly skip’, not yet at least. I hope you enjoy this next chapter, third chapter is in the works. Thank you to all those who have reviewed.

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I’LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 2 : Torn Asunder

A few months had passed since the death of Jaina Solo and the New Republic was slowly unraveling. Defeat after crushing defeat had become too much for the moral of the war ravaged people. All hope of ever reaching the end of the war alive was beginning to spiral down into the deep pits of Hell itself.

The forces of the New Republic could not live through another crushing defeat at the hands of the Vong. The losses were becoming too many, to numerous. The count of lost lives was unfathomable, reaching into the hundreds of thousands and far beyond.

First Anakin, then Jacen…then last but far from least was Jaina. Who would be next? Leia Organa Solo wondered to herself as she stared up into the night skies of Borleias. Mara? Luke? Perhaps even little Ben? Leia stopped her thoughts right there. No one else in her family would die, she vowed but knew just as soon as she had thought that that there was no way she prevent the deaths of her loved ones. They all ran the chance of dying in battle, there was no exception in this war.

She watched as a shooting star streaked across the sky then suddenly changed its course. That was no shooting star she belatedly realized as the warning claxons suddenly began to blare all around her. She sighed deeply as she heard an automated voice begin to speak over the comlink.

“All pilots please report to your fighter craft. All pilots to your craft. This is not a drill, repeat this is not a drill. All pilots report to you fighter craft.”

She watched as the various squadrons assembled and took to the skies. She could make out Colonel Darklighter’s X-Wing at the lead of Rogue Squadron. She spotted Luke’s X-wing. He and Mara had returned for Jaina’s funeral, if that‘s what it could be called. They had returned temporarily from their deadly mission on Coruscant. Mara had left shortly after the service to take Ben back to the relative safety of the hidden Jedi Base. Then had returned back to Borleias to help in the fight.

She saw the Falcon take off with Han at the controls. Mara was with him at one of the gun turrets. Leia had become severely ill after Jaina’s death and was now helping Wedge coordinate the battles against the Vong.

She sighed again and turned to walk back into the old biotics building that was serving for their base. She caught sights of Jagged Fel’s claw craft lifting off with Kyp Durron’s X-Wing not far behind. They would be going up to meet with Luke and his squad.

Jag seemed to be doing all right since Jaina’s death, but it was hard to tell with the young man. He kept his feelings and emotions under close wraps, Jaina had just started to draw him out of his Chiss-raised shell. Their relationship had just been starting, now it never would be. Thanks to the Vong, yet again.

******

“Twin Suns report,” Luke called out to his squadron.

“Twin Suns Four ready and waiting.”

“Twin Suns Five, four lit and green, waiting for you go Lead!”

“Twin Suns Six ready.”

The squadron radioed in, all but two of them.

“Two, Three report please,” Luke said, not really worrying that the two hadn‘t reported in right away. Their minds were still on a certain young woman.

“Twin Suns Three ready,” Jag reported. Luke could tell nothing of his feelings from his voice, or the Force.

“Twin Suns Two ready Master Skywalker,” Kyp radioed in. Kyp also had changed a lot since the death of Jaina.

“Our directions are as follows: We are to hold back and wait for the Rogues and Wild Knights to engage the enemy.”

“Wait Lead?” Jag asked. That was something the Chiss-raised man was not use to.

“Yes Three, we are to wait. Once the Rogues and Wild Knights have engaged the enemy they will bring the fight back to us in hopes we can surprise the-” Luke was cut off as the light indicating that someone was using his private frequency began to blink. “Hold Twin Suns,” he ordered as he flipped the switch for his private frequency.

“Skywalker here,” he said.

“Luke, we have a problem,” came Wedge’s voice, tinged just a slight bit with worry.

“What sort of problem?” He sensed nothing out of the ordinary, nothing relatively dangerous besides the Vong.

“We’re not sure yet,” came Wedge’s reply. “We’re not sure if it’s a trap yet or not.”

“What?”

“A skip dropped out of hyperspace before the rest of the Vong fleet. A scout ship we assumed, we’re not so sure now though.”

“Why, what’s going on?” Luke asked.

“The Vong Fleet is attacking the skip. They’re not trying to destroy it, they’re trying to cripple it.”

“And?” Luke asked, there was more, he could sense it.

“Leia thinks it’s Jacen,” Wedge answered, somewhat hesitantly.

Luke’s head whipped around to look out his canopy at the on-coming battle. Jacen? Could it be after all this time? Luke wondered to himself. He reached out through the Force but felt nothing. “Is…is she sure, I don’t sense anything.”

“I felt it briefly Luke, but it felt like Jacen. He was scared and injured. You have to help him Luke!” Leia exclaimed, her heart in her voice.

“If it is him, we’ll bring him home safely,” Luke said, all the while hoping his sister wasn’t wrong.

“New orders have been issued to the other squadrons. I want your squad to protect that skip. If it is Jacen, bring him home. Control out,” Wedge ordered.

“As ordered Control,” Luke said then flipped the switch back to his squad’s frequency. “Alright Twins, change of orders. We are to intercept the lead skip and bring it back to the base.”

“What?!” Chorused from various pilots.

“Control has reason to believe that there is a friendly pilot in that skip. If that is the case we’re to bring him on home.”

“Question Lead,” Four said.

“Go ahead Four,” Luke responded.

“Who do they think is piloting that skip?”

“Jacen Solo.”

******

The skip jinked and bounced, just narrowing missing the plasma bursts coming in from behind it. A formation of X-Wings flew past it, sending bursts of random fired laser fire at the oncoming skips beyond the lead one.

The battlefield erupted into colorful bursts of light that reflected garishly off of the yorik coral of the skip. Another flight of X-Wings swooped past, not paying any attention at all to the single skip.

Another squadron of X-Wings approached, their S-foils locked, lasers blazing. They broke formation and surrounded the solitary skip. An escort.

The skip did not fire at them, instead in settled into the middle of the escort formation.

So far so good, Luke thought to himself. He reached out through the Force to the pilot of the enemy ship. He felt absolutely nothing, nothing at all. His danger sense suddenly tingled.

“Watch out Twins Lead!” He heard Gavin’s voice urgently call out.

Luke rolled his X-Wing right and up over the skip they were escorting. An enemy skip suddenly flew through the spot he had just vacated, a burst of plasma heading toward the friendly skip. That skip suddenly rolled out of the way, almost colliding with Jag’s clawcraft. Jag threw his craft up and over the skip’s hull. Luke could almost imagine the young man glaring at the pilot of the skip.

The burst of plasma just narrowly missed the friendly skip. Luke watched as the friendly shot two bursts of plasma at the enemy skip. A dovin basal sucked up the first burst of plasma but missed the second.

Twin Suns squadron watched as the enemy skip exploded, sending chunks of yorik coral in all directions. “Regroup Twins!” Luke called out, “You alright Twins Three?”

“Affirmative Lead,” came Jag’s reply.

“Ok, then let’s bring this guy home,” Luke said.

******

More skips broke through and tried their luck at destroying the skip that Twin Suns Squadron was escorting. Now they’re trying to destroy it, Luke thought as he once more reached out through the Force toward the pilot. Someone else reached back toward him, it was a brief contact but Luke now understood why his sister thought it was Jacen. Welcome back, Luke thought to the pilot.

“Twin Suns Squadron requesting permission to land,” Luke said into his com.

“Permission granted. Once your cargo is safe we’ll need you back out in-” Control paused. “Delay that, just come back home, the Vong are withdrawing.” Control ordered.

That seemed just a bit to easy, Luke thought to himself. He glanced over at the skip that was on his right wing. If they wanted you so bad, why did they give you up so easily? He silently asked the pilot.

There was no answer, not that he expected there to be. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something just wasn’t quite right.

If it is Jacen, who is to say they didn’t convert him the way they tried to Tahiri? How do we know this isn’t some elaborate ruse for him to kill us? Luke wondered silently as he set his craft down outside of the main base, just within the kill zone. We won’t know till it’s to late, he thought as he watched the skip softly land next to him, Jag Fel’s clawcraft on the far side of the skip.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : I don’t own ‘em, though sometimes I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Song used : My Heart Will Go On, by Celine Dion

Summary : Jag reflects on Jaina and his brief relationship, before her death.

A/N : I’m glad everyone is liking this story so far, hopefully I can keep up with your expectations. If there is anything you would like to see happen, just let me know. I’ll see if I can make it happen somehow. There is an insert from ‘Rebel Dream’ midway through this chapter, so a spoiler warning is in effect. Thank you to all who have reviewed so far.

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I’LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 3 : My Heart Will Go On

Jag contemplated the coral skipper as it touched down on the fire-ravaged ground of the kill zone. He knew her should be feeling something other than sorrow at the moment, Jacen Solo had been returned to them. He couldn’t help feeling that it should have been Jaina instead.

He watched as Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing blew debris and dust up into the air, then finally settled down on the uneven terrain. Jag sighed to himself and switched his clawcraft off. He recollected his dream from the previous night. A dream about Jaina.

She’s come to him, a vision of white light, a beautiful Angel. Her hair had billowed around her face, blowing from an unfelt wind. She’d smiled at him, her brandy colored eyes sparkling with a happiness he hadn’t seem in them, not since before Anakin’s death, the downfall of Ithor. Or Jacen’s death, Jacen’s supposed death it seemed now. Was that why she had looked so happy? Did she know her brother had not died as it was assumed?

She’d come to him, wearing a sparkling white gown embroidered with gold. Breathtakingly beautiful and dazzling to the eyes. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, didn’t close them lest she be gone when opened them. She’s smiled at him, her face pristine, her lips pale. She had been a vision of loveliness. Hello Jag, she had said to him, her voice carrying on that unfelt and unseen wind.

Jaina, he’d known not what else to say. His heart was stuck in his throat.

I know, she had said as she walked up to him and placed two fingers against his lips, her lips soon followed. I too, could never say goodbye. I love you Jag, always will. I’ll forever be in your heart, just look for me there and you will find me.

Her image had shimmered then dissolved and once more she was gone. Rage soared through his heart followed by blinding anger, then sorrow swallowed up his heart and he woke up in a cold sweat.

Anger and hate are the road to the dark side Jag, her voice echoed through his mind, through his room. Please don’t follow me down that path, please!

Every night in my dreams

I see you

I feel you

That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance

And spaces between us

You have come to show you go on

Near

Far

Wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you’re here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

She faced him, hoping that what she was feeling wasn’t reflected in her expression. “I know what you’re going to say.” She told him.

“I don’t think you do.” Oddly, his face was not the stern mask she’d expected. If anything, he looked uncertain, unlike the Jag Fel she was use to.

“You’re going to tell me that I screwed up. You’re going to elaborate until you’re certain I can’t take it anymore. Then you’re going to leave.” Her voice grew high in pitch.

“No. We both know that your command decisions were far afield of common sense and effective strategy. We don’t even have to discuss that. What I have to know…” He paused, suddenly exploring uncharted territory and not 100% sure how to proceed. “What I have to know is this: Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know,” came her answer and he was suddenly starting to feel desperate.

“You do know. You have to know. Nobody else but you could know.” He leaned in closer, trying to get a better look into her eyes. Hoping against hope that he would find the answer written there. “Answer me.”

“I…I…” Her voice hoarsened, sounding like it was clogged with unshed tears. Perhaps I have pushed her to far, he thought dismally as she started to speak again. She sounded like a lost little child. “Everyone is going away.” She blinked back tears. “They keep going away and I can’t stop it. I didn’t want you to go away.”

The tears did come then, rolling down her cheeks unchecked. He took her by the shoulders and pulled her to him, drawing her head against his chest, resting his own head atop hers. He was hoping she wouldn’t pull away, relief washed over him as he felt her lean against him, a half collapse, her legs no longer willing or able to bear all her weight. Though she did not sob, her tears ran freely down her face and soaked into his uniform.

“I won’t go anywhere,” he said.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why won’t you go anywhere?”

“Because I don’t want to.” He tilted his head down then and hers up and suddenly he was kissing her, she was holding onto him like there was no tomorrow.

So, that had been their first kiss. Their actual only kiss, except for those in his dreams. He had thought there would be plenty more. He thought they had all the time in the universe. He’d forgotten to figure the Yuuzhan Vong into that equation.

He wished he had just one last time with her, just to tell her how he felt. He wasn’t sure, but he though that he had perhaps fallen in love with Lt. Jaina Solo.

Now he would never know.

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go till we’re gone

Love was when I loved you,

One true time I hold to

And my life will always go on

Near

Far

Wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you’re here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

He watched as the coral skipper was surrounded by the security forces…or what made up for them on this backwater military base. The pilot had not yet emerged, but they were taking no chances, just in case it wasn’t Jacen Solo flying that skip. Blasters were drawn as Wedge Antilles and Gavin Darklighter approached the skip.

There was a hushed silence as the canopy on the enemy fighter popped open. Brown hair was visible, plaster from sweat to the forehead. Brown eyes stared out angrily from a sallow face covered with bruises. A jagged cut was visible running down the left side of the face.

Brown eyes stared out accusingly at the crowd. Angrily out at the crowd. Despair, fear, anger…these were all apparent in the whiskey brown depths of those eyes staring back at him. Directly at him.

You’re here

There’s nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We’ll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : You know the drill, I don’t own ‘em, though sometimes I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Song used : Don’t Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith

Summary : The pilot‘s identity is finally revealed.

A/N : In case you haven’t noticed, I apparently like to use music in my fics. This is a habit I just recently acquired. I’ve used music sporadically in some of my other fics, but not as much as in this one. The songs carry a lot of weight with them, giving an added idea of what the characters are feeling, and this song will be no different. Hope you enjoy…chapter 5 hasn’t even been thought about yet, but I have a few ideas but I‘m not sure yet, if anyone wants to throw a few of their own ideas toward me, I’d appreciate it. Thank you to all who have reviewed so far, and those that will.

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I’LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 4 : Heartstricken

A gasp of disbelief came from the crowd once the canopy on the skip had fully opened. This drew the pilot’s attention to the crowd that had gathered around the coral skipper. A lanky body stood up within the skip, hands planted slightly apart on the outside of the craft as the pilot leaned forward, glaring dangerously around at those in the crowd.

Eyes slipped away, refusing to meet the glacial stare coming from what had once been sparkling, bright brown eyes. A feral snarl crossed the pilot’s face, like that of some wild and primitive animal.

The Vong had managed to convert the young Jedi into a dangerous creature filled with hate and some other unknown emotion, was the collective thought of most of the crowd as the brown eyes of the lost Jedi surveyed them.

The pilot somersaulted out of the cockpit, landing in a defensive crouch. Brown eyes stared wildly out at the crowd. The pilot knew all the people assembled, but seemed to recognize none of them. Dark brown hair flew wildly around, the pilot pushed the offending locks out of her face. Her eyes darted around the crowd, like that of a caged animal. Teeth bared in a feral snarl, she lunged at the nearest person, a person who had happened to be stupid enough to try and approach her.

Mara drew back, quickly side-stepping her niece’s primal attack. “Jaina!” she said softly. “We’re all your friends, we aren’t going to hurt you!” What had those monsters done to her? Mara wondered, her heart crying out for the injustices done to the young woman, the young woman they had all thought was dead.

The young woman’s eyes darted dangerously around, sizing up everything and anything, as if taking inventory. Her eyes paused on Leia, momentary recognition flashed in her eyes, then passed just as quickly. Her gaze swept over everybody, landing suddenly on Jag. She stared at him, as if trying to place him, trying to remember how she knew him.

She shook her head, trying to clear it as a soft growl floated up from her throat. Mara tried to move closer again and once again Jaina lunged, her teeth bared in warning.

“Jaina,” this time it was Leia who spoke, her voice laced with worry. “What happened to you?”

The young woman’s eyes flew over to Leia and again she growled, the sound even more threatening than before. A warning to stay back, not to come to close. “What did they do to you?!” Leia cried in anguish.

Jag stepped forward, as if daring this wild creature to try and attack him. She took the dare and rushed toward him, her fingers bent into claws. A wild cry escaped her lips as she rushed him, but he wasn’t there anymore. He sidestepped her at the last possible moment and in one fluid motion grabbed hold of her in a strong embrace. She struggled against him, trying to scratch his face her fingers. He easily subdued her hands and pinned them down at her sides.

“Jaina!” he said harshly, his face just inches from hers. “Look at me, you know who I am.” he fairly pleaded with her. How is this possible? I saw her X-Wing destroyed, this just isn’t possible. It has to be some form of a Vong trick.

She struggled harder and tried to bash her head against his. She wasn’t tall enough and he lifted his head out of the way and took the full force of the impact against his chest. The force made him stumble but he remained on his feet, with her still in his fierce embrace.

The wind began to howl, rushing through the trees lining the kill zone. “Watch out!” Mara suddenly cried, her eyes wide with horror. Jag didn’t understand what was going on till he felt Jaina quit struggling. He looked down at her, her eyes were closed, the garish bruises dark against her pale skin. Her eyes were closed in concentration, she was summoning the Force.

“She’s calling a Force storm!” Mara cried out as she ran toward Jag and Jaina. The winds picked up in velocity, becoming raging gales. Lightning crackled in the sky as thunder boomed in the distance.

Jag did the only thing he could think of to do, he bent his head and kissed the ethereal creature in his arms. Her eyes shot opened and she gazed up at him, recognition dawning in her eyes. “Jag?” her voice was soft and cracked, as if she hadn’t used it for quite a while.

“Yes,” he confirmed just as her body went limp and she fainted. The winds died down and the storm dissipated. What happened to you Jaina? He wondered as he picked her up in his arms and turned to look somewhat puzzled over at her mother and father.

“Is…is it really her?” Han asked, afraid to hear the answer yet at the same time needing to know. It could be some Vong trick…a look alike in one of the ooglith cloakers.

Mara’s eyes closed in concentration, her brows knitted together. A harsh breath left her body as she turned to look first at Han and Leia then over at her own husband. She could tell by the look on Luke’s face that he had surmised the same thing she had. “It’s Jaina,” Mara confirmed. “She’s in a dark place right. She’s struggling with her identity, trying to remember who and what she is. She was caught somehow, by the Vong…” Mara left it at that. She hadn’t been able to get much more from her niece. Jaina had her experiences with the Vong bottled up tight, as if she were trying to forget what had happened. Or perhaps trying not to relive them. Had she seen Jacen? Does she know what his actual fate was? Mara wondered silently to herself.

She turned to look over at Luke, she could read the same questions in his eyes.

******

Jag laid Jaina down on one of the beds in the infirmary of the biotics facility. Her flight suit barely covered her anymore. It was ragged and torn in so many places that it was almost unrecognizable, all except for the tell tale bright orange of the suit. She whimpered softly in her restless sleep, her hands suddenly flying to her middle as if someone had hit her.

Is she reliving what happened to her? Reliving what turned her into this…? Jag wondered as he stared down at her. The cut on the left of her face was opened once more and was bleeding. She must have tore it opened struggling with him. A deep sorrow rocked his heart as he watched her, wishing there was something he could do for her. Anything at all.

“Excuse me sir,” a medical droid said as it approached the med bed. “Captain Solo and Ambassador Solo wish to speak with you outside Colonel Fel.” the little green droid relayed to him.

“Thank you,” Jag said to the little droid as he took one last look down at Jaina, not wanting to leave her. Then he swiftly turned on his heel to leave but paused to look back at the little droid curiously. Captain Solo and Ambassador Solo? Are they still going by those titles? Jag shook his head, it really wasn’t important. What was important is Jaina getting better. I’ll be back, he thought toward her.

I know you will. He almost swore he heard her voice reply. He looked sharply at her, there didn’t appear to be any change in her condition, but she wasn’t tossing and turning anymore. There actually appeared to be a small smile trying to spread across her cracked and bleeding lips.

Jag sighed and walked out to talk to her parents.

******

Jaina’s mother and father were waiting for him just outside of her room, so were her aunt and uncle. He nodded his head to them, not sure of what else to do. “Thank you,” Han Solo said as the infamous Solo grin spread across his face.

“For what?” Jag asked.

“For helping her,” Leia said. “She’s lost right now Jag, and I’m afraid none of us will be able to bring her back…you may be the only one able to do it.”

“Sorry ma’am, but I really don’t see how-”

“She trusts in you…” Leia said, a note of sorrow lending itself to her voice. “After Anakin died, she changed…then the possibility of Jacen being dead too. It sent her over the edge, it was too much for her to bear. She snapped under the pressure…we all tried to help her but she refused us. She just pushed us away, not allowing anyone to close.”

Everyone is going away. They keep going away and I can’t stop it. I didn’t want you to go away. Her words suddenly blasted through his thoughts. She was so scared of anyone else leaving her that she had started to push them away, preparing either them or her for the possibility that someone wouldn’t be coming back. Whether it was her or not, it didn’t seem to matter.

But she had let him in, had trusted him enough to let her barriers down. When she would let no one else in she had let him, had trusted him more than he had ever known.

“I’m just asking you to be there for her Jag, nothing more.” Leia said. “She’s going to need someone and right now you seem to be the only one that she’s willing to trust. She’ll let her guard down with you.”

The kiss, Jag thought. He’d kissed her right there in front of everyone. He hadn’t intended too, but it had seemed right at the time. “I’ll try my best,” Jag promised.

“That’s all we can ask.” Leia said, her eyes were dark with grief, but suddenly there was a new light forming in them. All because of Jaina’s return.

******

He watched her as she slept, her chest rising and falling gently. They had removed the tattered remains of her flight suit. Now she was wearing a simple white gown, she would have looked like a vision if it hadn’t been for the bruises and cuts that covered her.

The lights went down in the infirmary indicating that the base was entering its night stage. Most would be going to sleep right now, but he wouldn’t. He was determined to stay with Jaina until she woke. He’d watch her while she slept, calming her fears with a simple caress against her cheek.

She began to whimper again, suddenly curling up into a tight ball. Her eyes were tightly closed as if she were trying to hide from whatever it was she was seeing. “It’s alright Jaina,” he said softly, gently running his fingers down across the broken skin of her cheek. “Your safe now, no one is going to hurt you again.” He leaned down and placed a soft hiss again her lips. “I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

He knew the promise was futile but he still said it anyway. It seemed to ease her fears anyhow for she quit whimpering and returned into a somewhat more peaceful sleep. If it was because of his promise or the sound of his voice he couldn’t be sure. Maybe it wasn’t either one, maybe it was just the fact that he was there with her watching over her.

He gently placed a kiss against each of her closed eyelids and watched as an actual smile formed on her lips. His heart swelled with an unknown emotion.

I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing

Watch your smile while you are sleeping

While you’re far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don’t wanna close my eyes

I don’t want to fall asleep

‘Cause I’d miss you baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing

‘Cause even when I dream of you

You see this dream would never do

I’d still miss you baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing

She woke up sometime later that night, the nightmare still fresh in her mind as her eyes sought out anything within that dark she found herself in once more. Her breathing was rapid, tears stained her cheeks and her hands tightly gripped the bed sheet that had been placed over her. A soft whimper escaped her lips as she sat up in the bed, dreading the return of her captors.

A soft footfall behind her drove her into action. She dived off of the bed, automatically dropping into a defensive crouch. Her eyes wildly sought out the form that had made the noise, fully expecting to see the garish form of one of her Yuuzhan Vong captors.

Instead her gaze was meant with the worried face of Jagged Fel. Is this some sort of trick? Crossed her mind as she stared wearily at the man before her. Her heart tried to tell her that it was impossible, but the Vong had managed to conjure up images of this man before. Could this be just another one of those illusions? Another one to torture her already suffering mind?

She snarled low in her throat, her teeth clenched together. He took a hesitant step toward her, his hand reaching out to touch her face. “Don’t,” she bit out between her clenched teeth. “So help me, if you come any closer I’ll rip that cloaker right off your revolting hide!”

“Jaina,” he said softly, his voice an identical match for the actual Jagged Fel. She violently shook her head, trying to quiet her rebellious heart. He took another step closer to her, but was still hesitant.

“Stay back!” she growled.

He threw his hands up in the air to show that he was no threat. “Jaina, it’s me Jag.”

“NO!” she cried. “You’re not real. They took you from my memory to confuse me. You’re not real…” her voice quavered as she looked up at him hopefully. “Are you?” her voice was soft and sounded like that of a child’s asking for comfort and to be told that everything will be alright.

“I’m real Jaina,” Jag said softly and walked closer to her, stopping just in front of her, waiting to see if she would except him coming that close. Her eyes softened up and she looked up at him with a saddened expression on her face. He bent down and pulled her into his arms, “You’re safe now Jaina. No one is going to hurt you again. I won’t allow it.”

“How can you prevent it?” She asked. “They’ll try to get me back. You know they will.”

“They’ll have to get through me first,” Jag answered as he looked down into her eyes.

They were sparkling with unshed tears, shimmering in the dimmed light of the infirmary. He lowered his face till it was just millimeters from hers then he kissed her. Her arms snaked around his neck, holding him tightly to her as if she feared letting him go. He deepened the kiss, a soft groan rising in his throat. In that instant he realized he loved her more than he thought was humanly possible and he knew that he would do anything to protect her.

She pressed against him, her body molding to his. He clasped her waist between his hands and hauled both of them up to their feet, never breaking the kiss. She clung to him like he was her lifeline, her hands running through his dark hair. He hugged her close like he couldn’t get enough of the young woman in his arms.

Finally she broke the kiss, gasping for air. She looked up into his eyes then shyly looked away, down at the floor. He tilted her face up so he could look into her eyes once more, “What’s wrong?” he asked when he saw the uncertainty reflected in the whiskey depths of her expressional eyes.

“I…this,” she said motioning to the two of them.

“I’m sorry,” he began, thinking she was referring to their passionate kiss.

She looked up at him and smiled, actually smiled. “Not that…” she said, unsure of how to put her emotions and uncertainties into words.

“Then what?” he asked, cupping her face between his hands. “What bothers you?”

“I’ve…I’ve actually never really did this before…” she said weakly. She tried to stifle a yawn, but he saw through it and smiled at her.

“You’re tired,” he said. “Your body is steal healing, you should be resting.”

The change of subject was greatly appreciated but they both knew that they would have to talk through what was happening between them. “I’m…scared to. The dreams, nightmares, will come back and I don’t want them to.”

“I’ll be here with you Jaina, you have nothing to fear.” Jag said softly as he bent his head to kiss her again. She lifted her face, her lips gently meeting his. Her arms went back around his neck as his went around her waist, drawing her closer. She snuggled into his embrace, feeling somewhat safer, but even he couldn’t chase away the shadows that played at the edges of her consciousness.

“Back to bed,” he commanded once he let go of her lips. Both were feeling lightheaded and dizzy from the effects of those few kisses. She looked up at him wearily. “It’s alright, I’ll be right here if you have another nightmare.”

“What if the Vong attack?”

“It’s alright. Both your uncle and my uncle have given me a few days off so I can keep an eye on you.” He smiled down at her and gently took her hand and led her back to the medical bed.

“Jag…” she hesitated and looked up at him curiously. He raised an eyebrow, prompting her to continue. “I’m scared…would you mind…” her cheeks turned a bright red and he thought maybe he knew what she was asking of him, but he wasn’t sure.

“Would I mind what?”

“Would you…sleep with me?” she said quickly, in a rush.

He looked at her, then over at the small bed, “Jaina, I really don’t think there is enough room for both of us on that bed.” He said softly. Being that close to her, holding her…surely it would drive him crazy.

“I know, I’m just scared. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“You won’t be. I’ll be right here.”

“I’d…I’d feel much safer if you were there with me.” She said quietly.

“If it’ll help you sleep, then alright.” It was a battle he couldn’t possibly win and they both knew that. He only hoped he could win the battle against his body having her so near.

They laid down on the bed together and Jag pulled her tightly into his embrace. His head rested against hers, his arms wrapped tightly around her in an attempt to keep the two of them on the small bed, which was definitely not made for two people.

Soon she was asleep, he could hear her rhythmical breathing, feel her heart beating against his and he sighed in contentment. I could get use to this, he thought.

Lying close to you

Feeling your heart beating

And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming

Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing

Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we’re together

I just want to stay with you in this moment forever

Forever and ever

I don’t want to close me eyes

I don’t want to fall asleep

‘Cause I’d miss you baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing

‘Cause even when I dream of you

You see this dream will never do

I’d still miss you baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing

The lights turned brighter, indicating to Jag that morning had arrived. He was loath to let ago of the sleeping beauty in his arms but he knew the dire consequences if anyone should see them in such a position. True, her parents had asked him to keep an eye on her, to help her through what she was going through, but he didn’t need them getting the wrong impression.

A shuffle at the door indicated to him that someone else was in the room, he looked up into the eyes of Leia Organa Solo. This is not good. He felt Jaina stir and looked down into her face. She smiled up at him and quickly kissed him on the cheek. He indicated with his eyes that she should look toward the door.

Jaina rolled over in his arms and looked up into the sparkling eyes of her mother. “Mom!” she shouted and climbed out of the bed and ran to her mother, throwing her arms around the other woman. Emotions ran rampant through Jaina’s heart. Regret at the way she had been treating her mother. Love and thankfulness for having one more chance to tell her that she loved her. “I’m sorry Mom,” she said softly, her voice muffled by Leia’s blouse.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Jaina,” Leia said as she ran a hand consolingly down her daughter’s hair. “Nothing at all.”

“Yes I do!” Jaina exclaimed. “I know I told you before that I was so sorry for the way I’ve been treating you and I still am, so very sorry Mom.” Tears silently ran down her cheeks. “And all the pain I put you through, if I could, I’d take it all back.”

Leia looked over at Jag and smiled at him, silently thanking him for bringing her daughter back.

Jag stood up, preparing to leave.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Leia asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

“To leave you two alone.” He answered. “You have a lot to talk about and you don’t need an audience.”

“Thank you,” Leia said quietly as he walked past the two women.

I don’t want to miss one smile

I don’t want to miss one kiss

When I just want to be with you, right here with you

Just like this

I just want to hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time

Later that day Jaina and Jag stood outside of the biotics building staring up at the sky, a brilliantly bright sky, one Jaina had thought she would never see again. She turned in Jag’s embrace so that she was facing him. “You know something?” she asked quietly, placing a soft kiss against a corner of his mouth.

“Hmmm?” he replied, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

“Even in the darkest times of being held by the Vong, there was only one thing that kept me going.”

“And what was that?”

“You. Thinking of you.” She answered as she kissed him again, this time fully on the mouth. “As long as I was thinking of you I knew that everything would be fine. You were my sanity in a very insane world. You drug me back from the darkness and for this I thank you.”

“Anything for you,” he said as he pulled her closer. He bent to kiss her once more but she pulled away.

“I love you Jag Fel,” she said.

He looked deep into her eyes and saw the love sparkling there in their depths and he knew that somehow, everything would turn out right. Call it fanciful thinking but somehow he new that things would turn out fine as long as he had her by his side.

“And I love you Jaina Solo, more than you will ever know.” He said and once more lowered his face to kiss her. She didn’t stop him this time, she kissed him back with a passion born of being separated and unsure of what the future would hold.

Now that future looked stunningly bright.

Don’t want to close my eyes

Don’t want to fall asleep

‘Cause I’d miss you baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing

‘Cause even when I dream of you

You see this dream will never do

I’d still miss you baby

And I don’t want to miss a thing

Han and Leia stood in the distance watching their daughter and Jag Fel, Leia wrapped her arms around her husband and sighed contentedly. “It’s good to have her back, actually have her back.” Leia said wistfully.

Han looked down at his wife and smiled. “Never doubted it for a minute.” He said roguishly.

The future looked bright and somehow Leia knew they would get through this mess with the Vong. She was saddened by the thought that her two sons wouldn’t ever get to see that day but she knew they would be happy with the knowledge that it would happen.

She felt a tingle in the Force and turned around to see Anakin standing there, the typical Solo grin spreading across his face. Jaina must have felt it too for she was turned around looking in the same direction as Leia was. Anakin raised his hand in a final farewell then turned around and walked away, disappearing in a brilliant flash of light.

Both Leia and Jaina were painfully aware of the fact that Jacen hadn’t been with him and a small seed of hope sprouted in their hearts that he was still alive.

-----------------------------------------------------

Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : You know the drill, I don’t own ‘em, though sometimes I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Summary : Jaina’s late night talk with her baby cousin, explains her capture and what happened during the months of her captivity.

A/N : This chapter really won’t contain much in the way of Jag and Jaina, but I’ll delve into how Jaina was captured by the Vong, with an emotional talk with someone who can’t judge her, namely a baby.

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I’LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 5 : Truth and Deception

It had been three days since her return to her family and friends. It had been tough, more often then not she had woken up in the middle of the night screaming from her recurring nightmares. They just wouldn’t let her alone, but she wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about them. She didn’t want to reopen the wounds this early, didn’t want to relive what she had been through. She knew though that she would have to do it sometime, sooner or later.

The first night, free of captivity, the nightmares had come, Jag had been with her, thank the Force. He’d stayed till the morning when her mother came into the medical center to check on her. Thanks to him the dreams hadn’t been as bad as they once were, when she was still being held on the Yuuzhan Vong ship. Then, on the Vong ship, the nightmares had been terrible…she’d witnessed the death of many of her loved ones at her own hands. She’d bloodied her hands with the blood of those she loved the most. She’d been turned in her dreams, into something far more sinister then Palpatine or Darth Vader had ever come close to becoming. She’d killed with a lust, a bloodlust, most of the time killing just for the fun of it, the shear pleasure of it.

Even now as she contemplated the horrible images of her dreams she felt a shudder run up her back and she wrapped her arms around herself as if trying to ward off the chill. It didn’t help, nothing did. She sighed to herself and looked at the chrono next to her bed. Dawn was only a few hours away and she had gotten no sleep this night. That in itself was nothing new.

Last night, after waking up again from a vision of killing her own twin brother, she’d found her way to Jag’s quarters. He was still up as if he had been expecting her. He’d smiled gently at her as he allowed her in. “You all right?” he had asked, the concern radiating off of him in waves. She didn’t need the Force to feel that.

“No,” she had answered. She’d tried to hold the tears at bay for as long as was possible, but suddenly they spilled down over her cheeks as she tried to uselessly swat them away.

Jag had grabbed hold of her hands then wiped the tears from her face with his own hands. “Shh, you want to tell me about it?” He asked as he put an arm around her shoulders and directed her further into his quarters.

“Would you mind if I said no?” she asked quietly.

“No, not at all. If you’re not ready to talk about what happened I’m not going to push the matter.” He answered gently. Sitting down on one of the self-conforming chairs, he pulled her down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Gently rocking her back and forth, he wiped a few stray strands of hair out of her face. “I can wait till you’re ready.”

Jaina was surprised. This was a completely new side of Jag…she was use to the superior pilot attitude of his. This was something new entirely. He was usually so reserved, not showing emotions openly. Now he was…and all for her. “It was another dream,” Jaina answered in a squeak.

“Like the ones you’ve been having?” Jag inquired.

“No,” Jaina answered. “Much worse.”

Jag nodded his head, “And it scared you?”

“Yes,” Jaina feared becoming the monster in her dreams. She feared killing all those she loved. In the dreams she had murdered her mother in her sleep. A quick slash of her lightsaber across her mother’s throat while the older woman slept. She’d shot her father in the back, not even giving him the decency to see who it was that was taking his life so coldly. She’d killed her twin brother by destroying his mind. She’d used the Force to kill him and it sickened her. She never wanted to become such a monster, never.

She’d even killed Jag. She’d stuck a dagger through his heart while she kissed him. The look on his face was still embedded in her mind, the shock and pain. Most of all the betrayal. She’d even killed her Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara, and her baby cousin Ben. She had been a heartless creature in those dreams, someone without a soul or a conscious. She never wanted to become that.

They sat in silence, Jag gently rocking the scared young woman in his arms. He didn’t say anything further nor did he try to pry. She would talk when she was ready and he knew this. He rested his chin against the top of her head and pulled her more closely against his chest. The deep rhythmical breaths she was taking told him that she had fallen asleep.

Jag examined her face more closely. Beneath the bruises and cuts her skin was just starting to return to its normal color. Though dark circles were etched beneath her closed eyes, an indicator of her lack of sleep. He felt concern for her suddenly and wished that she would open up to him and tell him what it was that was bothering her so terribly.

He knew she suffered from terrible dreams, also that she’d been caught by the Yuuzhan Vong, but he still didn’t quite understand how she had been caught. He didn’t understand how she had survived that crash that should have proven to be fatal. There was so much that he still didn’t understand and there was only one person who could answer his questions. She was being tight-lipped about what had happened and how. She answered no questions, it didn’t matter who they came from. Her mother had asked about what had happened, Jaina had pretended not the hear her. Her Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara had inquired about how she had been caught by the Vong, she point blank ignored the question.

What had happened to her?

He felt like he would never know the answer to that question. The only other people who would have been able to get her to open up were Jacen and Anakin. Anakin was dead and Jacen was missing in action, his fate unknown. Jag could only hope that her twin brother was still alive.

She had stirred in his arms, his thoughts being sent to her via the Force. She had felt his concern for her, his anguish at not being able to help her…but she wasn’t ready to talk to him. She wasn’t ready to talk to no one, she wasn’t even sure if she would ever be ready to tell anyone about what had happened to her.

Jaina sighed and pulled herself back to the present. She glanced back at the chrono. Would Jag be up now? Would he mind another late night-er early morning visit? She felt a ripple through the Force. It was her Aunt Mara, the other woman felt slightly miffed and Jaina wondered what had happened.

She reached out through the Force, just lightly touching her aunt’s mind. An invitation came to Jaina from her aunt. Jaina glanced once more at the chrono and decided it wouldn’t hurt to go over to her aunt and uncle’s quarters if they were already awake.

As she walked out into the hallway she noticed for the first time that the claxons and lights were going off. The Vong were attacking again, already. Probably in attempt to get her back…they hadn’t wanted her to escape in the first place, even though she had had other plans. They’d be in for a surprise though, she wouldn’t be up in one of the X-Wings this time. She wasn’t ready to return to active duty yet, both Wedge and Gavin had understood and had given her indefinite leave of absence from the squadron.

That would explain why her comlink hadn’t sounded the alarm. Why alert a pilot if they wouldn’t be going up to participate in the battle?

She stopped outside of Luke and Mara’s quarters and was about to hit the buzzer that would announce her arrival when suddenly her aunt opened the door. “Thank the Force you’re here Jaina,” her aunt said somewhat breathlessly. “Would you mind watching Ben for us?” Mara asked.

Jaina regarded her aunt for a second, When had Ben been brought back here? She wondered to herself.

“I’ll answer your questions later Jaina, right now your uncle and I have got to get going,” Mara said quickly.

“Ok,” Jaina said. She stepped into her aunt and uncle’s quarters and looked around for her baby cousin.

“He’s still asleep in our room,” Mara said.

“He can sleep through all that noise?” Jaina asked, amazed that the infant could sleep through all the noise that the claxons were making. Then again, I never even heard them, she thought ruefully to herself.

Luke came out of his and Mara’s room, the bright orange of his flight suit catching her eye. “Your little cousin could sleep through a star going supernova.” Luke joked, his eyes dancing merrily.

Jaina tried to offer up a smile for her uncle. Her lips twitched into a half-hearted one but it never reached her eyes. “Will Jag be flying with you Uncle?”

“Yes he will,” Luke answered. “I’ll make sure he comes back in one piece Jaina, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not Uncle Luke. Jag can take care of himself.”

“That he can,” her aunt spoke up. “Now come on Skywalker or you’re going to make me miss the party.”

Luke quirked an eyebrow at his wife, “Now you’re calling it a party? Just a few minutes ago you were calling the Vong every known rudity in my vocabulary and then some.”

Mara smiled mock-sweetly at her husband. “You want to hear them again or are we leaving now?”

“We’re leaving,” Luke answered as he started to walk toward the door. “Ben shouldn’t be much trouble for you Jaina,” he called over his shoulder as he and Mara walked out the door.

Then Jaina was all alone.

She looked around, not sure what to do. She wanted to be up there, helping in the fight, but she didn’t trust herself yet. Would she falter in battle and someone else pay for her mistake? Would she turn on those who considered her a friend and trusted her, shooting innocents down before she could be stopped? She didn’t have the answers to these questions, but she didn’t trust herself yet. She didn’t want to find out the answers the hard way. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she took anyone else’s life.

Anyone else’s? She thought to herself? I haven’t killed anyone…except for that worldship that Kyp tricked me into bringing Rogue Squadron in on to destroy. That wasn’t really my fault, though I still feel so terribly about it. I haven’t killed anyone besides the enemy.

Yes you have, you just don’t remember it. Not yet, but you will. A voice said in the back of her head. When the time is right you’ll remember it. A gut wrenching pain slashed through her stomach and she doubled over from the ferocity of it.

Tears blinded her vision and she stumbled over to a chair, holding onto it for support. What is going on here? She questioned herself. The pain radiated through the Force, directed solely toward her. The pain radiated in waves from her stomach, she thought she was going to faint from the intensity of it.

Then just as suddenly as it had come it was gone. She breathed in a cleansing breath and sought her center of calm. She closed her eyes briefly, when she opened them again she saw the image of her brother standing there before her. “Anakin!” she cried.

He held up a hand, indicating for her to stay where she was at and to remain quiet. “You tread a dangerous line right now Jaina, both you and Jacen.”

She looked at him, confused as to his words.

He sighed and took a step toward her. “One of you will be the undoing of the New Jedi, the other will be the salvation. One can save the other or pull them to the Darkside. You must decide here and now which you will be.”

“I can’t hurt those I love Anni,” Jaina told her brother’s apparition. She had known that she had been treading dangerously close to the Darkside as of late. Friends and family had managed to pull her back, or at least she had assumed they had…could she be wrong? Would she turn on those she loved the most?

“The Darkside works in wicked ways, you know that Jaina. You almost walked right into its embrace when I was killed. Kyp managed to pull you back. Then you were caught by the Vong and they tried to break you and when they couldn’t do that they tried to push you back into the Darkside’s embrace. You have to decide on whether or not they’ve succeeded.”

“They didn’t succeed,” she said quietly. “I know what I did on the worldship was wrong. I know my behavior of late has been wrong, but I have so much to sort through, and the dreams aren’t helping me any!”

“I know Jaina. You are surrounded by many people who love you. Trust in them. Talk to them, let them help you through it. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you. Don’t allow it to fester like a wound and infect you.”

She heard Ben begin to cry and looked toward the direction of Luke and Mara’s room. She looked back at Anakin to ask him one more question but found that he had already disappeared. I don’t know if I can talk about it, she thought bleakly. I don’t want them to know what I went through…I don’t want them to know about Jacen.

******

She looked down into Ben’s eyes, a mixture of blue and gray. He stared up at her, his eyes watching her every move. “Hey there little fellow,” she said down to him as she picked him up out of his cradle. “Don’t suppose you remember me, do ya?”

He cooed up at her, as if in answer to her question.

“I’ll take that as a yes, that you do remember me.” She said to him and smiled down at him. “Your Mom and Dad had to go save the universe one more time so you’re stuck with me for a while.”

He looked up at her, his eyes unblinking.

She sighed and walked over to a nearby chair. “Not much for words, are you?” She actually thought she saw him shake his head no. “Hungry?” No reply, not even so much as a squeak from the infant.

“Ok, I’ll take that as a no.” She looked around the room. “I hope you don’t need changed.” she said and crinkled her nose as he started to coo once more. “Some reason I think that that’s a yes.”

She laid him down on Mara and Luke’s bed then set out to find the diapers and wipes, hoping she wouldn’t need the latter. I didn’t sign on this mission to be changing no stickin’ diapers, literally! She thought ironically to herself, just as she found the diapers. The wipes were with them luckily.

“Ok little guy, let’s figure out how to get rid of this offending garment here, shall we?” she said to Ben as she set to figuring exactly how you remove the diaper. “You think that maybe these little straps here have something to do with it?” She said to him as she pulled on the two tape straps. Ben cooed up at her, his hands trying to grab hold of her hair. “Nah, I really don’t think you need to be playing with my hair little man,” she said to him and playfully poked his belly.

This caused the infant to laugh and Jaina laughed along with him. “Think that was funny do you?” she said as she placed the fresh diaper under him. “This thing go on the same way the other one did?” she asked him.

He cooed at her once more. “That a yes?”

Ben smiled up at her, once more reaching for her hair. “Didn’t we already discuss my hair?” She said to him as she finished fastening the tape straps back in place. He cooed up at her again. She gently grabbed hold of one of his toes and pulled on it, wiggling the little toe. Ben laughed again. “Think that’s funny huh?” she said, then started to tickle the bottom of his foot.

Ben laughed harder, the sound eased Jaina’s dark mood. “Can I tell you something Ben?”

The little boy quit laughing and stared intently up at his cousin, as if to say, I’m listening. Jaina sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. Ben turned his head to regard her, his eyes never leaving her. “I know you won’t tell anyone, you can’t tell anyone, you can’t even talk yet. Maybe that’s why I’m going to tell you this…I don’t know, maybe I just need to get it out in the open.”

She sighed to herself and wondered where to start. At the beginning would be a good place. Someone said to her. She looked around, but they were alone in the room. Maybe it was just me.

“Let’s start at the beginning shall we?” She said down to her little cousin, Ben just continued to stare at her. “I remember the fight, not a whole lot about it, mind you. I remember coming up behind Jag, taking out a skip that was coming up on him…then total blackness. I’d been hit and was spiraling totally out of control. There was another X-Wing heading directly for me…there was nothing I could do. We both were hit and in uncontrolled flight paths.”

Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she called up memories she had tried so hard to forget. “I ejected. I saw this skip coming toward me, it was going to go right through the debris cloud. At the last moment it stopped, right in front of me. This skip did something I had never seen them do before, I never even thought it would have been possible. The forward section of it opened up, right below the pilot’s cockpit. The Sith-spawned thing used one of the dovin basals to pull me into it. Then the opening closed, I felt the skip change coarse and jump to hyperspace or whatever.”

She paused and looked down at Ben, he was still staring intently up at her. She wiped the tears off of her face, debating whether or not she should go on. It’ll help you.

“It was like they were waiting for that exact kind of scenario to happen, like they had been watching and waiting, then seized the opportunity. I don’t know how else to explain what had happened. One minute I was floating in space waiting for the rescue vehicle, then the next I was inside the belly of this damn skip. I didn’t think they were big enough for something like that. Apparently there’s still a lot about them we don’t know. Or this was a new variation of them.”

“I was knocked unconscious by a blow to the back of my head, I don’t really know how long I was out…” she turned her face away from her little cousin and stared up at the ceiling, as if she were watching the scenes unfold right before her eyes…

Her eyes came slowly opened, it was like trying to claw one‘s way through a thick fog. Her mind didn’t want to function and for the first time she realized that she was cut off from the Force…But how? She stretched out but felt nothing. Absolute nothing.

Panic began to rise up in her and she nervously took in the room she was in. She found herself staring into her own eyes. “It won’t do you no good Jaya,” he said to her, his voice was soft and tired, like he barely had the energy to breath.

“Jacen?” she said quietly, afraid that if she spoke any louder she would break the frailty of the dream.

“It’s not a dream Jaina. This is real.” He swept his hand around to encompass the whole of the room. “It’s a nightmare, but it’s a living nightmare.”

“We can get out of here Jacen, together we can get out of here!” she had exclaimed. Hope once more shining in her eyes.

“It’s to late for me Jaya,” Jacen had said, the tiredness in his voice was echoed in his eyes. “The Breaking…was to much. Next will be you…fight it as long as you can. One of us has to live.” He had slipped into peaceful oblivion then, leaving her to wonder her fate alone, until one of the Yuuzhan Vong warriors stepped into the dimly illuminated room.

“You, come.” he had said in sharply accented basic.

“What if I refuse?” she had said tartly, her eyes hardening to brown glazed rocks.

“Give me that pleasure and you will find out Jeedai.” He had replied with an evil grin spreading across his heavily scarred face. “Now come along, the Warmaster wishes to see you.”

She had figured out then where they were at and the beginning of a plan began to formulate in her mind. “You can tell your Warmaster I don’t wish to see him,” Jaina said obstinately.

The warrior had turned around to regard her, a low growl erupting from his throat. “It will give me great pleasure if you refuse to obey,” he had said in a chilling voice.

“I don’t care if it will give you pleasure or not.” she bit back.

He took a menacing step toward her, leveling his amphistaff directly in front of them. She showed no fear, just stared him directly in the eyes, unwavering. “Go ahead, try and strike me down and know the wrath of Yun-Harla and your Warmaster. Do you think either one of them would be happy to know that you’ve injured me in anyway?”

“I do not believe you are associated with Yun-Harla,” the warrior had spat. “As for the Warmaster, the only reason he wants you infidel is because of your twin. One of you will die in battle, the other will be sacrificed. I care not which.”

Jaina smiled evilly at the alien, even though he had told her exactly what she had already know, he’d added a few more interesting tid-bits to her list. She glanced back at where her twin brother was now peacefully asleep…no, not peacefully. His eyes were moving continuously like he was watching his back even in sleep. What had they done to him?

She turned her glacial stare back toward the Vong warrior. “Alright, take me to see you’re Warmaster.”

She’d never made it to see the Warmaster, she had tried to escape on that first day. Of coarse she knew she wouldn’t make it, but she had to try. Test their alert levels, see how much they were able to predict her.

A few days later they would put her to the ultimate test.

******

She had heard the door iris open, the dimly lit hallway beckoned to her. She’d squinted out the small doorway, trying to see if there were any guards just beyond it. She couldn’t tell. She was just about to ask Jacen a question when she suddenly realized that he wasn’t in the room anymore.

A shadow formed in the open doorway, “Get up!” a voice commanded. She recognized it. She looked up to look into the face of the same warrior who she had fought with on her first day.

“No,” she said and turned her back on the warrior. She was playing with fire and she realized it, but she needed to know exactly how far she could push these demons before they would push back.

“I said get up infidel.”

“And I said no. What part of that didn’t you understand?”

“I am not asking you to get up, I am telling you to. Now do it!”

“Um, let me think about it…” she could tell that his patience was growing short. “Why?”

“Why what infidel?”

“Why do I have to get up?”

“You do not need to know.” With that said he walked further into the room and grabbed hold of her by the arm and pulled her up to her feet. “Come.”

Jaina debated whether she should or shouldn’t struggle with him but decided now might not be the best time to test his limits. It looked like she had pushed him far beyond his limits already for one day.

She was pushed into a poorly illuminated room. The air was thick with the darkness, Jaina could hear something or someone pacing in the darkness. Suddenly her lightsaber rolled across the floor to stop at her feet. Things were becoming stranger by the minute.

She nimbly picked it up and flicked it on, but without the Force flowing through her, her use of it was just short of clumsy. At the same time she saw a reflective glow at the other end of the room…dread filled her heart as an image from a long time ago swam before her eyes…a lightsaber duel she had rather never thought about ever again.

“Jacen?” she called out loud.

There was no response, but she heard a barely audible growl come from the lower part of the chamber. “Jacen, I know that has go to be you, answer me please!”

Her answer came in the form of a lunge as she watched the other brilliantly glowing blade begin to move rapidly toward her. “Jacen!” she cried, knowing it had to be him. “Jacen, listen to me!”

He didn’t slow in his pace, in fact he seemed to speed up slightly. He came rushing at her, his eyes blazing evilly, an inner glow emanating from them she had never seen before. Dark energy crackled around him and it took her a few seconds to realize that it was Darkside energy. But she still couldn’t call upon the Force.

He brought his lightsaber up high, preparing to sweep it down toward her. She brought hers up and blocked but didn’t return the attack. She would not attack her own brother. “Jacen!” she cried again, his face only inches from her own. “Jacen, please listen to me, I know you can hear me.”

He just continued to stare blankly at her. She brought her saber up sloppily and waiting for his countermove. He brought his up and the two crackling blades met and hissed from their connection point. Jaina thrust her blade’s hilt up and under Jacen’s, while at the same time powering down the blade so as not to cut her own head off. The hilt slammed into his gut, momentarily knocking the wind out of him.

He glared at her, his eyes narrowing into mere slits. “Jacen,” she said quietly. “I will not fight you.” she dropped the hilt of her saber on the floor and listened as it thumped against the living floor of the Yuuzhan Vong Worldship.

Jacen let out a cry of rage and brought his lightsaber up and around, fully intent on decapitating his sister. She lifted her face and looked him directly in the eye. “I will not fight you,” she repeated softly.

The color drained from his face as he powered down his own blade, then allowed the cold metal hilt to drop from his grip. “Jaina?” his voice was just above a bare whisper. “Oh by the Force, what did I almost do?” The tears welled up in her brother’s eyes as she walked to him and took him into her embrace.

“It’s alright,” she said softly.

“I almost killed you,” he cried.

“But you didn’t.”

“But still…”

“Don’t argue with me Jacen,” Jaina said sternly, trying not to laugh. One of them had to maintain an optimistic outlook on what was happening with their lives.

******

Jaina looked down at Ben and discovered that the little boy was fast a sleep again. “Thanks for listening to me for a little while there Ben.” she said as she picked him up off of the bed and put him back in his cradle. She looked at the chrono in her aunt and uncle’s room and discovered that she had been talking to Ben for almost four straight hours. It hadn’t seemed that long, and he hadn’t heard the whole entire story…the worst part of the story was still to come.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : You know the drill, I don’t own ‘em, though sometimes I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Summary : After the fighters return from the latest battle, Jag and Jaina have a heart to heart talk in which Jaina reveals what happened to her during her captivity by the Yuuzhan Vong.

A/N : Hmmm, nothing to note really. Least not yet, that could change by the time I’m finished with the chapter though. Like I said, that could change by the time I’m done with the chapter, I used part of Jaina’s captivity with the Vong from Edge of Victory 1 : Conquest. You may recognize it as Tahiri’s captivity. Hope you enjoy the story.

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I’LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 6 : A Light In The Darkness

Jaina stared up into the brightening sky, looking for any sign of the returning fighters. She held Ben carefully in her arms, the little boy fast asleep, his head resting against her shoulder. She smiled down at him, Must be nice, not having a care in the world. She thought as she looked down at her peacefully sleeping cousin. To be that young again… she thought wistfully. But my childhood was not exactly the safest, and yours probably won’t be either. Savor it while you can kid.

She heard the distant thunder of the starfighters, but they still weren’t visible. She squinted her eyes, hoping to get a better view of the approaching fighters. Still nothing, she reached out with the Force and could instantly sense her uncle and aunt. Her father was apparent also, as was her mother. She didn’t sense Jag and that caused her worry. Surely nothing had happened to him.

The fighters became distant specks on the horizon, their engines blazing a fiery orange. Suddenly she could sense him, his cold determination. She smiled to herself, once more he was the arrogant, cocky pilot she had come to know and love. He was sunshine to the darkness of her heart.

“They’re back,” she said softly to her little cousin. Ben didn’t wake up, he didn’t so much as move. She smiled as the fighters drew closer so that she could just begin to make out their silhouettes. She saw the Millennium Falcon, a half dozen X-Wings surrounding it, smoke trailing from behind. Her father would be highly pissed if the damage was extensive.

She could make out Kyp’s X-Wing, not far from it was Jag’s clawcraft. She watched as their silhouettes became larger and larger, their markings becoming more apparent. The group of rag tag fighters circled the biotics building, then some of them sat down in the kill zone while those that were damaged landed in the special operations bay. She watched as the Millennium Falcon headed in the direction of the Spec. Ops Bay, the bluish-gray smoke spiraling out from behind it. The damage didn’t look too extensive, at least what she could see of it from her position.

Jag and a few of the other pilots landed their craft almost directly in front of her, their fighters sending clouds of dust and debris sailing up into the sky. The noise caused little Ben to wake up from his short-lived nap. He lazily opened his eyes and blinked away the sleep from them, then started to cry. Way to loud, was Jaina’s opinion.

“Shh,” she said to him, gently bouncing him on her hip.

“You’ll make a fine mother some day,” someone said from behind her. She jumped and whirled around, coming face to face with her Aunt Mara, with her father standing right behind the older woman, and slightly to the left.

“No time soon I hope,” Han put in. His tone was dead serious, but Jaina could catch just a hint of a smile behind his eyes. He wasn’t quite ready to become a grandfather yet, but he wasn’t totally against the idea either.

She smiled at both of them, “How did it go?”

“We came back, didn’t we?” Mara asked as she reached for Ben and took the little boy out of Jaina’s arms. “I hope you weren’t to much trouble for your cousin.” She said to her son and kissed him gently on his forehead. Ben reached for her golden-red hair, which Mara quickly tossed, out of his reach. “Not this time young man,” she said and kissed his forehead again.

Jaina smiled. “Yes, you did come back.” She said. “And no, he wasn’t that much trouble.”

“But.” Mara said and quickly glanced at her niece. “I sense a but in there.”

Jaina blushed. “You’re going to have to teach me about diapers if you expect me to watch him again.”

“Diapers?” Mara looked at her curiously. “What about them?”

“Um, well, how to change them.”

Mara started to laugh then quickly checked Ben’s diaper. “Looks like you did a pretty good job.”

Jaina smiled, her cheeks once more were tinted with pink. “Yes, well…”

“What’s the blush for?” Someone asked from behind her.

Jaina turned to face Jag. She heard her father answer his question, “Oh, nothing much. Jaina was just getting a lesson on how to change diapers.” She could hear the laughter in his voice.

“Diapers?” Jag asked, a perplexed look crossed his face.

“Yes, diapers.” Jaina said then pointed toward Ben and Mara. “I had to get a quick lesson on how to change diapers since all of you went up and had fun and left me planetside to baby-sit.” She said, adding a note of annoyance to her voice just to make the gripe seem real.

“I’m sure if you really wanted to go up with us, no one would have minded.” Mara said as Luke and Leia walked up behind the group.

“Now what’s the problem?” Leia asked, looking from her sister-in-law, to her husband then over to Jaina.

“Jaina got an impromptu lesson on how to change a diaper,” Mara answered, trying to keep the laughter out of her voice. She didn’t succeed very well and Jaina glared at her. “I don’t think she liked it to much actually.”

“I’m glad all of you thinks its funny,” Jaina huffed. “Not like I’ve ever done it before.”

Both Leia and Han broke into laughter, which earned them a glare from their daughter also.

“I can’t imagine it would be that hard,” Jag said from behind her.

“You think not?” she said as an evil grin spread across her face. “Next time he has an accident, I’m going to tell Aunt Mara to call you so you can come over and change it.”

Jag walked up so that he was right behind her then put his arms around her. “Shouldn’t be that hard.” He said and kissed her on the cheek.

“So you’re volunteering?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” He said.

Han cleared his throat as he watched his daughter and the son of Baron Soontir Fel. He’d known that there was something going on between the two, he just wasn’t quite certain what. Maybe I’ll have those grandkids a lot sooner than I though. He looked over at Leia and found that she was watching him, one of her delicate eyebrows arched, as if she were silently asking him a question.

He smiled at her and returned his attention back to Jaina and Jag. Both were watching him too. “Something on your mind dad?” Jaina asked.

“Nope, not really.” He answered. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I think that I just might need to go and clean up a bit. If you’ll excuse me?” Han walked over and took Leia’s hand in his then walked back toward the biotics building. “What exactly did I miss between those two?” He said to her as they left.

Leia just shook her head.

“Figure in about two hours Fel,” Mara said.

Jag looked up at her, a questioning look on his face. “Figure what?” He asked.

“Ben should need his diaper changed by then.” Mara answered.

“Oh.”

“Come on,” Jaina said and grabbed hold of his hand. She started to pull him in the direction of the biotics building, following the path her parents had just taken.

“Where to?”

“For a walk.” Jaina answered.

“Ok.”

******

They were walking slowly, hand in hand, neither one saying a word. The hallway they were walking through led back toward the general quarters, back toward where Jaina seemed to spend most of her time lately. Very rarely did she come out of her rooms anymore, she preferred to be alone, except for the time she spent with Jag.

She usually always saw him at night, just when the nightmares would start to haunt her dreams once more. He didn’t seem to mind her late night visits, he always seemed to be waiting for her, as if he were expecting her. She was walking silently now, as if her mind were a million light-years away.

He stared down at her and found himself staring into her eyes. She must have sensed his gaze and turned to look at him well, what he saw in her brown eyes gave him cause to worry. Her brown eyes held a look of worry, she looked almost pleadingly up at him. Pale green stared into dark brown, Jag felt his forehead crease in a frown as he gently laid his hands on her shoulders. Her bottom lip quivered, as if she were fighter for control, trying not to cry.

But he could see the tears shimmering in her eyes, the tears held tentively at bay. “Are you all right Jaina?” he asked. That seemed to be how most of their conversations began here as of lately. ‘Is there something bothering you?’ or ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

“No,” she finally said as a single tear winded its way down her cheek.

He drew her to him, resting his chin against her head. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked softly into her hair. “You know I’m here anytime you want to talk.”

“You won’t always be,” she said bleakly.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” He asked, drawing her away from himself and looking down into her shimmering eyes.

“Once this war is over with, you’ll leave and I won’t ever see you again.” Jaina said quietly, the tears evident in her tone.

“I’m not leaving you,” he said. “Besides which, I believe we have already had this discussion, haven’t we? And like I told you the last time, I’m not going anywhere, I don’t want to.”

“You can say that now Jag, but what about when this war is over with? What about your father, your family? What about your mother? Can you honestly tell me it wouldn’t bother you not to see any of them ever again?”

Jag looked down at her, not really certain where this was all coming from. He saw the fear written plain as day on her face, and realization suddenly dawned on him. “What’s this really about Jaina?” He asked. “This isn’t about the possibility of me leaving, I already told you that I wouldn’t leave, that I love you. What is this really all about?”

Jaina looked up at him, the fear in her eyes leaping out at him. “I really have no idea what you are talking about,” she said quietly.

“Oh, well I really don’t believe that,” he placed one of his fingers beneath her chin and gazed lovingly into her eyes. He kissed her, his lips just barely touching hers. “You know Jaina, you can tell me anything, I love you so much.” This was said with his lips just barely an inch from her own, his breath fanning across her cheek.

“I know Jag, it’s just that-”

“Just that what?” He interrupted.

“I’d had a talk with Ben earlier-”

“Your cousin Ben?” Again he interrupted.

“Yes.”

“How could you have a talk with Ben? He’s only a baby.”

“I know that,” Jaina said, becoming exasperated. “I talked, he pretty much just listened. One thing about a baby is they can’t interrupt you while you’re talking.” She said, looking at him pointedly.

“All right, point taken. I will not interrupt again till you are done.” He said as he smiled down at her. They were standing just outside of her quarters now and he watched as she punched in the security code on the pad just to the right of her door. The door slid opened and they both walked inside, Jag just slightly behind Jaina. She turned around to face him, her arms going up around his neck and bringing his face down to hers for a brief kiss. Jag smiled against her lips, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer to his body. “I could get use to this,” he said against her lips.

“Me too,” she said.

He broke away from her and led her over to one of the couches in the room. Sitting down he pulled her onto his lap, his arms once more going around her waist. “Ok Milady, explain away.” He said and smiled roguishly.

She smiled back up at him, “Explain what?”

“You know what,” he said.

She sighed. “All right. I was telling him about my capture and time with the Vong,” she looked down at her hands on her lap. They were clasped tightly together, the knuckles turning white. Jag took her hands in his and gently kissed her cheek, urging her to go on. “He couldn’t judge me or ask questions-” Jag opened his mouth to ask something else, but Jaina cut him off. “Nor did her interrupt me. You promised remember?”

“Sorry,” he said. He let go of her hands and held his own up in front of himself.

“I never got to finish the tale.” She said quietly.

“Would you like to finish now?” He asked. She looked up at him and he raised his hands again, “Sorry.”

“No, it’s all right. I do need to talk about it. And actually, I’d much rather prefer to talk to you about it.” She looked up at him and smiled sadly, and began her tale once more…

…day ran into night and night ran into day. There was no difference between the two, she had no idea what part of the day it was. Or if it even was day. It could’ve been night for all she knew.

The Vong’s first attempt at this sacred battle between twins had not worked out as they had planned, far from it. She had managed to get through to Jacen, had gotten through whatever the Vong had down to him. Would she be able to next time? Or the time after that, or the one after that?

These were questions she did not have the answers for. And she dreaded finding the answers out for them. Would she survive the next staged battle? Would Jacen?

She stared around the room they had put her in after her failed battle against Jacen. They had not put them back in a room together, they had separated them.

She knew the reason behind separating them, knew what they hoped to accomplish. Jaina only hoped that they wouldn’t accomplish what they were trying to do. The door irised open and a large warrior stood framed in the living entrance. She stared up at him, searching her memory she couldn’t find him in it. She had not seen this particular warrior before. “What do you want?” She asked defiantly, putting as much disinterest in her voice as she could muster.

“Come.” He commanded. His eyes were living pools of coal, dark as the darkest night. His teeth flashed white in the pale illumination of the living ship. White and pointed. She shivered as he bared his teeth when she showed no inclination of getting up. “Come Jeedai,” he ordered, making a single step back toward the door, as if he were going to come into the room after her.

“What do you want?” she repeated again, refusing to allow him to see her fear.

He paused a moment, his eyes taking her in. She was proud and defiant, she showed no fear even though he knew her heart should be feeling it. Everything should fear the glorious Yuuzhan Vong, but for some reason fear did not radiate off of this simple infidel. A soft growl erupted from his throat, “Come Jeedai, NOW!” He commanded, putting as much anger into his voice as he could.

“And if I wish not?” she asked, she was lazily gazing at her fingernails. She did not look up at him, did not show him the slightest interest.

“If you wish not?” This puzzled the warrior. No one had ever refused to do the bidding of the Yuuzhan Vong before. Could there be truth in the rumors surrounding this infidel girl? Could she really be associated with Yun-Harla? He shook his head, their gods and goddess’ would have nothing to do with these infidels. They had after all promised this galaxy to the Yuuzhan Vong. They would not side with the infidels that lived here…would they?

The Jeedai girl got up and walked past him, without even so much as a glance. As if he were not worth her time. “Are you coming?” she inquired as she turned around to look at him. “I haven’t got all day you know.”

******

The young jeedai fell, her body gripped with convulsions. A strangled cry filled the vivarium.

“Interesting,” Nen Yim said, watching the reaction. She turned to one of her adepts, “Do you see, Adept, that-” She paused as the young jeedai began to groan and attempted to get up. “Hmmm, her level for withstanding pain is at a higher threshold than was the last jeedai we attempted this on.”

“We?” the young Adept asked, her headdress supplicating as she addressed her Master.

“Yes, my former Master.” Nen Yim turned her attention back to the Jeedai. It is interesting because the provoker spineray causing her pain has been designed to do so selectively,” Nen Yim explained. “One nerve at a time. What we have just seen is a reflex unknown in Yuuzhan Vong. We may now confidently map a part of the human nervous system that has no counterpart in our own.”

“And this is of what use?” The Adept asked, she did not meet her Master’s eyes and feared punishment for her questioning her Master’s actions.

No punishment was going to come, Nen Yim responded to her Adept’s question. “We cannot shape what we do not know. Although I have worked with a jeedai before, this species is still new to us.”

She turned her attention back to the spineray and the young jeedai. Suddenly she felt something pressing her entire body, as if she were deep underwater. Her lungs labored to draw in the syrupy air and her pulse hammered. She’d felt this once before, but realization was slow to dawn on her oxygen-deprived brain.

Through flashes of blue and black she saw her adepts were also struggling to breath.

The pain increased sharply. Soon her eyeballs would collapse, then her heart. Striving for calm, she spun her failing gaze around the room. Suddenly realization hit her.

The young jeedai stood at the side of the vivarium, hands pressed against the transparent membrane. Her brown eyes blazed and her teeth were drawn back from her lips in a snarl of fury. Nen Yim saw murder there, and suddenly understood.

She had seen this once before with the captured jeedai girl called Tahiri. The ol-villip that controlled the provoker spineray had fallen from her hands, Nen Yim took it up and stroked the variable tissues, all of them at once.

The jeedai screamed and began to pound on the membrane, and for an instant pressure actually increased, crushing so hard that Nen Yim couldn’t breath at all. Then, more suddenly than it had come, the uncanny pressure relented, and her lungs jerked in a much-needed breath.

The jeedai writhed on the floor of her chamber. Nen Yim watched her, reaction starting to set in. She glanced at the ol-villip in her hand then at the jeedai in the room before her. Nen Yim adjusted the ol-villip in her hands until the jeedai stopped her contortions and succumbed to unconsciousness. She glanced around to look at her adepts as they began to get to their feet. “Find out what is happening with the other jeedai!” she ordered.

“What-” the adept closer to her paused, afraid to continue.

“Go on Adept.” Nen Yim ordered.

“What happened here Master?” The adept asked.

“You know of the heresy of the jeedai and their power, correct?” Nen Yim looked at each one of her adepts, all six or seven of them. Each nodded their heads but refused to look their Master in the eyes. “Good, then you also know that this one is being associated with one of our gods. Yun-Harla to be exact.” Again all heads bobbed the affirmative but no one made move to issue direct eye contact with the Master Shaper. “She used her jeedai powers to compress the molecules in the air around us.”

“She tried to crush us with our own air?” One of the adepts dared to voice her question.

“I thought the other jeedai was suppressing her link to this thing they call the Force?” Another adept spoke up. Nen Yim turned inquisitive eyes to him, but he refused to meet her gaze.

“You’re name Adept?” she questioned.

He still did not look directly at her. “Yarha Lah,” the adept responded.

“You may look upon me Adept,” she commanded. “You are from the same line as Tsavong Lah? Are you brethren?” She asked.

“We are related yes,” the young shaper responded.

“Are you here really as a shaper or to keep a watchful eye on us shapers to make certain there are no more setbacks?” she asked. All of the other adepts had quit what they were doing to listen to the conversation that was unfolding directly in front of them.

“The Warmaster would not dare to second guess the Supreme Overlord’s commands.” Yarha responded. “I am here as a shaper, as you are here too.” His coal black eyes rose to meet those of Nen Yim. “I do as you command Master. If we are to bring either of these jeedai to the glorious cause of the Yuuzhan Vong than that is what I am here to do Master.” He lowered his eyes, daring not to meet those of Nen Yim any longer.

Nen Yim smiled to herself. This adept was well trained, surprising though that he would be thrust into the role of a shaper instead of that of a warrior. “Then let us get back to work. Have we contacted the others yet? Have we found out what is happening with the other jeedai?”

One of the other adepts stepped forward, “Yes Master. Master Seinna Kwaad is waiting to speak with you.”

“Good, give me just a moment and we will continue with our experiments.” Nen Yim commanded. She returned a moment later, a frown creasing her tattooed face. “The other jeedai has broken from his shapings, he is once more in communication with his twin. This will once more set us back…she has command over what they refer to as this Force.” Her eyes darted dangerously back to the still unconscious form of the young woman lying in the vivarium.

The jeedai watched as she approached, almost as if the infidel understood what was going to happen next. No fear showed in her eyes and this pleased Nen Yim. The jeedai’s brown eyes were the only thing that moved, they followed Nen Yim closely, like one beast seeking the soft throat of another. This reminded Nen Yim of another time and another jeedai, a time that seemed like millennia ago.

“I would advise you not to attack us with your jeedai tricks,” Nen Yim cautioned. “The provoker has been told to stimulate you to great agony if we are afflicted in any way. Though in time you will come to understand agony, at the moment you seem to dislike it, and it clearly disrupts your concentration. There are far worse things that we could do to you.”

The jeedai’s eyes opened wide in disbelief or shock. “I can understand you,” she said. Then she stopped, looking even more confused. “I’m not speaking Basic. This is-”

“You speak our language now, yes. Just as the one you call Tahiri does,” the Master shaper said. “If you are to be one of our gods, you must speak the sacred tongue.”

“Be one of your Gods?” The jeedai sneered. “I am already one of your gods, or have you not heard the rumors?”

Nen Yim regarded the young jeedai for a moment. “I have heard the rumors as you say, as well as the heresy. You are not one of our true gods yet, but you will be. Then Jeedai, then you shall embrace the pain.”

“What do you want from me?” The jeedai asked.

“We want nothing from you, it is what you will do for us.” Nen Yim responded. “You and your twin brother will be our ultimate sacrifice to the true gods, then they shall permit us to conquer this galaxy and reshape it into our image, the way it should have been to begin with.”

“If you think that is true then you have a lot to learn about us ‘infidels’.” The jeedai sneered.

The master’s headdress rearranged itself into an expression of mild anger. “Memory is a most malleable commodity,” Nen Yim said. “It is mostly chemical. For instance, you now know our language. You did not learn it.”

“You put it there,” the jeedai said.

“Yes. Your memory of the words, the grammar, the syntax. All introduced to you. We have done this to one other jeedai before you…things did not turn out quite as well with her as they are with you.”

“Tahiri,” the jeedai said quietly.

“Ah, she still lives then?” Nen Yim said, already knowing the answer to the question.

The jeedai’s brown eyes narrowed and dark energy began to crackle around her. “I have heard,” Nen Yim began, “That the one called Anakin Solo died…I believe he was brethren to you, correct?”

The energy was released, just as Nen Yim knew it would be and she watched with satisfaction as the young jeedai began to writhe in pain on the floor of the vivarium. It would not be long until they were able to bring this one to their side as they had the other young jeedai. Nen Yim smiled in satisfaction. If all went right she would have a positive report to give to Overlord Shimrra.

******

Jaina sighed in her sleep, she was trying her hardest to fight the conditioning that the Yuuzhan Vong were putting her through but it was becoming harder and harder. Her spirit was almost broken, and it was as if this Nen Yim could sense that. She did not know how much longer she would be able to hold out and knew that she must escape soon.

A spike of pain drove through Jaina’s forehead, so unexpected and strange that bile rose up in her throat and she had to fight not vomit. She was instantly awake and taking in her surroundings. Her hands went up to her forehead, it felt as if someone had gashed a hole from her hairline to the bridge of her nose. The blood stung her eyes and brimmed her nostrils.

But when she brought her hands down to inspect them she found no trace of blood. Cautiously she felt her head again. The pain was still there, but now she felt only unbroken flesh.

The pain reverberated behind her eyes, fading a bit and she looked groggily around, not really understanding what was happening. Once the pain had diminished a bit more she began to pick the details through the static of her mind.

Not her forehead, not her blood, not her senses. It was Jacen who had been cut. Scarred like a Yuuzhan Vong. She shuddered with the revelation.

What are they doing to you, Jacen? She wondered, and will I be next?

Jaina calmed herself with a few cleansing breaths then reached for Jacen. He was still alive, she could get that much, but more distant than the stars.

Almost as if he were fighting contact.

She shook her head and sighed as sleep once more claimed her.

******

The jeedai’s eyes had lost much of their focus: she no longer glared like a predatory beast. Instead she stared for long hours at nothing, a look of puzzlement on her face.

“She looks stunned,” Yarha noticed as they once more walked into the vivarium.

Nen Yim signaled the vivarium to become opaque to sound. “She can hear us and she knows the tongue of the gods. Even in that state she might remember anything we say. Or nothing.”

“She is being drugged?”

“Not precisely. We are altering her memories.”

Yarha nodded his head in understanding. Although he had been with this particular shaping since it had begun he wasn’t actually certain what it was they were trying to do to the jeedai. “The protocol of Qah?” he questioned.

“No,” Nen Yim answered. “Not exactly. That protocol is ineffective on her human brain. Did you not study the finding of the other jeedai?”

“Not entirely Master.”

“I will explain then, but you will study the findings for the other jeedai.” Nen Yim commanded. Yarha’s headdress showed his acceptance. “It is a simple biotic protocol in which clumps of memory neurons are introduced into a Yuuzhan Vong brain. The Jeedai’s brain is too different.”

“And yet you are modifying her memory?”

“A bit at a time. Soon we will be able to do so much more efficiently.” Nen Yim sighed and looked at Yarha. “We have setbacks, she manages to undo most of we manage to do. We do not understand yet how she does this. But we will.”

******

Jaina jumped as Jag’s comlink sounded. He looked apologetically down at her. “Colonel Fel here,” he said into the tiny transmitter.

She could hear a staticy reply and watched as Jag shook his head. He turned to her, “Doesn’t seem like you’ll get to finish this this time either. That was Uncle Wedge. He’s calling a meeting and wants both of us there.”

“But I’ve been taken off the line.” Jaina said.

“I know, but he said he still wants you there. There may be a few things you can bring into the light for us concerning the Vong.”

Jaina sighed, “All right.”

“You will finish this later. I want to know what happened to you Jaina.” Jag said as he got up off of the couch and helped her up.

She nodded her head and they both walked out of her quarters, hand in hand.

------------------------------------------------

Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : You know the drill, I don’t own ‘em, though most of the time I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Summary : Another songfic. I decided to give Jaina some breathing room on her discussions with Jag about her time with the Vong. In this chapter I look into a few peoples thoughts about Jaina since her return.

A/N : This song is by Lincoln Park…granted I couldn’t understand most of the words so I could’ve screwed up half of the lyrics. If that is the case, just ignore my screw-ups and enjoy the story. What I could understand of the song I thought it was pretty fitting on what Jaina and a few others were feeling about her return. Enjoy and review!!

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I’LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 7 : Something About Yesterday

Jaina and Jag walked arm in arm into the conference room. All heads turned toward them, all eyes landed on them. The conversations and hushed whisperings ceased immediately. Jaina smiled brilliantly at all those staring at them, which pretty much was everybody. Her grip on Jag’s arm tightened considerably.

Jag looked over at her and smiled, understanding flashed in his eyes. He put his free hand over top of hers on his arm and squeezed gently. He led her further into the conference room, smiling and nodding at various people as they passed them.

Jaina gazed around the small but comfortable room. Her eyes fell on her mother and father and she smiled at them. Leia smiled at her daughter and Han slightly inclined his head. Jaina’s eyes continued to survey the gathered crowd. She smiled at her aunt and uncle. Luke and Mara returned the smile briefly then returned to whatever it had been that they were discussing. Her eyes slipped from them and clashed with green ones narrowed in-

What?

What exactly were they narrowed in? She couldn’t really tell. She saw anger flash through their green depths swiftly. Then jealously followed by something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. She stared briefly at Kyp then looked away quickly.

She moved closer to Jag, her body pressed up against his, both of her hands wrapped tightly around his arm. She drew strength from his confidence.

Jag led her over toward a couple of empty chairs at a table near where his Uncle Wedge was sitting, unaware of the turbulent roller coaster that Jaina’s emotions were on. Wedge smiled up at them then returned to what he had been discussing with Tycho and Gavin.

Jag pulled out a chair and motioned for Jaina to sit down. She smiled up at him and sat down. Jag pushed the chair in then sat down at the chair next to her, never taking his eyes off of her. Underneath the table he took hold of her hand and squeezed it gently. She looked over at him again and smiled.

“Everyone’s attention please!” Wedge called out, standing up at his table. “Your attention please.”

For the second time since their arrival the whole room grew silent once more. All attention was turned toward Wedge as they waited for him to continue.

“You are all probably wondering why I’ve called this meeting, especially when all the debriefings haven’t been completed yet.” There were murmurs of agreement and nods of ascent to this. “We’ve had a few ideas for our next engagement against the Vong.”

Wedge touched a computer consul on the table and a strange land vehicle appeared over the tabletop. He touched another button and another vehicle appeared next to the first one.

Jag stared curiously at the two contraptions, Jaina smiled and leaned over toward him. “The second is called a snowspeeder. Us ‘Rebels’ used them in defense of our base on Hoth, against you ‘Imperials’.” Jaina’s smiled broadened at the look she received from Jag. “The first, I have no idea what that is.”

Jag just looked at her.

“The second most of you may recognize as a snowspeeder. They were used in the Battle of Hoth during the evacuation of Echo Base.” There were murmurs throughout the crowd. “The first is a variation of the snowspeeder. We’ve decided to call this an atmospheric speeder. An AO speeder for short.

“The AO speeder wasn’t changed much from the snowspeeder. Velocity has been increased as well as maneuverability. Shields were also installed and the phased lasers were added too.

“Something new to throw at the Vong. Something they won’t be expecting.”

Wedge took in the whole of the crowd, then his eyes seemed to single out Jaina and the commander of Blackmoon Squadron. “The next skirmish will take place up in space, but we’re going to allow them to think they’re winning and bring the battle here to us, once more.

“There will be some major differences between this battle and the last one brought to the biotics building.” His eyes left Jaina and the commander of the Blackmoon Squadron and surveyed the room again.

“They’ll be expecting us to retreat, and they’ll expect us to employ the ‘Hammer’ again, which we won’t.”

“No sense in using something they’re going to be expecting,” Tycho spoke up.

Wedge looked down at him and nodded. “Precisely, and that’s why we’re not going to use it again.”

“So, what exactly are we going to do Wedge?” Luke asked.

Wedge turned his gaze to look at Luke. “We’re going to do something the Vong aren’t expecting us to do.”

He had everyone’s attention, “In the next battle, both Rogue and Wild Knights Squadrons will engage the enemy up in space. Twin Suns, back under Jaina’s command, and Blackmoon Squadron will wait down here, in the AO speeders in the forests, to see what the Vong may try to throw at us.”

Jaina looked over at Jag and found that he too was looking at her. He wore the same look of surprise that she did. She didn’t know if she was really ready to take back command of the squadron yet, but it looked like Wedge thought she was. Wedge was saying something else as she leaned over toward Jag and whispered in his ear, “Sure you can handle being planet side and out of the thick of the fight for that long Flyboy?” Her breath was warm against his ear.

He just smiled over at her, his eyes sparkling with mirth. “With you as Lead, I’m sure I can handle it Great One.” The laughter was apparent in his voice, but the tone wasn’t mocking.

“I’m sure you can,” she said and her smile grew brighter. She gently squeezed as her grip on his hand tightened and she softly touched her shoulder to his and laid her head upon it.

Jag smiled and even though he knew that the whole room had to be watching them by now, he gently kissed her head.

Jaina sensed someone staring at them, staring hard at them and chose to ignore it. She knew without looking who it would be, and she didn’t want to have to deal with Kyp right now. Not when her heart was feeling as free as it was. She hadn’t felt this way in quite a while and she wanted to savor it, and she had Jag to thank for it.

She raised her head and looked up at him. Jaina found herself staring into his pale green eyes and smiled. Then she leaned over and put her lips gently against his cheek and kissed him.

They heard a cough come from the front of the room and they both turned to regard Wedge. “Well then, if the two of you are done with the public display of affection, we can get back to this meeting.” The laughter was apparent in both his eyes and voice and just below his stern exterior.

Jag blushed and looked down at the table top before him. Jaina felt like melting into her chair. “Sorry sir,” they both said at the same time.

“All right,” Wedge said, calling attention back to himself. “While the X-Wings and other starfighters deal with the frigate analogs, coralskippers and other Vong space craft, the AO Speeders will lie in wait to see if the Vong commander will attempt to insert a few of their granges and other organic mechanisms on the planet.

“Rogue and Wild Knight Squadrons will allow the enemy to break through our barriers. Allow them to punch through in a couple of areas so they don’t think we’re setting them up. Try to minimize friendly losses and maximize enemy losses.

“Twin Suns and Blackmoon Squadrons, you’re going to try a herd and entrapment maneuver on their ground forces.” He pushed a button on the tabletop to his right and the holoimages of the AO speeder and the snowspeeder disappeared and was replaced by a map of the biotics building and its surroundings. Various areas were marked on the map, four areas that if connected by diagonal lines would form a perfect diamond. At the center of the diamond was the biotics building.

“We’ve installed laser towers at various points on the roof of the building. You will lure them here as last time, but unlike last time they will have our ships, the Star Destroyers mainly, locked in combat, so they will not see the threat till it is to late.”

“We will not be able to use this tactic again.” Jaina spoke up.

Wedge smiled at her, “That is true Lt. Solo, but if it works we will be able to use deviations of it.”

Wedge turned to regard the rest of the room. “You’re dismissed while we sort through all the tactical data for this next battle and run simulations on it.” Wedge then turned from the rest of the room and began discussions with Tycho and Gavin.

******

Jag stood up and turned to look at Jaina, he bowed respectfully from the waist and offered her his hand. She smiled up at him and placed her hand into his. He pulled her up to her feet and touched his lips softly to the tip of her nose. “Shall we go?” he asked.

She nodded her head but said nothing. Jag led her toward where her parents were now talking with her aunt and uncle. Leia smiled at them as they approached. Jaina returned the smile then turned her eyes up to face Jag. “Do you mind if we stop and talk for a second?” She asked.

“Not at all,” Jag answered. He directed them over to where Leia and Han were standing with Luke and Mara. Mara turned to face her niece, a smile spreading across her face. Ben was nowhere to be seen.

“He’s taking a nap,” Mara said, as if she had read Jaina’s mind, which she possibly could have. “C3PO is watching him for the moment, so we can’t stay to long.”

Jaina nodded her head then turned her attention to her uncle. Luke was already looking at her.

“You have a question Jaina?” he asked.

“I hate when you do that!” she exclaimed as a slight tinge of red colored her cheeks. Jag looked at her curiously, Jaina refused to meet his gaze. “But yes, I do have a question, Master Skywalker.”

“What is it Jaina?”

“Did you know that General Antilles was going to put me back on active duty?”

“Yes,” was all Luke said.

Jaina just looked at her uncle. Her attention then shifted to Jag, and the poor Colonel couldn’t help but feel like he had just missed something being said without it even being said. Did that even make sense? He wondered dimly.

“Are you ready Colonel Fel?” Jaina asked, looking at Jag pointedly.

Jag’s eyes came back into focus and he looked quizzically at Jaina. “Yes, Lieutenant.” He answered. She placed her hand on his arm once more and they began to walk out of the conference room. “What are your plans for the rest of the night then, Jaina?” he asked, unsure of exactly what had occurred within the conference room. He’d missed something, and he wasn’t quite certain what. Must have been a Jedi thing, or something. He thought to himself as they walked out of the conference room and into the hallway.

“I’m not certain,” she answered. She still feared being left alone, but she couldn’t very likely ask him to stay with her yet again. If she wasn’t in her quarters with him then she could usually be found in his quarters with him, and if she wasn’t with Jag, she could usually be found with one of the other Jedi found planeside at the moment. She was always with someone, never alone.

They walked on in silence.

Outside of Jaina’s quarters, Jag looked deeply into her terror-stricken brown eyes. He wanted to stay with her, but she had to ask. He would not invite himself to spend the night with her. He kissed her gently on the forehead and pulled her close to his body. He could feel her body trembling and he longed to sooth her fears, but knew nothing he could say would ease what terrified her mind and spirit.

His lips traveled down her face to her own and they lingered there. Her arms wrapped themselves around his neck as his went around her waist, drawing her body even closer. He drew his breath in as he ended the kiss, “I have to get going Jaina, and you need to get some rest.” He said, his warm breath fanning across her cheek.

“I know,” she said against his lips.

“Goodnight,” he said. He kissed her one last time then was gone.

She looked down the way he had gone, but he was completely lost to sight. How in the hell does he move so fast? She wondered to herself. Smiling, she turned and entered her quarters.

Jaina decided to get some sleep before things started to heat up and the Vong attack. She still couldn’t believe that Wedge had put her back on active duty without even consulting her. But if he felt she was ready to go into battle again, who was she to argue?

Stripping out of her daily routine cloths, the typical fighter pilot’s gear, she slipped into something a lot more comfortable. For sleep at least. Baggy pants with a tank top usually served her for sleep, and this night would be no different. She slipped the black sweatpants on, then pulled the old gray tank top on, and sighed as she crawled onto the bed.

She pulled the covers up to her chin, snuggled down into the bed and sighed contentedly as the sweet oblivion of sleep claimed her.

She turned in her sleep, a frown crossing her otherwise peaceful expression. The dreams started once more.

I woke up in a dream today

Turning cold and decided to put my cold feet on the floor

Forgot something about yesterday

Remembering?

I’m pretending to be who I’m not anymore

She woke up, clutching at her chest, her breath coming in short, shallow gasps. Her mind worked backwards, trying to recall the dream, anything at all about the dream.

But she couldn’t remember it.

It was just shades of gray and black, nothing discernable. Nothing she could readily recognize. Though something stared out from the shadows at her. Something dark and sinister, darkness rolling off of it in waves. Two bright red eyes stared out at her, their depths burning with an intense fire. Rage boiled to the surface, and anger burned just beneath.

The room grew cold and she could actually see her breath crystallizing in front of her. Her teeth began to chatter as she felt a ghostly presence go through her. “Jag!” she screamed.

She didn’t know who the presence was, but she knew it wasn’t Anakin nor was it her Force bond with Jacen. It had felt evil and sinister. Red eyes blazed at her.

She shivered and cried out as she felt the presence come back, but the eyes did not move, they stayed in the corner. It was almost like the creature was reaching for her through the Force. Jaina grabbed her comlink from off of the nightstand and thumbed it to life. “Jag!” she called into it.

A few moments later his voice came back over it, slightly groggy. “Jaina?” he sounded just a little confused too.

“Yes Jag, can you come over? Please?”

“Give me just a second,” he said and cut the connection before she could say anything.

The red eyes blazed. They blinked and then focused on her and Jaina realized that they weren’t in her dream…they were in the room with her. She screamed as the animal lunged for her, it’s jaws dripping saliva.

******

Jag had just fallen asleep, unable to get images of Jaina out of his mind. She even invaded his dreams, he couldn’t get away from her no matter what. He had to wonder if he was as much of a plague to her as she was to him.

Sleep suddenly claimed him and visions of her greeted him just as quickly. That first actual meeting at Ithor, when he had discovered that she was also a Jedi. That had intrigued him.

Then images of their first kiss appeared, and the subsequent kisses afterwards. He’d grown to love her, he wasn’t quite certain when that had happened. The first time he had met her perhaps? Or on Hapes? Perhaps when he had first kissed her? No, he had loved her before that-

Then his comlink began to beep and he groaned as he forced himself to wakefulness. Jag looked over at the chrono on his nightstand and double blinked his eyes. It was still quite a few hours till dawn. Surely the Yuuzhan Vong wouldn’t attack this early? It would be just like them to do something like this.

“Jag!” He heard her voice call out.

“Jaina?” He asked groggily as he reached for the comlink and thumbed it to life.

“Yes Jag, can you come over? Please?” Her voice sounded panicked.

“Give me just a second,” he said and cut the connection before she could say anything. He glanced around his room and found his uniform, something told him he would need a weapon of some sort. Something was not right, that much he knew.

If it had been one of her typical nightmares, she would have just come over, she wouldn’t have comlinked him. The fact that she didn’t do that and the fear in her voice told him that something just wasn’t right in her quarters. That being the case he didn’t want to rush in there without having some form of protection. You could never tell with Jedi and he preferred not to have his head or any other part of his body taken off by a wayward lightsaber.

Just what could be happening that a fully trained Jedi Knight would feel the need to call on someone who isn’t Force sensitive? Jag didn’t know the answer to the question, but he knew he would be getting the answer soon enough.

Dressing quickly, he dashed into the hallway and hurried down the corridor to her quarters. The door didn’t budge as he approached so he began to pound on it. That resulted in nothing happening other than his hands becoming bruised. He knew if he fired his blaster at the door it would result in the security system going off and every alarm within the building sounding.

What was more important? Setting off the alarms and waking everyone within the biotics building or finding out what was wrong with Jaina? It didn’t take a genius to figure out the answer to the equation. Jaina was more important to him at the moment. He knew he would be in trouble once everything was said and done, but at least he would know Jaina was safe. He hoped.

He fired a couple of blasts at the door then at the security mechanism, and just as he had figured, the claxons began to sound. Their loud blaring echoed through the corridors, drowning out all other sounds. But he heard one sound, even above the loud shrilling of the claxons. He heard Jaina scream.

He forced the door open, not caring if something was in there attacking her or not. The only thing that he knew was that she needed him right now. He ran back toward her bedroom, the room was shrouded in darkness. He quickly called for lights, but they didn’t obey.

Fiery red eyes turned toward him and Jag stopped dead in his tracks. The creature snarled at him, saliva dripping from its bared teeth. Whiskey brown flashed amongst the angry red of the demon eyes. Jag realized something suddenly, he could see through the creature. It wasn’t really there.

It was humanoid in shape but hunched over. Hair, the same shade of brown as Jaina’s was down to what could only be called its shoulders. It had the appearance of a caged animal in the midst of panicking and Jag feared that in such a state it might attempt to tear Jaina to pieces. But it’s not really here, Jag had to keep reminding himself.

Jag turned his attention to Jaina. She was huddled on the bed, her head held between her arms, chin down to chest. Her knees were pulled up so that her chin rested against them. Tears trailed down her face, but she made no sound.

Jag walked over toward her, ignoring the creature that was snapping and snarling at him. It stayed in the corner, as if kept at bay by the fact that he knew that it wasn’t real.

He crawled onto the bed next to her and cradled her into his arms. “Jaina?” he said softly. She shuddered. “Jaina, it’s all right. It’s just me, you have nothing to fear.” She made no move to look up at him, but her hands did grab hold of his shirt, as if it were a lifeline.

Jag looked over at the feral creature. “Jaina, what exactly is that thing?” He asked. The creature eyed him wearily and snapped its jaws shut quickly, teeth clicking together. Jag reverted his attention back to Jaina, but he could still feel the creature’s intense fiery red gaze upon him.

Her eyes finally looked up at him and what he saw in them made him pause. “What I condemned Jacen to become.” She answered, her voice barely discernable.

A little taste of hypocrisy

And I’m left in the wake of the mistakes slow to react

And even though you’re so close to me

You’re still so distant

And I can’t bring you back

Jag looked down at her, but she was no longer looking up at him. Her eyes were now riveted on the creature in the corner. It was staring at her, it’s teeth bared. “Jacen…” she said softly. The creature growled at the sound of her voice and lunged. An unseen barrier held it at bay. It turned in a lazy circle, never once taking its eyes away from her.

Jag felt the room grow cold. The creature, no Jacen, stood still in the corner, his eyes closed shut in concentration. Jag looked down at Jaina and found that her eyes were riveted on her twin brother.

“What do you mean you condemned him to become? That can’t be Jacen…” The creature looked at them curiously at the mention of its name. It was as if it were trying to remember something that was just out of reach.

“I condemned him to become that thing.” Jaina said softly.

Jacen growled again, as if Jaina’s very voice were a catalyst.

“How is he here?” Jag asked, not fully understanding what was going on.

“It’s part of our Force bond…I’m not entirely sure how he’s here. Or how this image is being projected of him…I must be doing it somehow, I just haven’t figured out how. Or else its an image he’s sending to me…I don’t know. Nothing like this has ever happened before.”

Jacen growled and snarled, as if Jaina’s voice were offensive to him. “Jacen?” she said softly and let go of Jag. She reached a hand out to him, as if she were going to try and touch and him. Jacen snarled and lunged, Jaina didn’t recoil this time, and Jag watched in dismay as the creature that was Jaina’s twin brother broke through the barrier that separated him from his sister.

Jaina rolled to the side and pushed Jag off of the bed. Jacen landed moments later where the two had just been. He crouched there and regarded the two with wary eyes.

Jag heard a noise from outside in the living quarters. He saw Luke Skywalker peek his head into the bedroom then quickly duck back out. He looked over at Jaina and saw a frown cross her face. At the same time he saw one cross Jacen’s primitive looks. Then suddenly Jacen was gone, as if he had never been there to begin with.

Jag looked curiously at Jaina and felt a darkness start to swirl around in the room. At first he thought Jacen was coming back until he realized that what he was feeling was coming from Jaina. Had this strange encounter with her brother pushed her over the edge once more?

Would he be the one to pull her back this time by their love, or would Kyp be the one once more? Kyp was the one who had been through what Jaina was going through, he understood more than most what she was feeling. He’d helped her through her first time dealing with the Darkside, and had managed to bring her back. This time, if it was going to happen again, Jag hoped he’d be the one to bring her back.

******

He closed his eyes as the pain became too much and it exploded in his head. How could they possibly keep torturing him this way? How was it possible that he was still alive after all this time? Jaina had escaped, somehow she had managed to get away from this horrible place. She had tried to take him with her, but in order for one of them to get away the other needed to sacrifice themselves. He had chosen to sacrifice himself…only thing was the Vong had changed his plans for him.

Jaina…

His twin sister Jaina.

The mere thought of her brought him such pain. It echoed through his head, threatening to tear his insides apart. Jaina. White-hot searing pain lanced through him. It took his breath away and stole his breath. Jaina. He doubled over in pain until any recollection of her and what she stood for was pushed to the furthest recesses of his mind.

Only then did the pain start to recede.

He tried to remember. He wasn’t allowed. The pain wouldn’t let him.

He shoved all parts of his past life to the back of his mind and focused on what he was to become. He knew he had a twin sister, he was destined to be part of a sacred sacrifice, but his sister had turned out to be a coward and had run from her sacred duty. The Warmaster had told him this much. They were searching for her even now, except for she had taken refuge with the infidels…

The infidels…

Something about that didn’t ring true. Something wasn’t right and he couldn’t put his finger on it. He tried to pull memories up, memories that he hadn’t used in what seemed like years. The pain came back. He cried out in pain and slammed his head off of the living walls of his prison. The guards came in and restrained him, as if they were use to him acting in this manner.

“He has no regard for the truly sacred embrace of pain,” one of the guards said as they picked his limp form up off of the floor.

“He can withstand the embrace of pain more than most infidels that I have come in contact with.” The other guard said.

“He is Jeedai,” the first guard said, as if this were all the answer they should need.

“You speak heresy,” the second guard said.

“I speak the truth,” the first guard replied. “He awaits the sacrifice of twins. He is no ordinary infidel.”

“Again you speak heresy. The Warmaster would not be pleased to hear such things.”

“Then we shall quit speaking of them,” the first guard said. The two fell silent and carried the apparent unconscious ‘infidel’ to another living holding cell.

“Have they found the other Jeedai Solo?” the second guard questioned.

“Near. The Warmaster is not pleased.” His tone became low, in a conspiratal tone. “Some are saying that the gods are with the infidels.”

“Heresy again,” the other guard said.

Their grip on Jacen slackened as their voices escalated in pitch. An argument was close to starting and Jacen could sense it in the sound of their voices. He bided his time and waited for an opportunity to present itself.

“You speak heresy yourself,” the first guard was saying.

“I have done no such thing,” the second guard responded, but something in his eyes told the first guard that his accusations were correct.

“If that were true you would be going to the Warmaster right now and telling him of our conversation.” The first guard said. “You know the penalty of heresy as much as I do.”

“I do,” the second guard was saying, his grip on Jacen the loosest it had been yet. Still Jacen did not take the opportunity. Something just didn’t feel right about it.

“He is not as smart as the Warmaster credits him to be,” the first guard said.

“Why do you say that?”

“He should have attempted something by now. All of the other captive Jeedai have always tried to escape or die in battle by now. This one just remains limp, as if he truly were in an unconscious state.”

“Perhaps he really is then,” the second guard said.

“I do not believe it. He plays a child’s game with us.”

“I think you credit him with to much. He was once known as the cowardly Jeedai. He refused to fight while the rest of his brethren were dieing in battle. He was not deemed worthy until it was found out he was a twin and a group of the young Jeedai made an unsuccessful strike at the Warmaster’s worldship. He then sacrificed his life so that his twin could escape…only his younger brother was killed then too. His sister was later caught only to escape with his help.”

“You do not have the whole story complete.”

“It does not matter, I know the basis of what happened, that’s all that matters.”

“If you say so,” the second guard said, growing weary of their discussion and just wishing that the young Jeedai would try something.

“I think he is asleep,” the first guard said.

The second guard looked down and felt an unusual feeling flood his being. It was strange…relief? Relief that the Jeedai had fallen sleep and they would not have to worry about battling him? Was it even possible? The Yuuzhan Vong lived for battle, to feel relief that battle had been diverted…it was unthinkable.

“He is not worthy,” the first guard said.

“NOT WORTHY?!” Jacen screamed as he launched himself to his feet. The two guards were startled, just as he had planned. It didn’t take them long to recover from the shock though. Jacen grabbed the nearest guard by the back of his neck and threw him as hard as he could into the other guard. They collided with bone jarring force but remained standing.

“You can not defeat us,” the one guard spoke up.

“Maybe not, but I’ll take one of you with me when I go down.” Jacen responded.

“He is shedding his conditioning,” the other guard said.

“There is still a great deal that the Shapers have to learn of these Jeedai,” the first guard said.

“The girl was easier to condition,” the second guard said.

“You know this how?” The first guard asked.

“I have my ways,” the second guard responded. Indeed he did, there was much about him that his companion did not know. Much that if he did learn would most certainly earn him a quick and extremely quiet death. “Just subdue this infidel before he causes anymore damage,” he ordered.

The first guard brought his snake-like staff up and around and it connected with the back of Jacen’s head. Jacen had been to concerned with the second guard that he had lost sight of the first one, that was his first mistake, and his last.

Darkness claimed him, thick like a blanket. He felt like he was floating, submerged within the warmth of an ocean, the waters gently pulling and swaying him. He wanted to stay like that forever, not feeling anything. Total peace and oblivion.

Then a bright light invaded his vision and he could almost see through the murky depths of the ocean. The light filtered through, extremely fuzzy like, but he could make the distorted image of a young woman floating within the silent depths with him.

Her hair was just below her shoulders and an extremely dark brown. It billowed our around her head, swaying within the ebbing waters. A radiant white light silhouetted her figure, but somehow he was still able to make our her face and features. Whiskey brown eyes stared back at him, eyes so much like his it was like staring into a mirror.

Recognition shone in her eyes and a smile graced her lips. A promise of family and love radiated from her, a promise of peace and an end to pain. Her voice was like a gentle breeze on his weary soul. Jacen? He recognized her voice…it was something from his past, something he wasn’t allowed to remember. But he needed to remember it, had to remember it. There was something vitally important about who this girl was.

Jaina…?

The pain came back, blinding in its intensity.

Yes, her voice confirmed.

I know you…but how? Who are you?

Jaina Solo. I’m your twin sister Jacen, you have to remember me.

It’s true

The way I feel

What is promised by your face

The sound of your voice

Taking up my memories

Even if you’re not with me

Everything

You, now I see

Keeping everything inside

You, now I see

Even when I close my eyes

Jaina Solo? That name sounds so familiar…the pain increased. He thought he was going to pass out from it. The world began to dim once more and the water became murky again. Her face appeared before him and she smiled up at him.

Her voice echoed through him mind, and as he closed his eyes, trying to will away the pain, her face showed up against his closed eyelids. Her voice was soft and pleading as she spoke within his mind.

Don’t worry, we’ll get you back somehow. I’m sorry I condemned you to this. If I had known this is what would happen, I would have stayed myself.

No, Jag needed you…he stopped in mid-thought. Who is Jag? The name had popped in his head and he had no idea who the person was. She did though, and it was someone very dear to her, someone she cared about greatly. The Shapers would get this information from him and use it against her. His body shuddered as this thought worked its way through his mind.

You’ll find out my brother dearest, she answered.

He closed his eyes…or were they already closed? He didn’t even know, he wasn’t even sure if he was awake or unconscious. He’d fought against someone, he could recall that much…but not much more. His memory wasn’t his own anymore. He wasn’t even sure half of the time what part of his memory was his own or manufactured by the infidels…or was it the Yuuzhan Vong? He wasn’t sure most of the time of who he was…Jacen Solo or some Yuuzhan Vong named Jyliuas Carr. Silent oblivion claimed his as he questioned his identity for what probably was the thousandth time.

******

He wasn’t quite certain what his feelings were on her return. Of coarse he was happy that she was back, but she was back and she was with Jag. He wasn’t really sure what he felt for her…love? No, he really didn’t think so. Then again, he had never been in love before so he couldn’t be sure what it felt like. Gratitude? Possibly, he was grateful for all that her father had done for him. It was possible that he was transferring that gratitude to her instead of her father. Please the daughter and please the father, right? Kyp wasn’t too sure about that, but there was a certain logic behind the thinking.

Lust? Maybe, he did find her attractive. Very attractive, but he knew that her interests lay elsewhere, with someone else.

Kyp wasn’t certain about anything, not at that moment in time at least. They had been growing closer since her dangerous trip to the Darkside, but once she had rebounded from that dangerous detour, it was Jag she found herself with. She had kept herself distanced from Kyp and spent a lot of time with the Chiss raised pilot.

Did he feel jealousy?

He wasn’t even certain of the answer to that question. He knew he experienced a sense of anger when he would see the two of them together, which seemed to be most of the time. He’d felt tremors in the Force, usually from Jaina after experiencing one of her many nightmares, and it was always Jag that she went in search of for comfort.

But he had been the one to help her back from her trials with the Darkside…he’d been the one to stand beside her when the rest of the universe had wanted to turn its back. It was him, not Jag, who had supported her during her moment of weakness…but then again she had been pushing everyone away. It was only during a lightsaber duel that he had managed to get through to her, somewhat…

…He’d stopped dead at the click and hum unique to the traditional JedI weapon. He’d slowly turned to face her, hands raised in a placating gesture. “I don’t want to fight you,” he’d told Jaina.

Her only answer had been to raise her violet blade up toward his throat. “You’d change your mind if the stakes were high enough,” she’d barely snarled. Her sense was turbulent and he knew it was bad if he was sensing that through the barriers and shields she had put up around herself.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You wouldn’t kill me even if you could,” he’d responded, trying to talk some sort of sense into her.

“The idea isn’t without certain appeal, but it’s not what I had in mind. If I win, you fly the rest of this battle under my command. If you win, I’m yours. No more holding out, no more games. I’ll keep the channels open, act like a real apprentice.” She had no idea how those words had effected him…no idea how he had wished to hear those words from her, but with a different meaning behind them. I’m yours…the words still echoed in his mind, even after all this time. And they still had the same effect on him.

He had just looked at her for a split second, weighing her words. “Done.” He finally said.

His lightsaber leapt from his belt, flipped in midair, and slapped down into his hand. The glowing blade hissed toward her. Jaina had vaulted above his attack and flipped up over his head. He’d rolled aside to avoid any possible slashing counter and came up in a crouch.

Jaina had backed down the stairs, her eyes never wavering from him. Her weapon held up at high guard. He’d advanced, then darted forward with a quick feinting lunge.

She had anticipated his move and leaned away from it, then quickly changed directions and lunged for him, her are sweeping up into a rising parry that threw his lightsaber out wide. Her wrist twisted deftly to disengage the shining and spitting blades, and then she leapt straight up.

He’d somersaulted down the stairs, turned and came up with his lightsaber held high and ready. He looked for her and watched as she dropped to the floor beside him and delivered two quick testing jabs. He’d parried both. They drew apart and circled one another. Jaina eyed him as he watched her wearily, watching for any sign as to what her next move might be. The exchanging of blows became less tentative with each strike.

Jaina’s confident and cocky smile began to falter with each passing second. “I’m not going to let you stop this next flight,” she had said coldly and he wondered dimly if she had said it in an attempt to throw off his concentration.

She whirled away from his high, slashing attack and caught his weapon in an overhead parry. A quick twist brought her around to face him. He disengaged and stepped back. “Who said I wanted to stop the mission? I want to fly it.”

She had blinked, surprise quickly flitting across her face. His comment had had the desired effect on her. “You do?” She had asked.

“If the mission is that important, I’ll go myself.”

“Forget it. The JedI are to few and too valuable to risk.” He could sense her thoughts returning to the fates of her two brothers and the guilt she still carried around about their deaths. He couldn’t make her understand that it wasn’t her fault, no one could.

“I know,” he’d agreed, “and that’s precisely why I need to go.”

She had stepped back, still in guard position as if she were expecting this to be some sort of trick. She eyed him wearily.

“Let’s just say I’m taking my responsibilities seriously. I don’t want my apprentice to make some of the same mistakes I made.”

Her lightsaber had flashed forward, forcing him to parry. “What apprentice? You haven’t beaten me yet.” She said coldly, her eyes flashing.

“I will,” he had replied with a cocky smile. “And we both know it. We also know how difficult expectations can be. You’ve got to live up to you famous parents, which in some ways is even more difficult than living down a monumental failure.”

Anger swept off of her in waves, “You can’t compare our situations.”

“We both lost brothers.”

“And maybe hitting the Yuuzhan Vong hard will give some meaning to my brothers’ deaths.” She replied between gritted teeth.

“I tried to avenge my brother,” Kyp had reminded her. “And I ended up killing him. Your mother thinks Jacen’s still alive. What if she’s right?”

Jaina lowered her lightsaber and her face was a study of stunned fury. Kyp expected all hell to break loose any moment. He shifted is weight to the balls of his feet, gaining balance in preparation for the attack he knew was to come.

But Jaina had surprised him when she suddenly switcher her weapon off. “You want the mission? Take it. But you’d better survive it. We’re not finished here. Not by a long shot.”

Then she had stormed out of the docking bay, leaving him staring thoughtfully after her. From the corner of his eye he caught sight of Jag suddenly racing off after her…

I hit you and you hit me back

We fall to the floor

The rest of the day stands still

Fine line between this and that

When things go wrong

I pretend that the past isn’t real

I’m trapped in this memory

I’m left in the wake of the mistakes slow to react

He still wasn’t sure…was still so confused. But it didn’t matter anyhow. She had made her choice and he wasn’t her choice. He really didn’t have anything against Jagged Fel…far from it. He respected the young colonel. Both as a person and as a pilot. There were not many that could out fly the young man…then again there weren’t many that would be able to out fly Jaina once she was at her peek. She would make one hell of a pilot one day.

Kyp sighed to himself and decide it was time to contemplate other things besides Jaina Solo. Why dwell on things you can’t have after all? There was no use in it and it was a waste of energy. And right now they couldn’t afford to waste any form of energy. Not with the Vong lurking out there somewhere.

******

Jag looked down at the sleeping beauty in his arms, she was finally asleep. And it was a peaceful sleep. She sighed then turned in his arms. Her head was resting upon his lap, his back was leaning up against the headboard of his bed. He looked around his quarters, contemplating how she had once more came to be sleeping in his room. Not that he was complaining.

He had pretty much decimated the door to her quarters and it wouldn’t be able to be fixed till later that day. Of coarse her parents had wanted her to come and stay with them for the remainder of the night/early morning. Jaina had declined the invitation, so then her Uncle Luke had offered for her to stay with him and Mara. Mara had said she had a better idea.

Why don’t she stay with Jag?

The calmness behind her voice had shocked him, but her suggestion had floored everyone there. Han had started to stutter, his face turning an interesting shade of red. Leia had been shocked speechless and Luke just looked at his wife as if a thought had just occurred to him. Mara had just smiled innocently.

“I’m sure the colonel wouldn’t mind,” she had said. “After all, it isn’t exactly a secret that they’re seeing each other or anything.” She had said it so matter of a factly, and it suddenly occurred to Jag that she was right. They weren’t hiding their relationship or anything, but still to have her actually sleeping in his quarters? And not because she had come over due to a nightmare, would he be able to handle that?

“If I become a grandfather to soon, there is going to be hell to pay!” Han had said, his steely gaze leveling on Jaina and Jag.

Luke and Mara had erupted into laughter at the stunned expressions that Jaina and Jag suddenly wore. “Sir…I really…I mean…” Jag had started to sputter, at a loss for words.

“Dad, really! Not everyone is like you.” Han turned to look his daughter straight in the eyes.

“And what do you mean by that young lady?” Han said quietly.

“Nothing really,” she said quickly, realizing she had inadvertently stepped over one of the elusive lines that everyone talks about. The vapin things keep movin!

“I think it’s a good idea,” Leia suddenly spoke up and Jaina gave her a grateful smile.

“What? Having grandkids suddenly?” Han asked, turning his hot-tempered look on his wife.

“No, not that. Least, not yet anyhow.” She smiled patiently at her husband. “No, I think Jaina staying with Jag would be a good idea. I don’t know who I would trust most with my daughter’s life other than him.”

“Fine, it’s settled then,” Jaina spoke up, quickly putting an end to the discussion.

“This isn’t settled by a long shot,” Han said. Jaina just smiled at him and grabbed Jag’s hand as she literally drug him from her family, silently thanking her Aunt Mara for the idea.

Jaina sighed in her sleep and Jag returned his attention back down to her. She burrowed further down into his embrace, her face nestling against his stomach as one of her arms snaked its way behind his back. He gently laid a hand on her head and softly stroked her hair. A smile graced her face and her other hand came up to grip his. “I thought you were asleep,” he said down to her.

“Almost,” she replied then sat up so that she was facing him.

A rush of cold air came in to claim where her warm body had been only moments before. His body straightened up as he regarded her. “You all right?” he asked.

“Honestly?” He nodded his head. “No,” she answered.

He just looked at her, knowing that if she wanted to talk about it, she would. She sighed then crawled further up on the bed so that she was sitting next to him. She settled down next to him and leaned her head against his shoulder. He put his arm around her and pulled her even closer. “Jag, I’m just scared…I mean, you seen him.” Her voice dropped off.

He just nodded his head.

“Is that what they were going to try and do to me? Were they going to try and turn me into something like that too?”

“Don’t think about it.” Jag said.

“How can I not?” She said shrilly. “That was my own brother…that thing is my twin Jag!” The tears started to flow down her cheeks once more and Jag gathered her into his arms and held her close to his heart. “What if we can’t undo what they’ve done to him? What if we’ve truly lost him? How can I live with that?”

“Jaina, it’s not your fault.”

“It is! I condemned him to become that thing. If I hadn’t escaped or if I had taken him with me this may have never even happened.”

“Then you both might be dead, or worse. You both could be that thing.” Jag kissed the top of her head. “I don’t want to loose you Jaina. You mean to much to me.”

“Jag?”

He looked down at her, “Yes?”

Her lips came up to meet his and he was kissing her like there would be no tomorrow. Her arms came up to wrap themselves around his neck. “I love you,” she said softly against his lips.

“And I love you.” He responded. Then his lips descended down upon hers once more and all coherent thought flew out the door like an X-Wing taking flight. A warmth engulfed them and it felt like a thousand suns suddenly going nova.

So even though you’re close to me

You’re still so distant

And I can’t bring you back

It’s true

The way I feel

What is promised by your face

The sound of your voice

Taking up my memories

Even if you’re not with me

Everything

You, now I see

Keeping everything inside

You, now I see

Even when I close my eyes

Jaina looked over at Jag, he was asleep. He was curled around her, his arm thrown over her waist. His face was buried in her hair and he pulled her closer as he felt her stir. He nuzzled her neck and kissed her gently. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.” she said.

“Alright, I’m a light sleeper.” He responded.

“I know,” she laughed.

He just smiled. “So, how you feeling?”

“Better,” she said.

“Good.” He propped his head up on his hand and smiled down at her. She was so beautiful, even with her hair all messed up. Her skin had a certain glow to it that never ceased to amaze him. He loved her more than he had ever thought possible and that love grew with each passing day. He didn’t know what he would do without her.

“Credit for your thoughts,” she said as she smiled up at him.

“Just thinking how beautiful you are,” he answered and surprised her with his straightforward answer. Hell, he even surprised himself. It amazed him at how she drew him out like no one else had ever been able too.

“Thank you,” she said, feeling just a little bashful. She wasn’t use to someone complimenting her. She had never really thought about her looks.

A frown creased her forehead as her face took on a look of total concentration.

“Jaina, are you alright?” Jag asked.

No matter how far we’ve come

I can’t wait to see tomorrow

No matter how far we’ve come

I can’t wait to see tomorrow

It flashed before her eyes, brilliant and never-ending. Light twisting in all directions and no direction all at once. Images coalesced then exploded. She saw pictures of her family, her mother and father, her brother Jacen, her aunt and uncle and her little cousin Ben.

It was like waves upon the ocean, cresting and ebbing. She could momentarily focus on one picture only to have it disappear beneath the surface and be replaced by another. She saw the end of the war…the return of her brother Jacen. The birth of a child…whose child was it anyway?

She saw grief and sadness…hope and gladness. Anger and despair, they were there too.

Then something materialized before her eyes that made her hold her breath and bite back the scream that she knew was forthcoming. Her heart broke into a thousand pieces as she witnessed the grief that would be inflicted upon the galaxy…

Jaina opened her eyes and stared up at Jag. Worry was written across his face. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest and allowed the tears to flow.