D-TV Presents 7-23-05

XAW’s

Monday Massacre!!!!







‘Head like a Hole’ by NIN kicks this one off and it promises to be another great edition of Massacre!!! Pyro’s ever explosive, light the arena. I hope for everyone’s sake they have fire extinguisher’s up there somewhere, cause one of these days they’re going to immolate somebody!!!

Here comes H and O singing out the boss Lady and where getting this one on the road early folks! YRT throws the mic to Ms. Styles and quickly heads back to his booth. That doesn’t look good.

“If this isn’t the greatest Federation on the planet, I would be hard pressed to tell you what is!!!”

Man!!! The crowd is stomping now chanting XAW! XAW! XAW!!!!!!

“So tonight it looks like I’ve put together another great card and it also appears that some of our resident ‘moaners’ have ceased for now. Before we get to the first match, I have a VERY special announcement to make.”

“This Thursday, one of our own has agreed to lend out his estate for a one time event. You know him, you Love him, the Blood God, VLAD…” She’s smiling, waiting for the cheers to simmer “has agreed to host a royal rumble of sorts at his castle. From what I understand he has an armory on site amongst other things, so this should be a historic event worthy of a Thrashing.”

“Now, this is for anyone who wants in and if you do, please make your intentions clear this week. Anyone who does not show interest will not be invited to this exclusive event.”

“As in all rumbles, there can only be one winner. However, in this event the winner may challenge for ANY title regardless of their current rank. Does that whet any appetites????”

The crowd is on their feet cheering and lord only knows how the wrestler’s must feel about this!!! They must be ecstatic folks! I mean Street Dawg could possibly be challenging the Heavyweight Champ next PPV!!! This is going to be a blast! Once again, Styles has shown a genius above all!

“Again, for our slower residents, If you want in, make your intentions known, otherwise, you can watch from the pub across the street. Without further delay,” Ashley looks to toss the Mic but YRT is nowhere to be found. She shrugs, lifts her arm high and once again the crowd is going ballistic!

Ok folks, first to the ring, no? ALRIGHT!!!!

Back in the sound booth YRT is showing GQ things very quickly and doing some sort of weird butt-clenching maneuver.

“So, all the song numbers are on this piece of paper. Just plug in the numbers on the keyboard, hit enter and the wrestler is introduced. DO NOT touch any of the other buttons until I get back. They set off the floor display. Understand?”

GQ nods and looks over the sheet taped to the table. “Seems pretty easy.”

“Good, cause I’m going to be gone for a WHILE!” and with that, YRT grabs he newest edition of ‘Wired’ and head off to the men’s room.

“Ok. Songs on the list. Pretty straightforward. Any idiot can do this.” GQ cracks his knuckles and sits back waiting for anything to happen.



Looks like we’re in the back halls again and the libertine Regime walks in, again en masse and Mangler looks at the door.

“Paisley? That @SSHOLE!!! Why does Ultimatum insist on messing with me?”

“Here.” Leary hands Mangler his freshly lit, ‘no worries’ blunt.

“Don’t Mind if I do.” And with that the LR boys head in.



Meanwhile, In Lady Styles’ office, it appears Johnny has made himself at home. Ashley walks in to find Johnny sitting in her chair, smoking one of her cigars and he has his feet up on her desk. He’s even wearing her slippers!

Ashley nods, looks bemused and takes a seat on the opposite side of the desk. She leans in close, as if waiting for an explanation.

Johnny puffs on the Hemmingway and gently shoots a plume of smoke toward the ceiling. ‘I knocked but no one answered, so I made myself at home. I am sure you don't mind. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Doctor Johnny Killa.”

Ashley presents her hand downward and Johnny scoops it for a gently shake. ‘It’s my pleasure Mr. Killa.’

Johnny releases his grip. “Don't you be forgettin' that doctor part now. I am indeed your biggest star here in the XAW. Hall of Famer, Actor of stage and screen, Nobel laureate in nuclear physics, Billboard top ten artist, and Pope. Well, I just wanted to say sorry in advance about how the Leary versus Rayvon match is going to break down. Cigar?” The NERVE!!! Johnny reaches into boss Lady’s own humidor and offers her one of her cigars!!

Ashley takes what is offered and snips the cap. Johnny leans back with his hands behind his head watching this new pawn in his little game with quiet a bit of amusement. Ashley pulls out a gold plated butane lighter and fires up her smoke.

“Johnny, I must say it is a pleasure to finally meet you. I have heard an awful lot about you and most of it has not been good, but the competition never has favorable views, do they doctor?” Johnny merely nods to placate her.

“You really have lived an impressive life, have you not? All of your accomplishments and accolades must bring you a tremendous amount of pride good doctor. But I think you might have forgotten a couple accomplishments. One would be the PhD. You have acquired in strategy.”

Johnny’s laughing now. “That goes without saying sweet cheeks.”

“Of course sir. The only thing I do not understand with all of your brilliance and all of your cunning, why you would think that a woman of my stature would give a whit about what you would do in the Leary versus Rayvon match. I would like to think that a person of your intellect or perhaps it is all honorary and self proclaimed, would not underestimate mine. It is all but written all over your face in your promos that you have ill-begotten feelings for this man, perhaps both, and would be making your presence know. The only thing you could possibly do to that match would be to make it more interesting than it would already have been, so by design, I win Mr. Killa.”

Johnny doesn’t look too happy anymore. “That’s Doctor Killa. And you were saying there was another accomplishment?”

“Correct Doctor. Two accomplishments you forgot to mention. The second one you forgot to mention was not one you actually achieved, but rather one that I did. Frankly, I am disappointed that you think, like everyone else, that this is still the same old XAW. It is not. You have been rude, calculating in your actions in my office and you do not even congratulate or acknowledge my very own achievement.”

Johnny’s smoking and smiling while listening to all this. Everyone knows Johnny could care less because he’s always the man with the plan. He looks down at his fingernails and says “How very astute of you Ms. Styles. If that’s all I should probably…”

“No Doctor, that is not all. Would you like to know the one thing I have that you do not?”

“Sure toots. Humor me.”

Lady Styles produces a small remote. Johnny smiles, until Ashley pushes the button. The chair Johnny is sitting in unlatches its support and folds back to the ground and Johnny gets dumped through a trap door in the floor!!!! We hear a faint ‘I’ll get youuuu Laaaaaaaadyyyyyyyy’ before the hatch closes. Ashley pushes the button on the remote again and the chair rights itself and the floor panel locks. The Boss Lady takes her rightful place behind the chair, kicks up her feet and puffs away smiling. ‘AH! I love that feature.’



Back to the….booth apparently. GQ looks like he’s about to cue up Street DAWGS music when HE SPILLS HIS COFFEE!!!!! That’s the first rule of Techie’s!!! You need to lid it or rid it GQ! Sparks are flying everywhere and. AH CRAP!!!! We just lost lights! Do we, yes, it seems I still have sound, but the stadium has gone dark. Come on GQ DO SOMETHING!!!! This is, HEY!!! Who’s that!? Get your, HEY!!!! SOMEONE JUST STOL MY WALLET!!!!! SECURITY!!!!!! YRT seems to be talking to GQ by way of those new fangled phones.



Beep – WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT THERE GENE!?



Beep – Um, I sort of spilled my coffee.



Beep – Well, you’re sort of a clumsy idiot aren’t you? I knew this was a bad idea!



Beep – WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?



Beep – I’m in the friggin JOHN!!!! Late night of drinking capped off by White Castle.



Beep – Don’t yell at me! I have no idea what I’m doing and you should know better!



Beep – If that idiot Javex can run that board, I would’ve thought you could too, but apparently the only thing you two imbeciles have in common is breaking things. Now, there’s a breaker behind you under light that should now be red.



Beep – Got it.



Beep – Well switch it on! It’s a bypass I had installed especially for occasions where people like you blow out the main circuitry.



Beep – Got it!



WE’VE GOT LIGHTS, BUT I DON’T HAVE A WALLET!!!!! WHAT IS GOOOOOOOIIIIINNNNNG OOOOOOOOOOOON?????????????



Someone from the Aborigine announce table comes over and slaps A-Bob.



Thanks guy! I needed that. Sorry about that folks! Looks like we’re off to the races!!!



GQ’s wiping up the coffee and he looks at the list. No good. The ink is smeared all over it and he can barely make anything out. He punches in three digits and looks like we’re finally kicking this off with Street DAWG!!! Does anyone remember when the show used to start in a timely fashion? Me neither.



Waiting for Street Dawg to get to ramp ‘I Like Chinese’ by Monty Python is what appears to be sending him to the ring tonight. Sing a verse wouldja’? I like Chinese; they only come up to your kneeeeeeees. I digress.



What’s this??? Lady Styles is back out here and she’s signaling for a mic! GQ grunts and rushes out of the booth and hands her one.



“Thank you Gene. I am sorry to inform you all that Street Dog, or Dawg is it? Street Dawg versus Venom will not be held tonight. Unfortunately they picked a match that is more suited for Thrashing and as much as I would like a match I slated to appear, it would seem that the farm you boys are at was not specified, therefore, we have no shooting location. Maybe it is because I am new, but I do not fully understand the point of a match like this even though I would like to see Venom and Street go at it again. I will give you boys the option, though. You are both welcome to the Rumble at Vlad’s castle for Thursday and if you would like your rematch for next Monday, my door is always open.”



“Pick a sensible match boys. Cage, Hardcore, maybe even barbed wire is acceptable. If you want an inferno match, you should do it in the arena where we can monitor your activities. Let me know, but for tonight…”



Street Dawg v. Venom – NO MATCH.



Back to it!!



Dean Martin’s ‘That’s Amore’ filters through the PA and Assassin is at the top of the ramp. Woulnd’cha know it? GQ accidentally mashes the wrong button and a swath of flame is sent up the Ass Man’s back!!!! Assassin is yelping and swatting at himself. Sugar comes out and throws a fire blanket on him and rolls him down the ramp to extinguish him.

Sugar’s got Assman wrapped in that blanket ringside and he’s just going to work!!! He’s taking his time, methodically booting Assassin beneath the blanket and now the ref is getting a little impatient. Sugar nods, drops a BIG elbow into the heap and hops into the ring. That’s The BELL!!!!



Assassin V. Sugar Stevens



Sugar’s leaning on the ropes, waiting for Assassin to untangle himself. Did you ever throw a blanket over a puppy and watch it wriggle out? Well, that’s the predicament Ass Man is in right now and it’s even more serious because the ref has grown real tired of this and started a count! He’ up to five when Ass Man finally pops his head out and reaches up for the rope. Once he rights himself, Sugar grabs his head and starts helping him into the ring!

Ass Man is on the outside and Sugar’s throwing some forearms over at Ass Man’s face! He grabs Ass and looks like he’s going to suplex him over No!!! Ass Man knees Sugar in the stomach and hops over the ropes, slides down Sug’s back and starts pulling at his legs, trying to make Stevens drop into the pin!!!! Sugar’s waving his arms trying to get some semblance of balance and he gets his left hand on the ropes and sends his right fist down SMACKING INTO ASSMAN’S NOGGIN!!!!!!!!!!

Sugar walks to the other side of the ring and throws his arms up to a cacophony of cheers. WHY ARE THEY CHEERING!? I don’t understand these people. Wrestling crowds must be the most fickle fans aw come on? I have to digress a third time already? FINE!

Ass Man looks like he’s getting his senses back and Sugar appears to be finished milking the crowd. Sugar walks back over and grabs the Ass Man’s head only to absorb a low blow right to SUGAR DADDY!!!!! Sugar falls to one knee and Assassin capitalizes quickly sending a drop kick at Sugars face!!! Sugar falls back and now the Ass Man is planting some boots. Sugar struggles to get up, but the Ass Man keeps kicking him back to the ground. Finally Assassin grabs Sugar by the hair and look how well it’s grown back after the depilatory incident! He drags Sugar over to the turnbuckle and he hits the Spring Board DDT!!!! Sugar is down clutching his noodle and Assassin Isn’t finished yet!!! He heads to the top rope and waits for Sugar to find his feet. Sugar slowly gets up and he’s staggering, looking for the Ass man and as soon as he turns Assassin flies and POINT BLANK!!!!! Assassin Hits and Launches Sug back into the opposite turnbuckle!!!



Sugar isn’t looking too good here folks and Ass man is scratching his feet behind him like a little bull. Sugar slowly grabs the ropes for support as he pulls himself out of the corner. Sug still looks shaky from that last hit and Ass man goes in and GORE!!!!! GORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



ASS MAN HAS JUST GORED THE STEEL POST!!!!!!!!

Sugar lurches out of the way at the last second and Assassin hits the pole with full force. Ass man slumps back and he’s clutching his right collarbone! I hope he didn’t break that thing!

Sugar’s back in the driver’s seat here and he picks up the Ass Man, he sets him up for the Perfection and ONE!!!!! He rolls Assassin for TWO!!!!!! Sug rolls him and hoists again for THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Assassin is in some serious pain here! He’s still clutching his right shoulder area and now Sug has his wits back. He picks Ass Man up, hoists him high in the air for a press slam and NO!!!! Sugar lets the body drop onto his shoulder and hits Ass man with a SHOULDER BREAKER!!!!!! Sugar works hard, but he gets himself to two feet again and he drops ASSMAN ONTO HIS KNEE A SECOND TIME!!!! If that thing wasn’t broken before that knee might’ve made it so!!!! Sugar releases and drops Ass to the mat. Assassin is down and he doesn’t look like he’s getting back up! He’s holding onto that shoulder with his left hand and he’s thrashing his feet like a madman, just slamming them into the mat!

Sugar’s about had enough of this match it seems as he picks Assman back up for the kill! Assassin is just wobbling there and SUGAR KICK!!!!!!! SUGAR KICK!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Ass Man ducked it!!!! WAIT!!! HE DIDN’T DUCK IT!!!! He’s just fallen to the ground!!!! Sugar goes in again and grabs Ass man by his right arm and drags him to the center of the ring! Sug flips the Ass Man over so he’s ass up and sits on Assassin’s upper back! Sugar grabs Ass Man’s right arm and just wrenches it back!!!! He’s pulling the arm closer and closer to himself and as each centimeter is given away, Assassin painful cries are growing louder!!! Assassin is tapping furiously and that’s It people!!! The ref is calling for the bell, but Sugar’s still pulling that arm!!! The ref is trying to get Sugar off, but Sugar let’s go in his own time and gets up laughing at his ‘competition’.



WINNER OF THE MATCH – SUGAR STEVENS!!!!!!

While the paramedics are checking in on the Ass Man, let’s see if we can’t find something interesting going on elsewhere in the building.

AH!!! Here we are! Now, all of you understand that the halls of the XAW are extremely dangerous. This is just one of the examples why. Ulti is walking towards RoM’s locker room and Razor pops out holding his newly acquired belt. Razor gets face to face with the big man and spits on him!!!

“I meant what I said you big retard. You WERE the champ, emphasis on the past tense. You want more? Come and get me anytime you want and I’ll show you why I AM the champ and you’re a has been. Now, get the f#ck out of my way!” Razor goes to push Ulti to the side, but Ulti doesn’t budge!!!! Razor takes a step back and slams his shoulder into Ulti’s chest trying to get the behemoth to move, but he only takes a tiny step back!!!

Razor is getting frustrated and Ulti shoulder blocks the Raider onto the floor!!! Ulti’s got him up and drags him into the RoM Locker room!!!! There’s a glass coffee table with steel lining in the middle of the room and Ulti grabs Razor by the throat! OH MY GOD!!!! Razor’s struggling, but Ulti gets him up and END GAME!!!! ENDGAME and there’s glass and twisted metal everywhere!!!!!!

“You have that to look forward to Razor. You will have no rest with that belt. When I want it back I’ll take it from you. Until then, know that you are never safe from me or anyone else who wants to take that from you.” Ulti’s about to walk out, but then the big man decides to return the favor of spittle and drops a loogie on Razor’s head!



Looks like we finally have another match to get to people!



Vlad is at the top of the ramp waiting to see what’s going to bring him down. “C Is for Cookie” by Cookie Monster plays and even Vlad has to laugh at this. Why YRT would even have this in his song inventory is beyond me!!!!



Beep – What the h3ll is going on out there Gene!!!!!!



Beep – When I spilled the coffee I smudged the song list! You want me to just say Vlaaaaaaad COME ON DOWN!!!!!????



Beep – It would be better than ‘C Is for COOKIE!’



Beep – Well, get back here then!!! What’s taking you so long anyway!?



Beep – I’m finishing up now. That White Castle just wrecked me! Never eat a Crave Case by yourself! Uh oh….



Beep – What, Uh Oh!?



Around this time a low rumbling that one can only assume is emanating from YRT’s stomach is the predecessor of a monstrous, juicy excretion.

Beep – Strike that! Gotta go! Do your best!!!!!!!

An Explosion of water! COME ON!!!!! Take your hand off the button Techster!!!!



Vlad’s in the ring bouncing back and forth and Drama appears at the top of the ramp. ‘My ding-a-ling’ by the ever loved Chuck Berry introduces our resident self-made billionaire. Drama cracks his neck and springs to the ring before Chuck berry gets to play with his ding-a-ling-a-ling. Drama’s in and to his feet and that’s the bell!

Vlad v. Drama



Both men eye each other warily. It’s almost a flashback to the match Drama was in last week. Both men sizing each other up, remembering the last time they were in the ring together and remembering how worthy of an adversary the other was.

They finally lock up and the D man starts delivering knees into Vlad’s stomach! Vlad pushes off, but Drama’s not letting up and he walks right into a dropkick!!! Vlad kicks the Billionaire in the grill and he does NOT look happy! Drama wipes his nose and charges Vlad as he stands! Drama grabs him around the waist, picks him up and slams the Dhampir’s back into the top turnbuckle! He’s going for those signature knife edge chops now!!! WHooooo!!! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man alive!!! If Vlad wasn’t wearing a shirt you’d probably see billionaire hand prints tattooed on his chest!!! Drama lets up and grabs Vlad’s arm, pulling him out of the corner and sends him flying into the opposite corner! Vlad hits hard and bounces back into the Drama’s waiting arms and OH MY GOD!!! STANDING OVATION! STANDING OVATION!!!!!!! Drama hits it and Vlad is down!!! Drama covers.



1……………







2…………………………………







Vlad gets his foot on the rope and the ref breaks the hold. Drama pulls him up and sets the Dhampir up for the Dramatic Pause!!! He’s got it locked in and goes for the big finish!!!! He slides and NO!!! Another quick move puts the challenger in trouble! Drama slides out of the ring and lands flat on his back!!! Vlad slowly gets to his feet, while the D-Man shakes off the cobwebs below. Vlad’s up on the top rope now, Drama spins, and FLY BY NIGHT!!!! DRAMA GOES DOWN!!! Drama practically catches the Dhampir it was so well executed, but the billionaire takes the brunt of the move, slamming hard on the concrete! Vlad picks him up and drags him over to the steel stairs! He slams Drama’s face down on it once! TWICE!!!!!! THRI, NOOO!!! Drama locks his arms over the top step and Vlad tries again, but Drama’s not letting it happen! The D man slings an elbow back into Vlad’s gut, then grabbing the Dhampir’s collar slams Vlad’s Head into the top Stair!!! He’s Got TWO!!!! The ref’s count is up to 7 so Drama slides back into the ring. He stands and wipes the stream of blood off of his forehead. The ref is closing in on a slooooooow nine and Vlad gets onto the apron. He gets one leg in and Drama hurtles towards him and shoulder blocks Vlad back to the floor! Vlad hits hard and he’s in trouble again!

Drama gets out and goes to work. He hits a hard knee drop to the dhampir’s head. He pulls Vlad up and sends him back into the ring. Vlad’s in a bad way here and Drama just wants to get back out to his hot tub. Drama slides back in and picks up Vlad and STOCKS AND BOMBS!!! Vlad is down, but Drama’s not finished yet! Drama pulls Vlad to the middle of the ring and then heads for the top rope. D raises his arm to the sky and the fans go nuts!!!! Vlad might be hosting an event, but this man did it first and I don’t know if that’s got him pumped for the win, but he’s got fire in his eyes! He’s soaked in enough of the crowd’s energy and The Drama takes flight.

So has anyone, right, BACK TO IT!!!! CURTAIN CALL!!!! VLAD MOVES!!! OH MY GOD!!!! I don’t know where Vlad pulled that from but it must’ve been from the pit of Hades!!!! He was a second away from being driven through the mat and now the Drama is in some serious pain!!! He hit hard with those elbows and the A-Bob is praying nothing got dislocated! Vlad slow, VERY slow to his feet and the D man is still kicking in pain. Vlad hoists Drama to his feet, kicks him in the stomach to loosen him up and IMPALER!!! Vlad hits the Impaler!!! He hoists Drama up again and the D man is a little wobbly now. He hoists him again and hits the Sit-down Piledriver! He covers!!!





1…………





2…………………………………….





3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



SHOULDER UP!!! Drama got his shoulder up!!!! Vlad slaps the mat and hoists Drama’s leg to wrap him better.



1……………………



2……………………………………………..



Kickout!!!!!!!!!



Vlad slams the mat again!!!! These guys have gone through a lot here tonight and neither one will give in under the pain!!! Vlad hoists Drama up for what he’s hoping will be the last time. Vlad pulls his hand back and MANDIBLE CLAW!!!!!! He’s got it locked in and the D-Man is shaking his head!!!! WHO KNOWS WHERE THAT HAND HAS BEEN!!!!!!! Vlad is slowly pushing Drama down and Drama falls into a Monkey FLIP!!!! Vlad, letting go, gets flipped across the ring!!!! Vlad lands hard on the back of his neck and the Drama crawls over. Vlad goes to get up, but Drama gets to his knees and drops an elbow to Vlad’s forehead! Drama drops another!! He goes for the pin and the ref counts!!! 1…………..



Drama’s bracing himself on the ropes!!!!!



2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Vlad is struggling to get a shoulder out, but the D Man gets his legs to the second teir of rope and the leverage proves to much!





3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



WINNER OF THE MATCH – DRAMA!!!!!!!



Drama rolls off of Vlad quickly and heads to the back. He’s laughing and now he’s getting booed! See, fickle people! Fickle!!! He’s pointing to his noggin and Vlad is on he’s knees with hate in his eyes, meeting Drama’s devious gaze.

To the back again. Leary’s heading to the ring when he passes the communal locker room. If anyone missed the last edition of the Dangerous halls of the XAW, it would seem you may be in luck! It appears that Mr. Garcia is about to give everyone a friendly reminder as to how the halls were raised to that status because as Leary is about to pass the communal Locker room, the newest rookie Prime Time sticks his head out.

“Come here you F*CK!!!” And with that PT bolts back in and Leary kicks the door open sending all the un-aligned wrestlers scrambling. Prime Time is walking back and he finds himself in a corner and this doesn’t look good for the kid. Leary pulls out his ‘Teaching the rook a lesson doobie and light it up just before LIGHTING UP PRIME TIME!!!!! Leary is sending hard rights into PT’s Grill and he’s bleeding from everywhere! Nose, forehead, I think even his eyes have busted blood vessels!!! Now Leary’s slamming his head into the locker! MY GOD WHAT AWFUL, HOLLOW SOUNDS are echoing from there!!! Wait!? It appears that if you drag someone’s head from one locker to the next it makes a slightly melodic buzzing sound! Ever the curious cat, Leary drags the rookies head along the entire row of lockers, pulls him by the hair to the next set of lockers and does the same thing!!!! He’s at the end of the second set and MY GOD!!!! Leary just slams PT’s Head into the concrete wall!!! Leary spins him around and PT send a big boot towards Leary’s midsection, but Leary swats the leg to the side and Prime Time spins with it! Leary’s got the man around the waist and HACKEY SACK TOSS!!!!!!!!! LEARY LAUNCHES THE ROOK INTO THE OTHER SET OF NEWLY INSTALLED LOCKERS!!!!!!

They’re pretty nice, the new lockers. Fresh paint, combo locks built in. Ulti did a job destroying them the other week, but it was time for an upgrade. Aaaaaaaaaaah…I’ve been forced to digress again.

Leary’s got Prime Time up again and the rookie’s not even fighting! This kid is out cold! Leary hauls him up and HITS FROM THE BONG!!!!! He sends PT right through the locker room bench!!!! He hoists him again and again the rookie crashes into the wood.

Saidogai walks out of the gym and back to the lockers when he surveys the damage. ‘Hey! Where the h#ll am I supposed to sit now???’

Leary shrugs, picks up PT again and rests him over the bench supports so the rookie’s chest and waist are flat against the wood that’s left. ‘How’s that for you? B!tch?’

Saidogai tries it out. He sits on the small of PT’s back and the body gives a little. Saidogai bounces a couple times and here’s the opinion – ‘Pretty good. It’s a little more comfortable than the old bench.’ Leary smirks and heads out.

And it looks like we’re going to see a main event a LONG time in the making!!! These men have had a shaky history in the months before Rayvon got injured and now it looks like unfinished business is coming to a head. Will they help each other or remain bitter enemies???

Leary’s got the size advantage and he can take some serious punishment from his hard-core days, but you just can’t discount Rayvon. Quicker, lighter and just a fierce all around competitor. I’ll tell ya again folks, the A-Bob can’t wait for this one to take off, speaking of which, GQ looks like he’s about to play something… YES! He’s put in a number and now he’s letting his head sag in his hands hoping for the best.

“Big Girls Don’t Cry’ by the Four Season’s kicks in and Rayvon giggle sickly as he heads to the ring. He slides into the ring so smoothly one would think he’s a ghost and with all the smack that’s been bouncing around the airwaves, a couple people might just have that in mind tonight. Rayvon strips off his leather trench and looks for a place to drop it.

GQ opens the door to the booth and sprints down to ringside. Rayvon holds his jacket patiently while GQ, choking for breath, almost collapses ringside. Rayvon drops his jacket onto GQ’s face and GQ rips it off in disgust and props it onto a chair right next to yours truly! Hey, get that thing out of here GQ! Who knows what lurks in those pockets!!!

Leary is waiting patiently at the top of the ramp and he blows out one of those ear piercing whistles. GQ’s looking at him now and he doesn’t look happy!!! GQ’s chugging back up the ramp. ‘That’s right fat boy! Get my music going!’ GQ gives Leary the finger before diving back into the booth and falling into his chair. Man! I know the old A-Bob is a little out of shape, but GQ must’ve slacked off in his regiment since he stopped hitting the ring. Again? Alright for the last time, I digress.

“Because I got High” by Afroman brings down our last wrestler of the evening. Even though it’s not right, it’s still appropriate. The Hippy lights up his ‘this is more like it’ bowl and tokes it down to the ring. Leary climbs the stairs, goes through the middle rope and this one’s underway!!!!



Chris Rayvon v. Leary Garcia



Neither men waste any time and there’s a flurry of fists being exchanged! Neither men are letting up!!!! Finally, Leary takes a step back and holds up his index finger. OH COME ON!!! He takes a monster hit from that d#mn bowl of his and Rayvon goes in for the kill! NO!!! Leary tilts his head down and blows, sending hot ash into Rayvon’s face!!! Chris is brushing the smoldering resin from his eyes only to take a clothesline from heck from the hardcore god! Rayvon hits the mat hard and Leary mounts him sending huge rights on top of Chris’ forehead. Unfortunately he’s too close to the ropes and he catches the bottom strand. The ref forces Leary off and Leary backs away giving Rayvon enough time to get to his feet.

Both men lock up. Leary quickly unties and sends Rayvon to the ropes. Rayvon reverses and now Leary is flung across the ring. Leary hits the ropes full force and Rayvon is right behind him! Leary bounces off and he get sent flying over the top rope by a HUGE clothesline from Rayvon!!! Leary’s clutching at his throat on the ground now and Rayvon slides out of the ring.

Rayvon picks up Garcia and sends him into the steel guardrails! Leary crashes into them sending the fans in the first row out of their seats! They’re slapping Leary on the shoulder trying to pump the hippy up and it looks like its working! Rayvon comes in and latches in for the Real deal but Leary slides out! HACKEY SACK TOSS!!!!!! The Crowds got a HOLY SH!T HOLY SH!T CHANT GOING!!!!

Leary Just tossed Rayvon over the guardrail onto those empty chairs!!!! Leary hops over the rail and now he’s going to work. Remember the locker room showing with Prime Time? Well Leary’s playing a different tune using Rayvon’s head and slamming it into chairs in ascending number order!!!! Leary’s hitting chair #14A and looks back. The ref’s yelling 4!!!!!!!!!! Ref must have started that count real late and as much as Leary wants to continue this beating, he doesn’t want to get Dq’ed by count out! He tosses Rayvon back over the guardrail and hops over himself. Leary jumps into the ring when the ref hits 7. OH!!!! Leary doesn’t want to get Dq’ed. He doesn’t care if Rayvon does. But Rayvon does apparently as he pulls himself up the apron, then up to the bottom rope.





8!!!!!!!!!!!





Rayvon reaches up and pulls himself up to the second ropes and tries to throw a leg on the apron.

9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







He gets the leg up and rolls slowly under the ropes! Leary shrugs and picks him up. He sets him up for Hits and Rayvon pulls Leary’s Legs out and drops an elbow to the flower child! Leary’s clutching his privates and Rayvon lifts Leary’s legs and HEAD BUTT!!!! Rayvon slams his head into Leary’s bean bag!!!!! Rayvon looks like he’s going a step further, but the ref pulls him away. You might get away with the low blow once in a while, but you can’t go around ‘squatting’ there without getting caught!

Rayvon grabs Leary’s hair and hoists the hippy up. He hits Leary with a knee to the sausage one more time for good measure and REAL DEAL!!!! READL DEAL!!!! Leary’s down!!!!! Rayvon goes to the ropes and it takes him a couple ticks, but he’s up. Rayvon sets, gets his balance and RAVON’S WINGS!!!! MISS!!!! Leary scoots out of the way!!! This isn’t a good night for the highflying moves folks!!!! Rayvon hits the mat hard and Leary is crawling over. Leary is on his knees and Rayvon is on all fours. Leary hels Rayvon to his knees and throws a right! Rayvon hits Leary with a left! Both men fighting on their knees and I swear it’s like Dorf On Boxing here!!! Rayvon hits a hard right and Leary follows with an eye rake!!!

Leary up, Rayvon rubbing his eyes and random fan shouting obscenities all in the mix here! Leary lifts Rayvon up and HITS FROM THE BONG!!!!!! HE HITS THE SECOND POWER BOMB AND THIS ONE IS OVER FOLKS!!!!!

Leary drops Rayvon and goes for the pin when that fan gets REAL rowdy! What’s this!? He’s folded his chair and hopped over the WAIT A MINUTE!!!! It’s SAK!!!! Steven Kult is here and he’s pointing at Rayvon!!! Leary’s shaking his head no and SAK starts tapping the RDOS on the guard rail!

“Man, get the h3ll out of here!! Who the f#ck do you think you are trying to interfere with MY match!???

SAK smiles and taunts Leary and Leary is about to take the bait and go after sack when an emerald glow comes from behind him!!! Leary doesn’t even get to turn and Johnny hits Leary in the back with the Emerald Cinderblock!!!! Leary is down rubbing his back!!! The Ref is calling for the bell!!!!!!



WINNER OF THE MATCH BY DISQUALIFICATION – LEARY GARCIA!!!!



Rayvon gets his wits back and is about to get up when SAK takes him down!!!! RDOS to the back of Rayvon’s Head!!!! Rayvon is busted open now and he’s not even moving!!!!

SAK asks Johnny what he thinks of the new prez.

“I don’t like her very much.”

With that, Johnny walks over to Christopher and sets down the Emerald Block. Johnny sizes the block up by squaring his fingers, picks Rayvon up, licks his thumb and checks for the wind and DOWNLOAD!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! JOHNNY JUST LAID RAYVON OUT WITH A DDT ON THE EMERALD CINDERBLOCK!!!!!!

Johnny is up and Leary looks like he’s about to get to his feet, but Johnny kicks him hard in the ribs and says ‘I almost forgot, I don’t like you either!’ and with that, the good Doctor kicks Leary again, before heading back to the corner where SAK has unfolded the Real Deal of Steel!!! Johnny picks Rayvon up and shoves him towards Steven. Kult locks in and NO!!!!!!! SAK-FU!!!! SAK-FU!!!!!!! Rayvon’s head was driven right into the seat of the chair!!! The chair flies out of the ring on impact and Rayvon’s busted wide open. Blood is pooling from under his head and the KC boys look particularly pleased with themselves.

And then a golden glimmer shines from behind them both. Gold so powerful that the Emerald Cinderblock pales and Johnny gets laid out WITH THE HOLY GRAIL!!!!!!!!!! Johnny Down!!!! Leary Chases SAK and he’s swinging!!!! SAK jumps out of the ring and starts cursing at Leary!!!! Leary laughs, but gives chase!!! Steven grabs the RDOS and hops over the guardrail and makes his way through the crowd. Leary hops back into the ring and Johnny is sliding out with Emmy on the other side. Rayvon is starting to stir and Leary drops the grail helping Chris up. Leary wraps his arm around Chris’ waist to support him and HACKEY SACK TOSS!!!!!! Leary launched Chris back across the ring and Chris bounces once and is still. Leary collects the grail, and heads to the back amidst cheers and boos.

YRT is BACK!!!!!!!!!!

YRT head to the booth and GQ is sweating profusely. YRT looks worse. His hair is matted to his skull from sweating on the bowl and his clothes are all disheveled.

“Like Hot Lava Gene. It Burns. IIiiiiiiiiit BUUUUuuuuurns!!!!”

“How do you do this Tech? This job is just…”

“Wait, it can’t be!!!!”



YRT punches in the three digits for the man on the ramp.



46x2 by Tool hits and the strobes are in full effect!!! The crowd is booing like there’s no tomorrow!!! MATTHEW KULT!!! Matty Kult is at the top of the ramp and YRT gives him a mic! Rayvon has started to stir!!!! I don’t know if it’s the music or if he got his sixth wind, but he made it to a seated position and is hunched over.

“Ah, Chris. Chrissy Chrissy, Chris. How have you been? Not so good huh?”

Johnny and Steven come out from either side of the ramp entrance and flank Matty.

“I know you’re all wondering how I am…” The boos are DEAFENING!!! “And I’m doing just great! Aw! Look at poor little Rayvon in the middle of the ring. How does it feel Rayvon? How does it feel to know that you have NO friends? We accepted you and you spit on us? You try to END us? Not today, not tomorrow, not ever Chris. SIT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!!!!!!”

Chris lifts his head slightly and he looks like he got hit with a meat tenderizer several times. Maybe like 28.

“You want it to end Chris? You want to take ME out? You got it, but it’s the highest price you’ll ever pay. Right now, I’m not under contract. What I’m proposing is one match. Next PPV, September to Remember, you and me for YOUR contract. Loser leaves the XAW and has to retire for good. Your choice Judas. I’ll patiently await your response, but please don’t make me wait to long.”

With that, Matthew Kult tosses the mic back to YRT and the three KC Members head out.

THAT’S IT FOR TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON’T FORGET TO RSVP FOR VLAD’S CASTLE!!!!!!!

This is the A-Bob,

Goodnight, Godbless.