A search for definition and understanding apparently can best be conducted on the internet? (please see my live journal and a collection thereof)
There are of course more legitimate tests that actually do measure character traits, my two favorites being the Myers-Briggs and the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. These two tests have both deemed me an ENFP. That is to say that I am an "extroverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving" person. They agree with themselves and with how I generally perceive myself to be so, I suppose I shall let them live? (please see appendix A and note the bold faced text I feel particularly agrees with me.)
So it is true. I am an idealist. I do tend to think of what could possibly happen rather than what will probably happen. My head likes to be in the clouds rather than down to earth and I like it that way. Although I guess I am a slightly jaded idealist because I know the world will never fit a mold of perfection and nor would I want it to because that would be terribly dull. But even though I seek ideals I am not afraid to voice my concerns over things if it means drawing attention to faults that can be corrected.
However I am not so corrupted to think that perfection cannot exist for I know it does. I am a faithful Christian and hold my convictions very dear. Although I could sit and rationally and logically argue why I believe what I believe, but I much prefer to do my explaining in a more whimsical manner often ending up only being able to answer with "hope and faith."
In the above paragraph you will note that I have identified myself with a group. This I will not deny however I will go on to refute any belief that such an occurrence is common in my personality. I don't tend to "go along with the crowd" if you will. I have always been a rather unique individual. But I do now realize that by identifying myself by going astray from traditional society I have thus identified myself with counter culture which indeed, is still culture. In my younger years this was much more common I suppose.
Freshmen year: Ska kid- listen to ska music, wear plaid, plastic jewelry, go to shows, talk the "lingo", talk about ska, advertise ska etc.
Sophomore year: Punk kid- listen to punk music, develop a political conscience or rather an anti-political one, wear spikes, go to shows, talk the "lingo" and about how evil the government is, advertise these facts etc.
Junior year: Emo kid- listen to emo music, write poetry and cry, wear blue stars, go to shows, talk the "lingo", advertise emo, cry over spilt milk etc.
Present: I still listen to all above said music because I enjoy it. I wear what I want? be it plaid, plastic, knee-high and leather, sweat pants, blue, shiny, fuzzy so on etc. Still go to shows to listen to music. Talk "lingo" out of habit or jest. Do what I feel. Adopt kids who are into said music to bestow my knowledge on them.
So in theory I'm better now. Sometimes I find myself in a "ska" mood or an "emo" mood etc. but for the most part I am free from the stereotypes that pervade the "underground" if you will. (please note: ska being very upbeat, punk being mostly loud and angry, emo being "deep" and sometimes sad).
Also please note: the various years of the principal musical influence is congruent to the general tone of the year. Freshmen year, fun and silly; sophomore year, hectic, raging and violent; junior year, trying too hard and being disappointed sometimes lucking out others; senior year? lets not go there yet.
So I suppose in order to define myself as an individual I had to define myself as part of everyone else trying to do the same. I'm fine with that. After all, there are of course broad patterns in personality characteristics that obviously exist.
I know that who I am determines what I do and that what I do does not determine who I am.
I am a motivator. I hope so. I like to cheer people up; it makes me happy. Some people think enough of me to think me motivating enough to be a tri-captain on the gymnastics team and that makes me feel great. I love being around to help with anything I can.
I must like being looked up to. It makes me feel all warm inside. I like getting comments from people when they refer to me as some kind of role model. Perhaps it's the idea of being someone else's ideal.
I like people. Sometimes I do not like people; I do not like people when they annoy me. However, when said people annoy me I tend to like to annoy them and find satisfaction in doing so. But in general, I like people. I am an extrovert indeed. I have many friends in many places. I love meeting new people and seeing new places. I have no problem striking up conversations with perfect strangers and rarely feel uncomfortable in social situations.
I like to think I understand people. I feel that I read emotions rather well because I am after all, apparently intuitive. I thrive on my own emotions and act out according to my heart rather than my head. This makes it easier to understand where others are coming from.
So there's some trait theory for you. So how about some more classical psychoanalysis? Yeah? how about it. Well I guess like every other human being I have an id, ego and superego. So who wins?
I say my id keeps rather quiet, I tend to stay out of trouble and I don't tend to act on aggressive or sexual impulses. My superego keeps my id well in check. I have very strong morals. My ego seems to have little trouble in black and white decisions however in grayer areas I tend to collapse in upon myself.
When my id and superego really go head to head nobody wins. The situation just eventually goes away because no choice can be made. When all is in fun and innocent games however my ego does allow the id to creep through in a childish sort of nature. When consequences are not grave I do prefer to do things I find enjoyable rather than beneficial. Example: I knew I could write this later and have fun over the weekend so I did and now rather than sleep much tonight I still had fun over the weekend and I stand by my choice. Oh my, a vindictive little id if I do say so myself!
My superego is mostly constructed mostly of ideas I have adopted as my own that have been imparted on me through my parents, my faith and the society in which I live. Although consciously in my ego I believe I have adopted many of these as my own personal commitments rather than leaving them unconscious expectations.
As for nature and nurturing? I think both play a pretty good role. I both wanted to work hard and I was encouraged to do so. It is hard to tell what played the biggest part. Perhaps it was neither and I was predestined to be exactly what I am, no more, no less. Maybe there is no such thing as self-actualization and you just have to play the cards you're dealt.
I personally though do not buy into that. I'm on the road to self-actualization; I'll be well on the road once I get the tyranny of college applications and such under my belt. Whatever waits for me along those lines will not change me but rather, I will change the situation (yes I have quite an internal locus of control). So with that said and it being late I believe this: train of thought is a wonderful and yet informal thing that should be treasured in the field of psychology.
In conclusion there is no conclusion. There is only the fact that it is entirely too difficult for one to sum up one's own personality due to partiality and inobjectivness. However I do declare that I like me. I do agree with the more standardized test and do I suppose some common threads thereabouts in the sillier internet sort. I am who I am and that's just the way it is and I'm fine with that.
