Hmm, okay...I failed three units of uni this semester. Yeah, big fucking deal. Well it is to me motherfucker. I knew it was coming. I've been sick all semester, I missed about two and a half, maybe three months of classes. I was so out of date I almost missed my first exam. Basically, I fucked up royally. I accept the blame for that. I was sick. I thought I could keep up. I didn't. So what's my big fucking deal? Well, I never failed a subject before. Ever. I'm a freaken nerd. And you know what? It's really embarrassing. As much as I pretend not to, I sort of do pride myself on academic success. To fall flat on my arse like this. I had to work out whether I was actually gonna tell anyone about it, or whether I was just gonna pretend it didn't happen. I feel like an absolute goon still. I mean I failed. I didn't complete these units. The work was set, and I didn't reach the standards. Sorry if I'm obsessing over it, but this has never happened before. Last thursday, I rang up the results hotline, heard what happened, then sat down and stared at my shoes for I think about an hour. It was a little hard to comprehend. Like I said, I knew it was gonna happen. But to be honest in the back of my mind there was a little flickering hope that somehow, there was gonna be a magic solution to it all. There wasn't. That little bit of hope's been pretty heavily stamped on. So have I learned from this? I hope so. But I don't know. Unlike the song that I got the name from, 'that loser shit' is NOT 'out the window'. Frankly, I'm still trying to deal with the shame of failing. This must sound like the biggest pointless whinge. But for me it's not - this is my 'first failure'. And it's surprising me how I'm not dealing with it at all. A kick in the arse from the real world? Yeah, probably. One I could have definitely done without? Most certainly. Part of growing up? I guess so...growing up sucks arse.

FIRST FAILURE

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