XENAMENOFRITO

All-American Merchandise Catalog

Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall!

2001-2010 A.D.

Order by phone Order by e-mail (some items can NOW be purchased with your credit card)

(818) 766-8080 or (818) 915-1370 xenamenofrito@aol.com

 

When ordering, please refer to Item #; specify quantity & include a brief essay stating why you want it/them. Orders will be graded for accuracy and spelling.

 

ALL ITEMS ARE

Not Seen on TV

Rampant with Quality

Will Ship Underwater

Ordering Is Easy

Item 83 A

SOUNDTRACK ALBUM $10+$4.99 shipping and handling

Available today on compact disc! Music from and inspired by the hit play.

Only 900 copies in stock.

Original music composed by Dax van Aalten, Kevin Beyers and Ryan Engler (including the dance single "Dying Slowly in America"), Michael John Porter, and 3ds. Includes 42 Never Before Heard Tracks, filling an entire compact disc to maximum capacity (one hour and 14 minutes of sound). Quite eclectic and heart-warming. Some trippy stuff, some pop, you even get sound effects from the play. Like nothing you’ve experienced before. Good for you too.

Item 83 B

PACK OF TRADING CARDS $6

Lists the stats, hit points, special powers and such of your favorite characters, in the style of the popular Pokemon cards.

Item 83 C

"MENO KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THE AUTOHARP" (Book) $5

Learn to play the autoharp like Meno!

Item 83 D

THE QUITE LARGE "COFFEE™" MUG, 19 oz. $10

Now you can read the "Coffee™" monologue (approx. 900 words) while sipping a hot cup of "Coffee™" (!)

 

Item 83 E

FASHIONABLE 100% COTTON XENAMENOFRITO T-SHIRT $15

    1. XENAMENOFRITO Logo
    2. Coffee Monologue

Item 83 F

CAST & CREW COMPLETE SET OF ACTION FIGURES

All sets are custom-made for you and include a Certificate of Authenticity. All carry tiny coffee mugs. The director comes with a chair and an ascot. Frito has a clothing rack to ride around on and a fast food outfit. She also has a son.

    1. David & Goliath Religious Style $30
    2. G.I. Joe Style $30
    3. Star Wars Figure Style $30
    4. Barbie style $40
    5. Non-Derivative Style Priceless

Item 83 G

COLLECTABLE PLATES FROM THE FRANK-LINT MINT $20

Includes wire stand!

Item 83 H

BUMPER STICKERS

    1. Feminist $1
    2. Non-Feminist $1

Item 83 I

XENAMENOFRITO PRODUCTION POSTER $5

Certificate of Authenticity included! Signed by the author.

Item 83 J

VAGINA ASHTRAY $10

Handcrafted in FEMO clay by Xena!

Item 83 K

ACTUAL EGGS FROM COURTNEY SCRABECK’S BODY $4,500

PACK OF 20-30 HUMAN OVA

Blonde, blue-eyed progeny delivered to your uterus! Guaranteed conception!

Please allow 6-8 weeks for fertility.

Item 83 L

XENIE BABIES -Retired-

Collect them all!

Item 83 M

THE MAKING OF XENAMENOFRITO $9.99

Go behind the music. Makes a great substitute for any video library. Priced to sell. (vhs, 2400 min., color)

Item 83 N Temporarily out of stock.

GUN $120

For collectors only. No waiting period! Bullets not included.

Item 83 O

THE VAST WORLD OF ACCESSORIES (not to mention tiaras)

    1. Scrunchie $3
    2. Banana Clip (horizontal) $2
    3. Banana Clip (horizonatal) – for toddlers born with hair $2
    4. Clippie $1
    5. Rubber Band with Pom-Pom $1
    6. Cornrow Kit $3
    7. Personalized Jewel Thingie $2
    1. with "X" on it
    2. with "M" on it
    3. with "F" on it

Item 83 P

CALENDAR $8

Now with all the days! 50 % off.

Item 83 Q

LIMITED EDITION XENAMENOFRITO LUNCH BOX

    1. with Thermos $10
    2. without Thermos or lunch $8
    3. with Thermos and lunch $12
    4. without Thermos, but with lunch $8

Item 83 R

SHEET $7.99

New!

Item 83 S $10

"I HAVE A SON" (Book)

The bestselling tell-all true story account of Frito’s no holds barred bout with maternity, as told to the author.

Item 83 T

PILLOWCASE WITH HEAD OF "THE DAVER" PAINTED ON IT $6

While supplies last.

Item 83 U

NIGHT LIGHT $5

This one-of-a-kind item will guide your path when it’s dark & lonely out there.

Item 83 V

8x10 SIGNED PHOTO OF CAST OF XENAMENOFRITO $5

Item 83 W

ARGYLE SOCK FROM THE AUTHOR’S DRAWER (CLEAN) $1.50

Item 83 X

PILSNER GLASSES $10

Set of four. Entirely unrelated to XENAMENOFRITO.

Item 83 Y

BUMPER STICKER $1

Item 83 Z

SOUVENIR #2 PENCIL "REALLY WORKS!" 25 cents

Item 83 AA

SOUVENIR MOUTHWASH $4

Clinically proven to kill the germs that cause gingivitis.

Item 83 BB $5

MINIATURE XENAMENOFRITO SCRIPT SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR

Item 83 CC

PURIFIED BOTTLED WATER $2

Features the XENAMENOFRITO logo prominently. Bottled at a source.

Item 83 DD $5

HANDMADE SOAP WITH REAL INSECT TRAPPED INSIDE

Never been used!

Item 83 EE $15

BABY DOLL

    1. Baby Xena
    2. Baby Meno
    3. Baby Frito
    4. Adult Chip
    5. Baby Customer Service

Item 83 FF $15

MADE TO ORDER HANDCRAFTED MOOD & OCCUPATIONAL DOLL

Each model comes with adoption papers and Certificate of Authenticity.

Please allow one week for assembly. We make each order just for you.

    1. Sell-Out Meno
    2. Big Booty Frito
    3. Dressed to Kill Xena
    4. Coffee Shop Meno
    5. Philosopher Xena
    6. Carnivore Frito
    7. "Experienced" Frito
    8. Unemployed Xena
    9. "Wired" Frito
    10. Edible Meno
    11. Rockin’ Out Meno (with Autoharp)
    12. Dr. Meno
    13. Totally Rad Meno
    14. Prom Xena
    15. Swimsuit Frito
    16. Bridal Xena
    17. Gladiator Meno
    18. Bored Meno
    19. Wango Tango Frito
    20. Non-Committal Xena
    21. My Friend Frito
    22. "Lucky" Meno
    23. Complacent Xena
    24. Conflicted Xena
    25. Battle-Ready Customer Service
    26. Neglected Chip
    27. Single Mother Frito (available with or without Child Support)
    28. Sporty Frito
    29. Malibu Meno
    30. Phobic Xena
    31. "Student" Supporting Her Education with Stripping Frito
    32. Recently Joined a Gym Xena
    33. Hot Pants Meno
    34. Meno Wets Himself
    35. Millennium Meno
    36. Celebrity Xena
    37. "Stacked" Frito
    38. Meno Suvari
    39. Skinny Chip
    40. Training Wheels Chip
    41. Apartment Life Xena
    42. No Fashion Sense Frito
    43. Trippin’ Frito
    44. Non-Derivative Meno
    45. Fashion Statement Xena
    46. Xena Tyler Moore
    47. Ramen Eatin’ Xena
    48. Unflattering Frito (Pull Cord for Insult)
    49. Finishing School Frito
    50. Moody Xena
    51. Cell Phone Xena
    52. Techno Frito (with Headset, Fax Machine, Long Wig)
    53. Teen Recording Sensation Xena
    54. Baby Gap Chip
    55. Computer Chip
    56. Dressed in Leather Frito
    57. Leaning Tower of Xena
    58. Luggage Fetish Meno
    59. Meno the Bigot
    60. Fresh N’ Clean Xena
    61. Transcendental Frito

lll) Fertility Injection Kit Xena

Item 83 GG $5

TRICK GUM

For Novelty Use Only.

Item 83 HH $10

THE XENAMENOFRITO BOARDGAME

Now you can play at home!

Item 83 II $5

THE XENAMENOFRITO TRIVIA BOOK (Book)

Fun!

Item 83 JJ $5

THE OFFICIAL GUIDE TO XENAMENOFRITO (Book)

Includes everything.

Item 83 KK $5

THE XENAMENOFRITO ADDRESS BOOK

Item 83 LL Free!

MENO’S DIARY

Visit it online at meno.diaryland.com

Item 83 MM $15

THE XENAMENOFRITO CERAMIC COOKIE JAR

Item 83 NN $3

XENAMENOFRITO HOTCAKES (Pack of two a.k.a. 2Pac)

These babies are sellin’ like hotcakes!

Item 83 OO $4

FRIENDSHIP BRACELET

Item 83 PP $3

TEMPORARY TATTOO

 

Item 83 QQ $2

KEYCHAIN

Item 83 RR $25/oz.

PARFUM D’ABSURD

The official scent of XENAMENFRITO.

Item 83 SS $5

MOISTURIZING LOTION

Item 83 TIT Blue Cross Accepted

SILICONE BREAST

Item 83 UU $10

THE XENAMENOFRITO KINETIC MOBILE

Interesting!

Item 83 VV $42

BANSAI TREE

Item 83 WW $3.50

BRAND NEW TOOTHBRUSH

Please specify bristle: Soft, Medium, Hard

Item 83 XX $12

JEWELRY BOX

Item 83 YY $8

PICTURE FRAME

Item 83 ZZ $.50/word

XENAMENOFRITO PERSONAL AD

Get noticed by placing an ad with us!

Item 83 3A $9.99

FRITO’S WORKOUT VIDEO

Item 83 3B $28

USED BELGIAN WAFFLER

Item 83 3C $4

SHOT GLASS

Item 83 3D $2

POTHOLDER

 

Item 83 3E $2

PAPER NAPKINS (Set of four)

Wowza! "XENAMENOFRITO" (the word) hand-printed in your favorite color.

Item 83 3F $18

CHIP & DIP TRAY

Item 83 3G DONATED TO CANCER SOCIETY $2200 OBO

MENO’S CAR

1989 Mazda MX6 / 150,000 mi / radio / beaded seat covers / xtra spark plugs

Comes with Certificate of Authenticity & Adoption Papers.

Item 83 3H $8

XENAMENOFRITO HAIR VOLUMIZER

For long, luxurious locks.

Item 83 3I $10

"I REFUSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS (MUCH LONGER)" (Book)

The bestselling self-help book by Xena, signed by the author.