| Title: The Killer of the Heart Rating: PG Copyright: The X-Files and its affiliated characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and the Fox Network. Comments: This story does involve Samantha Mulder pretending that she came back as a healthy 24 year old woman. Summary: After being diagnosed with cancer again, Scully realizes she has less time than she thought. Mulder looked through the window and closed his eyes. He leaned his head against the wall and sighed. He didn’t want to enter the room. He didn’t want to face the truth. He didn’t know what to do, how to respond to the news that he was just told. He picked up his head and opened his eyes. He took one last look through the window and opened the door. He walked into the room and over to a bed. He looked at his partner as a tear rolled down his cheek. He brushed a strand of hair away from her pale face and clutched her hand in his. “Mulder.” She said as she rolled over and opened her eyes. She looked at him as he let go of her hand. He quickly blinked away the rest of his tears not letting her see how upset he was. “Where am I?” “You’re in a Missouri Hospital. You collapsed, Scully.” He said. Scully sighed and shut her eyes for a moment. Mulder wanted to fall to his knees and hold her hand and never let it go but he didn’t. He waited as a thick silence fell between them. Finally, Scully looked back up at him. Looking into those blue eyes he wanted to cry, he wanted to break down and hold her but he couldn’t. He had to stay strong for her but mostly for himself. “I know, I know what’s happening to you.” “Mulder…I.” Scully began. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why would you hide something like this from me? I thought you could trust me.” Scully began to break down. The fact that Mulder didn’t think she trusted him pierced her heart. She was shocked and surprised, not knowing how to respond. She always kept a strong face in front of Mulder but not she wanted him. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her telling her everything was going to be okay but she knew he wouldn’t, not after what just happened. “Oh Mulder, I do trust you…I just.” “What, you just what?” “I didn’t want you to do this. To worry about me. To sit by my bedside and watch me die. You shouldn’t have to do that. I can’t put you through that. I can’t let you feel my pain.” “Well, if that’s what you want then.” Mulder took one last look at her and walked out of the room. He heard her call his name as he closed the door. He leaned against the wall. He wanted to go back inside. He wanted to tell her that he would never leave her but he felt betrayed. He felt that he didn’t trust her enough to tell him. * * * * Three days later, Mulder walked through the halls of a familiar hospital. He walked up to a desk and smiled at one of the receptionists. “Fox, how are you today?” The receptionists asked. Mulder nodded. “Looking for Sam?” “Actually I’m looking for…” He paused, and thought. “Yea, I’m looking for Sam. Know where she is?” “Right behind you.” A voice said as she covered Mulder’s eyes with her hands. Mulder turned around as his sister let go of his head. He smiled at her for a moment but then frowned. “Hey Sam, can we talk?” Mulder asked. “Sure, what about?” Sam wondered. Mulder looked around. “Not here.” Samantha nodded and they walked into one of the emergency rooms. “Is she here?” Mulder asked. Samantha looked down to the floor. “Samantha?” “She was but she’s not anymore.” Samantha answered. “I thought she was going to undergo treatment…something to help her through this.” “She stopped treatment against our better judgment. She said she had nothing left to live for.” Mulder sighed. “I guess that’s where I’ve come in. I left her. Alone in the darkness. I picked up the phone hundreds of times to call her to see if she was okay but I could never speak to her. I felt like I betrayed her, like I couldn’t do anything for her to take me back and now all I want to do is sit and hold her.” “Have you told her that?” “No, that wouldn’t be professional of me.” “Maybe it’s time to stop being so professional, then.” Sam said as her beeper went off. She looked at the number and sighed. “I have to go but be brave, Fox, and tell her. She needs you. She’s not going to make it through this. If you don’t tell her right now, it might be too late.” She placed her hand on his arm and then walked away. * * * * Scully looked up as she heard a knock at her door. She pulled a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch, over her shoulders. She walked to her door and looked through the peep hole. She sighed, not wanting to open the door. He knocked again and she unlocked the door. She opened it and looked down at the floor. Mulder took his hand and held it to Scully’s chin. He lifted her head and peered into her once beautiful blue eyes. Her cheeks were pale, her eyes were meek, and her face looked tired. “Scully…” Mulder began. “What are you doing here, Mulder?” Scully asked, looking back down towards the floor as Mulder lowered his hand. He could see how worn and tired she was but he didn’t want to see her that way. It was killing him just like it was killing her. “I came to see you, Scully. I wanted to say that I was sorry. Sorry for walking out on you. I’m sorry for being angry with you. I didn’t want to hear what I was being told. I didn’t want to face the fact that I was going to lose you.” “I wanted to tell you. Mulder, I wanted to tell you so badly but I was told that I only had a few weeks and I wanted to make the best of the time that I had left. I didn’t want it spent with you crying at my bedside and watching over my every step.” “I want to be with you now. I want to forget about what happened and to sit with you. I want you to tell me what’s going on and how I can help you fix it. There were so many times I wanted to talk to you…to ask what…” “The point is you’re here now.” Scully stepped out of the way and Mulder entered her apartment. Scully closed the door and walked over to her couch. Mulder sat next to her. He pulled her body so it was leaning on his chest. She took in the smell and the feeling of being around him. The comfort that she felt when she was around him. She buried her head in his chest and began to cry. He stroked her beautiful red hair and kissed the top of her head. He had never seen her breakdown as she was right now. He felt as if it was the first time he ever really got to know her. “Why aren’t you getting treatment, Scully?” Mulder asked. “What’s the point, Mulder?” “You deserve so much better than this.” Mulder paused, unsure if he wanted to ask the question that was floating around in his head. “If you could have re-done the last eight years, would you have?” “No, Mulder. I can’t imagine my life any different. The X-Files is what makes me who I am and maybe my cancer helps define me as well.” “It shouldn’t be that way, Scully.” Mulder whispered as he took her hand in his. He caressed her long, thin fingers. He brought her knuckles to his mouth and he kissed them slightly. “Would you have done it over?” “Yes.” He answered. Scully looked at him. Her eyes looked shocked. “I don’t think I would ever let you work with me. From the first moment I saw you.” Scully sat up. “How can you say that? Mulder, what we have…our friendship…” “Is more than just a friendship, Scully, I know. But I know what you’ve lost to be with me, to continue working with me and I could never ask you to give that up. When you walked into my office that first time I forced myself not to like you but then I trusted you and now, Scully…” “And now what?” Mulder wanted to say something to her. He wanted to let her know how he felt about her. But he didn’t want to hit her with it. She was so weak and fragile. He didn’t want their last days together to be uncomfortable. “And now all I want to do is hold you and never let you go.” Scully raised her body and looked toward Mulder. He dipped his head towards her. She parted her lips, knowing what Mulder was going to do. She wasn’t sure if she should stop him but she didn’t. He leaned towards her and their lips met. Scully allowed herself to indulge in the kiss for a moment but then she pulled apart. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. Mulder placed his hand on her cheek. “We can’t do this, I won’t let you do this to yourself.” “Do what?” “Fall in love with me when I’m about to…die.” “Don’t you see, Scully? I’ve already fallen in love with you. I love you, Scully.” Scully looked into Mulder’s beautiful brown eyes. He leaned towards her again and kissed her. This time more deeply. Half of her wanted to stop but the other half needed him so close. A few seconds later, they parted and Mulder looked at her. “Why did this have to happen now? It’s all coming together and yet it’s all falling apart. It seems unfair.” Scully whispered. |
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